


The Butterfly Effect.

by Nicolasgrimshaw



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Anorexia, Baker Harry, Bottom Louis, Chaptered, Declarations Of Love, Eating Disorders, Eating disorders are not romanticized, Falling In Love, First Dates, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Insecurity, Louis Has An Eating Disorder, M/M, Making Love, Mental Health Issues, Non-Graphic Smut, Not A Happy Ending, Top Harry, University Student Harry, anorexic louis, just one little smut scene, tragic, trigger warning?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-05-16 02:59:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 131,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5811052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nicolasgrimshaw/pseuds/Nicolasgrimshaw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry loves life. He loves his job, he loves his major, he loves clouds, he just loves everything. And he especially loves the infatuating boy  who always sits across the bakery he works at with a blue balloon each day which he always lets go. </p><p>Louis loves…well Louis doesn't really love anything. Especially not himself. Or life. Or anything. And he most certainly doesn't understand why Harry likes him so much, yet he still finds himself falling for him. But as infatuation grows into love it inevitably turns into the greatest casualty of all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I started this fan fic awhile ago, but then deleted it to work on it more so here it is again, new and improved. 
> 
> Lots of talk about eating disorders so if that would happen to be triggering I'm warning you now. 
> 
> If you, or anyone you know, is struggling with an eating disorder the Alliance for Eating Disorders Awareness (ANAD) has a website (www.anad.org) with a list of eating disorder support groups by state. They also have a free brochure you can download titled, "How to Help a Friend" if anyone you know, or might suspect, has an eating disorder.
> 
> They also have a helpline (630-577-1330) which is open Monday through Friday, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. central time. They also have an e-mail which is anadhelp@anad.org. 
> 
> Some other resources are The National Eating Disorders Association at www.nationaleatingdisorders.org  
> and  
> The National Association for Males with Eating Disorders Inc. at namedinc.org.

Harry didn't know who he was so he just called him the boy with the blue balloon. He got that nickname based upon the fact that he was indeed a boy and that everyday, at 3:00 on the dot, he'd sit at the bench right across from the bakery Harry worked at with a blue balloon that he'd always release into the sky. 

Harry also didn't know why he always carried a blue balloon to that specific spot then let it go, but he was enticed by it. He didn't live a very productive life, seeing the boy with the blue balloon was the highlight of his day usually. It was sad, but not as sad as the boy with the blue balloon. 

Harry was your average 20 year old. He was in uni, held a job at the downtown bakery The Butterfly Bakery, shared a flat with his best friend, and just lived an average life. Nothing he did would land him on the cover of a magazine or make him the recipient of a noble peace prize. 

He was studying meteorology. That was his major, also known as atmospheric science. He had classes for the first half of the day on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and on week days he worked at the bakery from noon to five. During those hours he wasn't in class, or working, he was either studying, listening to music, or pestering his best friend Liam. Or Liam was pestering him. 

Today Liam was pestering him. It was a Friday afternoon and Harry was standing behind the veneered counter that Liam was currently sitting comfortably on top of like he owned the building. 

"Can I get anything for free?" Harry shook his head because every single time Liam visited him he asked for free food. Apparently since Harry had worked there for three years and Liam was his best friend that meant he was entitled to free food. He was wrong. 

"For the millionth time, no. I can't just give away free pastries." He told him making Liam pout. Harry smirked at him then took a deep breath, glancing at the clock on the right wall. It was 2:55. His heart was already fluttering. 

"I at least get a discount, right? For being best friends with a loyal employee?" Harry glanced back at him then shook his head. "Where's Sharon? I need to have a word with her." Harry laughed, shaking his head again, but not in an affirmative action. 

"You can't just come here and ask for free food, or a discount, while sitting on top of the cashier counter." Liam crossed his arms, scoffing. 

"I don't see why not." Harry just laughed, his eyes twinkling as he did, then he glanced outside through the display window. Across from the bakery was the bench the boy with the blue balloon aways sat at at 3 o'clock. It was 2:59. 

Harry watched out the window subtly because Liam was currently talking about something and Harry wanted to give off the illusion that he was listening, but he wasn't. The minute a blue balloon entered his field of vision his eyes practically jumped out of his head. He didn't know why he was so infatuated with the boy, there was just something about him. It wasn't just that he carried a blue balloon and let it go at the same time every single day, that's what made him curious. It's his appearance that made Harry infatuated. He was beautiful. So beautiful. 

Harry watched him walk smoothly across the sidewalk before taking his place on the bench on the left side, a white ribbon in his hand and a blue balloon swaying back and forth above his head from the breeze. Harry swallowed only to find his mouth completely dry. His heart was knocking against his ribcage for some reason unknown and Liam's voice was only a distant memory now. 

He watched him intently. He was wearing black skinny jeans, white vans, and a peach colored jumper that stretched past his fingertips. His skin was pale in the bleak sunlight, but something was giving him a full on halo effect. 

Suddenly he released the ribbon from his hand and the balloon floated up and up and up. Harry wanted to watch it float away until it merely blended in with the sky, but his window of opportunity was 4 by 8 so the second he let go, the second it was gone. 

"Um, hello, earth to Harry?" Liam waved his hand in front of Harry's face, peering at him in confusion. Harry snapped out of his rapt gaze and glanced back at Liam. 

"What?"

"You just completely zoned out on me for a few minutes. What the hell just happened to you?" Harry fumbled to come up with an excuse. How could he even begin to explain to Liam about the boy with the blue balloon? He couldn't. He shouldn't. Surely other people noticed him, he walked around with a blue balloon for crying out loud. But did they pay attention to him?

"Um, I don't know, I was just thinking." Liam gave him a skeptical look before turning and glancing out of the window curiously. He glanced at the boy. 

"Oh my God, were you staring at him?" Harry didn't open his mouth because if he did he'd just end up grinning which would give him away, but the other sign that gave him away was the blush in his cheeks. He couldn't believe he was 20 and blushing over a boy he didn't even know! "Oh my God, you were staring at him!" 

"No! No!"

"Who is he?" 

"I don't know-"

"Yes, you do! You are redder than a drop of blood right now!" Liam's lips quirked up into a smirk. Harry just shook his head. 

"I'm serious, I don't know who he is." Liam turned and looked at him through the window. He was just sitting there tentatively with his head turned up towards the sky. 

"C'mon, what do you know about him? Who is he?" 

"I'm serious, I don't know." Harry insisted and Liam still gave him a skeptical look, like he believed he was lying. "I've never talked to him. Everyday he walks down here and sits at that bench with a blue balloon then he lets it go and leaves a few minutes later. I don't know his name or anything-"

"Yet you blush like a little school girl the second I just mention him." 

"Seriously Liam, it's nothing." 

"It is so something, you are blushing and look so flustered right now, it's not even funny. How long have you been fancying him?" Harry hit his fist against the edge of the counter. 

"I do not fancy him!" Liam just gave him a dismissive smirk, adding a patronizing nod. 

"Have you ever thought about going out and talking to him?" Harry immediately shook his head. "Why not?"

"Why not? Because I have no idea who he is-"

"Which is why you go out and introduce yourself-"

"You didn't let me finish." Harry interrupted sternly. Liam sighed and stared at him as he spoke. "And because how would I even introduce myself? 'Oh, hi, I'm Harry and I watch you everyday when you sit here. What's your name?' I'd sound completely stalkerish and creepy." 

"You would not-"

"Yes, I would." Liam gave him a soft glare, which Harry returned with a small smile. Liam turned to glance out the window at the boy again, but he was already gone. 

"So he just comes here everyday at 3 and sits on the bench for a few minutes?" He turned back to Harry. Harry nodded, smoothing his hand over the wrinkles of his apron. 

"Yeah, everyday at 3 he walks down here carrying a blue balloon, then he sits on the bench, lets it go, then he just leaves a few minutes later." 

"That's weird."

"It's interesting." 

"You're weird." Harry rolled his eyes at Liam before laughing. Maybe it was a little weird, maybe it wasn't. To the boy it was probably completely normal and to Harry it was just intriguing. 

"Whatever." Liam hopped off the counter soundlessly then stretched his back. "Buy some pizza on your way home-"

"Why can't you buy pizza?" Harry leaned against the counter coolly and Liam just smiled at him guiltily. If there was one thing Liam was it was cheap. And if there was one thing Liam was proud of it was being cheap. 

"Because I don't get paid until tomorrow. Sorry." With a giddy little smile he skipped towards the bakery's doors. "See you later!" Harry just pursed his lips, sighing. He shook his head at Liam, despite him not even being there anymore. 

The bakery was usually slow in the afternoons so all Harry had to do was stand around and count the ceiling tiles. At the end of his shift he strung up his apron with a feeling of joy, grabbed his keys, his coat, and strode out to his car. He took a moment to look up at the sky. It was early December, the sun was going to sleep usually by the time he got off work. Vibrant colors washed the sky in beauty. The sky was always so beautiful and it was so big. There was always something new to gaze at. 

Harry turned his head down as he ducked into his car. He had to remember to get pizza at Liams request, but Liam didn't tell him what kind so Harry got what he wanted. Canadian bacon and pineapples. It filled him with so much joy because he knew that Liam had a certain distaste for pineapples. Especially on pizza. He always claimed how they had no place on a pizza and yadda yadda. Harry usually tuned him out. 

Being uni students and sharing a flat together, cooking was not a top priority. Half of their cupboards weren't even filled with anything. They were more empty than full. The most they cooked was mac and cheese or ramen noodles, they mostly took turns getting take aways. Their diet wasn't the healthiest so to keep on top of that they both typically went to the gym when time allowed. 

Opening the door, Harry tried not to drop the things in his hands. He didn't just buy a pizza, he opted for some breadsticks and chicken wings as well. 

"Boy, oh boy, something smells delicious!" Harry heard Liam before he saw him.  He smiled to himself as he slid the stuff from his arm to the kitchen counter, trying not to knock over any of the unnecessary junk cluttering the smooth surface. 

"Well I hope you like pineapple and Canadian bacon." He could hear Liam groan then turned and glanced at him as he turned into the kitchen. 

"You know I hate pineapple on pizza." He deadpanned giving him a cold glare. Harry just shrugged his shoulders as he pulled plates out of the cupboard. 

"Pick it off." 

"But the taste is still there because of the juice!" Harry just looked up, smirking at him, then handed him a plate. 

"Then just eat breadsticks and chicken wings. If you wanted a pizza you liked then you should've bought it." Liam grumbled incoherently under his breath as he ripped the plate out of Harry's hand. Harry smiled to himself, flipping open the pizza box. And then they went at it. Harry grabbed three slices of pizza, stacking them on his plate, two breadsticks, and at least half of the chicken wings. Liam grabbed two pieces of pizza, four breadsticks, and the rest of the chicken wings. Healthy. 

"Are you trying to kill me? I'm going to die of a cardiac arrest because of you." They both settled down in their little living room. Harry took the couch and Liam took the love seat. They each had their own spots that were specifically theirs. 

"Maybe after you let the moth out of your wallet you can buy a salad." Harry retorted turning on the tv with the remote. 

"Pass. I'll stick with the gym." Harry laughed, rolling his eyes. They spent the evening pigging out until they couldn't move, but enthralled with the satisfying feeling of being full. 

-

Louis had spent the rest of his afternoon walking around the park downtown admiring the life he saw in everyone's eyes. The life in his eyes had faded a long time ago. It had completely faded out and now something else was fading, he just didn't know what. 

He spent most of his days doing nothing. Just nothing. He usually just walked around downtown to pass time despite not having anything he wanted to do, no where he wanted to be, and no money to spend on anything. He was in uni for one year, but due to certain circumstances he dropped out and had no intentions of ever applying again. He had no idea what he was going to do with his life, but he hoped he wouldn't live to find an idea. He didn't want to live a life chasing after the unknown. 

He walked back home considering he didn't have a car or even a license. He kicked off his shoes in the foyer and ran his fingers through his hair. His house was small and cozy. A simple two story with lots of clutter and dim lights. His mother used to spend her time redecorating the rooms because after so many months they started to get boring and drab. Now they were always drab and always the same. He sighed. 

He walked through the foyer and living room into the kitchen. His father was standing at the kitchen counter slicing cooked chicken into small chunks on a cutting board. The kitchen was cramped and even more cluttered with dirty dishes they could never seem to get around to cleaning. 

"Oh hey, how was your day?" Louis shrugged. He sat on the stool at the counter across from him. 

"Boring. Didn't do anything. How was yours?" 

"Stressful." His dad picked up the cutting board then stepped over to the stove top, swiping the chicken into the skillet before placing the lid overtop. "I finished the JMF article, but then all the other authors keep e-mailing me asking me where their articles are and it's just stressful." 

"Oh, that sounds annoying." His dad nodded. 

"It is. It's like these people don't expect me to actually have a life outside of copy editing, like they just expect me to be working 24/7." Louis wasn't sure what to say so he didn't say anything at all. 

"What's for dinner?" He asked instead. His father wiped his hands with the hand towel and took a deep breath. Louis always wished he could help his father more, but the most helpful thing he could do was get help himself. 

"Chicken Ala King. It'll only be five minutes." Louis nodded. His dad turned and went to the cabinet up beside the oven, pulling out some napkins then grabbed forks from a lower drawer. He walked over to the table beside the kitchen and set their places. "Have you taken your supplements and such? I also got some more Miralax today. It's in the cabinet." 

"Okay, and I'll just take them after dinner like usual." He answered solemnly. 

"And did you take them yesterday?" His tone was all Louis needed to know that his father knew he hadn't. It would be pointless to lie, he had tried that one too many times. 

"I forgot-"

"No, you didn't, because I reminded you at least five times last night-" 

"Well I'm sorry if I don't want to swallow five different pills every night." Louis snapped irritably. He turned his head down timidly as his father stepped back into the kitchen. 

"It is to keep you healthy. It might not be enjoyable, but you can't just not take them because you don't want too." Louis was quiet. He just stood up from his stool and moved into the kitchen around his dad. He grabbed a plastic cup from the cupboard, grabbed the Miralax, then filled his cup with ice. He measured out his dose then poured the white powder into his cup. He placed the bottle back then filled his cup with water. He took a spoon from the drawer and mixed it together. He didn't even have to think about what he was doing. He was so used to just going through the motions that that's all he had to do. Just go through the motions while his brain was on autopilot. He walked over to the table and placed his cup at his place. "It's ready, by the way." 

They each grabbed a plate and his dad spooned a healthy amount of the Chicken Ala King onto his plate before walking over to the table whereas Louis didn't even give himself a full spoonful. He sat down at his seat parallel to his father at the wobbly table. 

They each slowly dug in. Well, his father dug in. Louis just picked up his fork and prodded it around his plate. He separated everything into neatly coordinated piles. All the chicken was in one pile, all the mushrooms, the peas, the peppers, celery, even the rice was moved into a neat little pile. Then he just mixed it all together again before separating it into separate piles again. 

"Louis," Louis looked up at his father, his eyes dull and expression solemn, for he knew what his father would say next. "One bite. That's all I ask." Louis sighed, staring back down at his plate as he picked up one single grain of the steamed rice and placed it in his mouth. He swallowed it thickly before a lump seemed to form in his throat. His father sighed. "You know what I meant." 

"Dad, please don't push me." 

"I'm not trying to push you, I'm trying to help you, encourage you-"

"Well you're doing the exact opposite of what you're intending to do. Forcing me to eat will help absolutely nothing." His father placed his fork down and picked up his napkin, wiping his lips. 

"I'm sorry, I just...I don't know what to do here."

"There's nothing to do." Louis retorted softly and kept head turned down so he wouldn't have to see the disappointment on his fathers face. 

"There is something to do, we just don't have the means-"

"Can we please stop talking about this?" Louis felt like he was going to be sick and he wasn't sure if that was because he had actually eaten something for once or because they were talking about his disorder over dinner. The irony. 

"Just because we don't talk about something doesn't mean it doesn't exist." Louis swallowed thickly. There was a lump in his throat that only seemed to get bigger each time swallowed. 

"Yeah, well, that still doesn't mean I want to talk about it." 

"Well I'm sorry about that, but it's not something we can ignore." Louis just rolled his eyes and continued to scrape his fork across his plate. 

"We've been ignoring it for six years-"

"Maybe you have. I have not." Louis didn't respond. "I've been putting money away for awhile now to help pay for maybe some therapy sessions-"

"I don't need therapy, I'm fine." Louis could practically see the steam roll out of his fathers ears because they both knew that Louis was not fine, that he was ill and had been ill for years now. 

"I do not want to hear you say that ever again because you damn well know that you are not fine, Louis." 

"Whatever-"

"It's not whatever!" Louis dropped his fork and pushed his chair back away from the table. He crossed his arms and turned his head down like a child refusing to eat his vegetables. "It's important!"

"Who gives a fuck?" Louis shouted back. 

"Everyone!"

"No one!"

"I do!" 

"You're not everyone!" His father ground his teeth together before wiping his lips with his napkin, then tucking it under the edge of his plate. It seemed like every other night he and Louis were getting into a screaming match over food. And every other night Louis would end up storming off to his room. 

"Look-" 

"I'm done talking about this." Louis stood up abruptly and marched out of the kitchen and dining room area to the stairs, but he stood up too fast and due to postural hypotension everything began to swirl from color to grey. He stopped mid step in the living room and clutched the edge of the couch tightly as he waited for it to pass. He closed his eyes, sure for a moment that he was actually going to pass out, then felt a hand grab his shoulder. 

"Here, why don't you lie down on the couch." The dizziness passed and Louis ripped his shoulder out from under his fathers hand. 

"No, I'm fine." He stormed off to the stairs, stomping up them, then slammed his bedroom door behind him. He flopped down on his bed on his back and placed his hands on top of his head as he tried to catch his breath. Walking up the stairs wasn't exactly as easy as it once was. He didn't even know when it started, just all of a sudden one day he couldn't walk up the stairs without getting winded or extremely tired and he couldn't stand up without experiencing a dizzy spell. 

He got sicker and sicker each day, yet he only saw those days as days he could've restricted more calories since he was still so grossly fat. He hated himself. He hated his body. He hated his life. He hated the way the sun shined brightly everyday and he the way the moon still always managed to light to the night sky. Did the stars ever feel like not shining? Stars don't get to chose when they shine and when they don't. They just shine all the time. That must be tiring. Louis couldn't even smile without getting tired. He couldn't imagine smiling all the time. 

He dressed out of his jeans and jumper and traded them in for a pair of cozy sweats and an oversized tee shirt. He could sleep for a hundred years and still wake up exhausted. He collapsed on his bed and wrapped himself in his quilt. He got cold quite often. He was still trying to catch his breath. His heart was beating fast. 

Just as he was used to, his eyes watered with tears and they rolled down his cheeks onto his pillow. Half the time he didn't even know why he was crying. He knew deep down that he wanted to get better, but that time to get better was not now. Half the time he didn't think it would be worth it, he had already screwed up so much. Louis was a tornado. He made a mess of his life and he was making a mess of everyone else's.


	2. Chapter 2

The weekend passed slowly. On Monday morning the sun nudged its captives awake and the first thing on Harry's mind was seeing the boy with the blue balloon. He wished he knew his name so he wouldn't have to refer to him as 'the boy with the blue balloon'. It was such a long nickname, it was kind of tedious, but also kind of endearing because that was who the boy had become to him despite not even knowing who the boy was. 

As usual, Liam stopped by to say hello, more like ask for free donuts, after his last class of the day. Harry was behind the counter and Liam was surprisingly not sitting on top of the counter. Probably because there was a customer deciding on which donuts they wanted. The Butterfly Bakery was famous for their handmade donuts made daily. 

The girl paid for her box of assorted donuts then left with a smile on her face. It was 2:45. 

"My professor is a fucking idiot. He always gives us equations to solve for homework, but then he forgets one of the most important parts of it so then I spend three fucking hours just trying to figure it out only to go to class and have him say how he forgot a part of it then add it on. I'm so pissed." 

"Suck it up, buttercup." Liam was ready to reach across the counter and slap him. He glared at him in annoyance. 

"Seriously, shut up. This is the sixth time it's happened and I'm pissed!" He exclaimed indignantly.

"I understand that Liam. This is the sixth time I've listened to you rant about it." Liam crossed his arms, rolling his eyes. 

"Can't you just let me have my moment?" He uncrossed his arms, his posture loosening entirely as he slouched forward tiredly. "Want to go to a movie Sunday? The new Star Wars movie came out or The Boy also came out and I really want to see either of those two." 

"Zayn's going out of town so I'm covering for him Sunday afternoon." Liam frowned. 

"Oh, shoot, I forgot." Harry just nodded his head and glanced out the window. "Maybe we could go later in the night."

"I get off at 3 so if there's anything showing after that then that could work." 

"3? What time do you go in?" Liam asked him quizzically and Harry thought about it for a moment. 

"7. He was supposed to work one shift then half a shift so...I don't know." He shrugged before laughing and Liam just didn't say anything at all. Harry glanced out the window where he saw a blue balloon pop into his field of vision and then the boy. He glanced at the clock. It was 2:56. He glanced back out the window and watched the boy sit down tentatively on the left side of the bench. 

"Earth to Harry, you're zoning out on me again." Liam snapped his fingers in front of Harry's face making him jump in his skin. Liam turned all the way around and looked out the window. "Oh yeah, I forgot you're obsessed with that guy-" Harry slapped him harshly in the arm. Liam flinched and turned to face him again. 

"I am not obsessed with him." 

"You fancy him."

"I don't fancy him!"

"That's what you'd say if you did in fact fancy him." Liam smirked, Harry glared at him, unamused. "C'mon Harry, I can read you like a book." Liam smirked at him smugly, crossing his arms again loosely across his chest. Harry rolled his eyes at him. 

"Seriously Liam, I do not fancy him. I do not even know him." Liam waved him off then turned to the window again. Harry had his tongue between his cheek. 

"He seems weird."

"Shut up, Liam. He does not seem weird." Harry quickly defended which only confirmed Liam's accusations and made him turn back to Harry smugly. 

"You sure were quick to jump on that." Harry rolled his eyes again. He wasn't sure why he put up with Liam. Sure, he was his best friend, but...he was his best friend. 

"Yes, because you were being rude."

"I wasn't being rude, I just said he seemed weird-"

"Which is rude, Liam." Harry stated actually feeling offended for some reason?

"Well it's weird that he comes down here everyday, or whatever you said, with a blue balloon and lets it go." Harry scoffed, rolling his eyes. Suddenly the bell above the door jingled making Liam and Harry both stop the middle of their conversation. Timidly stepping through the door was the boy with the blue balloon, of course he didn't have his balloon anymore, though. Harry was stunned and pretty sure his jaw had actually dropped open, but he was too rapt to be conscious of whatever was actually happening around them. The faded and peeled wallpaper seemed to only darken behind him as a light emanated from behind him giving him the most perfect aura. He was bright. 

Liam just glanced awkwardly from Louis to Harry who was obviously gawking. He was just so much more beautiful face to face without a water stained window in between them. Liam nudged him in the shoulder subtly and Harry came to, pressing his lips together and swallowing thickly. Once again, his mouth was completely dry and he couldn't help but to think it was the boys fault. If he had never looked at him in the first place his mouth wouldn't be as dry as it was. 

Louis stood shyly in front of the door, afraid that Liam and Harry were both judging him based on the looks they were both giving him. They didn't look friendly, their stoic demeanors a made them appear rather standoffish. He just wanted to turn and run, but he was running out of time. He opened his mouth to say something, but then quickly decided against speaking at all and closed his mouth. 

Liam and Harry were still just watching him. When it came to something to say their minds were both blank. Usually Harry greeted customers when they entered the bakery, but at the moment all he could think about was how stunning the boy was. His chiseled cheek bones, his soft wispy hair that swooped across his forehead, the way he held his jumper ends over his palms...he was pretty sure that if he opened his mouth the only thing that would come out would be some guttural noise he'd never heard. 

Louis turned forward with determination. Perspiration was already gathering on his forehead and he couldn't seem to catch his breath, but he marched forward towards the door leading into the back. 

"Um, you can't go back there-"

"I know Sharon." Harry stepped back as the door closed shut behind Louis. He turned to Liam, giving him a questionable look. His curiosity was all the more piqued. If Sharon knew the boy then surely she could tell him about who he was. 

"Sharon knows him?" Liam asked and Harry just shrugged because quite frankly he had no idea what the hell was even going on. He had worked there for over three years, only a year and a half was when he first started noticing the boy, but three years down the drain the boy had never stepped foot in the bakery. 

"How am I supposed to know? Apparently." What Harry really wanted to do was go in the back and eavesdrop, find out what the boy was doing back there and his relation to Sharon. But he knew that was wrong and that Sharon would probably kill him if she caught him actually trying to eavesdrop. He could be nosy at times. It was a real character flaw. 

Meanwhile in the back, Louis maneuvered through the kitchen over towards the door label 'Manager'. He knocked timidly on the door and the sound only seemed to echo loudly in the vast kitchen decorated in silver. He hadn't been in the bakery for over seven years and it took him three weeks just to ready himself to actually go back inside. All the old emotions attached to it were rushing back to him. 

The door opened and Louis was greeted by Sharon, the sweet, now older, lady who owned and operated The Butterfly Bakery. She was short, dark skinned, and dark haired. She had a kind face and warm welcoming arms. 

"Oh my God, Louis? Is that you?" She let go of the doorknob and placed her hands on her hips, gawking at Louis with excitement. 

"Hi," He smiled shyly. 

"I can't believe this! My, I haven't seen you in years!" She threw her arms open for a hug, but Louis just wrapped his arms around himself and took a step back, looking down. Sharon took the hint with a grain of salt and smiled sweetly, placing her arms back at her sides. "What are you doing here?" 

"Well, it's my dad's birthday in, like, one day actually and I was wondering if I could maybe order a small cake, or something, for him." 

"Of course! Why don't you come in and sit down." She stepped aside to make room for him and waved him inside the small room. He stepped in and glanced around the cramped space. It was painted a dark blue-gray with a fake plant in one corner and her desk in the other. The desk was cluttered with papers, folders, and other miscellaneous objects. With the dim lighting it looked as if it were a room where a cop would interrogate him about a crime he never committed. Hung up on the walls were her diplomas from uni and pictures of her family and kids, adding some of her personality into the drab style of the room. 

She walked around her desk and sat down, shuffling some papers around before pulling out a blank one with a pen. Louis sat down in the chair placed in front of her desk. 

"So, how is your dad? I haven't talked to him recently." Louis just shrugged making her smile. He wasn't sure why she was smiling. 

"He's okay. He's excited about turning 37." He joked. Sharon laughed lively then beamed at him fondly. Louis didn't feel comfortable with her staring at him so much. It made him want to run and hide and never come back to the godawful place, but it was her smile that was making it feel like home. 

"Well, what kind of cake were you thinking of getting?" Louis shrugged again. He wanted to give off an impression that he was calm and casual, despite feeling anxious and somber. 

"Just something small." He answered. "Maybe round. Two tiers. It's only for two people so we don't need a big one." Sharon wrote it down and Louis tried to force a weak smile to show that he could be lighthearted about the situation, but instead his chin quivered and he just pressed his lips together, turning his head down. 

"Do you want to talk?" He shook his head without hesitation. Talking would lead to crying and crying would lead to bad feelings.

"No, it's just...this place...and the memories...there's a reason I haven't been in here since that day." Sharon nodded solemnly. 

"I understand." Louis picked at the skin around his nails anxiously. "So, what flavors were you thinking of?" 

"Just vanilla for both." 

"Want anything written on it?" 

"Just 'Happy Birthday', please." Sharon smiled happily and marked it down. Louis placed his hands under his thighs and dug his fingers into the ripped fabric of the cushion. 

"Any specific color?"

"Blue." Sharon's smile turned from happy to solemn. She placed her pen down, taking a deep breath. Her expression was weary as she glanced up at Louis. 

"Your mother loved that color." Louis stared back at her blankly before simply nodding. What was he supposed to say? His mothers favorite color was blue because that was the color of his eyes. His father and her had him when they were both only barely 17 years old. She always told him that the moment she held him was the moment she fell in love with the color blue. 

Blue wasn't just a color to him anymore, though, it was an emotion. Seven years ago his mother got into a head on collision with a truck resulting in her death. The truck was blue. He hated blue, but at the same time he loved it too. It was just his father and him now. He had no siblings. 

His father worked at home as a free lance copy editor. He copy edited books and articles for APA, a journal known as JMF, and more articles for ASHA, not to mention some dissertations every now and then. Income was steady, but sometimes low. It helped that Louis was no longer attending uni, but money wasn't the cause of his choice to drop out. 

Louis swallowed thickly, almost uncomfortably. The reason he despised ever entering the bakery was because his mum and him would always go there, every Sunday afternoon at three. She'd buy him a cookie or something sweet, tease him about making sure he brushed so he didn't get cavities, then they'd sit on the bench and just talk. 

"Um, so how much would it cost? I could pay now if you'd like or-" He started to reach into his pocket, but Sharon held up her hand, halting him. 

"Oh, don't worry about that, sweetie. This one will be on the house." 

"Oh, no, that's unnecessary. I can pay-"

"It's on the house." Sharon repeated with an insistent smile. Louis just smiled back shyly and ran his fingers through his hair. His hand was shaking and he wasn't sure if that was because he hasn't eaten anything at all that day or because he was so fucking anxious. 

"I-I—thank you." Sharon's face lit up and Louis' heart was still knocking against his ribcage incessantly. He couldn't believe he had actually done it. He couldn't believe he had actually gone through with going into the bakery. He never once thought he would ever step foot in it again, but his dad did so much for him and Louis wanted to show him his appreciation, even if it meant he had to force himself outside of his comfort zone into a situation that induced a lot of anxiety and repressed thoughts for him. 

"Is there a certain time you'll need it by?" Louis shook his head. 

"Just whenever."

"How 'bout anytime after noon." He nodded. 

"Okay." Sharon stilled smiled at him, enthralled to have seen him again. She was surprised by how much he had grown up. "Well, I better go." When he stood up his legs felt weak underneath him, as if they would collapse at any moment. As he was too used to, things faded from color to grey as a light headed feeling just seemed to engulf his body. He gripped the chair tightly and turned his head down, but Sharon didn't seem to notice as she was too busy cleaning up the things on her desk. The feeling passed and she stood up as well. 

"Well it was so good to see you again, tell your father I said hi." Louis just forced a smile and nodded. 

"I will, it was nice seeing you too." He turned towards the door and pulled it open. Sharon arose out behind him, but Louis was just focussed on leaving. He had never wanted to leave a place more than he did now and he hardly ever went anywhere. He thought he heard Sharon call out another goodbye, but he didn't want to spend another second in the bakery. He breezed through the open door and started down the sidewalk. 

"Who is he?" Harry asked eagerly from his post behind the counter. Liam was still there, leaning against the counter with his arms crossed nonchalantly. Sharon gave Harry a certain look before laughing. 

"His name is Louis. Why are you so curious?" Harry couldn't help it, he blushed. Fucking blushed. 

"Because I watch him sit at that bench every single day with a blue balloon at 3 o'clock which he just lets go then leaves. I was curious. How old is he? Do you know why he does the balloon thing?"

"He's 19, I'm not sure what balloon thing you're talking about, though." 

"Well, everyday he comes down here and sits at the bench across from here with a blue balloon. He just sits there, then he lets it go, and leaves a few minutes later." Harry explained then he and Liam waited patiently for an explanation as if expecting Sharon to know all the answers. 

"Well, I'm not sure. It probably has something to do with his mother. My husband and his mother worked together. Ever since he was a little boy he and his mother would come here every Sunday afternoon, get a donut or a cookie or something, and then they would sit at that bench together and talk and whatnot." 

"Did something happen to his mother?" Liam asked softly and Sharon nodded reluctantly, a solemn look coming across her face . 

"Around seven years ago his mother got into a car crash and she unfortunately passed away. Ever since then he hasn't stepped foot in here except for today." 

"That's horrible." Harry said under his breath. Sharon nodded, still looking somber. 

"Yes, well," It was quiet for a moment. "I better get back to work and so should you." She teased going back to her bubbly, light self. Harry cracked a small smile, nodding. 

"Will do, Liam's distracting me."

"Boy, with as much time as you spend here I might as well hire you." She joked making them laugh. Liam smiled humbly. 

"Sorry, I'm already spoken for." Sharon just smiled before turning around and returning back to her office. Harry sighed contently to himself and Liam excused himself to run to the gym. Harry was just all the more interested about the boy with the blue balloon. 

-

The next morning Louis woke up at seven with a knot in his stomach and Harry woke up at noon with the thrill of not having a class to go to. He spent his day at the gym then going to grocery store because what little supplies they had were really dwindling down. He was just excited because he knew the boy with the blue balloon had ordered and a cake and so he knew that that day he would actually come back in and he'd final get to properly meet him. He was jittering all day about it. 

As usual, Harry watched him subtly through the window at 3 o'clock as he sat down on his bench with his blue balloon. After he had let it go and was standing up Harry quickly made himself appear busy, or at least preoccupied.   
He tried to play it casual as he walked through the door, just as expected. Louis paused for a moment. Harry looked up at him and smiled, like he usually would when someone entered the bakery. 

"Good afternoon, how may I help you?" He asked. Louis walked up to the counter shyly. 

"I'm here to pick up a cake." He told him softly. Harry smiled all the more wider after finally hearing his voice. His voice was just as beautiful as him. It danced in his ears before the silence held it captive.

"Name?" 

"Louis Tomlinson." Harry smiled. He didn't know why he was smiling, he was just smiling with the gratification of finally having a name he can refer to instead of just calling him 'the boy with the blue balloon'. Sure, Sharon had told him his name yesterday, but hearing him say it himself made it feel more enlightening. 

"I'll be right back." Louis gave him a small nod before Harry turned and retreated into the back of the kitchen to retrieve the cake. He picked up the box with the cake in it and glanced down at it in admiration. He carried it back out to the front and placed it down on the counter in front of Louis. Louis just looked down at it, his expression not changing at all. He wore a small smile. "Look alright?" Louis looked up from the cake, nodding. Harry admired the way his eyes shined brightly in the lights. 

"It looks great." Louis' eyes traced over the lettering on top of the cake. The blue icing made the blue devils dancing around his heart and head sing their merry tune. He bit the inside of his cheek. 

"Whose birthday is it?" Harry asked curiously before he could even stop himself because it most certainly didn't concern him whose birthday it was. Louis had his hands placed daintily on the edge of the counter and he exhaled deeply. 

"My fathers." He answered quietly. "I-he-I-yeah." Louis flustered, turning bright red in embarrassment. Harry found it to be the cutest thing ever and smiled at him fondly, completely endeared. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Louis hesitated. 

"I don't know, I just feel compelled to apologize." He rubbed the back of his neck, but he felt like he was going to throw up at any moment. He just wanted to leave like the sun left the sky during the night. 

"That's okay, you didn't do anything wrong, you have nothing to apologize for." Harry reassured with a kind smile. He just could not stop smiling for some reason. Louis almost couldn't stop himself from breaking down. 

"Did Sharon tell you this was on the house?" Harry nodded. "How much would it have costed if it weren't?"

"I don't know, maybe around 22?" Louis reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. Harry watched him in amusement. "You do know what on the house means, right?" 

"Obviously, but it's not necessary so why don't I just give you 22 for it and we don't tell Sharon about this?" Harry shook head. 

"It's on the house which means it's on the house." Louis didn't look amused. He was actually getting quite annoyed because the last thing he needed was some handout. The last thing he wanted was some handout. 

"Look, I don't need some pity handout, just let me pay." Harry shook his head again and Louis' annoyance was transitioning into anger. He grit his teeth. He reached into his wallet and pulled out the correct amount of change before shoving it into the tip jar at the edge of the counter with a huff of annoyance. Harry smirked at him in amusement and Louis smiled back smugly before picking up the small square cake box and turning around. He sauntered out of the building in a mixture of pride and anxiety. 

Harry was just filled with the glee of having actually met and talked to the boy he had grown so infatuated with. He still didn't know what it was about him, though! He was just...stunning. 

Louis walked all the way home with the cake in his arms and an everlasting funeral marching around his heart. He didn't have a license and he didn't have a car. He just walked everywhere he had to go, but he usually did have anywhere to go. The used to walk to school despite the far trek it was. He used to walk to the gym everyday, even though he had stopped going to the gym a year and a half ago. Everyday he walked downtown to the bakery to release a balloon in remembrance of his mother. And to carry questions up to God. Some saw it tedious and unnecessary. Louis didn't see it like that. 

He and his mother had a close relationship and Louis didn't want her to think he forgot her, even for a day. 

He made it home around 4:53. His father was in his office breaking his back over articles that never seemed to be in good shape. Louis just walked into the kitchen, placed the cake on the counter gently, then returned back to the living room. He laid down on the couch, rolled over on his stomach, and closed his eyes. He didn't lie down with the intent to fall asleep, but he fell asleep. 

He woke up to his father nudging him awake. 

"Dinners ready." He told him softly. Louis just nodded as his father walked back into the kitchen area. He sat up slowly and rubbed his eyes tiredly. He was always so exhausted. He stood up, stretching his stiff back before he dragged himself into the kitchen. "Thank you for the cake by the way." His father said the moment he walked in. Louis cracked a small smile when he noticed his father was smiling as well. 

"You're welcome." Sitting on top of the stove was a pan of French fries and in a pan was Philly cheese steak meat with provolone cheese melted on top. 

"We're having Philly cheese steaks." He handed him a plate and Louis just took it with a heavy sigh. He grabbed a roll, opened it up, slapped some of the meat on it, picked up a handful of fries, then sulked over the kitchen table, sitting in his usual chair. His father joined him a moment later. 

They ate quietly. Well, his father ate and Louis stared down his food apathetically and strategically moving it around his plate without raising his hand to his mouth once. Once his father was done they both cleared their plates and placed them in the sink. 

Louis picked up the cake out of the box and placed it on the table in front of his dad's chair. His father grabbed two clean plates and forks before setting them on the table. Louis grabbed the knife to cut the cake. They both sat down and Louis picked up he knife. He cut out a small piece of the cake before carefully lifting it out with the knife and his hand then dropped it on his fathers plate. 

"Now, believe it or not, I actually baked this cake myself." He joked cutting another small piece for himself that he was actually going to attempt to eat without feeling guilty or remorseful or any of the other disgusting feelings that settled heavy on his mind and stomach after he ate. 

"Oh really?" His father laughed making Louis smile. 

"Yes." 

"So if I call Sharon she won't say one of her bakers made it?" Louis nodded, placing the frosted knife down on a free napkin. 

"Yes, I can't believe you don't think I made this." He joked. 

"The writing is too neat." They both laughed together happily before sighing contently. 

"Happy birthday, old man." His dad smiled at him then cracked his knuckles. 

"Boy, I sure am getting old aren't I?" Louis nodded before chuckling and shaking his head. 

"You're barely over the hill." Louis liked having moments where he could actually just laugh with his dad. He and his dad didn't laugh much anymore. They didn't smile that much, either. Both of them were suffering, Louis just a tad bit more. 

The cake had been moved to the middle of the table and Louis reluctantly picked up his fork. It felt like it was searing his hand and all he wanted to do was drop it and forget he ever even thought about eating. But this was not about him. His dad watched him subtly which was probably the worst thing he could have done because if there was one condition Louis had when it came to eating it was not to watch him eat. 

His father looked down at his own plate, picking up his fork. Louis pulled off a small piece of his cake before forcing himself to actually put it in his mouth and swallow. His dad smiled to himself. So, quietly and painfully, they ate the cake and by the time he had finished his piece he just wanted to stab his fork into his throat and let himself slowly bleed to death. 

After opting to help his father clean all the dishes and properly cover the cake, he went up to his room where he spent three hours looking up different work outs and working off every calorie he could until he was seeing stars.


	3. Chapter 3

The rest of the week passed slowly. On Sunday morning Harry had to drag his ass out of bed to go work at the bakery and he hated morning shifts because they were always the busiest. Something kind of miraculous happened, though. 

At three o'clock just as usual the boy with the blue balloon showed up and for some reason Harry thought that releasing a blue balloon at 3 everyday was only a week day thing, but no. Every single day he came to the bench to release a blue balloon. Was there ever a day or reason he didn't? 

Harry tried to watch him subtly, like he tended to do, but once the balloon was released and it was blended into the sky he sat there instead of getting up and leaving. Harry watched him then Louis turned and actually looked into the bakery through the window. Harrys heart jumped in his chest for some reason and he quickly looked away. 

Soon the boy stood up and walked away. Harry let out a breath he hadn't even realized he was holding. He could breathe again. He was rattled, though, when the door opened and in walked Louis. He tried to play it cool, but he just got so nervous around the boy. Not an emotion he wanted to show. 

"Here for another cake?" He joked trying to be funny and friendly, but it just ended up sounding really lame. Louis either didn't hear him or chose to ignore him because he didn't say anything in response. He slowly approached the counter, glancing around the bakery as if he was looking for someone. Harry watched him intently.

"Can I help you?" 

"Is Zayn here?" Harry looked at him curiously. 

"You know Zayn?" 

"Answering a question with another question, nice." Louis teased making Harry smile. 

"I'm sorry," He blushed. "I, um, he's actually out of town so I'm covering his shift. How do you know him?" Louis swallowed thickly because after buying his fathers birthday cake he promised himself he'd never go inside the bakery again, but there he was and it was taking every fiber in his body not to have an anxiety attack. 

"Oh, he didn't tell me he was going out of town." His smile dropped a little and Harry could see the glint of sadness in his eyes. "We're, um, we're friends I guess. He usually sits with me out on the bench." 

"Oh, that's interesting." Harry smiled hoping it might maybe cheer up Louis a bit and get him to smile, but Louis just pressed his lips together, nodding. 

"Will you sit with me?"

"Sure." Now he answered that maybe a bit too quickly for his liking. If anyone else had approached him and asked him to sit with them on the bench he would've asked why and probably have been more apprehensive. But he wasn't just going to turn down the opportunity to actually sit with the boy. Louis smiled. 

"Thanks." Harry glanced down at his watch. 

"My shift actually ends right now." 

"I know." Louis said before flustering. "I mean, this is usually when Zayns shift ends, or he has a break, so I just assumed since you said you were covering for him and...yeah." He rubbed the back of his neck nervously and Harry just smiled at him softly, completely endeared. 

"Just let me grab my things and hang up my apron." Louis nodded and Harry smiled. He turned and strode into the back. He hung up his apron, said hello and goodbye to Danielle who was to work after him, grabbed his jacket and keys from his own little hook, then walked back out where Louis was glancing out the window. He turned and glanced at Harry before walking over to the door with him. Harry held it open politely. Louis thanked him as he walked through. 

They walked across to the bench and Louis sat on the left side as he usually did and Harry sat down beside him. Louis tucked his hands under his thighs and sighed, glancing up at the sky. Harry watched him. 

"I'm Harry by the way." Louis smiled softly. 

"I know, Zayn talks about you sometimes." 

"What do you and Zayn usually talk about?" He asked because he was genuinely curious. Or maybe a little jealous. Louis shrugged. 

"Anything." Harry just nodded, licking his lips. 

"How are you?" 

"Well." Harry swallowed thickly, inhaling slowly. "How are you?" Louis finally asked in return. 

"Pretty good, finals are this week and that's always nerve wracking and stressful." He joked with a soft laugh making Louis smile. 

"You go here?" Harry nodded. 

"You in uni?" Louis shook his head. "How old are you?" 

"19. You?" 

"20." 

"Whatcha studying?" 

"Meteorology." Harry wiped his sweaty palms against his thighs. Why were his palms so sweaty? Why was he always so nervous around the boy? Or even when Harry merely watched him through the window? Why was he so attracted to him?

"Weather nerd." Louis teased softly making Harry grin. 

"I am known as the weather nerd to my friends." He laughed. "When I was in the fifth grade I had a little weather station in my room. I even had a little thing attached to roof that would tell me the direction and the speed of the wind and the temperature." Louis laughed softly, glancing at Harry before looking away. 

"That's cute." Harry smiled. He just felt so giddy! Was it safe for him to finally admit that he had a crush on this boy? Yes. "I took geoscience senior year and the first quarter was all about weather. I hated it, it was so boring."

"Hey, weather is interesting!" Harry exclaimed making Louis smile softly. It felt refreshing to talk to someone new. And he was cute so that was a plus for Louis. "Weather effects the decisions we make everyday." Harry added. Louis rolled his eyes at him. 

"A lot of things do." Harry shrugged. 

"It's the strongest outside force." Louis just nodded. He sighed to himself and continued to glance around. Harry admired the fact that he was always looking at something new. 

"The strongest outside force is society." He finally said. Harry looked at him curiously. "Society effects the decisions we make everyday." 

"How can society be an outside force when we are society?" 

"Why is the sky blue?" Harry chuckled softly. "It's just the way it is." 

"You must be fun at parties." Harry's mouth was moving faster than his brain and he wasn't even sure what he was saying until he heard himself! 'You must be fun at parties', really?! That sounded so rude and Harry wasn't sure what was going on with himself! 

Louis turned to him, raising his eyebrows at him. What the hell did he just say?

"Excuse me?" He didn't sound mad, or even sad, and Harry felt a little bit of relief. He still felt bad, though. "You're the one talking about the weather station you had in the fifth grade and what it did. You might want to check yourself first buddy, plus you don't even know me so what makes you think that's a joke you can make?" He smirked at him and Harry forced a nervous laugh. God, he felt so fucking nervous.

"I have no idea why I said that." He blurted out making Louis laugh. "I'm sorry, really, I mean, I didn't mean it." Louis smiled at him then started looking up at the sky again. 

"You shouldn't say things you don't mean." 

"Human nature. Sorry." Harry shrugged insincerely before laughing to himself. 

"I guess I forgive you." 

"You guess?" 

"Yep." Harry laughed and Louis smiled because it felt kind of good to make actually make someone else laugh. It felt good to hear someone else genuinely laugh. 

"So, what do you like to do?" Harry asked him curiously and Louis immediately shrugged his shoulders. 

"I don't know. I don't really do a lot." He admitted shyly because that just made him sound so lazy, but what was so wrong with that? "I used to play football. That was fun." Until he couldn't keep up with the other players due to his weak heart and inability to run ten feet without seeing stars. 

"Oh God, I can't play football to save a life. I play it with my friends sometimes because they force me and I always end up face planting the grass or hurting myself." 

"I played in high school." 

"That's interesting." Louis just nodded then shrugged, making Harry laugh softly. The air was chill, it was the second week of December for crying out loud. Harry noticed Louis never had a jacket. "What do you like to do?"

"Well, I like to look at the clouds." They both laughed. Harry more so laughed at the expense of himself. Louis just laughed because Harry had started laughing. 

"You must be fun at parties." Louis teased in a deep tone to mimic Harry's voice. Harry just laughed even louder than he was laughing before. His cheeks hurt from how big he was actually smiling, he was sure his face was going to split in two. He glanced at Louis who was smiling so beautifully as well and sighed contently. He was so thrilled to actually be getting to know the boy he had been so infatuated with for quite some time now. It was surreal. 

"Yeah, well, I don't really do a lot. I go to school, I work out, I go home, I sleep...that's pretty much it. Well, actually, I kind of like reading and art. I like to hike as well." 

"Do you actually produce art or...?"" 

"Oh, not really, I mean, sometimes I just draw or doodle on paper, but I really just like looking at it." 

"I like to paint." 

"What kind of paint?"

"Watercolor." Louis exhaled softly. "I like to paint butterflies." 

"Butterflies are pretty." 

"I know." Louis responded making Harry chuckle dryly. Louis sighed then stood up slowly because if he didn't stand up slowly he'd experience a dizzy spell and the last thing he wanted was to practically pass out in front of Harry. "Well, thank you for sitting with me, I should get home now, though." Harry stood up after him, nodding. 

"Yeah, yeah, it has been a pleasure sitting with you." Louis gave him a soft, almost sad, smile before crossing his arms and turning to walk down the sidewalk. Harry watched him for a moment before pulling his keys out of his pocket and walking to his car. 

-

The next morning Harry and Liam were sitting in the student union on campus at a table across from each other. Zayn marched into the open building and up to the table behind Liam. He dropped his bag down on the table before sitting down beside Liam. 

"Wassup, boys." He greeting in a mock thug tone. Liam just gave him a small nod, his eyes still glued to his book.

"How was Bradford?" Harry asked placing his phone down on the table top. Zayn just shrugged emotionlessly making Harry chuckle softly. 

"Bradford is Bradford. How are you guys doing?" He pulled his backpack off the table and leaned it against the leg of his chair. He turned back to Harry and glanced at Liam as well who was still glued to his book. 

"Well, as you can tell Liam is trying to cram for his English final in an hour and I'm just well." Zayn laughed softly then nudged Liam playfully who didn't even react. He just slapped his arm away. 

"Oh, and thanks again for covering my shift at the bakery. How'd it go? I wouldn't expect you afternoon shifters to be able to keep up with the rush of early morning." Zayn joked making Harry just smirk patronizingly at him the roll his eyes. 

"It was fine, thank you for your confidence in me." Zayn smiled brightly, nodding his head making Harry laugh. He sighed to himself then took a deep breath. Liam was still in his own little world. "I didn't know you knew Louis." Zayn looked at him with uncertainty for a second before his face lit up and he nodded. 

"Oh, yeah, he always sits outside the bakery and all in the afternoon." He said with a happy little smile. Harry didn't like it. 

"Yeah, he came in asking where you were because I guess you always sit with him out there?" He questioned curiously. Zayn nodded again. 

"Yeah, one day he was sitting out there, but it was raining so I went out there with an umbrella for him and I guess it just kind of turned into a habit." Harry wouldn't admit it, but he felt a little jealous. He didn't even know why, though! It's not as if Zayn was interested in the boy! Why should Harry feel jealous? 

"That's nice." Zayn smiled still, nodding. 

"Harry's obsessed with him." Liam decided to join in and Harry slapped him, making Zayn laugh. "I just think he's weird." 

"Oh, shut up, Liam. He's not weird." He retorted quickly. 

"Yeah, because normal people walk around with balloons and let them go at the same time, same place everyday." 

"He's nice, and super sweet. His mum passed away suddenly a few years ago and he likes to release a balloon in remembrance of her."

"Everyday seems a bit much." Liam added. 

"It's because he doesn't want her to think he's forgotten her, even for a day."

"That's kind of weird." 

"I think it's sweet." Zayn responded harshly. Liam still hadn't even looked up from his book. Harry rolled his eyes at him in annoyance. 

"Yikes, surely he's made an impression on the both of you." Liam retorted dismissively. Now it was Zayn's turn to roll his eyes. "Harry fancies him-"

"I do not fancy him!" Harry immediately objected raising his voice. Liam and Zayn both looked at him, both smirking like they knew he was lying. Harry grit his teeth and swallowed thickly, looking away. His heart was fluttering, though. 

"Do you?" He shook his head. 

"No, I don't."

"You're blushing." Zayn teased. Harry groaned, lifting his hands up to cover his cheeks. 

"I don't."

"You're such a bad liar, Harry." Zayn patronized while laughing. Harry rolled his eyes, shaking his head.

"I'm not lying."

"He so fancies him." Liam said aside to Zayn and they both snickered with each other. Harry groaned, shaking his head again. 

"Stop it, I'm telling the truth." 

"Then why are you blushing?"

"I'm not blushing, I'm angry-"

"If you were angry then, like, you're entire face would be turning red, but your cheeks are just turning red which means you're blushing and you know why people blush, right?" Harry rolled his eyes. He took his hands away from his cheeks and crossed his arms, resting them on top of the table. 

"I don't-"

"The harder you try to deny something, the more transparent you become." Zayn smirked. "Oh, come on Harry, you gotta admit he's pretty cute."

"Nope, no, that's not true." 

"So you don't think he's cute at all?" Zayn patronized and Harry glanced away, shaking his head again. Of course he thought Louis was cute. He was adorable. He was...beautiful. "Come on, Harry. You're literally fooling no one. Just tell us, we're your best friends!" 

"I don't know him."

"That's a non sequitur." Liam spoke up. He finally closed his book and put it back into his backpack. 

"Harry has a crush, Harry has a crush." Zayn sang loudly with excited enthusiasm. Harry still have him a dismissive look then shook his head in annoyance. "You should totally ask him out."

"Do you even know if he's attracted to other guys?"

"Oh my God, you do like him!"

"Would you shut up?" Harry snapped. "God, this isn't middle school, Zayn." 

"Well you're blushing like it is." Harry gave him a cold glare, only earning a patronizing smile and dry laugh. 

"He does happen to be bisexual." He remarked raising his eyebrows at him. Harry rose his eyebrows back. 

"Oh really? How'd you find that one out?" 

"Because one day we were talking about relationships and he mentioned some of the girls and guys he had dated and I asked just to clarify." Harry just rolled his eyes at him, but secretly he was a little excited to hear that Louis was at least had some attraction to males. He had never really thought about Louis and whatever his sexuality was. The thought of even attempting to ask him out made his stomach swirl with butterflies and his heart race. 

"Do you...know if he's currently seeing anyone?" Harry kept his tone low and quiet, he wasn't sure if he wanted Zayn and Liam to hear him. The way Zayn's face lit up told Harry that that was something beyond his control. 

"I fucking knew it!"

"Would you please calm down? We've been talking about this for five minutes." Zayn just smirked at him then shrugged. 

"I don't know."

"Do you?" Harry's tone was stern. It only made Zayn chuckle and shrug again. 

"Are you going to ask him out if he's single?" 

"Just answer my question." 

"He's single." Zayn answered. "Unless he started dating someone during the week. I only sit with him on Sunday." 

"Interesting." Harry grumbled with a roll of his eyes. Zayn just chuckled at him before going off about something Harry didn't care to listen to. He was too busy contemplating whether or not to take a leap of faith and actually ask the boy out on a date. He liked taking leaps of faith. 

The next day Harry was at his usual post and as usual Louis walked down at 3 o'clock with his blue balloon which he released into the sky a moment after sitting down. Harry watched him subtly and as soon as he stood up from the bench Harry decided to take his leap. He was gonna do it. 

He knew leaving the bakery while he was working wasn't the smartest idea, but when else was going to get the opportunity to meet the boy? Well he could always go to the bakery in the weekends at 3, but Harry was impatient. Louis might even say "no", though. They still didn't get exactly know each other so Harry had no idea what Louis' response could possibly be. He was hoping for a yes. 

He strode through the door and across the street. Was he crazy? Maybe a little. 

"Hey, wait," Harry called out jogging over to him. Louis' heart dropped to his stomach for a moment before he turned around and looked up at Harry. He wasn't expecting it to be Harry, he wasn't sure who he was expecting it to be or what they were going to say. He wanted to run. 

Harry took one look down at Louis and his brain turned into mush. What did he want to say again? His heart was knocking against his ribcage faster than he's ever felt before and he was certain it couldn't possibly beat any faster. He got very warm considering the cold temperature and being in a short sleeved tee shirt. 

"Hi." He muddled out making Louis smile in amusement because it was so obvious that Harry was nervous, Louis just didn't know what about. 

"Hi." He replied making Harry grin and Louis was sure he could actually see the color change in his cheeks. "See any interesting clouds today?" Harry laughed louder than he meant too, but he was so fucking nervous and jittery that he just couldn't control it. It made Louis even laugh. Harry shut his mouth and cleared his throat.

"Not yet, stratus isn't as interesting as some of the other types of clouds." He wanted to face palm himself. He sounded like such a nerd. 

"I didn't even know stratus clouds existed." Louis told him with a shrug. He kept his arms crossed across his chest loosely. 

"Oh yeah, there's even specific types of stratus like nimbostratus, and altostratus, and cirrostratus. This is nimbostratus," He pointed up to the sky. "Which is a result from the thickening of altostratus clouds. It's diffused by falling rain or snow, and it's name actually means rain layered because nimbo comes from the Latin word nimbus which means precipitation and stratus comes from the Latin word stratum which means layers and they form from warm fronts, or occluded fronts which is when a cold front overtakes a warm front and...," Louis was smiling up at Harry with the utmost amusement because he wasn't exactly sure what Harry was babbling about, but it was cute to listen to him talk about it because what's not cuter than watching and listening to someone talk about something they love? 

Harry forced a nervous laughter. He rubbed the back of his aching neck and tried to clear his throat again. 

"Wow, I sound like such a loser-"

"Getting excited talking about something you find enjoyment in does not make you a loser." Louis interrupted softly. "And if the people you're talking to think you're a loser then you're talking to the wrong people." Harry just blushed even more. He wanted to stick his head into the snow just to cool off. "But as much as I'd love to listen to you talk about strato clouds and fronts-"

"Stratus." Harry corrected with a small smile. Louis laughed softly. 

"Did you stop me just to talk about clouds?" Harry shook his head, but for a second he considered aborting his plan and just saying yes. He could talk about clouds forever. 

"I was...I was wondering if maybe sometime you'd like to go out with me." Louis flashed him a beautiful smile, his cheeks tinting pink. 

"You want to go out with me?" Harry laughed, nodding. 

"Yeah, that's kind of why I asked." He joked back. 

"Um, I'm sorry, I'm not exactly attracted to the same gender. I'm straight." Harry's jaw dropped open, was Zayn lying? He was going to kill him. This was it. The last day Zayn would see sunlight. Harry wanted to strangle him, he was so fucking embarrassed! Louis just started laughing and Harry was pretty sure he was about to shit his pants. "I'm just messin' with ya. Of course I'm not straight." He smirked and relief just crashed over Harry like a tsunami. Like, he was sure his legs were about to collapse. 

"Oh my God, you have no idea what kind of heart attack I just had." Harry took a deep breath and held his hand over his chest like he had a physical pain there. "I can't feel my tongue." He placed his hands on his hips and watched as Louis laughed beautifully. He smiled. 

"Why do you want to take me on a date?" Harry wasn't expecting Louis to ask him why, he was just expecting a yes or no answer. Hopefully a yes. 

"Well, I think you're really nice, and you're funny, and...I think you're really cute, and I just want to get to know you a little bit more." The sun peaked out from behind the clouds giving Louis an entire angelic glow. Harry practically swooned over. "So what do you say?" Louis swallowed thickly then looked down at the pavement before turning to look back up at Harry. 

"What kind of date would it be?" Harry shrugged. 

"Well, we could work that out together. What do you want to do?"

"I don't want to be asked out on a date then be the one to make the plans." Louis replied smoothly with a small little smirk to show he was only teasing him. Harry flustered, turning bright red again. 

"Would you like to go out to dinner?"

"No." Harry held his breath and nodded. 

"Um, okay, a movie?" Louis shook his head. Harry took a deep breath and rubbed the back of his neck. "We could go to the park and get hot chocolate?" Louis shook his head again. "Okay, I'm kind of running out of options here." He admitted sheepishly and forced a laugh to try and give off the impression that he wasn't getting frustrated. No wonder Louis was single! 

"Why not ice skating?" 

"I thought you didn't want to be the one to plan it." Harry teased making Louis smile. 

"I'm not. When you tell me the day and time you'll be the one to have planned it." He smirked. 

"What time would be best for you?"

"You really don't understand this whole concept of planning a date do you?" Harry smiled and shrugged. 

"Apparently not." 

"Well when you figure it out why don't you let me know?" He smirked softly then turned around and started to walk away. Harry couldn't help but smile to himself, it was a little questionable smile, though. 

"Is that a yes?" 

"It's not a no." Louis called back over his shoulder. 

"So a maybe?" Louis just shrugged then turned back around and kept on walking. Harry crossed his arms, watching Louis walk away.

"Saturday night at 7!" He yelled back. 

"See you then!" He heard Louis reply. Harry grinned to himself. 

"Well wait! Do you want to meet at the rink or have me pick you up?" He ran down the sidewalk after Louis with excitement coursing through his veins and affection coursing through his heart. 

So they set the date for Saturday at 7. Harry was to pick Louis up and Harry was even more ecstatic because they actually swapped numbers so now he actually had the boys number. His number! They were going on a date! Harry was above cloud nine until he remembered he just left his post unattended and needed to go back to work before anyone noticed. Yikes. 

Louis went home content. He was enthralled with the idea that someone actually wanted to take him on a date, but would it amount to anything? Relationships were a touchy subject because to him relationships were portrayed to be very touchy feely and he most certainly didn't want to be touched or even touch anyone himself. 

One thing he was wondering though was why Harry even found him appealing enough to ask out on a date? Like, Harry was so attractive, like God had built him sculpted from the finest materials he could conjure up. Louis was just blah. He was so gross, he had no idea what Harry could possibly see him in. Granted things weren't solely based upon appearance, but they also didn't really know each other and Louis was just so awkward and anxious all the time...He wasn't even sure if he liked Harry back. Sure, he thought he was super attractive and the fact that he liked to watch clouds made him all the more adorable, but Louis just wasn't sure if he truly had any attraction to him. 

He walked into the house, a heavy sense of tension settling high on his shoulders. He kicked his shoes off neatly in the foyer, placing them under the wooden table. When he walked into the living his father was sitting in the recliner watching some show Louis didn't recognize. 

"I'll be in my room." Was all he said before turning around and trekking over to the stairs, which he walked up slowly because if he walked up the stairs too fast then he got light headed and couldn't catch his breath. 

He laid down on his bed and counted up the hills across the sheets. When his dad called him down for dinner a couple hours later Louis had to mentally prepare himself because situations that involved food, even dinner every night with his father, were usually a lot harder than they were supposed to be. Having dinner wasn't supposed to be a stressful and anxious time for him, but it was. It always was. He didn't know when he became that way, just all of a sudden sitting down at the kitchen table became something he absolutely dreaded. 

Their plates were set and Louis picked up his fork without any intention of actually eating. He just couldn't sit still. He traced it over his food. He didn't know why his father bothered to give him a plate anymore when he very, very rarely ever ate even a morsel. The only time he ate was during lunch time. He'd usually eat something small, and very seldom did he go to the kitchen during the night for a snack anymore. He hated the feelings eating triggered.  

"So how was your day?" Louis was torn away from his thoughts as his father looked up at him in anticipation for his answer. Louis just shrugged, staring down at his plate melancholily. 

"Good. How was yours?" 

"Pretty good, got a lot of articles sent off so that's always good and I'm expecting a big invoice soon." Louis just gave him a small, meek smile before looking back down at his plate. The weight on his back made it easier to look down. 

"So, I'm going out on a date Saturday night." He blurted out before his heart jumped to his throat. "That's okay right?" His dad gave him a dubious look unsettling Louis. He stared back down at his plate, scraping his fork gently across the ceramic. 

"With who?"

"This boy who works at the bakery." He answered meekly. "He-He asked me to go ice skating." 

"Are you sure, like, getting into a relationship is a good idea?" His father looked at him intently, genuinely concerned. Louis swallowed thickly and shrugged his shoulders. 

"It's just a date." His father cracked a small smile. 

"So you mean he has no intent on possibly asking you out again?" 

"I don't know," Louis smiled timidly. 

"I just...I don't want you to get hurt. And I don't want the boy who asked you out to get hurt either." Louis' smile disappeared in an instant. All the warm and fuzzy feelings occupying his stomach were wiped away and the albotross around his neck was getting heavier and heavier by the second. 

"I'm not going to hurt him." His voice was only a soft whisper. 

"Well I'd hope you wouldn't plan on it." His dad responded humorously. "I think this could be good for you, but depending on how far it'd go at some point you'd have to tell him abo-"

"No, I wouldn't." Louis interrupted. His blood began to boil. A horrible taste resonated in the back of his throat as bile seemed to rise higher with each word he spoke. 

"Yes you would, Louis. Obviously I'm not saying right now, but you're 19, almost 20, and if this is something that's going to be serious later on then you have to plan on how you'd tell him. I mea-"

"Dad, please stop." Tears welled in Louis' eyes. He dropped his fork and bundled his hands in his lap. 

"Just because we don't talk about it doesn't mean it doesn't exist." His dad told him in a stern, but calm tone. The last thing they both needed was for both of them to get worked up and end up in a screaming match with each other. 

"I know that, you tell me every single fucking time." 

"Well we're never going to get anywhere if we constantly ignore it." 

"Dad-"

"Louis, I'm just saying." It was quiet. "We really need to get you help. I mean, there has to be something-"

"Yeah, have fun paying for that." Louis snapped before he could even finish. His father gave him an unamused look. 

"I could pick up more articles or something, take some money out of savings or my retirement-"

"Don't do that, it'd only be a waste."

"Anything that helps you will not be a waste." 

"It would be a waste." His father bit the inside of his cheek. 

"I could take out a second mortgage on the house-"

"You don't want to do that, though-"

"I don't! What I want is to get you help and I'm willing to do what it takes!" Louis slouched forward and covered his face with his hands. He hate, hate, hated when his father talked to him about treatment because it only reminded Louis that he wasn't worth treatment. A part of him was glad his father couldn't even afford it because then he wouldn't have to disappoint him even more by failing treatment or falling into a relapse after giving it a try maybe. It just wasn't an option. "Louis," 

"I don't want to talk about it!" 

"We have to talk about it!" He father practically slammed his fist against the table making Louis jump. He pushed his chair back and, once again, another dinner was ruined, resulting in Louis running off in tears and his father wondering why he hadn't given up yet.


	4. Chapter 4

The days leading up to Saturday passed so slowly. Like, so slowly. Harry wasn't sure he could wait, he was so excited! But he was also nervous. What if he makes a complete fool of himself somehow and leads Louis to think he's a complete idiot? He practically already drove him away by talking about the fucking clouds for what seemed like hours when he was asking him out! 

He still saw Louis everyday at 3 o'clock and tried to sneak inconspicuous glances before he left. He was just so enamored by the boy. He had never felt the way he was feeling about anyone ever before! 

On Saturday evening Louis got more jitters with each passing hour. He actually contemplated just cancelling the date all together because he was so anxious at just the thought of it? He couldn't even remember the last date he had gone on. He only wondered how long it would take Harry to realize he wasn't good enough and that he never would be. 

But he didn't cancel and now he was sitting at the kitchen table with a racing heart and sweaty palms. 

"You okay, Lou?" His father asked looking up from his plate solemnly. Louis shrugged his shoulders before nodding. 

"I'm fine, I'm just...nervous about tonight." He smiled meekly, bundling his hands in his lap. 

"Oh yeah, your little dates tonight." A small smirk spread across his fathers lips. He sat up and wiped his lips with his napkin. Louis smiled wider, the butterflies began acting up in his stomach which was an oddly enticing feeling. "You know I'm gonna want to meet him when he gets here." 

"Oh my God, dad, I'm 19. Please do not embarrass me like that." 

"I'm embarrassing you by wanting to meet him?" His father asked in amusement. Louis nodded his head, his cheeks already turning red. 

"Yes, that's so old fashioned and just awkward." 

"Because that's just so awkward." His dad replied sarcastically. Louis just smiled a little and rolled his eyes at him. 

"It would be. Wait for, like, never." He joked back making his dad laugh. 

"Never? I don't think so." Louis just laughed back then looked down at his plate. He didn't even know why he bothered getting a plate anymore. 

The rest of dinner was quiet with light conversation. As time grew closer to 7 Louis was situated on the couch with a pounding heart while his father washed dishes in the kitchen. 

The minute the doorbell rang and Louis' heart jumped to his throat. He scrambled up from the couch, wanting to beat his dad to the punch. 

"Okay, bye dad!" He called out hastily, but the commotion of his father walking out to the kitchen towards the foyer made his heart sink. He would never be fast enough. 

"Wait a minute, I told you I was going to meet him. I'm not just going to let you go out with someone I haven't at least seen." Louis groaned, rolling his eyes in annoyance as he reached out for the doorknob. He put on a happy face as he opened the door. Harry was standing there with his hands in his pockets and a content smile on his face. 

"Hi." Louis just gave him a tight lipped smile before his father pulled the door open even wider, making his presence known and catching Harry a bit off guard. 

"Hi." He greeted with a large smile. 

"Hello." Harry smiled again and Louis just rolled his eyes, shaking his head in self pity. 

"This was nice, see you later-" Louis yanked his jacket from the coat rack and had one foot out the door when his father stopped him. 

"Whoa, hold on a minute." Louis glared at him making Harry laugh in amusement. He glanced at his father. "Just want to get to know ya for a minute." 

"His name is Harry and he likes clouds. Goodbye-"

"And is clouds code for drugs or-"

"No dad, it's actual clouds, like, in the sky." Louis interrupted in annoyance. His father looked at Harry curiously. 

"I'm into weather. I'm studying meteorology in uni, actually." 

"When do you graduate?" 

"2017, but I plan on going to graduate school for a masters." 

"What's your name again?" 

"Harry Styles, it's nice to meet you." Harry stuck out his hand which Louis' father shook graciously. 

"It's nice to meet you as well." Harry smiled. "And you work at the bakery?" 

"For now. After second semester starts I'm going to be working part time at the weather station down by the airport thanks to a program called Pathways which allows me to intern for them for over 640 hours and then once I finish my studies I have the opportunity to actually work for them full time, which would make it easier for me so that way I know I'd have a secure job straight out of grad school, but that's not a guarantee. It all depends on the M.I.C., the likely situation would be to have them convert me to a permanent position." Louis looked so bored. "And what do you do?" Harry asked curiously making Louis roll his eyes again. 

"I'm a freelance copy editor." He answered while Louis tried not to yawn. "I work at home and copy edit books and articles for APA, ASHA, JMF, and lots of different other little things." He smiled happily and Harry smiled back, nodding. 

"Well that sounds neat-"

"Can we go yet?" Louis asked raising his voice and his dad laughed. Harry smiled happily because he was so excited, but so nervous as well! Louis looked up at him before quickly looking back down timidly. 

"Eager?"

"To get the night over." Louis joked making Harry laugh, but then he worried that Louis was actually being serious. "So goodbye dad," He reached for the knob as his dad wished them both a goodbye then asked what time he'd be home, but Louis had already closed the door before his dad could even finish his question, let alone give Louis enough time actually answer. "I'm sorry about him, he's...old fashioned." Louis said as they both turned and walked down the porch down to the driveway. 

"Your dad seemed nice." Harry told him with a smile. Louis just laughed softly, shrugging his shoulders. Harry's car was parked properly in the driveway, already running as they walked to opposite doors. 

"Sure, he seems nice, but it's really all a facade." They climbed into the toasty car and Louis sat down. He glanced over at Harry who put the keys in the ignition then buckled up quickly. Harry placed one hand on the wheel and was ready to put the car in reverse when he paused and glanced at Louis. 

"Are you buckled up?" Louis gave him a patronizing look which Harry returned teasingly. Louis groaned, uncrossing his arms, and buckled his seatbelt. 

"Happy?"

"Just want to make sure you're safe." Harry reversed out of the driveway and into the street. "So how was your day?"

"Boring." Louis deadpanned which for some reason made Harry laugh really loud. He bit his tongue and clenched his jaw to keep himself from laughing. He noticed Louis smiling. "You don't have to control your laugh around me." Harry just laughed even more then cleared his throat for what seemed like five minutes. 

"You see, I am very nervous right now and when I get nervous I tend to laugh over excessively at everything." Harry explained while keeping his eyes trained on the road. Louis smirked at him. 

"Why are you so nervous?" Harry flustered and just broke out into a huge grin, making Louis' smirk humble into a smile. It made him feel good, though, that Harry was nervous. It kind of reassured the idea that Harry really did like him. If someone truly likes you then they should at least get somewhat nervous talking to you, right? 

"It's just...first date...you're really handsome. I'm paranoid of making a fool of myself or...doing something wrong." Louis was sure he was redder than a tomato or pinker than a rose. Maybe a mix between the both. He wasn't sure, all he knew was that he was heating up and it wasn't because of the hot air blasting through the vents. 

"Trust me, you can't do anything wrong or make a fool of yourself." 

"Oh, trust me, I will find a way to do something wrong. Anything." Harry joked laughing softly. 

"How was your day?" 

"It was easy. Finals are finally over, thank God, but overall pretty well. How was yours?" 

"Still boring." Louis joked. Harry rolled his eyes at himself, still laughing softly. "How were finals?" 

"Strenuous, but I'm glad they're over and now I'm on break." He smiled brightly. 

"I can only imagine." 

"Excited to skate?" Louis was sure he started blushing again and he rubbed the back of his neck. 

"I haven't been ice skating in years. Like, literal years! I'm probably going to fall on my face!" He exclaimed filling Harry with joy and excitement. He was so excited! Still very, very nervous. But excited! Louis was just so cute and he was so nice and so funny and Harry just...couldn't shake his nerves. 

"Don't worry, we can fall on our faces together." Louis turned, smiling at Harry softly and Harry could see him out of his peripheral vision. He would've actually turned back to him, but he had to keep his eyes on the road. Bummer. 

"I'll hold you to that." He teased and then Harry just started laughing loudly again like the nervous idiot he was. Louis found it reassuring though. 

"Oh my God, I need to stop laughing." Harry exclaimed in dismay as he lifted one hand off the steering wheel to cover his face. 

"Want to hear a joke?"

"Oh God, no." Harry wrapped both hands around the wheel again while Louis laughed. "Like, actual laughter mixed with nerves is literally going to sound like some sort of dying animal." 

"Let's see, what do you call a deer with no eyes?" Harry was already laughing. 

"What?"

"I have no I deer!" It took a moment for the joke to register, but once it did he started laughing like a fucking hyena choking on a bone. A literal choking hyena. How did Louis not find him impossibly annoying? "What's a ducks favorite snack?" 

"Bread?"

"Nope, cheese and quackers." And of course Harry started laughing even louder, but the joke wasn't even that funny! Louis started laughing softly with him before he glanced out the windshield to see Harry was pulling into the parking lot of the outdoor ice skating rink. 

Harrys laughter eventually died down, no idea on how long that'd last, then he stopped the car after pulling into an open spot. Louis' nerves suddenly spiked. 

"Shall we go introduce our faces to the carved up ice?" Harry asked him teasingly. Louis turned to look at him then smiled meekly, shrugging. 

"Let's go get acquainted." Harry grinned before turning to step out of the car. Louis took a deep breath and opened the door, slowly climbing out because the last thing he wanted was to have Harry watch him experience his dizzy spell. Luckily he didn't get too lightheaded and things didn't turn that dark. Harry was standing in front of the hood of the car and Louis walked over to him. "So what clouds are in the sky today?" They both looked up at the dusky sky. 

"Well, I'm pretty sure those are cirrus clouds." Louis smiled. "Because they're thin and wispy looking. They're usually blown by strong westerly winds aloft into streamers which are actually known as mares tails and they usually move from west to east." 

"Fascinating." Louis teased. They reached the entrance and Harry pulled open the door before stepping aside, holding it for Louis. Louis thanked him sweetly and walked inside. Harry walked in after him. "So what is your favorite type of cloud?" 

"Oh, definitely mammatus. They're so beautiful." Louis gazed up at Harry admirably. "They're associated with thunderstorms, but they aren't actually an indicator of severe weather." They walked over to the counter to pay for some skates. There were a few people in front of them. 

"How do they form?"

"Well they form from the sinking of moist air into dry air. They're seriously so beautiful, have you ever seen them?" Louis shook his head. "Just wait till you see them." Louis laughed softly as Harry pulled out his phone. Louis loved that Harry got so excited about clouds. Like, clouds were just white shelters from the sun to Louis, but to Harry clouds were like beautiful works of art. Louis thought it was beautiful and Harry found them so beautiful. 

Louis looked down as Harry held up his phone to show the google images of 'mammatus clouds'. Louis smiled and Harry was just about bursting with joy and happiness again. 

"Oh, those actually look really cool." Louis remarked. Harry nodded. 

"Duh, what were you expecting? Something lame?" He teased. Louis rolled his eyes at him, reaching over to slug him in the arm weakly. Harry just laughed and turned his screen back to himself. "Look at this picture of the sun rays from behind a cloud I got yesterday." Louis watched him, completely endeared, as Harry turned his phone screen towards him again. "They're called crepuscular rays. Many people think they diverge as they appear, but they're actually parallel beams of light. Common misconception." Louis smiled at the picture. 

"I have never heard of the word crepuscular until now." Louis told him with a smile and Harry grinned down at him. He put his phone back in his pocket. 

"Well you learn something new everyday." Louis nodded. "So what did you learn?" He laughed. 

"I learned that crepuscular is a very funny word. What did you learn today?"

"I learned that you learned that crepuscular is a very funny word." He teased. They both looked forward only to find no one in front of them anymore. They stepped up to the counter where a rather surly worker stood on the opposite side. 

"11.25 for adults, skates are 8 dollars, lockers are 5, 6 dollar refundable locker deposit." He told them flatly. Harry nodded unsurely. 

"Um, okay, I guess 2 adults, 2 skates, and 1 locker?" The man nodded. 

"That'll be 49.50." Louis' jaw dropped. 

"It costs that much just to skate?" He exclaimed as Harry was pulling out his wallet. 

"I don't make the rules." The man shrugged. 

"Hey, it's fine, here." Harry handed the man his debit card. Louis was still in disbelief because he had no idea going ice skating would be so expensive. He wasn't worth that. Why would anyone want to waste that much money just to go ice skating with him? He bit his lip and looked down timidly. 

So Harry paid the ridiculous amount of money, they got their skates, ditched their shoes in the locker that took them five minutes to find, then were heading to the outside area where the rink was. They sat down on a bench outside the rink, which was remarkably full, and strapped on their skates. 

"I don't even know if I'm going to be able to even stand up in these." Harry remarked as he tied the laces tightly then sat up with a sigh. Louis stood up, balancing properly on the thin blades whereas the second Harry stood up he was falling over and tightly gripping the wall surrounding the rink to support himself. "Good God, I'm not even on the ice yet." Louis looked over his shoulder at him, laughing. 

"I think the last time I went skating was when I was six." Louis stated. Harry looked at him curiously. "Still gonna break my nose, though, probably." 

"Probably gonna end up in the hospital." Louis laughed softly and Harry just leaned against the wall casually. "You know, it's actually pretty nice out here." He joked glancing around. 

"Oh, come on, you didn't pay that much money just to watch people ice skate." Louis stepped over to the opening and stepped out onto the ice, breezing forward with ease. Harry's mouth dropped open at him. Louis glanced over his shoulder at Harry, smiling contently. He turned around and skated to the wall, in front of Harry. 

"You said you've never done this before!" 

"I did once when I was six, but I also used to rollerblade a lot and this is practically the same thing." He replied with a smile. 

"Well now I'm never coming on the ice." 

"No, you're coming out right now. C'mon!" He waved him out and Harry just sighed loudly, covering his hands over his face for a second before standing up straight. 

"I'm gonna look like an idiot! You know, I was really counting on you falling over immediately too." 

"Just hold onto the wall." Harry somehow managed to get himself to the opening and gripped the wall tightly as he carefully stepped onto the ice. He watched the people skating past him with a breeze then looked at Louis who was standing in front of him with his hands in his coat pocket. The second Harry moved his foot the world seemed to turn upside down as he slipped straight onto his back. 

Louis' hands flew up to his face to cover his mouth as he burst out into laughter. Harry just groaned, his one hand pressed against his lower chest and his other pressed against the wall that wasn't as supportive as he thought it'd be. 

"Goddamnit." Louis was still having his fit of giggles as he skated forward slightly and reached a hand down to Harry. "You know, I'm actually very content right here. I can watch the sky without hurting my neck." He had folded his hands together and was resting them against his stomach. Louis gave him a playful smirk and just shook his hand down at him for emphasis. Harry sat up and reached up, grabbing Louis' hand tightly. It was so small and cold. 

Harry moved up to his knees then carefully managed to stand up again without pulling Louis down on top of him, as much as he wanted to. He let go of his hand and then gripped the wall again. 

"This is a nice wall." Louis laughed at him before skating forward a few feet. He turned back around to face Harry. 

"C'mon Harry, the walls even nicer over here."

"I'm going to fall, though!" Harry called back before almost losing his balance and falling over. Ironic. He latched onto the wall tightly with no intention of ever letting go. 

"You can't go into something new with the mindset of failing. So what if you fall?" Harry just looked over at him before turning his head down at the ground. He started moving forward, not really gliding, but actually taking step in the skates. "You look like a goof. You're supposed to glide, not walk." Louis teased gliding up to him. "C'mon, let go of the wall." Harry shook his head. "It'll be more fun if you let go!"

"I can barely stand by myself!" Louis just shook his head and reached out, grabbing Harry's wrist with both his hands. 

"C'mon you big killjoy." He pulled on Harry's wrist playfully and then Harry slowly let go. Louis let go of his wrist. Harry had his head turned down at the ground, like if he watched his feet it'd be easier. Slowly, he skated forward with Louis, only almost losing his balance twice. 

It only took them eleven laps and six falls until Harry finally got the hang of it. 

"See? It's not so bad now." Louis glanced up at him and Harry looked back down at him with a small smile. 

"I guess, I might've twisted my wrist, though." He joked. 

"You should take up figure skating." 

"I should, I mean, I'm already a pro." Louis laughed. "And I think I've got the legs for it." Now they both laughed. 

"Of course you do." 

"Wow, are you admitting to thinking I have nice legs?" Louis flushed, his cheeks turning red as he just rolled his eyes and elbowed Harry in the arm. "I'm just teasing." 

"Course you are." Harry smiled down at him. 

"So, what's your favorite color?" He asked him. 

"Blue." Louis answered without a single hesitation. "What about you?" 

"I'd have to say blue as well. Or green. Or purple. I have a lot of favorite colors." Louis nodded contently. 

"So what exactly was that Pathways thing you were talking about?" 

"Oh, it's this great program that I'm so excited for! Basically it allows me to go intern at the weather office down by the airport. Once I achieve over 640 hours of work and complete my studies, I could be converted to a full time position straight away. It's amazing and it's a paid internship too!" Harry explained with excitement. 

"So then what kind of things will you do there?" 

"I'm not specifically sure yet seeing it as an internship, but I guess I'll find out. I think I'll just be doing entry level meteorologist work." 

"Sounds very sophisticated." The sun had fully set, leaving a few footprints in the sky, and the rink had been lit up brightly by tall lights. Although Louis was being to feel very tired he wasn't going to let it show. He was actually having fun! 

"Oh, it is." Harry teased. "Very, very sophisticated if you ask me. I might even get to release a weather balloon." Louis turned, looking up at him. 

"What's a weather balloon?" He asked curiously. Harry thought that might've caught his attention. 

"It's a large balloon that's, like, 3 feet wide and it's released into the air with a radiosonde and transmits data like air temperature, pressure, and humidity to its receiving station."

"Wow, that sounds interesting." 

"I'm sorry if I'm boring you-"

"Boring me? I asked you the question." Louis told him with a small laugh. 

"Yeah, well, just because you asked a question doesn't mean you're going to find the answer interesting." Louis nudged him gently. 

"Do you talk about the weather a lot with your friends?" Harry just shrugged before shaking his head. He stared down at the ice as they smoothly moved across it. 

"No, not really, they usually just tell me to stop talking because I'm being boring and they don't care." 

"Well that's not nice." Harry forced a soft, dry laugh. "I don't...I don't really socialize with a lot of people, but I like listening to people talk about what they love or are passionate about. So don't worry that you're boring me or that I don't care. As long as you're talking about something you love, I'll listen for as long as it takes." Harry glanced down at him, a large grin spreading across his lips and Louis just kept forward, staring down at the ice intently. 

"My friends could learn a lesson from you." He said glancing back down at the ice as well. 

"Or you could turn the tables on them." He teased making Harry laugh. Both their nerves had settled and they both just felt...comfortable. And Louis couldn't remember the last time he ever actually felt comfortable. Harry was sweet. 

"What are you passionate about?" Louis took a deep breath before shrugging his shoulders. 

"I don't know." He answered honestly. "I don't...I don't really have any passions." 

"There must be something." Harry replied playfully. Louis just pressed his lips into a frown. He had such a boring life. Like, he literally did nothing! He didn't go to school, he didn't have a job, he found interest in...nothing. Literally nothing. His life was gray mixed with even more gray. Nothing colored his life. 

"Um, painting." He blurted out. Granted, he only painted sometimes, but he would not label it as his passion. "I like painting." Now that wasn't a total lie. 

"Oh yeah, I remember you telling me that." Louis just kept his head down. 

"So after this Pathways thing starts up you won't be working at the bakery anymore?" He asked eager to change the subject. 

"Sadly no." Harry answered lackadaisically. Louis sighed. 

"Such a shame. Who's gonna stare at me during the weekdays now?" 

"Hey, I never stared." Louis just laughed making Harry smile. 

"I saw you looking at me all the time-"

"Well then you had to be looking at me to notice me looking at you." Harry retorted quickly. The air up above was cool, but the air around them was warm. 

"Or I was glancing around and noticed you."

"Okay, well, I thought you were very intriguing." Harry stated. "And that sounds very creepy-"

"Oh yes, extremely creepy. I should've reported you to the police on an account of stalking." Harry laughed and suddenly all his nerves were coming back. 

"Hey, I never stalked you." 

"Right."

"But...I have to ask because it's been killing me-"

"You want to know about the blue balloons?" Louis glanced up at him and Harry nodded, glancing back down at him. 

"Only if you're comfortable with sharing." Louis just managed a small smile, sighing. 

"My mother passed away in a car accident. Growing up she would always release a balloon of their favorite color in memory of her late family members. Granted a lot of her family members were still alive, it was mainly for her father who passed away from cancer when she was little." Louis swallowed thickly. "She passed away when I was 12 and her favorite color was blue. So, a few years ago, I thought I'd release a blue ballon at the bakery in remembrance of her. We always went to the bakery on Sunday. And, I mean, everyday sounds like a bit too much, but...the last thing I told her before the car crash was that I hated her."

"Yikes." Louis' eyes were already watering, but he laughed softly. 

"Yeah, I told her I hated her because she wouldn't let me ride my bike around the block. And then she got in the crash fifteen minutes later. And she died. And I regret it every single day of my life. The day I don't regret it will be the day I stop releasing a balloon. I don't want her to think I've forgotten her, even for a day." 

"Wow. I am...so sorry you had to go through that." Louis just shrugged. 

"I'm at peace with it." He said. "Kind of, I guess." He reached up, wiping his eyes. "Oh well, this is a depressing topic. Let's switch it." Harry chuckled. 

"Okay, well, what is your favorite holiday?"

"Easter. What's yours?"

"Valentine's Day."

"Ew! I hate Valentine's Day!" 

"Why? It's such a positive day!" Louis just shook his head. 

"No, it's annoying and makes people feel like they have an obligation to do something extravagant and special when that's something that should just happen everyday."

"Well I find it as a day of positivity, celebrating love in all forms."

"Gag." Harry just laughed, shaking his head. "My feet are beginning to hurt." Louis whined pouting. God, Harry just wanted to kiss him. But that most definitely be to soon. And the night couldn't have ended sooner. 

They spent a few more minutes skating around happily before trading for skates in for their shoes then got hot chocolate, which Louis just pretended to drink. Harry drove him back home around 8:30. He even walked him up the door like a gentleman. Louis suddenly grew weary. He had seen this exact moment play in movies plenty of times. Louis would turn to thank him, Harry would say it wasn't a problem and that he had a good time, then would try to go in for a kiss. 

Louis pulled his keys out of his pocket then turned his back to the door. 

"Well, tonight was fun, thanks for everything and...yeah." He closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath before looking up at Harry who had this pure, genuine smile that just lured Louis in. 

"I had fun tonight too. I'm sorry if I was annoying or made you feel uncomfortable or anything at all tonight...especially with all my laughing and talk of weather." Louis smiled up at him, shaking his head. 

"You weren't annoying or made me feel uncomfortable or anything tonight." Harry smiled back at him, enthralled to hear him say that he actually wasn't annoying, despite annoying himself the entire night. "But...I don't...I don't know if I'm, like, the right person for you to be with or...date." Harry looked down at him questionably.

"What do you mean?" 

"I just...I'm kind of a difficult person to be around." 

"How so?" Louis took a deep breath, running his fingers through his hair. He wasn't sure what he was even saying, only certain that with each word he spoke he was showing Harry his true colors and driving him farther away. 

"I just...I mean, okay, I don't like being touched and all, like, with holding hands or hugs or just anything else like that." Louis cringed, covering his hands over his face. "Oh my God, I have no idea what I'm even saying. I'm sorry, I'm just really nervous right now and I haven't even been on a date since I was, like, 16."

"Hey, that's totally fine, I think I've made it quite known that I'm nervous too." Harry admitted softly. Louis looked up at him, his cheeks red and embarrassment evident in his meek expression. "And if you don't like being touched and all then I respect that too. And I'm sure you're not as difficult as you think you are, I had fun with you tonight. We can just see how it goes." Harry smiled softly and Louis managed a shy smile back. 

"Ok."

"Would you possibly be interested in going out again sometime?" Louis' smile widened, he turned his head down shyly. Harry just wanted to take him in his arms and give him a sweet kiss, but Louis had literally just told him that he didn't like to be touched, and he didn't even know where Louis stood with kissing on a first date! Harry wasn't one for it, he felt that made things seem rushed. He liked things slow. 

"Maybe." Louis looked back up at him. "Text me." His lips curled up into a smirk as he turned and unlocked the door with his key. Harry stepped back, stuffing his hands in his pockets and watching Louis has he pushed the door open. When he stepped through, he turned and gave Harry a little wave, whispering so softly Harry thought he was only mouthing the words 'have a good night'. Louis closed the door and that was Harrys cue to head back to his car. 

Louis hung his coat up on the coat rack and placed his keys on the key rack. His father was sitting in the armchair with a beer in his hand. The television was playing softly. 

"Oh hey, how was your date?" Louis just blushed, smiling contently. He didn't think he would actually have so much fun with Harry. Like, he actually enjoyed Harrys company and Harry seemed like he enjoyed his company too. He couldn't even remember the last person he actually socialized with! Well, that was a lie. He usually socialized with Zayn on Sunday's for a bit. Other than that, though, he never really talked with anyone else. 

"It was good." He walked over to the stairs slowly. 

"Yeah? You have fun?" Louis nodded. 

"Yeah, I actually did." He stepped up on the first step, but paused there. "I'm off to bed now, goodnight." His father nodded. 

"Glad you had a good time. Goodnight, I love you." Louis nodded back, turning to face up the stairs. 

"Love you too." He walked up the stairs slowly before making it to his room. He dressed down, covered himself in thick blankets, and had sweet dreams for a change.


	5. Chapter 5

The next day Louis spent the entire day in bed. Harry did not. He woke up still feeling all warm and fuzzy from the night before. It was 10 o'clock when he woke up to the sound of Liam slamming the kitchen cabinets closed, though. That made the warm and fuzzy feelings disappear. 

He threw open his bedroom door and marched out into the kitchen in a fit of rage. Liam was standing in front of the stove in only a pair of shorts. A pan of raw eggs was on the burner. Liam glanced up at him while Harry glared at him. 

"Could you be anymore fucking loud? Why the hell do you feel the need to slam the cabinets shut?"

"Someone's cranky. Did your date go okay?" Harry rolled his eyes at him, crossing his arms angrily. 

"It went fine. What I'm not fine with is being woken up by your inconsiderate ass." 

"I just wanted to make eggs. Want any?"

"No, I want some sleep." 

"It's almost 9 o'clock Harry, would you calm down?" Liam held up his hands in defense like Harry was about to pounce on him any second and he wanted to be prepared. Harry just glared at him sternly. 

"I am calm, you know I hate it when you say that." Liam just shrugged as he placed the spatula down on the counter top. 

"You don't sound calm. You sound a little hostile-"

"Because I was woken up by you slamming the cabinets!" Harry exclaimed furiously. He uncrossed his arms, placing them on his hips as Liam opened the cabinet beside the oven and pulled out a plate before giving Harry a condescending look while he closed it slowly and quietly. 

"Happy?" 

"Shut up." Liam snickered. 

"So, how was your date?" He picked up the spatula and started to mix around the eggs in the pan. Harry dropped his hands from his hips and moped across the kitchen to the dining table, plopping down in a chair. 

"Good."

"Sure doesn't sound like it." Harry stuck his tongue out at him. 

"It was, I mean, yeah." Liam turned his head, glancing over at Harry curiously. 

"Did something happen?"

"No, but you know how I laugh excessively when I get nervous and so I was laughing at, like, everything and I wouldn't shut up about the fucking weather and I fell on my ass, like, ten different times and then after I drove him home he said he wasn't sure if he was the right person for me to date and all because he said he could be difficult to be around, but I'm paranoid he was just saying that as a way to say he didn't want to go out again, but when I asked he just said to text him, but I'm not even sure if I should text him or wait for him to text me, but what if he never texts me? But what if I text him and he doesn't even want to go out again?"

"Wow." Harry groaned, closing his eyes as he took a deep breath. "I mean, the worst that could happen if you asked him out again is that he says no." 

"I know, but I really like him and I don't want him to say no." Liam laughed softly. He spooned the scrambled eggs onto one plate before turning and placing the dishes in the sink. He picked up his plate, his fork, and walked over to the stable, sitting down across from Harry. 

"Well, that's a force beyond your control." Harry rolled his eyes. "But that doesn't mean you shouldn't try. He might surprise you." Harry leaned back against his chair, sighing contently. He smiled thinking about Louis. God, he got so giddy thinking about him.

"He's so cute." That was Liam's cue to tune him out. He tended to his eggs. "And he's so little. Well, he's, like, just...he's shorter and just smaller in physique. And he's so sweet and shy. He's just adorable."

"I'm trying to eat these eggs, not regurgitate them." Liam replied with a full mouth. Harry just laughed softly, shaking his head at him. 

"I'm sorry, I can't help it-"

"You can and you will for my physical health." Liam interrupted, but Harry just waved him off, sighing contently again. 

"Oh, eat your eggs."

"That's what I'm trying to do!" Suddenly, there was a knock on the door making Harry look at Liam questionably. "Zayn said he was coming over." 

"Are you going to answer the door?" 

"I'm eating." Harry rolled his eyes at him as he pushed his chair back and trudged over to the door. He opened it to a chipper looking Zayn. 

"Morning sleepy head." He teased inviting himself in. Harry just walked into the kitchen, grabbed a banana, then went back to his seat at the kitchen table. Zayn strolled through and took a seat at the end of the table. 

"Why are you here at 9 o'clock?"

"Why are you and Liam eating breakfast together at your table?" Zayn asked glancing between them. They both just shrugged. 

"I should be asleep right now, but Liam likes to slam the kitchen cabinets with all his might at 9 in the morning." Zayn laughed softly while Liam still tended to his eggs. 

"So," Zayn smirked. "How was your little date?" Harry took a deep breath then sighed solemnly. 

"Very fun, except I kept laughing excessively and kept talking about clouds and weather."

"I told you not to talk about weather! You probably bored him to death-"

"Well, unlike you guys, he's actually interested in hearing what I have to say." Harry replied curtly as he carefully peeled his banana, just dropping the peel onto the table as he pulled off a chunk of the fruit and popped it in his mouth. 

"He was probably just trying to be nice." 

"Or he wasn't." Harry told him sternly. Zayn held up his hands defensively and laughed softly. 

"Harry's a bit grumpy this morning. Should've warned ya." Liam said making Harry roll his eyes. 

"Well I'm glad your love life is flourishing because mine has just died in a hole with my dignity." Liam and Harry both looked at him curiously. 

"Fill us in." Liam placed his fork down and wiped his lips with his napkin before tucking it under the edge of his plate. Zayn just sighed dramatically.

"I have a problem." 

"I heard Viagra is-"

"Not that kind of problem, you jackass." Harry just gave him a sweet smile. 

"Then what is it?" Liam asked him. He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms casually. 

"You know Niall?"

"Nope." They both answered in unison. Zayn rolled his eyes. 

"The blonde Irish guy in our Art History class?"

"Not ringing a bell." Zayn rolled his eyes again, sighing heavily. 

"Anyways, I tried asking him out but he told me he's aromantic." 

"So he's romantic, shouldn't that be a good thing?" Liam asked questionably. 

"No, I didn't mean he's a romantic, like two separate words, I meant it as one word. He's aromantic."

"Well I have no idea what that's supposed to mean then." 

"It means he doesn't experience romantic attraction." They both nodded. 

"Oh well, better luck next time-"

"Harry!" Zayn whined and Harry sunk back in his chair, wiping his hands together after finishing his banana. 

"I don't know what you want us to tell you, Zayn. If he doesn't experience romantic attraction then he simply doesn't and I don't think you or anyone else could necessarily change that for him." Zayn groaned and threw himself back against his chair dramatically, like a child. 

"But it's not fair." He even whined like a child. 

"That's kind of selfish." Harry told him with a shrug. Zayn glared at him narrowly before sighing and inaudibly admitting defeat. 

"I know." He sat himself up properly, holding the edge of the table. "But he's so cute."

"Maybe you could be friends with benefits-"

"But I don't just want to sleep with him, Liam." Zags retorted sternly. "I want to actually, like, take him out, but nope!" He sighed dramatically. 

"So what happened when you asked him out?" Liam asked curiously. Zayn just took a deep breath and shrugged his shoulders. 

"I just asked him if maybe sometime he would like to go out sometime and he said that'd be nice except he's aromatic which means he doesn't experience romantic attraction so he doesn't really do romantic relationships, but we could still hang out as friends and all. God, I wanted to die." 

"Stop being so overdramatic." Harry teased earning a cold glare from Zayn. He snickered. 

"Don't be mean to me." He warned. "Because I'm seeing Louis today and I can embarrass the hell out of you if I choose-"

"Don't you fucking dare say a word about me-" 

"Why not? Maybe I'll just ask how the date went." Zayn smirked at him wickedly whereas Harry had his teeth grit together tightly and was looking everything that was annoyed and angry. He wasn't even sure why he felt so threatened about Zayn talking to Louis. He just was. Was he jealous? Maybe. Did he have a reason to feel jealous? Nope. 

"Zayn."

"What's so wrong with asking a simple question?" 

"Because you don't ask simple questions. You ask nosey questions." Zayn grinned modestly, shrugging his shoulders as he bat his eyelashes innocently. 

"I like to be in the loop." Harry snorted, rolling his eyes at him. 

"Seriously, don't stick your nose where it doesn't belong." Zayn just shrugged. 

"We'll see."

"Zayn."

"Yeah?" 

"Fuck off." He snickered. 

"You two need to get a room." Liam stood up from the table, scraped his left over eggs and napkin into the trash, then placed his plate in the sink before walking off. Harry glanced at Zayn who was still smiling. He rolled his eyes making Zayn laugh. 

He got up from the table and stomped off to his room before slamming the door with all his might. He needed some more sleep.

The day passed slowly and as 3 o'clock was nearing Louis made his merry way down to the bench across from the bakery. He held the white ribbon in his frail, little hand tightly. After sitting down, he titled his head up as he watched the balloon float around in the gentle winter breeze. 

It was chilly out, but Louis was used to that. He couldn't remember the last time he felt warm. He was just always cold, on the inside and on the outside. 

At 3:01 he let go of the balloon and watched it float up, up, up and away. He watched it until it merely blended in with the grey sky. He turned his head down and sighed softly. When he heard a door open he glanced up and watched Zayn walk over as usual.

Zayn was pretty much his only friend. If that, even. They only talked on Sunday afternoon when Zayn came out to talk to him. If Zayn didn't come out then they probably would never talk. A part of him worried that one day Zayn would just stop coming out for their weekly chats. Another part of him worried that he wouldn't even care if that happened. 

Zayn offered him a friendly smile before sitting down beside him. Louis smiled back shyly before just looking down at his lap. 

"So how's it going?" Zayn greeted making Louis shrug. 

"It's going." Zayn smiled. "How's it going with you?" 

"It's going pretty well, excited for the holidays." He replied softly. Louis nodded. 

"I never really enjoyed the holidays." He admitted. He tucked his hands under his thighs and drew small circles in the small layer of snow beneath his feet with the tip of his shoe. 

"Aw, well, everybody has different preferences right?" Louis just smiled and nodded his head, laughing softly. Zayn glanced at him. "So, you and Harry went out last night, huh?" Louis felt himself blush and he smiled down at his lap. He nodded making Zayn laugh and nudge him in the arm playfully. 

"Yeah, we went ice skating. It was fun." 

"Did he talk about weather stuff a lot?" Zayn asked teasingly and Louis nodded. 

"Kind of, I mean, it's cute listening to him talk about it. He sounds really happy." Zayn laughed softly. 

"Yeah, he sure does really like weather. I don't see what's so intriguing about it all." 

"Well, guess that's something he sees that you don't." Louis joked lightly. Zayn just shrugged before nodding. Louis looked down at his lap again. He found himself looking down a lot, maybe because he always felt down or because of the albatross around his neck. 

"So," Zayn started. "You really like him?" Louis looked at him, unable to even contain his smile, and glanced back down at his lap shyly. After their first date, a date that started out with uncertainty about even returning the same feelings, Louis concluded that, at the very least, he did actually have some feelings for Harry. What made him come to that conclusion? The happiness he felt after being with him. The desire to possibly want to go out with him again. Lots of things, really. 

"You're just going go tell him what I say, aren't you?" Louis looked back up at Zayn with small smirk. 

"Of course not!" Zayn exclaimed shaking his head. "Whatever you or I say is between us." 

"Well...I mean, yeah, I guess I like him." 

"What do you like about him?" 

"I don't know," Louis shrugged making Zayn laugh. "He's nice and really sweet and he's funny. He seemed genuine." 

"Think you'd go out with him again?" 

"Hm, why do you want to know?" Louis teased. 

"Hey, what kind of friends would we be if we didn't talk about this?" Louis laughed, making Zayn smile. Louis just had such a beautiful laugh, it was impossible not to smile. 

"Yeah, well, what about you? Are you seeing anyone?" Zayn shook his head. "Anyone you like?"

"Yeah," He sighed contently. "His name is Niall and he's from Dublin, but when I tried to ask him out today he told he's aromantic so...that was pretty much the end of that." Louis smiled sweetly. 

"Well, at the very least you could still be friends with him, right?" Zayn shrugged, nodding. 

"Yeah, I guess so." He smiled making Louis smile. "I just wish I had known what aromantic meant beforehand so when he told me I didn't have to look like an idiot and ask him what the hell it meant." He half joked making Louis laugh again. Zayn started laughing with him before he sighed contently. 

"Yeah, it's sad that some people part of the LGBT+ community aren't even aware of some of the other sexualities included in it." Louis remarked making Zayn press his lips together. 

"What's even sadder is that some people are part of it and still invalidate others sexualities." Louis nodded. 

"Isn't the world a great place?" Zayn cracked another smile. 

"A fantastic place." They both laughed. "So, back to Harry, think you'd go out with him again?" Louis felt himself blush again, his cheeks turning the pinkest of pink. 

"I mean, I don't know." He admitted honestly. "I'm not exactly sure if I'm a good person for him to...date." This is what he liked about Zayn. He liked that he felt comfortable talking to him. Zayn looked at him questionably. 

"Why not?" Louis shrugged. 

"I just...don't. I mean...I'm not even sure why he asked me out in the first place-"

"Because he likes you." Zayn told him with a small smile. 

"Well, yeah, but why?" 

"Why don't you ask him?" Louis chuckled, shaking his head. 

"Think I'll save myself the embarrassment." 

"Oh, come on, Lou, don't get all shy on me. You should totally text him and ask him out again-"

"Oh please," Louis laughed. "I-I couldn't do that."

"And why not? You already went out once with him." Louis shook his head. 

"And why do you care so much?" He teased nudging him in the arm with his elbow. 

"Because...I know he really likes you and you like him so you might as well just do it." Louis just shook his head again. 

"I'll think about it." He wouldn't. Zayn smiled. "I better go, though." He stood up and Zayn followed suit. So they parted with goodbyes before Zayn headed back into the bakery and Louis started his trek home. 

He walked into the foyer and fell back against the door, catching his breath. He closed his eyes. He kicked off his shoes before stepping over to the couch and falling down on top of it. He felt so cold he was almost warm. He pulled the blanket hanging over the edge of the couch over himself and buried his face into the throw pillow. 

As usual, he fell asleep and when he woke up dinner was ready with his father calling out his name. It was baked ziti and even though he had no intention of eating it he gave himself a small portion and even grabbed a piece of garlic bread from the pan on top of the stove. 

As soon as they both sat down Louis' dad placed his napkin on his lap and Louis just picked up his fork, beginning his process of poking and prodding it around his food. 

"What have you eaten today?" Louis was sure his heart had actually just stopped in his chest. 

"What?" 

"I just want to know." His dad replied calmly. Louis was sure he was beginning to sweat. He took a deep breath then swallowed thickly, but nothing could make the lump in his throat go away. 

"I...I had some buttered toast when I woke this morning and...and for lunch I had apple slices with some peanut butter." Louis watched his father with a still heart as he shook his head. 

"That's not enough." Louis just licked his lips, staring down at his plate in a mixture of self hate and sadness. If anything it was way too much. 

"Yeah, well, what's new?" He replied hoarsely. He didn't look up, but he could see his dad look up at him out of the corner of his eye. 

"I made you an appointment with a therapist at a practice that specializes with eating disorders." Louis turned and looked back at him placidly. 

"What?" His father just nodded. 

"It's this Friday at 3-"

"No, no, it's not, I'm not going-"

"Louis its imperative that you get help-"

"So what? One appointment is going to make such a difference? Can you even afford a second one? What's the point in even going if it's just for one time?" His father took a deep breath, calming his rising anger because the last thing he wanted, the last thing they both wanted, was another Tomlinson and son screaming match. 

"Louis, it doesn't matter-"

"It kind of does. One appointment isn't going to help anything."

"Well it might help something! At least it's a step in the right direction!" 

"All we're gonna be doing is running in place at the starting line!"

"Why? Because you'll refuse the help? Louis, you need this!"

"I need you to get off my back!" Louis shouted slamming his fist against the table. 

"I fucking care about you! Is it so bad that I care about you and your health? I want you to be healthy! Do you just want to keep living like this? In this...in this misery until you die?"

"Yes! Might as well!"

"How can you say that about yourself, Louis?" His fathers voice lowered and his tone was softer. 

"I can say that because I'm incorrigible-"

"No you are not, you can beat this! Don't you want to get a job? Go to school? Even get your license?" Louis swallowed thickly and shrunk back, shrugging his shoulders. 

"I don't know, I haven't exactly thought about it." He admitted shyly. His father took a few deep breaths, slowly counting backwards from ten before taking another deep breath. 

"You're going to that appointment-"

"No, I'm not. And you can't force me." 

"You're going to that appointment even if I have to drag you there-"

"I'm not going to see a fucking shrink!" Louis burst out furious earning the ever famous "dad look" from his father. 

"You wanna repeat that for me?" He asked in a low and slow tone. Louis quickly looked down at his plate meekly, his throat was pounding in his throat. 

"Do I have to go?" His father pinched the bridge of his nose as if that would alleviate his constant headache. 

"Louis, you have been suffering from a maladaptive mental illness for years and...and the longer you suffer from this the more likely you are to die from this." Louis bit the inside of his cheek. "You need to take a fucking initiative that you want to get better. It won't be easy and it won't be fun, but it has to be done." Louis took a deep breath. He reached up to wipe his bleary eyes, wondering if it would be a possibility for him to just drown himself in the tears he's shed over the past years. "You...can go to this one appointment or we can...start eating three meals a day together as opposed to just eating dinner which, even then, consists of me eating and you sulking at your plate." Louis bit the inside of his cheek. "You're not five, Louis, you're 19, almost 20 in a week and a half. You need to...fight with me on this, not against me." Louis pushed his chair back slowly. His throat was almost too tight to speak. 

"I will go to the fucking appointment. But not at 3." 

"I'll reschedule for a different time then." His father could see that he was trying so hard to keep his tears from showing. With that said, though, Louis slowly stood up and stormed out of the room. He stormed up to his room where, like usual, he fell on top of his bed and tried to catch his breath caused by the exertion it took to hurry up the stairs. 

He was 19 for Christ's sake, walking up the stairs shouldn't make him see stars. The only time he should ever be seeing stars is when he's outside gazing up at the nighttime sky. Not when he's just walked up a flight of stairs. 

He wrapped himself in his comforter and popped his headphones in to listen to music. He enjoyed listening to piano music because he found it very calming and soothing and, let's face it, he was hardly ever calm. Always anxious and always jittery and always feeling tense. 

He wasn't sure when he fell asleep, just all of a sudden he was waking up, the sun had set, and his clock read 10:29. He rubbed his eyes, still feeling exhausted, but what was new? He reached out to his nightstand and picked up his phone. It took him a moment to register seeing a text from Harry. 

harry: hey :) 

Suddenly his heart started beating really fast and he wasn't even sure why. All he did was read a fucking text. He unlocked his phone and went to thread. He swallowed thickly before typing out a simple reply. 

louis: hi 

He almost got an instant reply considering Harry had originally texted him at 8. 

harry: how are you doing?

louis: ok 

louis: you?

harry: pretty well, except I was trying to do some Christmas shopping today and this lady ran into me with her cart 

louis: ouch were you alright?

harry: hah yeah, I was fine. The glass jar of salsa in my hand was not. 

louis: ooh and which lucky soul is getting salsa for Christmas 

harry: ha ha that wasn't part of my Christmas shopping :) 

louis: that's too bad, salsa is so in right now 

harry: haha :)

harry: soooo I was wondering if you'd maybe want to go out again sometime?

louis: why 

harry: why not 

louis: touché 

harry: so would you maybe just want to come over and watch movies or something?

louis: when?

harry: whenever works, Wednesday at 7?

louis: okay sure 

harry: cool, good :)

louis: where do you live?

harry: I live in the flat complex on 2823 hawken street, we're on the third floor 

louis: oh good, I like exercise 

harry: hah you're funny 

louis: im really just sarcastic 

harry: well I think you're funny :)

louis: aw thanks pal

harry: well I better turn in, see you Wednesday :)

louis: see ya mr smiley faces :) :) :) :)

harry: are you teasing me because i use colons and parentheses to make smiley faces

louis: yes :) :) :) :)

harry: well sorry if I like expression my emotions :) :) :) :) 

louis: now you just look shady 

harry: oops sorry 

harry: :) 

louis: well now you look like you just finished roasting someone 

harry: or I'm just expressing happiness :) 

louis: ok then mr smiley faces, goodnight 

harry: goodnight :) :) :) :)


	6. Chapter 6

Wednesday morning only brought unnecessary anxiety and stress for Louis while Harry woke up feeling joyful and refreshed. They breezed through their days and at 6:30 Louis walked into the foyer, gripping his phone tightly, and put on his shoes. 

"Well, I'm heading to Harry's." He called out. "I'll text when I'm heading back." He added before reaching for the door handle. 

"Text me when you get there and not too late, alright? I want you home by 10." Louis rolled his eyes. 

"10?" He whined in a rather despairing tone. His father, who was seated at the end of a couch with a clipboard and pen in hand, sighed. 

"11, but that's it." 

"Thanks." Louis just wondered if he'd be able to make it to 11. 

"No problem, just be safe, okay? I don't like the thought of you walking home that late at night. Why don't you just let me drive you?" 

"Because I don't need you to." Louis replied with a huff before opening the front door. His father wondered where he got his stubbornness from. 

"But be safe and be alert of your surroundings and don't walk around looking at your phone because then it's easier for people to catch you off guard. I just read a story online about a freshman attending the university in London was heading back to her dorm from a dance function, but she got kidnapped and they just found her body-"

"Yes, thank you dad for telling me these enlightening stories." Louis remarked sarcastically as the cool nighttime air blew into the house, chilling him to the bone. 

"I'm just saying, don't think it can't happen because it can." Louis nodded. 

"I will be alert. See you later." He stepped outside and closed the door before giving his father the chance to respond with something else. The air was brisk and the moon was low in the sky, touching everything with soft, gray light. 

As he promised his father, he didn't keep himself preoccupied during his walk with his phone, but with the skies. He maneuvered through the streets while keeping his head titled up, eyes content on the brightly shining stars.  

Around 6:56 was when he arrived at the large building. His heart was beating hard, as he was out from breath just from the walk alone. He didn't want to think about going up the stairs to the third floor. He stood in front of the glass door, peering inside the building which only consisted of a set of winding stairs and hallways. 

He glanced up at the little box, his eyes scanning over the names before he found '18 Styles, Payne'. He swallowed thickly before reaching up a shaky hand and pressing the button quickly. For some reason his heart was in his throat and when the door clicked unlocked he was hesitant to pull it open and walk inside. But he did and he paused in front of the stairs. 

Taking a deep breath, he reached out to grip the railing before slowly beginning to ascend the stairs. He made it to the second floor which was only about 10 steps and yet he was still completely out of breath. He powered through, though, and climbed up the next ten before walking around a landing and forcing himself up the last ten. 

One he made it to the top of the stairs he sat himself down on the step and caught his breath. He closed his eyes and tried to focus on his breathing, but his mind was in a million different places at once. What felt like 20 minutes was actually 5, maybe 10, before he was ready to stand up again. 

He walked down the hallway before glancing at the first two doors. One was marked 17 and one was marked 18. Louis stepped up the door labeled 18. This was Harry's door, right? It said his number was 18, right?

For some reason Louis couldn't psych himself up to knock on the door. He paced back and forth outside of it nervously, unsure of why he was even feeling so nervous. It's not as if he had never been on a date with Harry! This wasn't even much of a date, it was just hanging out and watching movies. Yet he just couldn't knock on the door. 

A few minutes had passed before the door was suddenly pulled open, making Louis jump. His heart was in his throat. Harry looked at him before smiling. 

"Hey, everything alright?" He asked softly. "Liam just told me that he had let you in a few minutes ago. I wasn't sure if you had been able to find our door."

"Oh yeah, I mean, I found it, but I was too nervous to knock on the door. I'm sorry." Louis bit his cheek to shut himself up and took a deep breath because he could never seen to catch his breath. 

"You did nothing wrong, you have nothing to apologize for." Louis just uncrossed his arms before reaching up to scratch his collarbone. "Would you like to come in?" Louis didn't respond for a second before nodding and stepping forward. Harry smiled and stepped back. Louis closed the door behind him before taking another deep breath in hopes of calming his racing heart. "Welcome to my extravagant abode." Harry exclaimed gesturing to the open flat. 

Louis looked around before meeting eyes with Harry who was giving him such a soft and fond look that Louis was sure he was actually beginning to blush. 

"Well, it is rather extravagant." He joked slowly removing his shoes. 

"Oh yes, very top notch." Louis smiled sweetly before looking down at the carpet shyly. It was a muddy brown color that reminded Louis of dirt. "Well, wh-why don't we go into the living room?" Harry suggested before walking across the flat over to the little room area which was finished with a TV, TV stand, a couch, a love seat, a wicker basket full of spare blankets, a few lamps, and a bookshelf full of books with a collection of DVD's cluttered on top. The walls were white. 

"So what kind of clouds did you see in the sky today?" Louis asked filling Harry with so much joy and happiness. Harry had sat down on the couch and picked up the remote, but dropped it in his lap after contemplating his answer to Louis' question. Louis sat down towards the middle of the couch. 

"Well, today was kind of a boring day. I mostly just saw some cumulus humilis and some regular cirrostratus. Nothing terribly exciting." He explained ending with a nonchalant shrug. 

"And what makes regular cumulus differ from cumulus humilis?" Louis asked him feign curiosity. 

"Well, cumulus humilis is a type of cumulus, the main difference I'd say, though, is their appearance." He said. "They're usually more scarce, and by that I mean they don't cover a lot of the sky. They're relatively small. They actually form because heat from the sun that is needed for convection begins to cool so then that causes the cumuliform clouds to flatten and become cumulus humilis, but they could develop into cumulus congestus which could signify thunderstorms which is kind of funny because you wouldn't think that these small little clouds could potentially develop into something able to produce a thunderstorm." Harry finished with a content sigh and small smile. Louis admired the admiration in his voice. "I'm probably droning on now, but those are your basic facts about cumulus humilis." He added making Louis smile. Harry picked up the remote and turned the TV.

"I have one condition when it comes to movies." Louis stated and Harry turned to look at him. "No scary movies." He declared before Harry's expression turned to utter dismay and he whined in protest. 

"What? I love scary movies! I added a whole bunch to my list just so we could pick one out!" Louis just crossed his arms, shaking his head. 

"Nope, they make me nauseous."

"What if we pick one out that won't make you nauseous?"

"Not likely that'll happen." Louis replied with a small smirk. Harry just smiled back before sitting up promptly. 

"Well alright, we can pick something else. What's your fancy?"

"Anything not scary and gross." Louis answered making Harry laugh. He pulled up Netflix on the screen. 

"Those are the best kinds of movies, though." He teased in a soft tone making Louis scoff. 

"Yes, because nothing is more calming than watching people get stalked by a killer, or kidnapped and tortured, or God knows what." He remarked. Harry laughed. 

"Well, we can find something else." They turned their attentions to the TV screen. Harry went under comedies and started paging through them slowly. The sound of a door opening made Louis' heart jump to his throat, but Harry was un-phased as Liam strode out into the kitchen. 

"Well, you two crazy kids have fun, but not too much. Harry still has to work tomorrow." Liam exclaimed swiping his keys off the kitchen island. Harry rolled his eyes at him. 

"Fuck off, Liam. You're not funny."

"That's because I was being serious." Liam retorted before grinning at him. Louis just swallowed thickly and kept his gaze down, facing the TV. He didn't like Liam. 

"Just go." Harry said waving him to the door impatiently. Liam laughed, nodding. 

"I'll be back later, but you never know when I may just...pop up unexpectedly." He teased sauntering over to the door with a quaint little smirk. 

"Liam, I swear to God-"

"Bye!" The slam of the door shutting behind him made Louis feel a least bit more relaxed, despite the fact that his heart was beating so hard in his chest that he could feel it and he didn't like that. 

"I'm sorry about him, he's just...immature." Harry said sincerely. 

"You don't have to apologize for him." Louis replied softly. Harry shrugged, a small smile on his lips. 

"Yeah, but when he makes snide jokes like that I feel like I have to. I don't...I don't want him to make you feel uncomfortable here or anything." Harry told him softly. Louis just shook his head, looking back at Harry who was gazing at him intently, his expression soft. 

"I don't feel uncomfortable and I won't ever." He replied with a small smile making Harry smile in return despite the fact that what Louis had just told him was gigantic lie. "Have you ever seen Into The Storm?" Louis then asked him curiously and just the thought a weather related movie made Harry's eyes light up with excitement. 

"No, what's it about?" 

"You should see if they have it, it's about these storm chasers and a family as this giant storm hits the town and it was really cool. I saw it in theaters a couple of years ago. Definitely something you might like since you like weather a lot." 

"If it is not on Netflix then we're going to Blockbuster and finding it." Harry stated making Louis smile and laugh as Harry turned back to the screen. 

"Blockbuster? Harry, it's 2015." 

"Then Box Office, the point is I want to watch the movie. It sounds like Twister." Louis watched with contentment as Harry typed in the movie title in the search bar, but yielded no results. 

Louis marveled at Harry. He was everything Louis wished he could be. Easygoing, funny, happy, and just a joy to be around. Louis was maybe only barely half of the one of those things, but that was only because Harry gave him the smallest twinge of happiness in his heart when his heart was a desolate cave with paper thin walls and blue devils dancing around the clock. Something about Harry just made his heart race, and in a good way too!

But Harry had no idea the kind of person he was and Louis wasn't even sure if he could handle any sort of relationship at all. The relationship Harry was probably looking for was not one Louis could give him. 

"Aw, fuck, they don't have it." Harry groaned sitting himself up straighter. He turned the TV off then stood up and Louis just looked up at him. "Oh geez, I'm acting selfish. I mean, do you want to go see if Box Office has that movie? Or do you even want to see it? We can totally find something of Netflix-"

"No, it's fine." Louis interrupted softly. Harry smiled down at him softly. "I'm sure Box Office has it." 

"So you don't mind going to check?" Louis shook his head then made the mistake of standing up quickly because soon everything was turning black and fell back down on the couch. "Whoa, are you okay?" Harry asked him with concern. Louis nodded, closing his eyes briefly. 

"Yeah, sometimes when I stand up I get a bit lightheaded." He explained. Harry just nodded and Louis took a deep breath as he stood up slowly. They both walked over to the foyer, slipped on their shoes, Harry put on his jacket, then grabbed his keys from the key rack. 

"Let's go on an adventure!" Harry exclaimed opening the front door and striding out into the hallway confidently. Louis just laughed softly and stepped out behind him before realizing that oh shit he was going to have to walk up the stairs again when they came back. Going downstairs was one thing, but going up them was another and this time he wouldn't be able to catch his breath at the top like he did before. 

Harry locked the door behind them before practically fleeing down the stairs with excitement that Louis wasn't sure had an actual cause. Louis tried to walk down at his own pace, but still tried to keep up with Harry as well. Harry still ended up having to wait for him by the front door. 

When Louis reached the door Harry held it open for him politely. 

"Thank you." Louis told him sincerely eliciting a beautiful smile from Harry. 

"No problem. My cars just over here. Did you park on the street? I probably should've told you that it's okay to park in the parking lot. They don't have assigned spots here." He said making Louis hesitate for a moment as they walked down the sidewalk to the end of the parking lot. 

"Um, yeah, yeah." He answered hastily. "Just...up the road a bit." Harry smiled before opening his car door and climbing inside. Louis followed suit by climbing into the passenger seat. 

The drive to the video store consisted mainly of Harry singing along to the radio at the top of his lungs and Louis laughing in amusement then denying Harry's offer for a duet.  

"I can't believe you wouldn't sing a single song with me." Harry tsked clicking his tongue as they climbed out of the car and walked into the brightly lit, and empty, video store. 

"Sorry, singing isn't exactly my thing." Louis replied softly. He glanced around the little store at the different array of DVD's. 

"Well I'll make it your thing." Harry teased before grinning. Louis just eyed him with a little smirk before shaking his head with soft laughter. Harry clapped his hands together. "So, what's the game plan? What's our strategy? Should we split up?" He asked in a teasing way. 

"We're finding a movie, not invading America." Harry started laughing loudly. Like, his loud boisterous laughter from being nervous that had made its appearance one too many times during their first date. 

"Oh my God." He exclaimed in utter dismay as he brought his hand up to hide his face. He didn't have to look at himself to know he was blushing hard. 

"I'll look over here." Louis said gesturing to the left of the store. Harry lowered his hands from his face and nodded. 

"Okay, I'll start looking over here. If you find it then you know where to find me." Louis smiled in amusement. 

"You're so goofy." He remarked before trekking over to one of the stands full of various DVD's. Harry just watched him with a certain fondness before turning to the right and walking over to another DVD rack. 

He didn't know what it was about Louis, but something about him just drove him crazy. Like, head over heels crazy. No matter how hard he tried he could not put it into words. He just couldn't. God, he felt like he was already in love. 

Louis traced his eyes across the DVD's, many of which he had never heard of. He was not looking forward to having to walk up the stairs again when they would return to Harry's flat. He wasn't even worried about the fact that walking up the stairs made him look like he had just run a 5k, he was worried about the fact that Harry would probably see him that way. And how embarrassing would that be! 

He had made it to the end of the aisle without any success then turned and started slowly walking down the next aisle. He glanced across the room over at Harry who was standing idle in another little aisle staring down at the back of a DVD. 

God, Harry was so fucking out of his league that it wasn't even funny. Louis had absolutely no idea what Harry saw in him. He was boring, quiet and shy, always sullen, annoying, and ugly and Harry...Harry found enthusiasm in the littlest of things. He was so full of life whereas Louis was so drained. Harry was lively, and spirited, and cheerful, and nice, and funny, and so fucking gorgeous. Like, so gorgeous. 

And Louis knew that getting into any sort of relationship with him was not a good idea because he pushed people away. That's what he did. He used to be so sociable and he have lots of friends, but then as he fell deeper and deeper into the involvement of his eating disorder he shoved everyone away. Everyone. He didn't even give them a chance to try and stop him from cutting them out. He was utterly miserable. But Harry made him yearn for a companionship that would diminish the loneliness constantly plaguing his heart and head. 

It wasn't fair to Harry, though. 

Louis tried to shake his head clear of his negative thought then turned his attention back to the DVD's. It only took him five more minutes to actually find the DVD which he didn't think was ever actually going to happen.

He glanced at the cover then turned it over and skimmed his eyes over the back of it. Suddenly a hand landed on Louis' shoulder and Louis dropped the DVD in his hand as he quickly jerked away from under the hand. Harry looked at him bewildered. Louis just looked down meekly and bit the inside of his cheek. God, he was so fucking embarrassed. 

"Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot you said you didn't like being touched and all." Louis just swallowed thickly. 

"That's not nothing you should just forget." He replied in a soft and gentle voice because he didn't want Harry to think he was angry or hostile. He just wanted him to know that simply saying he forget wasn't going to fly, especially if it ever happened again. 

Louis quickly knelt down and picked up the DVD. He kept his head turned down. 

"I'm sor-"

"I found the movie." He held it out to him and Harry just watched him for a minute before reaching out and taking it. 

"Oh cool, I was afraid we were going to be here longer than we wanted to be trying to find it." He said glancing down at the cover then flipped it over. "This looks really cool." Louis smiled meekly. Louis just turned and strode down the aisle as Harry walked aimlessly behind him, his eyes still glued on the DVD case. 

Louis slowed passed the big candy display and tried not to look at it, but then Harry stopped and started looking at the different varieties of candy. Louis crossed his arms and turned his back to the display. 

"Want to get some candy?" Harry asked making Louis' heart sink. "When I was little the only reason I ever wanted to go to the movie store with my mum was to look at the candy." He remarked smiling as he picked up a box of Zours. 

"No thanks, candy is bad for your teeth and your body too." He replied glancing at Harry over his shoulder quickly. 

"You're not one of those health freaks, are you?" Louis heart had been rung dry. He just bit the inside of his cheek again and swallowed thickly. Harry's face completely dropped as well. "Oh my God, no, I did not mean it like that or anything like that-"

"You should really think before you speak." Louis replied licking his lips. "This has been...unconventional. I think I'd like to go home now." Harry stared back at him blankly  like what he had just said was said in a foreign language. 

"What?" Louis just tried to fight back tears. "Can we talk about it first? I mean, honest to goodness, I did not mean to say that. I'm sorry if I came off as a jerk, or offensive, or rude, but...,"

"But my mind isn't very easily persuaded. I'm sorry for any inconvenience, but...please don't fight with me on this." Harry had no idea what was happening. He just swallowed dryly then nodded slowly. 

"Oh." Louis stared at the floor. "Okay." Harry stepped over to the nearest DVD rack and set the DVD down. Louis turned and started for the door as Harry trailed behind, wondering what the fuck had just happened. 

They got in the car, Harry started it up, Louis turned towards the window, and Harry didn't sing along to a single song. He pulled back into the driveway and parked the car. They both climbed out and Louis walked over to the sidewalk in front of the string of cars, his arms crossed tightly. Harry walked over beside him. 

"I really am sorry. I...I didn't mean what I had said." Harry wasn't even sure what he was supposed to say, but he couldn't just say nothing. Louis didn't look at him. 

"Thank you." Louis marched further down the sidewalk, but Harry turned right ad followed the sidewalk up to the door of the building. He glanced at Louis' back before unlocking the door and walking inside. He walked up the stairs, went into the flat, kicked off his shoes, then dropped down on the couch. What the hell has happened? Well what happened was that once again Harry wasn't thinking before he spoke then ended up sounding like a complete jerk. This was like the 'you must be fun at a party' thing all over again, except worse! 

He just sat on the couch with his legs stretched across the coffee table. His phone lay beside his hip and the TV remained off. He closed his eyes. 

Thirty minutes later he was startled awake from his dozing by the loud commotion of Liam bumbling into the foyer. 

"Why are you always so loud?" Harry called out before Liam strode into the kitchen, placing his keys in the counter. 

"Is your date already over?" Harry just sighed as he nodded. Liam opened the fridge and pulled out a beer bottle. He tossed the cap into the trash and walked into the living room, sitting down in the love seat across from Harry. 

"What happened?" 

"We went to the movie store and I asked him if he wanted some candy and he said he didn't because candy was bad for you and then I thought it be the perfect fucking thing to ask if he was 'one of those health freaks' and he got mad and went home." Liam laughed earning an eye roll from Harry. 

"Yikes." He nodded. "So he just got offended that you ask if he was a health freak and left?" Harry nodded again. 

"I sounded like a complete jerk."

"Sounds like some serious eggshells you have to walk on." Harry rolled his eyes again. 

"You don't fucking understand. Just because it doesn't seem like it should be a big deal to you does not mean that it's not going to seem like a big deal to everyone else." 

"Why do you care so much that he got offended over one question?" Liam retorted. "Doesn't it kind of seem like he overreacted?" Harry shook his head, crossing his arms as he pulled his legs in. 

"I was a jerk."

"And he overreacted. I don't see why he had to go home. Did you guys even talk it over?" Harry shrugged before shaking his head. 

"Not really. I mean, I just apologized and he just said 'thank you' and went home." Liam took a swig of his beer before shrugging his shoulders. 

"Better luck next time-"

"Knock it off." Harry snapped in soft annoyance. 

"Well what do you want me to say? I'm just...I'm gonna be honest, I don't see why you like him that much anyway." Liam remarked earning a stern glare from Harry. "He's weird." 

"That's rude." He reprimanded and Liam just rolled his eyes.

"He is." 

"No he's not, saying he is weird is rude and unnecessary."

"Well I'm sorry, but something about him puts me off."

"Like what?"

"I don't know, that's what I'm saying!" Liam exclaimed. "I mean, maybe me saying he is weird is not what I meant, I'm not sure what word I'm looking for, but there's just something about him that is off putting to me and I don't know why you or Zayn don't see it." Harry rolled his eyes. 

"What makes him off putting to you? You don't even know him." 

"Neither do you and, I don't know, maybe the fact that he releases a blue ballon into the sky every single day for his mum is kind of off putting? That's kind of extra. He should be seeing someone if he's still so hung up over his mothers death." 

"It's just a remembrance thing-"

"But every single day is weird. Does he just have a never ending supply of balloons and helium?"

"Why do you care so damn much?" Harry snapped. "If you think it's so weird and so extra then just don't think about it. Does him doing what he finds comfort in affect you in anyway? No. It's just a fucking goddamn balloon so why don't you just let it go?" 

"You're just infatuated with him."

"Yes, I am." Harry agreed without hesitation. "But I also really enjoy spending time with him and I enjoy talking to him so I would appreciate if you wouldn't talk about why he's so weird or off putting to me." Liam rolled his eyes again.

"You went on one fucking date, Harry. Get a grip. You're 20 years old, not 17." Harry's patience was wearing thin with Liam. He picked up his phone then stood up off the couch. 

"Just because your love life has been stuck in a rut ever since your girlfriend cheated on you doesn't mean you have to bash mine." Now maybe that was harsher than he meant, but he was so sick and tired of Liam and all his shit. The last thing he wanted was Liam patronizing him and talking bad about Louis. 

Harry turned and stormed to his room. He didn't get that much sleep that night. When he woke up in the morning he took notice to the fact that Liam was clearly avoiding him. The whole day he felt like he was just going through the motions. That is, of course, until he saw Louis take his usual post at the bench. 

Harry immediately smiled at the sight of him. He was just so cute. He tried not to be obvious about too, but...Louis. Once he was looking it was hard to look away. 

He released his balloon and watched it float high and high up in the sky. Harry wanted to run out and talk to him, but instead he just watched him walk away. 

That night, at dinner, Louis' father told him that his therapist appointment was still on Friday, but at 4 o'clock instead of 3. Louis just nodded numbly and counted the lines in the wood. 

Later that night Louis was curled up on the couch buried under a bundle of blankets, but still freezing to the bone. He couldn't remember the last time he felt warm. 

There was a knock on the door, but he just ignored it and kept his eyes trained on the tv. But then whoever it was kept knocking and then soon his father was yelling from his office to answer the door. Louis huffed in annoyance as he pushed his blankets back and stood up slowly. 

He went into the foyer then opened the door to the picture image of happiness embodied in that of Harry Styles. 

"Hi," He greeted softly. Louis just smiled meekly. 

"Hi." He replied quietly. "What are you doing here?" 

"To apologize for the mishap in the video store." Louis looked up at him intently. "I know what I said was wrong and I sounded like a complete jerk, but...I really like you and I want you to like me too and whenever I'm around you my mind just gets all fuzzy and I can't think clearly and then I either end up laughing hysterically at everything or just saying the completely wrong thing and sounding like a total jerk and I really like you so I was wondering if we could just restart." Louis laughed softly. "Like, from the very beginning. Let's pretend we don't even know each other. Hi, my names Harry Styles." Harry smiled down at him then stuck out his hand.

Louis just looked up at him with a small smile before laughing and turning his head down, shaking it lightly. Harry just continued to smile at him. He was so beautiful. 

"Hi, I'm Louis Tomlinson." He reached out and shook his hand. 

"Well it's nice to meet you, Louis Tomlinson. You are as cute as a button." God, now Louis was blushing and Harry surely took notice to the pinkness in his cheeks which just made him feel all the more merrier.  

"Oh, hush. We only just met." Harry feigned a serious expression, nodding firmly. 

"You're right, I apologize for my inappropriate, but true, comment." Louis smiled up at him and crossed his arms tightly across his chest, standing tall. 

"So, Harry, why don't you tell me a little bit about yourself." 

"Well, I currently work in a bakery, I could talk for hours on end about weather, my favorite type of cloud is mammatus, and...I don't know what else to say about me." He ended with a laugh. "What about you?" 

"Well, I enjoy painting, listening to music, and my favorite color is blue."  

"Wow, we sound, like, perfect for each other." Harry stated making Louis laugh and give him a humored look. 

"Oh really?" Harry didn't even try to contain his smile as he nodded. 

"Only one real way to find out, would you like to go out sometime with me?" Louis took a deep breath and let it out slowly, glancing around casually before shrugging. 

"Man, I don't know." He said teasingly, but Harry was still smiling, believe it or not. Louis' gay expression slowly fell into a more solemn look as he took a deep breath. "Look, there's one thing you have to understand, and that is that...I just...I'm kind of going through some things right now. Like, I just, I have some anxiety issues and even some trust issues. I mean, like, that's kind of what I was talking about after our first date when I said I could be a difficult person to be around and all and...I just want you to understand that because...just because. Sometimes it's why I act the way I act and I'm sorry if I maybe overreacted yesterday in the movie store, but it's hard to explain. And, I mean, if you're looking for some lovey dovey storybook romance then you might as well start looking for someone else because I can tell you right now that I won't be able to give you that." Harry just nodded. 

"My offer for a date still stands." He replied with a small, sweet smile and Louis smiled back meekly. 

"You're absolutely sure you want to try and pursue a relationship knowing I have anxiety and trust issues?" He asked softly. "And I mean...I don't know if I'd say I actually have legit trust issues just...I don't know, sometimes things get tough for me." Harry nodded again. 

"I'm sure." He assured. 

"But are you really?" Harry took a moment to actually contemplate it. Of course he was sure. He was more than sure! "I'm sorry if I'm making this all seem a lot more serious than it is when all you're doing is asking me on a date but...I don't even want to date if the second you realize my anxiety and all is a real thing it's going to turn you off and make you just leave." Louis was literally just babbling and it's not as if his anxiety would ever be present around Harry because his anxiety was only tied to that of food and for as long as he could he was going to make sure to separate Harry and food.

"Well, I understand that anxiety is a force mostly beyond your control. It's not going to 'turn me off', I can promise that." Louis just looked up at him meekly. "So, would you like to go out sometime with me?" Louis smiled then nodded his head, although he was still skeptical. He had been skeptical every since Harry spoke his first word to him. "Would you like to come over to my place and maybe watch some movies on Friday night?" Harry asked with a small little smirk.

"Actually...is it alright if I think about it?" Louis felt a little relief as Harry didn't hesitate to nod his head. 

"Take all the time you need." Louis smiled at bit and Harry was still smiling. 

"Thank you." Harry nodded and stepped back. "Well, have a good night." 

"You too." Louis stepped back and Harry gave him one last smile before turning and trekking down the steps to the driveway, wondering if he would ever actually hear from Louis again.


	7. Chapter 7

Louis woke up the next morning with the heaviest of dread on his shoulders. Or maybe that was just his albatross, either way he woke up wanting nothing more than to just stay in bed and sleep. Sleep, sleep, sleep the day away. 

Today was his first appointment with the therapist. He didn't think it was going to go anywhere though because he knew his father could barely even afford the one appointment, let alone enough to bring him to the point of recovery. 

So he spent his day moping around the house, moping down to the bakery to release his blue balloon, then moping to the car with his father. Louis just kept his arms crossed and his head turned towards the window. 

Pulling up to the building Louis felt the pressure in his head increase and the pinch in his neck grow sharper. His father parked the car in the parking lot and turned it off before unbuckling. Louis just glared at the building from his window. 

"Louis," His father spoke softly. "Are you ready?" Louis scoffed. 

"Nope." 

"This is for your health. For your own good."

"Then why doesn't it feel like it?" His dad just swallowed thickly, unsure of what he could even possibly say that would have any effect on Louis. Anything at all. 

Louis unbuckled his seat up then opened his door, as much as it pained him. His father got out as well and they strolled into building. He stopped in front of the door and looked around the rectangular room. Directly in front of them were two different windows, he had no idea what differentiated them from one another. On the right wall one a large metal door and on the left was another large metal door. In the corner towards the ceiling was a TV and placed strategically in the rest of the open space were chairs which was currently being preoccupied by three other people. 

"Want to go check in?" His father asked him gesturing to the windows. Louis shook his head. 

"Nope." He marched over to the line of chairs against the wall and plopped down. Facing the wall the windows were on, he watched his father give the floor a small eye roll then walk over to the window. Then, five minutes later, his dad was walking over to him and sitting down beside him. 

"The doctor you'll be seeing is Dr. Shields. They said she'll be calling you from the left door." Louis just kept his arms crossed and huffed a breath in annoyance. He didn't say anything in response. His father eventually pulled out his phone and kept his attention captured with that while Louis just stared at the floor, thinking about everything that was wrong with him. And the answer to that was a lot. A lot, a lot. 

Ten minutes later the door on the left opened up and a lady stepped out. 

"Louis Tomlinson?" She called out in a gentle tone. Louis just grit his teeth and glared over at the door where the lady stood. His father elbowed him. So, Louis got up and trudged over to the door where the short lady with curly hair stood with a welcoming smile even though Louis didn't know what was so welcoming about entering Hell. 

"How are you today?" She asked as they walked down the hallways. Louis just rolled his eyes, following her reluctantly. 

"Peachy." He replied, his eyes tracing across the white walls they passed. She stopped outside a door and gestured him inside. There was a corner desk, three different chairs, and a wall with her diplomas. Louis dropped down on the chair furtherest away from her desk and crossed his arms with hostility. 

She closed the door behind her and went to her desk. She turned on her computer. 

"If you'll just give me a moment." Louis just rolled his eyes again and she did this and that on her computer for what felt like ten minutes before she spun around in her chair to face him. "So, obviously you know why you're here." Louis didn't say a word or make any gesture. "Why don't you tell me a little bit about yourself." She suggested cheerfully before folding her hands together in her lap. 

"My names Louis." He replied flatly before silence filled the air. Dr. Shields nodded. 

"What's something you like to do? What are some of your hobbies?"

"Nothing." 

"There's nothing you enjoy doing?" 

"Nope." 

"Okay, well, from what your father has told me you seem to be dealing with a bit of an eating disorder and you still seem to be a bit upset over the death of your mother." Louis just stared back at her blankly. "What happened with your mother?" He didn't say anything. "Are you comfortable talking about it?"

"She died. That's it." Dr. Shields smiled empathetically. 

"What was the cause of her death?" 

"Car crash." 

"Did you have a good relationship with her?" Louis just shrugged, feeling his eyes begin to water with tears. "Do still find yourself kind of maybe hung up over her death?" 

"What the hell makes you think I'm going to want to talk about this with you?" He snapped. "I don't even like talking to my dad about anything, do you actually think I am going to open up to you at this one appointment?" 

"Well, who would you be willing to talk to about it?" 

"I don't know." Louis deadpanned. 

"Have you and your father ever sat down and talked about her passing?" 

"I don't know." 

"How old were you when she passed?"

"I don't know, 12." 

"How long have you been struggling with your eating disorder?" Louis shrugged his shoulders. 

"I don't know." Dr. Shields just nodded slowly and was quiet for a moment. 

"How did your dad find out about your disorder?" 

"I don't know." 

"Don't know or don't want to say?" Louis just shrugged again, rolling his eyes. 

"Don't know." Although he knew all too well how his father found out about his eating disorder. He remembered quite vividly the screaming match they had gotten in. He remembered in perfect detail sitting at the dinner table and having his father confront him about the boxes of diet pills and laxatives he had found in the bathroom. Confronting him about how he was beginning to look thinner than before, to the point at which his father was actually worried. Confronting him about knowing that he was skipping breakfast and lunch, that the dead give away was the fact that his lunch balance in his school account didn't change at all for three months. Confronting him about how he noticed him getting anxious or antsy around food, especially dinner time when it came around. 

He remembered that all. He remembered his father directly asking him how much he weighed. He fucking remembered the next weeks to follow being spent having his father practically trying to force him to eat and each day ending with a screaming match and Louis bursting into tears. He remembered it all. He remembered when his dad actually tried. When he actually cared. When he actually showed emotion. Louis had just made him a shell of the man he used to be. 

"You must remember something," She urged  making Louis feel sick to his stomach. He shrugged his shoulders and shook his head. "How about you just tell me a little bit about the relationship you have with your father?" She suggested and all Louis did was shrug his shoulders and shake his head. 

And that's how the entire hour went. Dr. Shields asked a question, tried to get him to open up, even just about himself like asking him his favorite color, and all Louis did was answer 'I don't know' and shrug his shoulders. 

As the hour wrapped up Louis had a stomach ache and a splitting head ache. He just wanted to sleep. That's all he ever wanted to do. Dr. Shields had turned back towards her desk and was pulling out her planner making Louis want to jump out the window. 

"So, my next opening is on January 12th at 1, does that sound alright?" Louis scoffed at her. 

"Nope. I'm not coming back." He answered standing up abruptly which was a bad idea because then suddenly everything was fading from color to grey and he got so lightheaded and dizzy that he actually lost his balance and fell down on his rump. Dr. Shields immediately reached for him. 

"Oh my goodness, are you alright?" She asked with certain concern and Louis just swatted her hands away before managing to stand up slowly. 

"I am fine." He replied sternly and dusted himself off. 

"Do you get lightheaded when you stand up?" She asked him and Louis shook his head despite the fact that he got lightheaded and dizzy every single fucking time he stood up. 

"Rarely." Dr. Shields opened her mouth to respond, but Louis just marched towards the door and threw it open, stomping down the hallway. 

The second his father saw him emerge from the door he stood up from his chair and Louis didn't wait for him or walk over to him, he just stormed towards the main door and out into the parking lot. His father hesitated at first before he saw Dr. Shields hurry out of the door then pause in defeat seeing Louis gone. She walked over to his dad. 

"How'd it go?" He asked apprehensively, although he pretty much knew the answer based on how Louis had stormed out of the building. 

"Well...it went. I tried to ask him questions and all he did was either shrug his shoulders or just say he didn't know. Of course I didn't expect him to open up about every single aspect of his life to me only after just meeting, but he was still very reluctant to speak even when I just asked him what his favorite color was or what high school he graduated from." His father rubbed the back of his neck and sighed. 

"That sure sounds like him." Dr. Shields smiled softly. 

"I asked him about setting up another appointment on January 12th at 1, but you can just about guess how that went over." He laughed very softly. "I thought I might see what you were thinking about that." His father took a deep breath then nodded. 

"Why don't we go ahead and schedule an appointment for then." She nodded. 

"Alright, sounds good then." 

"Okay, thank you very much for your time and consideration." Dr. Shields just smiled humbly. 

"Well you're very welcome." They parted ways and Louis' father strolled out into the parking lot where Louis was standing at the car with his hand of the door handle impatiently. 

"Unlock the car." He called out to his father who was fishing his keys out of his pocket. Louis just groaned and yanked on the handle as if that would open it. He heard the car beep as his father walked around to the driver side, but when he yanked on the handle it was still locked. "It's still locked." He whined. 

"That's because you always yank on the door handle." His father responded in a bit of amusement. "I've been telling you that since you were five, wait for the car to unlock before just pulling on the handle." The car beeped again and when Louis actually heard the doors unlock he attempted to open it and was successful. They climbed into the car. 

Louis crossed his arms and slumped down in utter annoyance. His father buckled his seatbelt and sat back, but didn't start the car. 

"Buckle up." Louis groaned loudly so that his father would know he was annoyed, not that his father didn't already know that. He buckled his seatbelt before crossing his arms again and scowling down at the dashboard. 

"So how was it?" 

"Great, I'm cured." Louis said sarcastically. 

"I set the appointment for January 12th-"

"No, no, that's not fair. You said only one appointment and that's it. I went to it, we're done with this." He retorted. 

"Well sorry to disappoint you, but as long as I can afford for you to see Dr. Shields then you're going." His dad replied curtly. Louis rolled his eyes, shaking his head.

"Nope, I'm not going." He stated. 

"Hate to break it to you, but you don't have a choice. You're going to the appointment." 

"Well that's not a choice you can make for me, now can you?" His father still hadn't even put the key in the ignition and they were just sitting in the parking lot. 

"It is a choice I can make and if you think you can talk back to me like that then you're in for some more shocking news." His father responded sarcastically before starting up the car. 

"I'm sorry." Louis replied rather insincerely. "I'm just...annoyed." 

"I accept your apology." Louis just took a deep breath and closed his eyes as his father put the car in reverse then pull out of the parking lot. "I was thinking we could just get some take out for dinner." Louis just nodded even though he didn't know why his father used the word 'we' when referring to getting food for dinner because they both knew Louis wasn't going to eat. 

And even though they both knew Louis wouldn't eat they were still sitting in the drive thru and his father still asked him what he wanted to order and Louis still have him an answer. Then soon they were headed home and Louis had the paper bag of garbage sitting in his lap and feeling sick to his stomach just from the stench. 

They got home and both went to the kitchen, dropping down in their kitchen table chairs and exhaling from exertion. His father then stood up again and grabbed two plates from the cabinet before sitting down. 

They separated their meals and Louis just sipped his water from his straw while staring down at the pile of artificial shit. Then suddenly he remembered Harry's date offer for that night that he told him he would think about. But it was already 5:15! Was it too late? Should he just ignore it? God, he hadn't even thought about it at all since last night! They still had no idea if it was a good idea just to date him period. The dinner table was quiet until Louis actually spoke up for once. 

"Can I...ask you for some advice?" He asked meekly and kept his head turned down towards his plate. His father gave him a curious look, wiping his hands with his napkin. 

"Advice on what?"

"Advice about, like, Harry and I." His father smirked. 

"Ooh, comin' to your ole man for some dating advice, huh?" Louis rolled his eyes at him, laughing softly as he pushed his soda cup away. 

"Yeah, well, you're still hetero so don't take it to heart."

"Yeah, and you're bisexual-"

"Which has absolutely no correlation to heterosexuality." Louis interrupted and his dad just smiled. 

"I was just teasing you-"

"Yeah, well, my sexuality shouldn't be used to make a joke." He replied under his breath suddenly feeling very tense. 

"You're right, I wasn't trying to use it to make a joke, I am sorry what I said came off that way to you." He said sincerely. Louis just smiled again and nodded. 

"Anyways, I'm not exactly sure what to do with, like, Harry and all."

"What do you mean?" 

"Well, I mean, he asked me out on another date for tonight actually and I told him I would think about it, but I just...I don't know if I should actually continue dating him and all. It's just...I don't know. I don't know if it's a good idea or not."

"Well what makes you think it wouldn't be a good idea?" 

"Well, it's just...do I really have to explain this to you?" He asked with a forced, exasperated laugh. "You know, I'm kind of a disappointment."

"You are not a disappointment." His father replied softly, but seriously. Louis rolled his eyes. 

"I just...I don't know if I'm the right person, for obvious reasons. I mean, he lives on the third floor and when I got to the top the other day I had to sit down for five minutes just to catch my breath and I'm afraid that if I get, like, involved with him I'm not going to be able to hide that from him, or anything about my disorder. And, you know, I've pushed away everyone in the past, how am I supposed to believe I'm not just going to end up pushing him away? And what if I ever have an anxiety attack in front him? And I feel like he's going to catch on to me if he offers to go to dinner and I always say no, or if I just always turn down food and all." Louis took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes. "I don't know. He seems so cheerful and spirited and I don't want to see him burn out because of me."

"Didn't you already go on two dates, though? Why would now make you questionable?" 

"Well, because a few days ago when I went over to watch movies we went to Box Office to look for a specific movie and then in there he asked me if I wanted to get candy and...and I said no because it was bad for you and then he said, 'oh you aren't one of those health freaks, are you?' and I got upset and left." He explained timidly. "And then, you know, he came over last night to apologize and then he asked me out again and I told him I would think about it and let him know and...I kind of forgot to think about it." God, he was so red in the face. He couldn't believe he was turning to his father for dating advice. 

"Well, do you like him?" Louis blushed, turning even redder and ultimately already answering his question. 

"I guess a little." His dad smiled. 

"Well, I think this could be good for you." He said. What his father was really thinking was that maybe if Louis and Harry really got serious then those feelings would maybe encourage him to want to get better and accept the therapy treatment from Dr. Shields of even doing some sort of self-treatment if need be. What his father really wanted was for Louis to want to get better. "It's ultimately your decision, though. One thing I would suggest, though, is that if you did decide to date him and all would be to advise him about your e-d." Louis physically cringed, shaking his head. "It would be in the best interest of you both." He shook his head again. 

"I-I couldn't." 

"Well, it's your choice." His dad repeated. "That would be my advice, though." Louis just sat there quietly and took a deep breath. 

"Why do you think this could be good for me?" 

"Well, I think the social interaction is good. I think he will maybe be able to get you up and out of the house more often considering a vast majority of your time is spent here inside. I just think it could be good for you, but only if you resist against pushing him away. Don't repeat history." 

"Thanks dad." Louis muttered sarcastically. 

"Would you rather me not be honest?" Louis just took a deep breath and shook his head. "And you should really consider talking to him about your e-d. If you do start dating him do you really want to have that hanging over your shoulders?" 

"It's been hanging over my shoulders for six years, I'm pretty much used to it by now." Louis reply apathetically. 

"Well...hopefully one day that'll all be a memory." His dad replied before picking up his cup taking a drink from it. Louis just took a deep breath. 

"Oh, and I need to get a new belt or something sometime." He added in a soft voice, so soft that his father almost didn't hear him. 

"What's wrong with the one you have now?" Louis took a deep breath, rolling his eyes. Did his father really have no idea why he needed a new belt? He crossed his arms and sat back in his chair. 

"It's just getting old and doesn't fit." His father nodded slowly. 

"I'll look for one when I go to the store tomorrow." Louis nodded. 

"Thanks." It was completely silent and a heavy cloud hung over Louis' shoulders. His father sat there quietly, glancing over at Louis who just looked so pale and hollow. He swallowed thickly before opening his mouth to speak. 

"Don't...take this too seriously, I'm asking for the sake of myself, to get a better grasp on your...health so to say." Louis' chest tightened. "And please be completely honest, but...how much do you weigh now?" Louis immediately felt his eyes fill his tears and his throat close up. 

"Why do you wanna know?" He replied hoarsely. 

"Because it's important that I know so that I know whether or not just seeing Dr. Shields is enough or if you're at a greater risk for...experiencing some serious complications due to malnutrition or...something. I just want to know." 

"That's not really your business." Louis rubbed his eyes. 

"Louis," He just replied softly and gave him a solemn look, not that Louis was actually looking at him. 

"112." He answered quickly before pushing his chair back and standing up, marching out of the kitchen. His father just sighed before standing up and deciding to clear the table. 

Louis had stormed up to his room and slammed the door behind him. He dropped himself down on his bed and threw his blanket over his head in huff. He closed his eyes as he caught his breath. 

Finally after catching his breath he pulled out his phone and pulled up his message thread with Harry, contemplating whether or not to actually text him and even if he decided to then what to text him as well. 

He decided to go with it. He needed to get out. Go somewhere. Even if it were with Harry. Harry was nice. He was entertaining. Louis liked being with him. So he typed out his message, but spent 10 minutes with his thumb hovering over the send button before he actually sent it. 

louis: if it's not too late and your offer to watch movies tonight still stands I'd like to take you up on it. 

harry: of course it still stands :)

louis: hah cool 

harry: so 7ish sound alright?

louis: see you then 

harry: see you then :) 

Louis hid in his room until 6:30. He probably should've asked his father if he could go out that night to Harry's because how embarrassing would it be if his father said he couldn't go and Louis had to text him saying he couldn't go. Like, yikes. He prayed his dad wouldn't have a problem with it. 

So, at 6:30, he slowly trotted down the stairs before finding himself standing outside his fathers office door memorized by the tapping sound of his keyboard. He knocked on the door before just opening the door. His father swung around in his chair from his desk, looking at him curiously. 

"Is it alright if I go over to Harry's for a bit?" He asked staring at the floor meekly. 

"Right now?" Louis nodded. "I guess so, just be safe, be alert, and be home by 11. Don't forget to text me when you get there and when you leave." Louis nodded again. 

"Thank you." 

"Have fun," His dad smiled. "But not too much fun-"

"Oh my God, dad, don't." Louis turned bright red and stepped back into the hallway, hastily closing the door as his dad just laughed softly for his own amusement. 

So Louis grabbed his coat, he grabbed his keys, slipped on his shoes, then he was on his way. When he actually made it to the building and buzzed in he took extra time to walk up the stairs slowly so he wouldn't be completely out of breath when he met Harry. Yet when he made it to the top he was still gripping the railing tightly and leaning forward slightly as he tried to catch his breath. 

He forced himself upright and walked to the door, breathing heavily. Luckily this time it didn't take him over five minutes just to knock on the door and this time he actually got to knock on the door without having Harry just open it. Not even a moment after he had knocked was the door being pulled open. 

"Hi." Harry greeted with a cheerfully over zealous smile making Louis smile back. 

"Hi," Louis turned his gaze down shyly. 

"I-um, I mean, come in." Harry stammered nervously and Louis stepped inside timidly. Harry closed the door behind him before smiling down at him with so much excitement. He was so happy Louis agreed to come over and he was going to make sure that he didn't screw up by acting like a complete and unnecessary jerk again! Louis removed his shoes tentatively. 

"So, what kind of clouds did you see in the sky today?" He asked Harry softly and watched the joyful smile spread across his lips. His eyes lit up like a child on Christmas morning. 

"Oh, well today I saw some stratocumulus." He exclaimed happily. "Some people generally mistake them for altocumulus, though. The thing used to distinguish them is the size of the masses. It's said that if the cloud is off in the distance to hold up your hand and if it's the size of your thumb then it's altocumulus, but if it's bigger than your fist it's stratocumulus. That's not always accurate of course, especially if the stratocumulus is broken up in fractus form." 

"Oh, well of course." Louis replied teasingly and Harry was just filled with so much joy and happiness, he couldn't describe it. He wasn't sure if it was because of Louis or because Louis asked him about clouds or a mix of the two. They were still standing in the foyer idly. "How do you know so much about clouds?" Louis then asked. "I mean, I know you're studying meteorology and all, but how do you remember everything?" Harry shrugged. 

"If I didn't remember then I wouldn't have passed my classes." He just answered with a smile. He slowly started to backtrack and they both went into the living room, dropping down on opposite sides of the couch. 

"So what's something non cloud, but still weather related that fascinates you?" Harry rested back against the couch slightly turned towards Louis casually. 

"That's a good question." Louis laughed softly. "I don't know if I could pick just one thing, it's all very different and all so very fascinating. I mean there's the Bergeron process, El Niño, La Niña, there's the different types of air masses and fronts, it's just all so vast and fascinating." He exclaimed grinning which made Louis smile because Harry just looked happy and he sounded so happy and he was just so...exuberant! "I actually did rent that Into The Storm movie if you'd be okay with watching it?" He suggested and Louis nodded. 

"Of course." Harry stood up joyously and swipes the DVD box off the coffee table before kneeling down in front of the TV stand as he turned on the DVD player and TV as well. Louis curled up against the couch slightly, he was freezing. He wrapped his arms around himself and pressed his palms into his arms to try and create at least some heat, but he had ran of steam to burn years ago.

The menu for the movie popped up and Harry stood up contently before moving back over to the couch. He sat down slightly closer to Louis, not that Louis actually noticed, he was too busy trying not to focus on how cold he was. Harry picked up the remote from the coffee table. 

"Ooh, I forgot to turn out the light." Harry was quick to jump up from the couch and stride over towards the kitchen where the light switch was. He flipped it down and soon the flat was almost completely dark. "Do you want something to drink? Or even to eat? We have plenty of snack food." He offered sweetly. 

"Oh, that's okay." Louis kindly declined. "I had a big dinner tonight and am pretty full, maybe later. Thank you, though." Harry just smiled as walked back over to the couch. 

"Want a blanket?" 

"Yes, please." Harry sat down then leaned over his edge of the couch and picked up a thick, green knitted blanket from his and Liam's little basket they kept them in. He handed it to Louis who was quick to seek warmth from it then picked up a blanket for himself. So they both cuddled under their blankets and then Harry started the movie and placed the remote on the coffee table again. 

And so the movie started and at the first sight of hail Harry decided to go into detail about how hail is formed in clouds and then when the tornadoes started he talked about how tornados formed and even started talking about mesocyclones, whatever those were, and he talked about the formation of wall clouds and then he reprimanded himself for talking during the movie. Louis found amusement in it all. He was so endearing. 

When the credits started rolling Harry just sighed contently and let his eyes remain closed for a moment. He glanced at Louis. 

"I'm sorry for talking so much." Louis smiled at him. 

"You don't have to apologize for talking about something you enjoy talking about." Harry smiled at him beautifully. 

"You're sweet." Louis just smiled. "But I am sorry if I kind of droned on or annoyed you." Louis laughed very softly. 

"Why do you do that, Harry?" He asked and Harry looked at him curiously. "I mean, we might not've spent a lot of time together, but it seems like every time you say something pertaining to weather you're apologizing for being boring or annoying me." Harry just shrugged meekly before forcing a shy smile. "Is it just because you said you're friends always think it's boring?" 

"I guess I just got used to everyone always being bored or annoyed when I talk about weather related things." He replied. 

"And how did they express those feelings towards you?" Harry shrugged. 

"Just, you know, telling me shut up, or stop with the weather stuff, or asking me if I ever talked about anything other than weather. You know, kind of like those things." 

"I can't imagine that makes you feel any good." Harry shook his head and they both laughed softly. 

"No, I just brushed it off at first, but when it actually started hurting my feelings I just kept all my nerdy weather stuff to myself." 

"Well you aren't allowed to feel that way with me." Harry laughed softly. "So you aren't allowed to apologize for talking about weather anymore, okay? And don't refrain from talking about it either, alright?" 

"I can't promise that I won't apologize by habit, but okay." Louis smiled at him. 

"Good." Harry smiled back at him, feeling so happy to have found someone as compassionate and understanding as Louis. God, he was just falling for him even more now! "So, how does hail form again and all?" 

"I'm glad you asked," Harry replied teasingly. "You see, hail forms when updrafts, specifically thunderstorm updrafts, are strong enough to carry water droplets above the freezing level. It's the freezing process which then forms the hail as additional water continues to freeze onto it. Then once the hailstone is too heavy for the updraft to support it it falls to the ground." 

"That is interesting, I did not know that we how hail was formed." Louis responded making Harry grin. 

"Well now you know." 

"Yes I do." Harry sat himself up. 

"Care for another movie?" Louis pulled his phone out of his pocket to glance at the time. It was only 9:12. He placed his phone back in his lap and pulled he blanket up to his shoulders again. 

"Sure, I just have to be home by 11 because my dad...well I don't know, he's kind of a killjoy." Harry chuckled, descending in front of the TV stand as he opened the little cabinet. 

"That only means you cares." Louis just rolled his eyes since Harry had his back to him. He knew for a fact that his father didn't care about him at all. In fact he was sure his father resented him based on how much a living hell he made his life. "Let's see, we have The Conjur- oh wait, you said you didn't enjoy scary movies." Harry corrected. "Okay, we have Wreck-It Ralph, The Emperors New Groove, Shrek 1, 2, 3, and 4-"

"You have all four Shrek movies on DVD?" Louis asked making Harry as he nodded. 

"And I'm proud." Louis smiled softly. "We also have The Perfect Storm, Twister, Mean Girls-"

"You have an interesting collection of movies." Louis teased. Harry just smiled at him in amusement over his shoulder before turning back to his DVD's. 

"We have The Black Cauldron-"

"Oh my goodness, you actually have The Black Cauldron? I used to love that movie as a kid!" Harry turned around to face him. 

"Want to watch it?" He asked holding up the DVD case with a smile. Louis nodded eagerly. Harry turned back, feeling just as eager as Louis, and put the DVD in the player. Then he returned to the couch with Louis, possibly sitting even closer to him than before. Louis surely noticed, giving him a soft smile which Harry returned with the utmost fond. 

So they were both hidden under their blankets and laying against the back of the couch, slightly leaning in towards each other. And Louis was actually feeling comfortable and he was actually feeling actually kind of content, but he still had that little nag in the back of his mind that made him wonder if he was making the right choice in dating Harry. 

Harry was just so lovely, he was so high spirited, he was so cheerful, he was just so alive and Louis was so not and putting up such a happy front was just going to drain him, but letting his true colors show would just drain Harry and all he knew was that Harry made his heart flutter, and not in the way his palpitations did.


	8. Chapter 8

"Good morning, my name is Lily and I'll be your server for this morning, can I start you guys off with something to drink?" For some god forsaken reason Louis decided to agree to go out for breakfast with Harry. They were currently sitting at a little table in a little diner by the window and Louis was trying not to let his anxiety show. But he was supposed to be eating a meal. With Harry. Eating. Oh, the horror. 

It had been a week since they watched movies at Harry's flat, two days since they spent two hours looking at all the Christmas lights within town, and three minutes since they had sat down in the diner. Were they technically dating? Just seeing each other? Louis didn't know. He hadn't dated anyone since the 10th grade. 

All he knew was that he was holding back tears and trying to calm his racing heart as he clutched his menu tightly. Harry looked up at the lady kindly and smiled. Louis had no idea why he had agreed to this. It was all Harry's fault actually. He ambushed him in person giving him 0 time to come up with an excuse as to why he couldn't go to breakfast. The bastard! 

"I'll just take a coffee please." He requested kindly and then the lady turned to Louis and he just about swallowed his own tongue. 

"W-Water please." Was all he said while staring directly down at his menu, his eyes darting around the different pictures on the menu. He picked nervously at the leather stitched around the edges of the men. The waitress left promptly and Louis scratched the back of his neck. 

"You okay? You look a little nervous." Harry said softly. Louis swallowed thickly. 

"I'm fine. I just hate ordering at restaurants." He replied not even glancing up from his menu. 

"Would it help if I ordered for you or...?" Harry trailed off questionably and Louis shook his head slightly. 

"No, no, I can do it." Harry nodded and glanced back down at his own menu. "Thank you for offering to help, though. I appreciate it." And that elicited a small smile from Harry which Louis noted out of the corner of his eye. 

"So what looks good for this morning?" He asked lightly but all it made Louis want to do was burst into tears. 

"I don't even know, it all looks so delicious." He lied smoothly. He had learned a lot about lying in the past 6 years and all it did was fuel his eating disorder while chip, chip, chipping him away piece by piece. 

"When I was younger my mother and I would always go out for donuts on Sunday after church." Harry said with a fond little smile. 

"Oh, you're religious?" Harry shook his head. 

"No, not really, my mum just used to take me when I was little. I don't even know what denomination the church was that we went to." He said with a laugh and Louis just smiled softly. He came to the conclusion that he would order the French toast. It was the only thing that looked somewhat manageable to stare at. If even. 

"My mum used to take me to church too." Louis recalled sadly. He still hadn't looked up from his menu. It wasn't just his mother who took him to church, he and his parents would go to church almost every Sunday morning. Then his mother passed away and after finding it very hard to believe that it was Gods plan for his mother to die in a car accident they stopped going. 

Louis had made his peace with the idea, he looked to God for comfort sometimes. Sometimes meaning very rarely, God gave him someone to talk to in times of doubt, but he was sure his dad still held some resentment towards Him. In fact, he was sure his father had stopped believing in Him all together. 

"Do you miss her?" Harry asked softly making Louis scoff. 

"Of course I fucking miss her." He whispered in a raspy tone. "I didn't think much would change with her gone, but boy was I fucking wrong." He reached up and rubbed his eyes with the edge of his hand, sniffling softly. "Sorry," He then apologized softly. 

"I understand." Harry replied in a gentle tone. Louis glanced up at him for the first time since sitting down and actually managed to give him a small smile. "So, I have a question, where do you get all your jumpers?" Harry asked him with a quaint smile. He had placed his menu down on the table and had his arms pressed against the edge of the table, his hands lapped over each other. "Because I don't think I've ever seen you wear anything else other than some colorful jumper." Louis was sure he was actually beginning to blush, his cheeks actually matching the pink tint of his jumper he was wearing. He shrugged. 

"I've just acquired them throughout the years. They're really comfy and cozy, I love wearing them." 

"How many do you actually have?" Harry asked in amusement. Louis sat back and thought for a moment. 

"I honestly don't even know if I could give a proper estimate. I have a lot." He answered making Harry laugh softly. Louis smiled softly, sighing contently. "They're practically the only thing I wear." 

"Well you look adorable in them." And now Louis was blushing even harder. His cheeks were now a darker shade of pink than his jumper and Harry loved the idea of making him blush. He just looked so adorable and so beautiful with his pink little cheeks and his soft fringe and his delicate eyelashes that were admirably long. Harry grinned at him. 

Louis gazed down shyly, still smiling timidly when the waitress waltzed up to their table, placing down a cup of water and a mug of coffee. Then she pulled out her little pad of paper and took out a pen. Louis grit his teeth. 

"So, what would you guys like to order?" She asked glancing down at them. She glanced at Louis. His heart jumped up to his throat. Nothing could've prepared him for this. Absolutely nothing. It would've been easier for him just to stick his head in a deep fryer.

"I, in, I'll take the brioche French toast." She wrote it down. 

"How would you like your eggs?"

"Poached."

"Hard or soft?"

"Um, soft please." His hands were actually shaking. He closed his menu and placed them in his lap so Harry wouldn't notice. The waitress turned to Harry. 

"I'll take the chicken biscuits with scrambled eggs." He requested politely. She smiled then placed the pen and paper in her apron. He reached for the menus. 

"Okay, that'll be coming right up." She waltzed away and Harry picked up his mug, sipping his coffee. Louis just stared down at his water, sure for a second he was beginning to zone out as the thought of being presented with a large plate of food consumed his mind. 

"Lou?" Louis was snapped back to reality and Harry smiled at him softly. "You zonin' out on me?" He teased. Louis forced a nervous laughter and rubbed the back of his neck. 

"Sorry, sometimes I...I just get lost in thought." 

"That's alright." Harry replied sitting up. Louis just smiled nervously and rubbed his fingers against his collar bone anxiously. "So, getting excited for the holidays?" Louis made a face then shook his head. 

"No, not really." He answered honestly. "Christmas was never one for me." He added with a shrug. "How about you?" 

"Kind of, I always loved Christmas." Harry recalled fondly. "My favorite part was always putting up the tree and dressing it."

"Mine too." Louis replied softly. "But, then...you know." Louis shook his head as if that would get rid of the cloud around his head. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to keep talking about my mum."

"Hey, that's not something you have to apologize for." Harry said in a serious tone. "If you want to talk about her then you should. I'll listen for as long as it takes." He finished with a smile. Louis smiled back shyly before glancing down at the table. 

"It's just, Christmas was always her favorite holiday and she had all these traditions we did as a family, she put life into the holiday, but then after she passed...my dad and I were just two sad guys without a will to carry on anything. We haven't gotten a tree since she passed or carried on any of our traditions because...because it can't be the tradition if she isn't there to celebrate it with us." 

"That sounds tough." Harry responded gently. Louis just nodded. 

"Anyways, what's your favorite thing about Christmas?" Harry smiled at him, but Louis was to busy staring down at the table shyly to notice. 

"Well, like I said, dressing the tree was always one of my favorite parts. And I always loved looking at all the Christmas lights."

"Does your family have any special traditions?" Harry shrugged. 

"Well, it's just my mum and I and we don't really do anything I would consider a tradition, but on Christmas Eve we always watch It's A Wonderful Life together."

"Does she live here?" Harry nodded. 

"Yeah, she lives up north." Louis smiled sweetly. 

"That's nice." 

"It is except when she insists I come home every weekend." He joked with a small smile. Louis smiled back meekly before turning to look down at the table. He wasn't sure how he was even going to think about eating when his stomach was already upset and showed no signs of settling anytime soon. 

"Mothers nature." He replied simply. They continued talking until the waitress returned with a platter carrying their plates. Louis' heart stopped. Like, he was sure it had literally stopped. His chest hurt. She set down Harry's plate which elicited a smile from him and when she placed Louis' plate down he had to restrain himself from bursting into tears. He looked up at the waitress and forced a small smile, thanking her. She pivoted around and whisked away. 

Harry was unfolding his napkin and placing it in his lap whereas Louis was just staring down at him plate blankly. Sitting in front of him were three large pieces of French toast, two poached eggs, and three strips of bacon. He pushed his chair back.

"If you'll just excuse me," He said softly. "I have to use the restroom." Harry nodded and Louis turned, quickly hurrying off to the bathroom. He pushed open the door and ran inside, thankful it was empty, then went to seek shelter in one of the stalls where, once the door was closed, he burst into tears. 

He dropped down on the toilet seat and covered his hands over his face, trying to muffle to the ugly noises he was making. He never thought he'd ever be in a position where being presented with a plate of food would make him cry. Never was it ever a threat. 

He sat up straight from being hunched over and wiped his eyes. He most certainly didn't want to spend too much time in the bathroom then have Harry come looking for him or something. Oh, the humiliation that would cause! 

He tried to calm himself, but only ended up sounding like he was coughing while choking at the same time. He covered his hands over his face again and just sat there like that, taking in deep breaths before letting them out slowly. His heart was beating hard within his chest, he could feel it and that only made him aware of how fast it was beating which only made him all the more anxious making his heart beat even faster. It was a malicious cycle almost impossible to escape. 

He calmed down and stood up, leaning against the plastic wall as he closed his eyes and waited for his dizzy spell to break. He opened the stall door and stepped in front of the sink. His face and eyes were both impossibly red. It was so obvious he had been crying and that only made him more upset. 

He rubbed his eyes then turned in the sink. He splashed some cold water on his face, he was impossibly warm. His face wasn't any less red and his eyes actually seemed a darker red now. There wasn't anything he could do about it except put a smile on his face and pretend he was okay. And that's what he did.  

He left the bathroom and strolled out into the diner. He walked over to the table and sat down, keeping his head turned down. Harry looked up and smiled at him softly. 

"You alright?" Louis just nodded, picking up his silverware. He kept his head down. "You sure?" Harry asked bending his head down slightly, trying to look Louis in the eyes. He placed his own silverware down and picked up his napkin. Louis nodded. 

"I'm fine." He answered softly and started to cut his French toast into small pieces. Harry still had the sense that something was wrong, but he wasn't sure what. All he knew was that Louis looked like he had just been crying. "This sure does smell delicious." Louis remarked softly. Harry smiled softly, picking up his fork again. 

"I bet it tastes even better." He teased. Louis just forced a small laugh and continued cutting the bread into pieces then into even smaller pieces. He placed his knife down then prodded his fork around them. Harry spooned some eggs into his mouth then looked up at Louis intently. "You sure you're alright?" Louis jumped slightly before nodding his head vigorously. 

"I'm fine." He answered quietly. "Just…getting hypoglycemic." He stuck his fork into a piece of the French toast then forced it into his mouth. He forced himself to chew it and swallow without cringing. "I'll be fine, though. Just have to eat." Harry didn't feel like that was the case, but he nodded anyway. 

"Okay." Louis glanced up at him. "Do you get…hypoglycemic often?"

"Only when I don't eat for awhile." He answered honestly. "Usually in the morning." He added. 

"What happens?"

"I just get light headed and shaky. Sometimes I pass out." Harry chuckled softly. 

"Please don't pass out because then I'll probably pass out." He joked. Louis just smiled softly. 

"One time when I was a senior I got very lightheaded towards the end of second period. I don't know why I didn't just stay in the class because I was practically staggering down the stairs to my third class, but I got to my third class and put my backpack on my desk then went back into the hallway because I was going to go to the bathroom. But someone bumped into me and then I just dropped." He explained with a small smile. "Next thing I knew I was waking up in the middle of the hallway and everyone was staring at me." Harry laughed softly. 

"Oh my, that sounds awful." Louis nodded, laughing at the memory as well. 

"I was so embarrassed." Harry cut off a piece of his chicken biscuit then popped it into his mouth. 

"What does it feel like?" He asked after swallowing. "Like, before you're about to pass out?"

"I don't know, it hard to explain to someone who hasn't experienced it." Louis said. "Like, for me I just get really, really light headed and then I feel like I'm literally in a dream and it feels like everything is fuzzy and moving in slow motion and things, like, fade from grey to color and…it's just really, really weird." 

"Well that sure does sound like a ton of fun," Harry teased. Louis smiled softly. 

"I'm guessing you've never passed out or blacked out." Harry shook his head. 

"What's the difference?" Louis shrugged. 

"I think the difference is that when someone passes out they actually lose consciousness. I blacked out in church once because of a panic attack." 

"Have you always had anxiety issues?" Louis pursed his lips together. 

"No, not really. I mean, it all kind of started—" when he developed his eating disorder. "When my mum passed away. So sevenish years ago." Harry nodded. "I don't even know if it was a legit panic attack, that's just what the doctor said it was safe to call it, but it's very rare for panic attacks to cause true fainting or black outs." 

"What happened?" 

"I don't really know." Louis answered honestly. He hadn't touched his silverware since eating his one piece. Harry was almost halfway through his food. "It was towards the end of church and all of a sudden I got very, very hot and my started beating so fast that I literally thought I was having a heart attack or something, then I got very lightheaded and I sat down on the pew. Then the next thing I knew I was standing up and my mother was trying to get me to sit down. Apparently I had blacked out for a minute. She said after I sat down I stood back up and wouldn't sit down and that I wasn't responding to her or my father and said that I was as stiff as a board." 

"Wow, that sounds a little scary." Louis just shrugged, chuckling softly. 

"At the time." He glanced down at the table meekly. "Sorry I keep talking about myself. So, what kind of clouds are in the sky today?" Harry just laughed quietly, giving him a small smile. 

"You have to apologize for answering a question I asked." Louis flashed him a meek smile before glancing out the window. "Those are nimbostratus clouds." Harry stated turning towards the window. "Which, if I can recall correctly, are the same clouds I kept babbling about when I was first trying to ask you out." He teased. 

"They can be our cloud." Louis said under his breath, his cheeks turning pink in the process. God, Harry was so head over heels for him it wasn't even funny. 

"Our cloud." He repeated gently before a smile graced his lips. "I like that." They both smiled at each other before laughing nervously. Louis picked up his fork again and took a deep breath. 

So they finished breakfast and Louis ate half of his plate. Harry finished his. Harry left with a content smile and a heart full of happiness, but Louis left with a forced smile and a heart full unnecessary repression. 

-

A few days later Harry was just dawdling behind the bakery counter when Louis' dad strolled in, looking around happily. 

"My, has this place changed." He remarked before walking up to the counter. Harry offered him a friendly smile. 

"Hello sir, how are you today?" Louis' dad smiled back before taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. 

"I'm well, how are you?"

"It's a bit slow today, but I can't complain." He laughed softly. "Can I help you with something?" 

"Yes, I was hoping to order a cake." Harry nodded, pulling out a pad of paper from under the counter and a pen. 

"Well I can surely help you with that, what kind of cake were you hoping for?" He glanced at him curiously. 

"Um, I don't know, just a round one?" He questioned unsurely making Harry laugh. 

"How big? And do you want it one tier or two?" 

"Oh God, I have no idea." Harry laughed. 

"Well how many people do you need the cake to feed?" 

"Just two so something small." Harry looked at him curiously. "It's Louis' birthday." Harry's eyebrows furrowed in question. Louis' birthday was coming up?

"His birthday is coming up? When?" 

"The 24th." His dad smiled. 

"Oh, he didn't tell me his birthday was coming up so soon." 

"He isn't exactly one to celebrate it." Harry just nodded understandingly. 

"Well, if you want small I'd say go with a six inch round." 

"Okay, I'll go with that." 

"Do you want one tier or two?"

"Eh, we'll go with two." He said with a shrug. Harry wrote it down. 

"Flavor?" 

"Just vanilla." 

"Do you want vanilla frosting as well?" He nodded. "Do you want anything written on the top?"

"Just Happy birthday, Louis if that's alright." Harry smiled, nodding as he wrote it down. 

"That's perfect. Color of the icing?" 

"Blue." He should've seen that one coming. He was still smiling as he wrote it down. "Do I need to pay now or—?" Harry shook his head. 

"You can pay when you come to pick it up. What day do you need it by?"

"The 24th." 

"Alrighty then, it shall be done by then." Louis' father smiled kindly and offered him a friendly nod. 

"Thank you." 

"Have a good rest of your day." 

"You too." His dad turned and walked out of the building and Harry just stood there with a small smile on his face because he thought he was on Louis' dads good side and the last thing he wanted was for Louis' dad to dislike him or disapprove of him. 

That night, though, he thought about what to possibly get him as a birthday gift because he just wasn't going to ignore that tidbit of new information. He knew he liked art so he figured he'd stop by the art store and that's exactly what he did the very next day, dragging Liam along with him for moral support. 

They strolled into the store and both paused, glancing around the vast building without a single clue as where to go or start first. 

"So what does he like?" Liam asked glancing at Harry who just shrugged. 

"I don't know." He turned back to him. 

"What are some of his interests?"

"I don't know." Harry repeated making Liam groan. 

"What's something he enjoys? It has to be at least art related." 

"I don't know-"

"God, you've been dating for, like, one or two weeks and you don't know a single thing about him?" Harry groaned and shrugged his shoulders again. His mind was just completely blank! 

"I know those things, I'm just coming up blank right now!" Liam gave him an impatient look. "Oh, he likes painting! He likes watercolor." 

"What kind of watercolor?" Liam asked making Harry scoff and shrug again. 

"There are different kinds of watercolor?" Liam shrugged back making them both laugh. 

"I have no idea, I think so. I don't paint." Harry glanced around the store.

"Here, I think painting stuff is over here." Harry gestured to the aisles on the right before turning and walking over to them, scanning down them as he walked passed each one with Liam trailing behind him. 

He paused after passing an aisle full of paint tubes. Liam walked down the aisle as well, walking passed him. Harry glanced over the acrylics and oils. 

"Hey, there's some watercolor tubes down here." Liam called out to him. Harry walked over to him the knelt down in front of the display of watercolor tubes. 

"These are so tiny!" He exclaimed. Liam nodded in agreement. 

"They're, like, the size of my pinkie." He laughed. Harry picked up one small tube of purple watercolor. 

"6 dollars?!" Harry placed the tube back and stood up. "I'm not paying 6 bucks for a tube of paint the size of my pinkie. There must be something else." So they wandered around the store some more. 

"Hey, I found some more watercolor stuff!" Harry heard Liam call out from a few aisles down. He went and found him. "Look," He gestured to the stand. "They have pallets, you can just get one of those instead of individual tubes." Harry picked up one of the pallets and inspected it. 

"Alright." He glanced back up at the display of items. He wandered down a bit before reaching up and pulling down a small package of various watercolor brushes. 

So he bought him the pallet, brushes, and even a small pad of watercolor paper. He grabbed him a card as well and also some wrapping paper which he immediately regretted after trying to wrap the damn thing. He should've gotten tissue paper and bag. 

On the night of the 24th Harry skipped out of his mothers house after dinner and over to Louis' home. Louis' dad had made his favorite since it was his birthday. He made Chicken Picata. Louis didn't eat much of it. Dinner was silent that night until a ringing of the doorbell made them both look up at each other. 

"Okay, I guess I'll get it." Louis groaned, standing up. His father just chuckled softly. Louis took a deep breath before pulling open the door to Harry. He was holding a little gift with a card taped on top and wearing a happy smile. 

"Hey," He greeted making Louis smile shyly. 

"Hi." 

"Happy birthday," Louis felt himself blush and he turned his head down shyly. Harry's heart just about exploded with affection. 

"How'd you know?"

"Well, your father told me your birthday was coming up so I got you something." Harry smiled down at him, holding out the little misshapenly wrapped gift as Louis took the it. "Happy birthday, Lou." Louis looked up at him softly. 

"Oh, Harry, this is so sweet of you, but you didn't have to get me anything." Harry shrugged modestly. 

"Well, I wanted to." He said. "Incase it wasn't obvious, I really like you." He whispered teasingly like it was a big secret. Louis laughed beautifully. 

"Why do you like me?" Louis asked him quietly. Harry stood up straight, shrugging. 

"Why do you always ask me that?" Louis shrugged back, feeling himself flush in embarrassment. "What's not to like?" He joked making Louis then blush. "I like you because you're nice, you're sweet, you're funny, you listen to me talk about weather, you ask me about clouds, I find you absolutely adorable, and I really enjoy being with you. You, you know, you make me happy." Louis just smiled shyly because if only Harry had the slightest clue as to who he was talking to. 

"Well, thank you very much." Harry smiled humbly. 

"You're welcome." They both smiled at each other before laughing softly and turning their heads down bashfully. Louis held the gift as if Harry had handed him a diamond. "Well, I better get back to dinner before my dad comes out here to embarrass." Harry nodded, chuckling. 

"Have a lovely night." 

"You too." Harry nodded and stepped back. Louis turned back into the house, closing the door gently. He placed the gift on the foyer table before walking back into the kitchen and taking his seat again. His dad was wearing a quaint little smile and Louis gave him a suspicious look.

"How did Harry know my birthday was today from you?" 

"It might've slipped when I was in the bakery." Louis rolled his eyes at him, laughing softly as he crossed his arms. "Plus I asked to have 'happy birthday, Louis' written on the little cake. That was the dead giveaway." 

"You could've said it was for another Louis." He joked slightly making his father laugh. He sat back, rubbing his he's together before crossing his arms. 

"Something tells me that wouldn't have worked." Louis just smiled down at the table. 

"Oh well, the deed is done." His dad stood up and collected the plates. He scraped the leftovers into the garbage then placed the plates carefully into the sink. He grabbed two more smaller plates then grabbed the small box with the cake inside it. He placed those on the table then retrieved two clean forks and a knife. 

"I understand if this…triggers stress or anxiety for you." He said softly as he sat down. "I thought I'd return the gesture, though. Say the word and we can be done here." He glanced up at Louis who just pushed his plate closer to his dad. 

"I just want a small piece." He said eliciting a smiled from his father. The cake was cut and Louis sighed heavily while lifting up his fork and sticking it into the side of his piece. He ate it, though. And his father tried not to let his pride show, but he was proud of Louis for actually eating. Of course that wasn't something he should feel proud about, but he was and he hoped that soon one day he wouldn't have to feel proud about Louis eating. 

Louis helped him clean the dishes that night. Afterwards he strolled back to the foyer, grabbed Harry's little gift, then slowly headed up to his room. He closed his door behind him then went to his bed, sitting down. 

He gazed down at the little gift in his lap. He picked up the card first and tore off the envelope, unveiling a white card with a depiction of a bouquet of balloons and the words 'happy birthday' in neat black, cursive lettering below. He opened it up and glanced at the inside before smiling softly. 

Happy birthday, Louis!   
I hope you had a great day because you deserve one :)   
Sincerely,  
Me

Louis sighed contently, his heart fluttering a little as he closed the card and placed it beside his lap. He almost wasn't sure if he wanted to open it. What could've Harry possibly gotten him? He didn't even know that much about him. 

He took a deep breath then picked up the little misshapen present, tearing the gift wrap delicately. He gazed down at a bag of blue balloons. They were the same exact ones he bought from the party store. He couldn't believe it. He actually broke out into a big grin, his hands covering his mouth in surprise because he didn't think Harry would have gotten him blue balloons. He was touched.

Still smiling like a child on Christmas morning he picked up the bag and placed it aside before glancing down at a small rectangular watercolor pallet. And he was smiling again. How did Harry even remember that Louis told him he liked watercolor? Underneath it was a small pad of watercolor paper along with a little package of various brushes. He felt so special. He didn't think Harry was even aware of the impact he made by just simply giving him a little birthday gift. 

He stood up, taking the watercolor items and bag of balloons in his hand. He walked over to his desk and placed them down before crumbling the wrapping paper and tossing it in his bin. He went back over to his bed and flopped down, picking up his phone. 

louis: thank you 

harry: you're welcome :) 

harry: i wasn't sure what you particularly liked I know nothing about watercolor so i hope i got the right things

louis: haha well you did some good shopping for someone who knows nothing about watercolor 

harry: aw that's so sweet of you :) 

louis: lol 

louis: but yeah thank you, I really appreciate it I don't really like my birthday but you made my day 

harry: aw im so happy you liked it and that I made your day 

louis: maybe Saturday you'd like to come over to watch some movies? 

harry: of course I'd like to

louis: 7 sound ok?

harry: I'll be counting the hours :)


	9. Chapter 9

Louis was sitting in the living room watching TV. It was after dinner and his father was in he kitchen washing dishes. Louis was feeling a little anxious because it was the night Harry was supposed to come over to watch movies and he hadn't even told his dad that he invited Harry over.

Moments later the doorbell rang and he jumped in his seat. He stood up quickly before bending over as a dizzy spell hit him hard and things started turning gray. He heard the plates in the sink clatter together before his dad was sticking his head out of the kitchen. 

"Oh yeah, I invited Harry over to watch movies and you can't say no because he's already here." Louis stated making his father laugh. Louis rubbed his eyes then scratched at his collarbone anxiously. 

"Well then by all means, let him in." He started walking over to the door before pausing. 

"Please don't embarrass me." He pleaded before walking up to the door. 

"We'll see." His father smirked then disappeared back into the kitchen. The faucet started running again and Louis reminded himself to breathe. He fixed his hair then opened the front door to a gleeful looking Harry. 

"Hi." He greeted happily making Louis smile. 

"Hi." He turned his head down shyly. "Um, do you want to come in?" Harry shrugged in a teasing manner then laughed softly. Louis rubbed the back of his neck. 

"Maybe I'll just stand here for a bit." Louis smiled up at him. 

"I don't know why I even asked that." He took a step back and Harry stepped inside. He kicked off his shoes then glanced around. 

"You have a cozy home." He commented turning his attention back to Louis who was just standing beside him shyly. 

"It's drab." He stated making Harry laugh. 

"You just need fresh eyes." Louis looked around. 

"Um, yeah. So, movies." He stammered awkwardly, marching from the foyer into the living room. Harry followed after him, parking himself on the edge of the couch. "We don't have Netflix so you're stuck with what we have." Louis said kneeling down in front of the entertainment center. 

"Well what kind of movies do you have?" Harry got up and descended down on his knees on the space beside him. "Oh, you have Spy?" Harry asked holding up the DVD case. Louis nodded, paging through DVD case after DVD case. "I wanted to see that when it came out, but never got around to it."

"I only bought it because I think Jude Law is cute." Louis stated. 

"Isn't he, like, 45?" Harry asked and Louis laughed softly under his breath, shaking his head. 

"43, but still cute." Harry grinned at him. 

"He's literally old enough to be your dad."

"He actually does have a 19 year old son." Harry chuckled. "And guess what? Today is his birthday." 

"And how do you know that?" 

"Because it's Jude Law, Harry. How do you not know that?" Louis teased. "Let's watch it." Louis took the case from Harry then opened it, popping the DVD into the DVD player before they both stood back up. Louis grabbed the remote and they both settled down on the middle of the couch. Louis felt his stomach flutter. 

"This isn't fair, you're supposed to think I'm cute, not Jude Law." Harry teased softly making Louis laugh. 

"Oh, Harry, but you're not cute, you're handsome." He replied making Harry grin. Louis pressed the menu button on the remote and a moment later the menu popped up and he pressed play. He turned up the volume a bit then leaned forward as he placed the remote down. He nestled back against the couch. Harry sat up properly, crossing his leg over his knee and extending his arm back against the edge of the couch, almost as if he had his arm around Louis, but not quite so. "Lookie, look, look." Louis exclaimed eagerly. "It's Jude Law." 

"He's not even that cute—"

"You have obviously never seen him in Wilde."

"Wilde?" Harry repeated questionably. Louis nodded, looking up at Harry. 

"It's a movie about Oscar Wilde and his supposed lover Lord Alfred Douglas, also known at Bosie. He played Bosie and that's the only reason I ever watch that movie." Harry chuckled softly. 

"He must be quite the looker then." Louis nodded again, pulling his phone out of his pocket. "Are you going to show me now?" Louis smiled softly, nodding yet again. A moment later Louis was playing the YouTube video of the movie scene where Oscar and Bosie meet. 

"Do you see him? Do you see his face? There is literally beauty radiating off of my phone screen right now." Louis was staring down at his phone screen, at the person making beauty radiate from it, but Harry was too busy gazing down at Louis who was radiating beauty himself and wherever he went. 

Louis clicked his phone off then placed it beside him before leaning forward to grab the remote. He started scanning it back. 

"Why are you scanning it back?" 

"Because I missed his entire scene because you didn't know who Bosie was." He teased before playing it then setting the remote by his phone. Harry just grinned at him because he was completely amused and completely endeared and completely falling for him head over heels, it wasn't a joke anymore. It wasn't even funny. 

A few moments later Louis' father strolled in from the kitchen and stepped beside the couch. Louis was already rolling his eyes. 

"So, what are we watching?" Louis turned over his shoulder to give his father a rather stern looking glare and Harry just laughed. 

"Dad." 

"I'm just joking, I gotta go work on some articles anyway." He took a few steps back. "Things better stay PG out here—"

"Dad, I swear to God." 

"Now Louis, it isn't good to swear at God." He teased lightly and Louis was beginning to turn red. 

"You're embarrassing yourself and me. Just go work on your articles." He snapped making his father chuckle, although he was unamused. Harry laughed softly as well and gazed down at Louis in amusement. 

"Mustn't you forget about a little thing called respect or else this night will come to an end real quick." His father replied impartially before turning and walking down the hall. Louis just sighed to himself and faced the TV. The closing of his dad's office door let him relax. Harry glanced down at him again, but Louis was staring intently at the TV. His arms were crossed and his legs were stretched out onto the coffee table. 

"You know, I believe the TV is in front of you." Louis said turning his head to look up at Harry who just broke out into a guilty grin. 

"You're much more captivating." Louis smiled, sure for a moment that he was actually already blushing and that was bad because he was already sitting so close to Harry, he was bound to notice! 

"You're just gonna have to manage." Louis reached up with his hand and pressed his finger against the edge of Harry's chin, turning his head towards the TV, making him laugh. So they watched the movie contently. Quietly. Harry was happy. 

"Jude Law hasn't exactly aged well." Harry commented. Louis gasped in feign disbelief then elbowed him gently in the side. 

"How dare you say that." He exclaimed making Harry laugh loudly. "He has aged magnificently! I don't know if I can let you stay if you're going to disrespect him like this in my presence." 

"Do you see that hairline?"

"Do you see your hairline?" Louis retorted teasingly. Harry just grinned down at him, enthralled with amusement. He wanted to actually wrap his arm around him, but fought that urge. "Oh hey, you didn't tell me what clouds you saw today. What type of clouds were in the sky?" 

"Well, I wasn't out that much today, but when I was outside I noticed altostratus clouds in the sky." 

"And what can you tell me about those clouds?" 

"Well, they're middle latitude clouds characterized by their usually uniform grey to bluish tint and they're layered as well because stratus means...?" He trailed off questionably and gave Louis a cheesy grin. 

"I still thought it was strato, not stratus, so I can guarantee I don't remember what it means." Louis replied smiling softly because he could see the happiness shining in Harry's eyes so beautifully and so obviously and he just wanted Harry to feel happy talking about weather since he loved it so much, he didn't want him to ever feel discouraged like his friends obviously had made him. 

"Stratus is derived from the Latin word stratum which means layered." He answered. "Rain is possible from them if they're thicker than usual. They form, though, by the lifting of a large stable air mass that causes water vapor to condense into a cloud. Then it can produce virga, which is just very light precipitation that evaporates before it even hits the ground." 

"That is very interesting, I did not know that." 

"Well now you can say that you do." Harry teased with a small smile. Louis just smiled back happily before turning back to the TV. 

"You should become one of those weathermen on TV." He then said making Harry sneer. Louis laughed softly. 

"You make me laugh."

"You could start your own weather related TV show where in every episode you talk about a different cloud." He said. 

"Maybe I'll consider it." Louis elbowed him softly and he just laughed. Louis crossed his arms, turning back to the TV. Harry smiled down at him endearingly then glanced back at the TV as well. So they continued watching the movie, sharing sparse commentary and loud laughter. 

Louis gazed up at Harry whose attention was rapt on the TV. He felt so content and just so secure...he hadn't felt that way in a long time. He almost forgot what it felt like to feel safe. After all, he had spent over six years sullen, depressed, and scared. He was never comfortable, never calm, and never settled. But when he was with Harry he felt...awakened. 

He reached up, cupping his hand over Harrys cheek and turning his head to the side. He leaned up and kissed him before Harry could comprehend what Louis was even doing. His eyes widened, like, he was completely caught off guard. Completely! But he wasn't going to let that ruin this moment. 

He closed his eyes and reached up slowly, covering both his cheeks with his hands. He kissed him slowly and tenderly because Louis deserved the softest affection and the gentlest of touches. Both of their stomachs were swirling with all sorts of butterflies and bees. It was all bees and blossoms. 

"Hey now, that doesn't look like watching a movie." Louis' fathers voice startled them both as they quickly pulled away shyly. Louis turned red in embarrassment, gnashing his teeth together. 

"Oh my God, dad." He murmured. "You thrive off of embarrassing me, don't you?" 

"When the opportunity arises, I catch it." His voice faded as he strode into the kitchen. Louis glanced up at Harry who had pink cheeks and a cute little smile he was trying to hide, but failing miserably in doing so. 

"I'm sorry, he's so embarrassing." Louis said softly in fear that his father would hear him, which in that case he'd get even more embarrassing! Harry turned his head down at him, laughing. 

"I find it amusing."

"Yeah, but you're not the one he's embarrassing." Louis tilted his head onto Harry's shoulder, glancing at the screen. Harry laughed loudly, his entire body shaking which made Louis smile. 

"My mum can be very embarrassing too, don't worry." 

"My dad still treats me like I'm six sometimes." Harry laughed and just smiled down at him contently before they both turned back to the screen. They could hear Louis' dad rummage around in the kitchen before walking back down the hallway followed by a door closing. 

The second they heard the door close they both turned and looked at each other making each other laugh. Harry wriggled his eyebrows at him and Louis laughed joyously, pushing at Harrys chest with his hand. Harry laughed, reaching up to catch his hand. Louis sighed contently, smiling up at him before quickly pulling his hand out of Harry's. Harry then reached up, touching his cheek tenderly. 

"Careful now, my dad is like a cat. He only makes his presence known when he wants it to be known. I've been meaning to get him a bell." He whispered making Harry laugh softly. 

"We'll hear the door." He whispered back teasingly. Louis smiled shyly before Harry was leaning in and kissing him softly. Their eyes fluttered shut. Louis felt like his stomach was fluttering with countless butterflies which was a nice difference compared to the empty pain he usually felt. 

His head titled back as Harrys hand moved lower to cradle his head gently. Louis reached up, his finger tips dancing across Harry's cheeks the way the northern light sometimes danced across the sky. 

Harry smiled into the kiss, feeling so enthralled to finally be sharing their first, or technically second, kiss. It wasn't like anything he was expecting. Granted, he had no idea what he was expecting, just nothing as soft and tender as this. 

Harry brushed his thumb against his cheek the way he would rub dew off of a flower petal. They pulled away, their lips brushing together softly before they both smiled and opened their eyes. Harry gave him one more quick kiss before they both laughed with each other, pulling their hands back to themselves. 

God, Louis felt like a completely different person. He felt alive, he felt happy, he felt empowered. How long those feelings would last, though, was an answer he did know. Happy emotions had a hell of a shorter lifespan for him rather than sad emotions which seemed immortal and never ending. 

"I didn't make you uncomfortable, did I?" Harry asked him softly. "Since, you know, you said you didn't like touching or being touched."

"If I were uncomfortable I would've turned away." Louis responded eliciting a fond smile from Harry. "Sorry if I...kind of ambushed you there, though." He added shyly. 

"Hey, don't apologize. I very much enjoyed that." Harry replied making Louis laugh, but blush even harder. "One of my friends is throwing a New Years Eve party," Harry started. "Would you maybe like to go to it with me?" Louis drew in a hesitant breath because one of the last places he wanted to be was at a party. Parties were just a hellhole of anxiety. They were loud, crowded, and just downright annoying.

"Sure." He said instead, giving Harry a reassuring smile. Harry smiled back down at him. 

"Great." 

After Spy had ended they then agreed to put on Toy Story 3 which they only ended up falling asleep more than half way through it. Harry's head was titled back against the edge of the couch and he had his arms crossed now. Louis was conked again with he face turned into the couch cushion. 

It was 11:15 and his father strolled down the stairs, dressed in a white tee shirt and plaid pajama bottoms. The lights were all turned out except for the three lamps in the living room giving it all a warm glow. He stepped behind the couch before reaching down and planting his hand on Harry's shoulder gently. 

Harry jolted awake, sitting upright before turning over his shoulder. His movement caused Louis to stir awake as well. They both rubbed their eyes sleepily. 

"It's getting late." His father said quietly. Harry just nodded, still half asleep, and Louis was already falling asleep again. Harry stood up, stretching his stiff back before he smiled down at Louis who looked so sleepy and so adorable and just so huggable. He snatched his keys off the coffee table. Louis' father and walked into the kitchen and Louis was sitting up slowly, rubbing his eyes again. 

"I'll see you later." Louis just nodded tiredly, rubbing his eyes still. 

"Bye, thanks for coming." He replied making Harry laugh softly and he started for the door. When the door closed behind him Louis instantly turned over and crashed against the pillow. His father strolled back out to the living room a moment later. 

"Wouldn't you be more comfortable in your bed?" He asked making Louis shake his head. 

"I'm content here." He answered before yawning. His dad smiled softly. 

"Sleep well, then." 

"You too." His dad walked over to the armchair and picked up a blanket that had been thrown on it. He fanned it open over Louis before walking over to the stairs. "Thank you." He heard Louis say quietly. He just smiled again before mounting the stairs to his room. 

-

The next day Harry was at his mothers house drinking coffee from a little ceramic mug with his baby picture on it. He was sitting at the island counter tiredly. His mother was placing a bagel in the toaster. 

"I didn't hear you come home last night, how late were you out?" She asked turning to face him curiously. 

"I left his house around 11:30." The questionable look that came across Anne's face made him almost choke on his coffee because in all honesty he hadn't even told his mom about Louis yet. He had just told her he was going out with Zayn and Liam. 

"House? Whose house?" She asked unsurely and Harry was sure he had turned completely red. He sipped his coffee nonchalantly making Anne give him a stern motherly look. 

"No ones, I meant his place." 

"Harry, I raised you for over 18 years, I can tell when you're lying." She replied with a smirk and Harry broke out into a grin. "And why are you blushing?" Harry set his mug down and slapped his hands up over his cheeks. "Where were you last night?" 

"Okay, so, I met this guy—"

"You met a guy?" Anne asked excitedly which only made Harry blush all the more harder. 

"Yes, I met-"

"Where did you meet him? When did you meet him?" 

"I met him at the bakery." Harry said removing his hands from his cheeks. Anne was grinning from ear to ear. "We met at the beginning of December sort of." 

"Well what's his name? What's he like? I can't believe you haven't told me about this!" She exclaimed making Harry laugh. 

"His name is Louis." He stated. "I just went over to his house and we watched movies." 

"And?" Anne asked. "What's he like? What does he look like?" Harry just sighed contently. 

"He's a little shorter than me, he has these absolutely gorgeous blue eyes, and he has soft brown hair." He explained. "He's very soft spoken and meek and he's funny and he's cute and he's sweet and he even asks me about clouds and weather." 

"That's the sign of a keeper." She teased. "Well you'll have to bring him around sometime soon because I want to meet him."

"Mum, please—"

"Well it's only fair." She teased with a sweet smile. "Have you met his parents?"

"I met his dad, his mother passed away in a car crash a few years ago." He told her flatly and Anne frowned. 

"Oh my, how horrible." Harry pressed his lips together, nodding. "Does he have any siblings?" Harry shook his head. 

"Nope, he's an only child." The bagel in the toaster popped up with a little ding. 

"Well I can't wait to meet him. How long have you been dating?" She asked as she moved over to the toaster and pulled the bagel out of the toaster before dropping it onto her plate. 

"I don't know, around 2 weeks, give or take." He answered. "Probably take." He added making her laugh. 

"And you met him at the bakery?" Harry smiled fondly before nodding his head contently. He couldn't believe he only had a few more weeks left working there! Time had just flown by it seemed. 

"Yeah, he always sits outside on the bench." He explained. 

"When's your last day there?" 

"January 15th." He answered standing up from his store. Anne was spreading cream cheese on her bagel as Harry walked over to sink, pouring out the rest of his coffee then placing the mug down in it carefully. 

"How exciting." She said lightly. Harry grinned, strolling out of the kitchen area. He didn't say anything in response, he just walked up the stairs to his old bedroom he was currently occupying for the time being. He wondered what Louis was up to. 

And Louis was lying on his bed experiencing some soft, but annoying, chest pains. He had grown quite used to them. He didn't get them often, but when he did they only lasted around five minutes or so. With his hand over his beating heart he closed his eyes and wondered how long these could continue before he had to tell someone.


	10. Chapter 10

Louis was completely dreading going to the blasted New Years Eve party with Harry. Like, he was considering just cancelling with Harry, but for some reason he just couldn't bring himself to do it. Why? He had no idea, he had done it plenty of times before with his old friends in high school. It's partially the reason he wasn't friend with any of them anymore, though. 

Harry had said he'd pick him up at 7. That night at dinner he was way more anxious than usual. He felt physically sick. He stared down at his plate of food it's his arms crossed across his stomach, slouching forward. 

"Louis, if you don't want to go to the party then just call Harry and tell him you can't make it." His father said speaking up softly. Louis just bit his cheek, shaking his head. 

"No, no, it's fine. It'll be fine." He drew in a slow breath. "So...fine." 

"If it's not you can always leave." 

"I know, I know." He reached up and rubbed the back of his neck. The rest of dinner was mostly quiet, as it always was. He helped his father clear the table and clean the dishes that night. Then, at 7 o'clock, there was a knock on his door making his heart leap up to his throat. 

But he put on a happy face anyway and answered the door. And as usual Harry was smiling joyfully and just looked like the embodiment of happiness. 

"Hey, ready to go?" He greeted and Louis smiled softly, nodding. 

"Yeah," He reached up to the key rack beside the door and grabbed his keys. "Be back later, dad." He called back into the house. 

"Have fun, be home by one." Louis grit his teeth and rolled his eyes. He would've argued for later, but deep down he was wishing his father had said an earlier time. He stepped onto the porch before locking the door behind him. 

They walked down the porch together and strolled over to Harry's car. They both climbed in and buckled up. 

"How was your day?" Harry asked him sweetly. Louis just shrugged in response. 

"Alright, didn't do much. How was yours?"

"Pretty good, didn't do much as well. Just worked and that was boring." Louis smiled softly. 

"You looked bored." 

"And you looked cute." Harry teased back making Louis blush. "You should come in and say hi sometime." Louis shrugged meekly, staring down at his lap bashfully. 

"I mean, maybe sometime. I don't want to bother you while you're working or anything." Harry laughed. 

"It would be the highlight of my day. Literally, half the time I'm just standing there doing nothing." 

"Maybe next time." He teased and butterflies fluttered in Harry's stomach. "So, what kind of clouds were in the sky today?"

"Well today I just saw regular cumulus. Boring." He joked making Louis laugh softly. His heart was still racing in his chest and he couldn't tell if that was because he was with Harry or because he was on his way to a Godforsaken party right now. 

"I thought all clouds were exciting." 

"Well yeah, but cumulus is just so overrated." Harry said sarcastically making Louis laugh again. The car ride was full of idle chatter before they were pulling into the street the party was taking place on. 

They arrived at the house and Louis looked up at it apprehensively. It was a huge house, and it was quite obvious that there was a party currently happening. There were bright lights, loud music, and a crowd of cars lining the streets. Harry climbed out of the car and Louis followed suit. Louis' stomach lurched. He hadn't even taken into account the fact that he would probably know absolutely nobody there. 

"Ready, ready?" Harry asked teasingly as they walked across the lawn and up to the front door. Louis just gave him a small, almost patronizing, smile before Harry opened the door and they squeezed inside. The stench of cigarette smoke and something else was nauseating and the music was loud he could actually feel his chest vibrating along with it. He didn't like that. People were everywhere. Louis just followed Harry through the house. They stopped in the kitchen. 

"Hey man!" Louis watched as Harry walked over to Zayn, Liam, and Niall who all held beer bottles in their hands. They were congregated in a corner, leaning against the counter. "Hi Louis," Zayn greeted kindly and Louis smiled shyly. 

"Hi." He replied meekly, wrapping his arms around himself uneasily. Zayn smiled, taking a swig of his beer. 

"And this is Niall." He then said turning to face him. "This is Harry." Niall nodded.

"Yeah, I think we've all got a class together." He said as Harry nodded. Louis just bit the inside of his cheek, peering down at the floor feeling uneasy and self conscious. Then Harry turned to him, gesturing to him. 

"And this is Louis, my boy—pal." Harry turned bright red because he almost called Louis his boyfriend, but he wasn't even sure if they were calling each other that yet! "Friend, I mean, like...we've gone on a few dates. Hey, where's the beer?" God, he wanted to fucking die already. He pivoted around and snatched an unopened beer bottled from the island. He twisted off the cap and chugged at least half of it. Everyone just watched him in amusement. Louis wanted to put his head in his hands. 

"It's nice to meet you," Niall said to him though and Louis nodded back, giving him a soft smile. 

"It's nice to meet you as well." He replied and Niall grinned. 

"Louis, do you want something to drink?" Zayn asked him. He shook his head. 

"No thanks, I'm not a big drinker." He kindly declined. Niall had trotted off somewhere else and Harry was talking with Liam when Zayn stepped over to him. 

"So how have you been?" Louis shrugged. 

"Alright. I'm a bit tired. How have you been?" Zayn shrugged as well, smiling. 

"Can't complain."

"Was that Niall the aro Niall you asked out?" Zayn blushed under the dim lights and nodded. 

"Yeah, we're just going to be friends…obviously." He joked slightly and Louis smiled. 

"Well that's still nice." Zayn smiled back, nodding. 

"As nice as it can be." He joked again. Louis just smiled and kept his arms crossed. He turned his head down awkwardly, feeling compelled to say something to keep the conversation going, but he couldn't think of something to say. "I'll catch up with you later." Zayn patted it shoulder, but was too distracted by everything around him to notice Louis jerk away hastily. 

Zayn walked off and Louis accidentally bumped into Harry before moving away from him. Harry turned to him and he just apologized before flushing and turning his head down. Tonight was going to be hell. 

-

An hour and a half had passed and Louis had completely lost knowledge of where Harry was forty minutes ago. He was just standing helplessly in the corner of the foyer trying to remember some old deep breathing exercises, but all the smoke he was inhaling wasn't helping in any way. He pulled out his phone and tried to distract himself with that. 

He was in the middle of a game when a shadow overcame him. He looked up see a guy he didn't recognize and his heart started pounding, but no one had even said anything yet! 

"Hey, having fun out here on your phone all alone?" He teased in a playful manner. Louis just forced a nervous chuckle and shrugged, shoving his phone into his pocket before crossing his arms. 

"It's distracting, I don't really like parties." He told earning himself a curious look. 

"Really, why not?" Louis just shrugged again. 

"They can just get to be too much me. Too many people in a small, hot room doesn't sit well with me." 

"Hey, sounds like a party to me." The guy joked animatedly before a quizzical look came s Ross his face. "I mean, obviously it'd sound like a party considering that's what we're talking about, but I mean...I was just using the expression and...I'm just gonna shut up now." He said making Louis laugh which in turn made the guy smile. He was tall and broad, with perfectly white teeth and brown eyes you could just melt in. "I'm Adler, by the way."

"Nice to meet you, I'm Louis." 

"It's nice to meet you as well. Who'd you come here with?" 

"Harry." He answered and Louis would've asked him the same in return except Adler probably knew more people here than Louis did so if he listed off any name that wasn't Harry, Liam, Zayn, or Niall he would have no idea who he was talking about. Adler nodded. "You know him?" He nodded again. 

"Yeah, yeah, he's a real nice guy. He knows a lot about weather related things." He said making Louis smile. 

"Well he is studying meteorology so I guess that's a good thing." He half joked and Adler smiled at him. 

"What are you studying?" Louis flushed. 

"Oh, I'm not actually in uni anymore. I dropped after the first year." 

"How come?" Christ, Louis had no idea what to say. 

"Just for some personal reasons. What are you studying?" Louis quickly asked in hopes of taking the spotlight off him. 

"I'm studying mechanical engineering." 

"Ooh, sounds very fascinating." He replied despite not even being sure what mechanical engineering was. Adler smiled modestly, nodding in agreement. 

"Well it is to me." He joked lightly. 

"Well that's good to say the least. Don't want to be doing something you don't enjoy."

"That is also true." 

"What would you be interested in if you were in uni?" Louis shrugged because nothing interested him. Nothing at all. 

"Maybe English or art. Or both." He answered with a shrug. Adler was just smiling at him with a certain fondness to it. Louis just turned his gaze down and crossed his arms. 

"Are you seeing anyone?" He blurted out and Louis could already feel himself blush. His heart jumped in his chest and his hit clammy again. 

"I am actually, sorry." He said awkwardly and soft. Adler just nodded understandingly. 

"Aw, well, whoever it is I'm sure they're a lucky person." Louis smiled softly. 

"It's actually-" Louis was mid sentence when Adler just turned and walked into the crowded living room. Louis gawked in disbelief at his backside before he just disappeared. Was he only talking to him because he was interested in him? That couldn't possibly be it because why would he be interested in Louis of all people? Maybe it was just some joke with his friends to go talk to the loser standing in the corner. That had to be it. 

Louis turned his head down and turned to the room on his right which was still jam packed with people. He kept his eye out for Harry. He had to be somewhere!

He had made his way into the living room, still searching for Harry, when suddenly he felt two hands wrap around his waist and every fiber in his body was screaming at him to get away. He quickly turned around, feeling very panicked, and pushed Harry back roughly. Harry was caught off guard. 

"Don't touch me." Louis yelled over the music. Harry held up his hands defensively.  

"I didn't even touch you-"

"You just put your hands around my waist and I've told you that I don't like to be touched at least twice. You can't just forget that and slip up because it's important to me that you do not do that-"

"God, it was an accident, could you maybe loosen up a bit? It's crowded, I wasn't sure if you were going to hear me, I was just trying to let you know that I was behind you."

"I can't loosen up because my anxiety doesn't let me relax." Louis retorted. "Sorry if I'm such a bother to you." He turned and stormed out of the room, leaving Harry behind dumbfounded. He started after Louis before realizing he had just disappeared in the sea of bodies. Great. 

He searched every room practically, but Louis was nowhere to be seen. He asked Zayn, Liam, and even Niall if they had seen him, but all hadn't a clue as to where he was. Harry went out the front door and see if he had maybe gone outside or even gone to his car, but he hadn't. 

Then when he was back inside he passed the sliding doors that led into the backyard. He pushed the blinds back and peered outside into the darkness. And just as he was hoping to see there was a black figure sitting on the ledge of the patio above the grass. 

Harry stepped outside, closing the door quietly behind him, and he could recognize it to be Louis. He had his legs pulled in and his forehead between his knees, crying. Harry drew in a deep breath and walked over, sitting beside him. 

"Hey, Lou," He said softly. He reached out with the intention of placing his hand on his back, but quickly caught himself and brought his hand back. Louis bit his cheek to silence the soft noises he was making. He turned his head to the side so that he wasn't facing Harry. "I didn't mean to make you cry—"

"It wasn't you." He interrupted. 

"I feel like it was. I'm sorry I put my hands on your waist, I...I'm just sorry. I don't have an excuse or anything I can say to justify myself, it was wrong of me." Louis turned his head on its other side and peered at Harry. 

"I can understand, like, accidents and all." He said. "But...please try to remember." Harry nodded solemnly. 

"Would you be comfortable explaining why you don't like being touched?" He asked softly. "If not, I understand." Louis let go of his legs and let his feet dangle above the grass. He rubbed his eyes. 

"I...deal with confidence and self esteem issues when it comes to body image." He explained. "That's why I don't like being touched. I don't like my body and...it can actually trigger a lot of anxiety for me." That was really watering down an understatement. 

"I am sorry that's something you have to deal with." Harry replied softly. Louis shrugged.

"I'm used to it." Harry pouted at him and it made Louis crack a small smile. "So...just please, please, please try to stay conscious of that." Harry nodded. 

"Is there anything that you are comfortable with or is it just absolutely no contact what so ever?" Louis pressed his lips together and drew in a slow breath. 

"I am...comfortable and okay with...holding hands." He stated, despite that not being entirely true. Was he alright with holding hands? Sure. Was it something he necessarily wanted to do? Not really. "And, like, I don't know, like, putting your arm around my shoulder is okay, I guess." He added meekly making Harry smile. "It really kind of depends."

"What are you most definitely not okay with?"

"Touching my waist or, like, anything below my chest." Louis deadpanned. Harry nodded. 

"Okay. Thank you for telling me." He turned to him with a smile and Louis just stared down at the grass beneath him, breathing deeply. "Want to go back inside?" Louis shook his head. 

"To be quite honest, I don't like parties." He told him making Harry chuckle softly. Louis smiled softly hearing him laugh. "I'm sorry, but I'm serious."

"Well we didn't have to come—"

"Yeah, but...I don't know, figured maybe I'd try to put myself outside my comfort zone." 

"Well, thank you for coming with me tonight anyway." Louis smiled at him softly. 

"No problem, boypal." He teased and a look of utter embarrassment came across Harry's face as he slapped his hand over his face. 

"Oh my God, I can't believe I even said that." He mumbled before lowering his hand. "I was about to say boyfriend, but...I wasn't even sure if we're, like, considered that yet and I didn't want to say that without even knowing how you felt about it firstly. And...I just ended up making a fool of myself." He explained laughing infectiously. Louis just smiled at him. "So...-"

"I'm guessing your next question is if we're consider boypals yet?" Louis asked making Harry laugh again. His stomach was beginning to hurt! 

"I mean, yeah. I guess, we've been going out for about 2 weeks give or take." He replied softly. "Unless you don't want to, I mean, I haven't exactly been in a lot of relationships, I'm not even sure if this is something people still talk about." Louis chuckled softly. 

"I guess it's safe to say we're boypals." 

"Please stop saying boypals." 

"But it sounds so cute!" Louis exclaimed and Harry only turned red. 

"I'm never going to live it down, will I?" He asked him and Louis shook his head. 

"I'll always be here to remind you." Harry smiled at him beautifully and Louis smiled back bashfully. "You can go back in if you'd like, you don't have to stay out here with me. I'm sure you'd rather be with all your friends." Harry shook his head. 

"I'm perfectly content out here." Louis didn't believe that, though. He felt like Harry was only saying that because he felt bad for him or pitied him. He didn't like feeling that way, but his was he to stop it? 

"Are you sure?" He asked softly. "Because I don't want you to feel like you have to stay out here or anything or feel bad for wanting to go inside instead. I'm alright with it." Harry shrugged, shaking his head. 

"Could use a breather anyway. It's cool out here and quiet. I like it. I mean, I'm not so huge on parties either, believe it or not." He teased softly. 

"Do you know Adler?" 

"Jones?" Louis shrugged unsurely. 

"I don't know, tall broad guy with unnaturally white teeth."

"Yeah, that's Adler Jones. Why?"

"He's rude." Louis simply replied making Harry laugh. 

"What did he do?"

"Well, I guess he's not rude, but he came up to me and we were talking and he seemed nice and then he asked me if I was seeing someone and I said yes and then as I was saying something else he just walked away. Like, I was literally in the middle of talking and he just turned and left." 

"Yeah, he can be a bit of a jerk." Louis rolled his eyes in annoyance before sighing. 

"Said you were nice, though." 

"Well that's good." He said lightly. Louis just took a deep breath then tilted his head up at the sky. 

"What time is it?" Harry pulled out his phone. 

"11:23." Louis groaned making Harry laugh which then made Louis start to laugh as well. "Would you like me just to take you home?" Louis shook his head. "Do you wanna go back in?" Louis shook his head again. 

"I want to stay out here and watch the stars." He told him contently. 

"Well I'm gonna go grab a drink and I'll be right back. Do you want me to grab you anything?" Louis nodded. He was extremely parched, but he was used to that. 

"Yes please."

"Any preference?" Harry asked striding over to the door. Louis shook his head. 

"No, thank you." He heard the door close behind Harry then sighed to himself. He glanced up at the sky and looked at all the twinkling stars. A moment later the door open and Harry strolled back out holding two plastic cups. 

"Here you go, my fair gentleman." He joked handing Louis the cup. 

"What is it?" He asked as Harry sat back down. 

"I'm not sure, some guy in there was mixing a bunch of these for everyone." They each lifted their cups and took a sip. 

"It's sour." Louis remarked as his face scrunched together. Harry nodded in agreement. 

"And strong." He added taking another sip which made Louis chuckle. 

"Good, though." There wasn't much liquid in the cup and before Louis knew it he had drank it all and was wanting more. He licked his lips then placed the cup down beside him. 

Louis climbed down from the ledge and walked forward a few paces before descending to the grass and lying on his back. Harry left is cup on the stone and walked over, laying down on the space beside Louis. 

"You like the stars?" He asked curiously and Louis nodded. 

"When I was younger I thought the stars were the eyes of the dead watching us." He explained. "I'd spend nights wondering which two stars were my grandparents eyes thinking that if they could see me then I must be able to see them." Harry smiled at him softly. 

"That's a cute story." 

"It was my mums favorite story to tell about me." Louis replied softly. "That and a story about me trying to dress myself where I put both my legs into one pant leg and fell over giving myself a nice bruise on my forehead." Harry burst out into boisterous laughter making Louis smile. 

"My mum has a stupid little mug with one of baby pictures of it and she shows it off to anyone who ever enters the house."

"Hey, my dad has one too!" Louis exclaimed. "Like, with my baby picture on it and below it it says 'Louis loves daddy' and every time I see him use it I just want to fucking die. My mum gave it to him on our first Father's Day and I don't know why she thought that wording was necessary." He exclaimed only making Harry laugh even more. Louis turned his head and gazed at him admirably. Once Harry stopped laughing he looked back at Louis fondly. 

"Can't exactly kink-shame your own parents, now can you?" He teased and Louis rolled just eyes. 

"God, that's what I think about every time I see it. The whole daddy kink thing has ruined the word daddy for me for the rest of my life." Harry chuckled. 

"Daddy cool." Louis laughed softly. 

"Daddy uncool." Harry smiled at him. 

"So, what's your favorite constellation?" 

"Orion, it's the easiest to recognize and I have fun trying to find it. What's yours?" 

"I'm not sure," Harry answered looking back up at the sky. "I don't know many constellations other than Orion and the Big and Little Dipper." 

"What a shame." Louis tsked shaking his head and Harry just smiled at the sky. It was lit so brilliantly, he wasn't sure he had ever seen anything so beautiful. Besides Louis, that is. 

They just laid on the grass in comfortable silence and watched the moon and the stars. He wasn't even aware of how much time had passed until the soft sound of fireworks going off in the distance made Harry prop himself up. Louis just continued watching the stars contently as Harry pulled out his phone. 

"It's 12:01." He stated then setting it back down. He turned on his side and gazed down at Louis. "Happy New Year." He smiled softly and Louis smiled back at him. 

"Happy New Year." Harry turned over on his stomach then reached down, brushing Louis' hair away from his eyes. 

"Can I kiss you?" Louis felt his heart flutter in nervousness and excitement. He nodded slowly. 

"Yes." He whispered back quietly. Harry leaned down slowly before kissing Louis ever so softly. His hand was still on his forehead, it felt so warm. When he pulled away Louis smiled before opening his eyes. Harry moved his hand away from his forehead and smiled back down at him. Louis placed his hands on his lower chest, his heart was racing with excitement for once. Harry dipped down and pressed a feather light kiss to the tip of his nose, making him giggle. 

"You have a cute little nose." 

"So do you." Louis reached up and booped the tip of Harry's nose, making him laugh. 

"Oh, and my mum wants to meet you to, by the way." Harry stated. "So, I was wondering if maybe you'd like to come over to her house, say a quick hello, and then we could watch movies."

"We watch a lot of movies." Louis stated making Harry laugh softly. 

"We could also go outside and a have a snowball fight." He teased. "Or we could build a snowman and we can sing that ridiculously tiring song from Frozen." He added eliciting a beautiful smile from Louis. "And then we can go inside and watch movies." 

"I like the sound of that." Harry grinned. "What day?"

"How about Friday, the third. You could come over around 3ish? I don't work that day."

"How about 3:30?" Harry smiled at him softly, remembering that 3 o'clock was when he released his blue balloon for his mother. 

"3:30 sounds perfect." Louis smiled back and soon Harry was leaning down to kiss him quickly again. He laughed softly and Harry just gave him a cheesy grin before turning over on his back again. 

Soon they headed back inside where they got another drink. And another. And another. And soon they were tipsy and someone was serving shots so they decided it was a good idea to go take a few and before they both knew it they were drunk and it wasn't until after four in the morning Louis got home. And he wasn't even sure how he got home.


	11. Chapter 11

Louis stumbled into the foyer, tripping over some of his other shoes and his fathers shoes. He giggled into his wrist before pressing his hand against the wall to support himself up as he kicked off his shoes. 

He was completely unaware that his father had been waiting up for him on the couch and was now walking towards the foyer with his arms crossed tightly, his expression hard with anger. 

"Louis, where the hell have you been?" He demanded. "It is four in the fucking morning, I told you to be home at one."

"Well I'm home now, aren't I?" Louis replied before bursting out into a fit of giggles. 

"Are you drunk?" Louis shrugged. 

"I only had a few." He answered rubbing his eyes. 

"A few what? Beers? Shots? Mixed drinks?"

"Only, like, 4 or 5." Louis said. "Maybe 6." 

"Maybe 6 what?" He father asked raising his voice. 

"I dunno." Louis answered shaking his head. 

"Louis...," His father trailed off then just took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Why the hell would you do something like this? You know better than this! Where the hell was your head?"

"I's just havin' a little fun. Chill."

"Well while you're out 'just havin' a little fun' I'm sitting here wondering where the hell you are and what the hell is keeping you up. Did you not see any of my calls or texts? I was worried sick about you!" Louis just rolled his eyes, staring down at the floor. 

"Well, I was fine. I'm always fine, aren't I?"

"That doesn't mean that for once you won't be. You think I'm going to relax just knowing that every other time you've made it home safely? How am I supposed to believe that this couldn't be the one time that you end up getting hit by a car, or kidnapped, or assaulted...anything could happen! You can't just keep blowing this off!"

"Who gives a fuck-"

"I do because I care about you."

"Oh, please, I know you hate me." Louis retorted and his father's jaw dropped. 

"Don't you dare accuse me of hating you!" He yelled furiously. "Ever. I do not hate you. I have never hated you, you are my son. I loved you before you were even born, I loved you from the moment your mother told me she was pregnant with you-"

"Fucking bullshit!" Louis interrupted sternly. "I'm actually supposed to believe you loved me when you were fucking 17 years old and mum, who was also 17, probably came up to you in the school hallway in a panic telling you she was pregnant?" 

"Yes, because even though when we found out she was pregnant and we were stressed and freaking out, I still knew I loved you. That no matter what I always would. Even if I was just a 17 year old in high school, that didn't deter my excitement when it came to the idea of having a son or daughter." Louis just wiped his eyes, not believing for a split second that every word out of his father's mouth was true. How could it be? How could his father had been excited about becoming a dad before he even graduated high school? 

"Well, quite frankly, I find that very hard to believe." He replied in a soft tone. 

"Well what do you want to believe?" His father retorted. "Do you want to believe that when I first found out I freaked out and started only thinking about myself and my future? Do you want to believe I resented the idea of having you? That I tried to convince your mother to get an abortion and pretend it never happened? Because that's not what happened." His cold and stern tone contrasted that of what he was telling him. 

"You were 17 and in high school-"

"Well who gives a fuck about that!" His father yelled sarcastically startling Louis. "You want to hear the story? Here's the story. On a Sunday morning your mother came over to my house very distraught and when we were up in my room she told me that she was six weeks pregnant. Then we sat there in silence and I was in disbelief. I couldn't fathom the idea that I was the father, that she was carrying our child. She started crying and talking about how she was too young to become a mother and didn't have the responsibility to do so. I told her that it was her choice to keep you or not  and she said that she wasn't strong enough to get an abortion and I supported her decision. I promised her I would be by her side the entire time, whether we stayed together or not because she was carrying you and after my disbelief had faded away and reality set in I knew I loved you, but I was also so terrified about all that would happen. Her parents did not support her decision to keep you, they kicked her out so she came and lived with me in my parents house who were supportive about us and you. And so we had you. And I couldn't have been happier." Louis bit the inside of his cheek. "So don't you ever dare accuse me of hating you, using that I was 17 and in high school as an excuse for me not to love you. You are my son and I am actually quite offended that you would even suggest I hate you." He crossed his arms. "I guess I am partly to blame, though. Can you please explain to me why you think I hate you or what I have done to lead you to believe that? Because, please, if I am doing something that is leading you to believe I hate you when I in fact love you then let me know right now."

"You don't have to do anything specific for me to believe that you hate me. You could literally treat me with the most genuine sincerity and I would still believe you are lying because you hate me-"

"Well just believe me-"

"Oh gee, thanks dad, I suddenly believe you now." He snapped bitterly. 

"How could you believe that for a second I hate you?" His father asked softly. Louis took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes, shrugging his shoulders. He stared down at the carpet. 

"How could you not?" He whispered. "I make your life a living hell-"

"No, you do not-"

"I'm 20 fucking years old and I have no job, I'm not in uni, and I still live at home!" Louis yelled in an outburst of self hatred. "I don't even have my fucking license! I'm sure you're real proud that your pathetic son turned out this way. That he has an eating disorder and constantly causes fights and arguments because he always fights against you! How am I not supposed to believe I make your life a living hell?"

"Because you don't! Sure, life isn't exactly easy right now, but that is not solely your fault, Louis!" Louis just rolled his eyes. "And I will always be proud to call you my son regardless of the battles you're fighting, I will always be proud of you. However, I am not proud of myself for not being there for you when you needed me, especially after your mothers passing." 

"Yeah, well, I guess you and I have that in common." His father took a deep breath and rubbed the back of his neck. Louis was physically out of breath from how much yelling he had been doing. His heart was beating violently. 

"Louis, I am not perfect, I have my faults too, so don't think that everything that's happened is solely your fault. It's not. If there had been things that I had done better then I'm sure things would be different now. But things aren't and that's okay because that's just how people live. We learn to adapt and we will learn how to get through this-"

"It's been six years, dad." Louis replied softly. "I think the learning how to get through this ship has sailed." He mumbled apathetically. 

"Then we'll get in a raft and row after it." His dad joked in a serious, yet still sarcastic sounding tone of voice making Louis crack a small smile. His dad smiled back softly. "You will beat this-"

"It's not that easy-"

"Well of course it's not easy, but that is not an excuse to not try and keep trying." Louis swallowed thickly. "Promise, promise, promise me you will start fighting with me instead of against me. Even if it means eating one extra apple slice for lunch, or both us trying to keep to the arguing to a minimum. Whatever it is, just promise me because I can not beat this for you." Louis took a deep breath. He couldn't possibly promise his dad that. He simply couldn't. He knew he needed to get better, but oh my God he was so terrified about gaining weight even just the thought of eating extra apple slices made him sick with anxiety. 

"I can't make that promise." He replied. "But I can promise that...I will try." He didn't know if he actually would. Or if he even could. Just walking ten feet weakened him, fighting an invisible battle against himself would only destroy him. 

"Okay." His dad nodded. "Thank you." Louis just took a deep breath. His father stood there silently, contemplating his next words and actions. Louis swallowed thickly before his eyes watered with thick tears. He reached up and covered his hands over his face before he actually started crying. He wasn't even sure why he was crying and he most certainly didn't want to be crying right in front of his father. 

His father stepped forward and reached out his arms with the intention of pulling Louis in for a hug because his first instinct when Louis was ever upset or hurting was to try and help soothe him of course, the last thing he wanted was for his little boy to be hurting. Even if he had been hurting for 6 years. 

He immediately recoiled back though, because he knew Louis probably did not want to be touched in any way. He lowered his arms, breathing deeply, but then Louis stepped forward, his hands still covering his face, and turned his face down onto his fathers chest. His father didn't care at that point. He wrapped his arms around Louis loosely and rubbed his back soothingly. He could feel the dips of his spine protruding from his back, but just ignored it. 

Louis couldn't even remember the last time he had hugged his dad. Or even hugged anyone. And even then he wasn't even hugging him, his dad was hugging him while he just cried into chest. God, he felt like he was 13 again. 

He moved his hands away from his face and wrapped his arms around his father, hugging him as tight as he could because who knew how much time he actually had left. His tears still rolled down his cheeks and his dad just hugged him back. 

"You feelin' okay?" He whispered. Louis wanted to shake his head, but he didn't. 

"I'm scared." His father sighed heavily. 

"Me too." Louis swallowed thickly before they both stepped back. "Now go get some sleep." Louis managed a very small smile then wiped his eyes, nodding his head. 

"I'll try." His dad smiled back at him. 

"Sleep well." 

"I'll try." Louis turned to the stairs and his father followed suit. 

"And try to sit up right. We can talk more tomorrow." Louis just nodded and ascended the stairs very slowly, gripping the railing tightly. Once he got to the top he bent over with his head almost touching his knees. He closed his eyes and gripped the railing tightly. "You alright?" His father asked from behind him. Louis nodded, pulling himself upright again. 

"Perfect." He mumbled before stumbling to his room. He slammed the door behind him. He dropped down on his bed, completely forgetting what his father had said about sleeping upright and laying on his stomach. 

When he woke up he didn't remember much from the party, but he remembered everything his father had said the night before. He also woke up with an aching head and stomach. So he didn't get up. He was killing two birds with one stone, resting away his hangover and avoiding his father. 

Harry also woke up hungover and was greeted good morning by a trip to the bathroom to throw up. He left the bathroom after washing out his mouth and trudged down stairs to the kitchen. 

"Good morning, aren't you bright eyed and bushy tailed." Anne teased from behind the counter with a mug of coffee in her hand. Harry just groaned in response and dragged himself up onto one of the stools. He put his head in his hands. "So, how was the party? I would've appreciated some heads up as to when you would've been heading home instead of having to sit up worrying almost all night, but you're turning 21 soon and you're free to come and go as you please I guess." She said. 

"My head is killing me." 

"I do hope you're being smart with your drinking." Anne continued. Harry just rolled his eyes. 

"I am, mum." 

"So, when am I going to meet Louis?" Harry shrugged. 

"I don't remember." He grumbled. "But he's coming over sometime to watch movies." 

"I can't wait to meet him!" She exclaimed gleefully. Harry smiled lazily, placing his chin in his palm. 

"Do remember that he's taken." He teased softly. Anne gave him a rather patronizing look. 

"I know that, this is just exciting because you've never brought anyone home for me to meet-"

"Let the record show that you told me I had to bring him over so you can meet him, I'm not bringing him here by choice." Anne waved him off, walking around the counter with her coffee mug. 

"Oh, don't ruin my excitement." She sauntered off and Harry just took a deep breath before laying his head down. It was going to be a long day. 

Two long days later it was the third and the sound of the doorbell ringing throughout the house made Harry jump up with excitement and bolt for the door. 

"Is that Louis?" His mother asked walking down the stairs. 

"Yes, at least it should be." Harry answered reaching for the door before pausing. "Oh, and he doesn't like being touched so don't try and hug him or anything." He instructed making her laugh.

"I will keep my hands to myself." She teased.  Harry just took a deep breath then pulled open the door. Louis stood there timidly, a bashful smile on his face. Harry gazed down at him like he was seeing him for the first and he was just as beautiful as he was then. 

"Hi." Louis blushed. 

"Hi." He looked down shyly. 

"Come in," Harry stepped aside and Louis stepped into the foyer. Anne stepped forward eagerly. 

"Hi, I'm Harry's mum, Anne. It's so great to meet you!" She exclaimed cheerfully. Louis smiled at her sweetly. 

"It's nice to meet you too." He replied softly. 

"How were your holidays?" She asked as Harry closed the door. 

"They were alright, quiet." He answered with a small smile. "How were yours?"

"Mine were might fine as well, thanks for asking." She replied cheerfully and Louis just smiled again. 

"Yes, well, I hate to break up this conversation, but we have movies to be watching." Harry said stepping forward. Louis smiled at him. 

"Okay, okay, I get it. I'll just be up in my room reading." Anne sad stepping over to the stays. "It was great to meet you, Louis." 

"Thank you, it was great to meet you too." Louis replied. Anne just smiled sweetly before turning up the stairs. 

"Well that was painful enough." Harry remarked with a laugh before walking into the house. Louis followed after him shyly. 

"Your mother is sweet." He remarked. They turned once in the kitchen and dining room area and walked towards two little wooden steps that led down into the an open living room. "You have a nice home."

"Thanks, technically it's just my mothers now, though. I don't think I'll ever live here again once I'm out of the uni." Harry remarked. Louis just listened to what he said and stopped beside the couch unsurely. Harry walked around the couch, in between it and the coffee table as he picked up the remote and turned on the TV. "So, what do you want to watch? My mother hasn't got Netflix so you're stuck with what we've got." He teased glancing over at Louis with a smirk. 

TV turned on then Harry placed the remote before walking over to a DVD stand by the entertainment center. He knelt down before turning over his shoulder to look at Louis. 

"Want to come help me choose a movie?" He asked

"Oh, yeah, of course." Louis flushed red before walking over and kneeling down beside Harry. God, his heart was racing. "Got anything with Jude Law?" He joked cracking a smile and Harry laughed softly. 

"Sadly, I don't believe so." 

"What a shame." Louis teased looking over the DVD's. "Why do you have so my Goosebumps DVD's?" He asked making Harry laugh. 

"I used to love them when I was younger." He answered. Louis just smiled in amusement. "Hey, we should watch Big Hero 6." He said pulling out the DVD. 

"I love that movie." Harry grinned at him. 

"I'll put it in." They both stood up. Harry popped the DVD into the player before they both walked back over to the couch. They both settled down on the middle of it together before Harry was sitting on the edge, ready to stand up. 

"Would you like anything to eat? Or drink? We have a bunch of stuff if you'd like." Louis just smiled sweetly. 

"I'm alright, but thank you." Harry nodded, still standing up. 

"Alright then, if you change your mind let me know." Louis just nodded back then turned to the TV as Harry strolled up over to the kitchen. When he returned he carried one soda bottle and one water bottle. "I brought you water anyway, just in case." He said softly and Louis smiled up at him softly, touched. 

"Thank you." He replied as Harry sat down beside him, causing the cushion to sink down and leading to Louis practically falling into Harry's lap. Harry just laughed softly, but Louis scrambled away from him feeling uneasy. 

"I'm sorry." Harry's laughter was cut short as Louis just rubbed the back of his neck and push himself closer to the left side of the couch. 

"It's alright." He replied rather distraughtly. He chewed on the inside of his cheek so hard he was sure that he was sure he was actually tasting blood. He turned his attention to the television. 

Harry shifted around uncomfortably—well he wasn't uncomfortable, he was uneasy. He just couldn't seem to ever do anything right around Louis. Something wrong always happened. Louis always got uncomfortable about something. And it was always Harry's fault. Always. He could only wonder how long it would be until he crossed the final line and Louis would break up with him. 

It was tense. It made watching the movie not fun. Louis was just tense throughout the entire film and Harry spent the whole movie turning over thought after thought about what to say, playing out every scenario that could possibly happen for everything he thought about saying. After it all he was wondering if he should say anything at all! But he had to say something soon! 

The film was almost over when suddenly Louis' heart started racing and an uncomfortable warmth engulfed his body. He felt sick in a second and uneasy before the warmth turned cold and he just felt unsafe and like he was sweating, but he still felt cold! He knew he was having a panic attack. He knew it. He wasn't even aware of how loud and hard he was breathing until Harry turned to him with a questionable expression. 

"Are you alright?" Louis looked a little grey, his eyes were wide. 

"I'm fine." He replied, but he wasn't. His chest hurt and he was feeling a shortness in breath. "I'm gonna go to the bathroom." Louis stood up from the couch, but everything around him felt like it was moving in slow motion, like none of it was real, like he was in a dream. He rubbed his eyes and stumbled over to the two little stairs leading up to the dining room and kitchen, but he was so dizzy. 

He latched onto the railing and closed his eyes, turning his head down. Harry was watching him carefully then stood up. Louis dropped to his knees and he pressed his forehead against the wall, gripping the edge with his hand tightly. 

"Oh my God, Louis, are you alright?" Harry quickly descended to the floor space beside him and placed his hand in his shoulder before immediately pulling it back. 

"Please don't get close to me." Louis told him keeping his eyes closed and head turned down. Harry moved back a bit. 

"Um, can I help at all? Do you want water?" Louis shook his head. He was trembling. 

"I just...need to lie down." Louis turned away from the wall before laying down on his stomach. He folded his arms under his head and closed his eyes, immediately feeling better. Harry laid down beside him. Not close beside him, but beside him. 

"What can I do to help?" He asked softly. 

"Nothing, but thanks for asking." Louis replied shaking. He kept his eyes closed and took deep breaths. Harry watched him helplessly, wishing there was something he could do, but he didn't even know what was happening! It seemed like hours had passed but it was only ten minutes before Louis finally felt calm again. His heart stopped pounding, he stopped trembling, and he just felt like he could breathe again. 

He curled up slightly then opened his eyes, looking at Harry who was looking back at him solemnly. 

"Are you alright?" Louis nodded.

"I am now." He whispered back. 

"What happened?"

"Panic attack." Louis sighed. "Sorry."

"What? Hey, no, you have nothing to apologize for. You didn't do anything wrong." Harry said softly. 

"I'm sorry anyway." Louis said making Harry smile. 

"You didn't do anything wrong, but I accept your apology." He replied playfully and Louis managed a small, weak smile. "How often do you experience panic attacks?" Louis shrugged. 

"I don't know. Not, like, frequently, but they do happen sometimes." Harry nodded. 

"If one were to happen again when you're around me what could I do to help you?" He asked touching Louis' heart. 

"Nothing really." Louis answered. "I mean, depending on where we would be just get me to a quiet place where I can lay down. Don't get too close to me though because that can make it worse."

"What triggers then?" Louis just shrugged again. 

"I don't know. That's the downside to panic attacks, they just happen." Harry frowned. 

"What exactly is a panic attack? Not that the name gives it away, but I've never really heard or learned much about them." Louis took a deep breath. 

"It's just a sudden spike in anxiety. Mine usually make me feel like I'm having a heart attack so I literally feel like at any second I could die and a lot of the time I just feel like I'm in some serious danger when I'm really not and it's just really not fun at all. And I usually get so dizzy. Literally just ten minutes of a panic attack drains so much from me." He said letting his flutter close and remain shut. 

"That sounds so awful, I'm sorry that's something you have to deal with." Louis just sighed, nodding. 

"Me too." Harry smiled softly. "And thanks." Harry propped himself up on his arms, gazing down at Louis. 

"Do you just want to go home and rest? Or, I mean, you could always rest here for a bit before hand if you wanted to. Or I could just drive you home if you're still feeling a bit dizzy and drained." Louis shook his head as he sat himself up slowly. 

"I think I'll just head home. I'm sorry if I ruined our date, I didn't mean to. I can't exactly plan my panic attacks or when they end." He said sheepishly as Harry sat up. 

"No, no, you didn't ruin it all. I completely understand. Please don't feel like you did ruin this or that it's your fault." Too late. Louis just stared down at the carpet. 

"I should go." But he made no move to stand up. 

"Maybe you'd like to go out to dinner this Friday?" Louis shook his head. 

"I appreciate it," He lied. "But I can't bear the thought of my dad eating dinner all alone. I'd like to eat with him, it's pretty much the only time we really spend together." Harry smiled softly. 

"I understand." He said and Louis smiled back. "Maybe lunch then?" Louis pressed his lips together. 

"I'll think about it, is that okay?" Harry laughed softly. 

"Of course it's okay, you don't have to ask to think over something." Louis smiled bashfully, turning his head down shyly. He slowly stood up and Harry followed suit before following him to the front door. 

"I'm sorry again if I ruined the night." Harry just smiled sweetly. 

"You didn't do anything wrong." Louis smiled back, blushing softly. But he knew he had ruined the night. He just knew it. And he knew Harry was saying what he was just to spare his feelings. It was obvious. 

"Well, goodnight." 

"Goodnight." Harry replied softly. "Can I give you a kiss?" Now Louis was blushing even harder and he couldn't stop himself from nodding his head. Except he thought Harry was going to kiss him on the lips so when Harry leaned forward and kissed his forehead softly Louis' heart just about exploded and he blushed even harder! "Goodnight." 

"Sleep well." 

"You too." Louis just nodded in acknowledgement before stepping back. He turned over his shoulder and walked down the steps. Harry watched him for a few minutes before reluctantly turning away and closing the door.


	12. Chapter 12

It was 1 o'clock on January 12th and Louis was sitting sullenly next to his father in the waiting area of the West Central Human Services building for Louis' appointment. An appointment he had to go to against his own free will. 

A moment later Dr. Shields was poking her head out of the door on the far wall and calling out his name. Louis just slouched down even further and grit his teeth together. His father nudged him in the arm gently making Louis elbow him back harshly. 

"Louis," He reprimanded. Louis rolled his eyes then groaned before standing up slowly and stomping over to the door where Dr. Shields was waiting. 

"Good afternoon Louis, how are you?" She greeted as they stepped into the back hallway, closing the door behind them. 

"Fucking peachy." He grumbled with his arms crossed tightly. She just smiled softly and they walked back to her room. She opened the door to her office and stepped aside to let Louis walk in first. He walked in then dropped in the chair farthest away from her desk. She closed the door behind her. She situated in her chair before turning around to face Louis. 

"So how were your holidays? What'd you do to celebrate?" 

"Nothing." He deadpanned.

"Nothing at all?" She clarified and Louis nodded, staring down at the floor stubbornly. "Did you do anything for New Years?" 

"Nope." 

"Why not?"

"Because." Louis snapped gritting his teeth. He slumped lower down in his seat, looking like a stubborn child refusing to eat his vegetables. 

"Well," Dr. Shields said with a sigh. "With the new year comes New Years resolutions and the opportunity to set new goals to accomplish through the year, could you think of maybe one small goal you could set for yourself?" Louis didn't do anything or say anything. He just sat there. "Even just something as small as taking a walk a day, or putting your phone down for an hour each day." Louis just shook his head. Dr. Shields shifted around before sighing again. "Look, I know you're going through a tough time and that you don't want to talk about it, but the sooner you open up to me the easier it'll get-"

"Oh yes, it's just a tough time." Louis shot back sarcastically. "That's all it is, just a little bit of a tough time that'll get fixed by telling you all about it. That's how it works right? Because talking fixes everything." 

"Yes." Dr. Shields deadpanned. 

"Well, I don't agree with that." Louis stood up slowly.

"And why not?" She asked him neutrally. 

"Because talking fixes nothing. Absolutely nothing." He retorted bitterly. "So goodbye, good riddance, I'm done." He walked over to the door and threw it open before storming out. And Dr. Shields didn't try to stop him. Louis was sure he was about to break his teeth. He stormed down he hallway until he the door. He marched into the waiting room and his father stood up startled, but Louis just stormed to the front door and out into the parking lot. 

He waited impatiently by the passenger side door of his fathers car until he saw his father hurry out of the building towards the car. 

"Hey, what happened?"

"I told you I didn't want to do this and the doctor is annoying as hell so I left. Can we please just go home?" His father just gave him an annoyed expression before unlocking the car. Louis climbed in angrily, slamming the door behind him. His climbed in, feeling his anger bubble as well, then started the car, but didn't put his hands on the wheel. 

"This is important-"

"No it's not."

"Explain to me how it's not, then!" His father suddenly shouted making Louis jump. 

"Because it's just bullshit! It isn't going to help anything! It's just a waste of time and money!"

"How the hell do you know that, though? You've got to give it a try!"

"I don't want to!"

"Well why the hell not?" He shouted. "Do you just want to live like this forever? Do you just want to keep suffering?" 

"Of course not! You think I actually like living this way? I do not want to live this way!" 

"Of course you don't, but it's still happening!" He retorted back. "Life handed you lemons and you gave them back and demanded apples." Louis was silent. 

"That doesn't even make any sense." He replied softly. 

"What I'm trying to say is you have got to work with what you got, you're not always going to get what you want handed to you. You are going to have to work for it, Louis." He pursed his lips together. "You can't just snap your fingers and go back to living a happy, healthy life. If you want apples then you're going to have to take your lemons, make lemonade, sell it, then go buy your apples. You are going to have to want it. You are going to have to work for it! Even if it means putting up with this 'bullshit'!"

"You don't understand a single thing." Louis just replied curtly before turning away from his dad, facing the window. 

"I know I don't, but I spend an hour every night researching anorexia so I understand to a mere extent what it is you're going through-"

"No you fucking don't, not until you've gone through exactly what I've gone through you don't have the slightest understanding." His dad just pressed his lips together then sighed. 

"You're right, I'm sorry." He said instead of furthering the argument. His tone was rather resigned and all Louis did was continue to stare out the window angrily. His father put the car in reverse and pulled out of the driveway. 

Once they were home Louis stomped up the stairs to his room without even taking off his shoes and his father just went into his office to work. His father loved his work and what he did, but it just didn't pay much. He only had three articles currently and that was just proving to not be enough to pay for the house, utilities, food, insurance, just everything! But it's what had to work. 

Louis kept himself locked in his room, but that's not something his father wasn't used to. He practically only saw him at dinner and just whenever they would happen to pass each other in the house, which wasn't often. 

At five o'clock he heard a knock on his office door. 

"Come in," He called out spinning around in his chair to face the door. Louis opened it and stepped through the doorway sullenly. 

"Is it alright if I go over to Harry's tonight for a bit after dinner?" He asked staring at the floor. His dad drew in a deep breath. 

"I guess so." He replied quietly. Louis nodded. 

"Thanks." Louis stepped back and closed the door as his father turned back to his computer. And so dinner that night was quiet and tense. Even more that usual that was. 

Shortly after the table had been cleared Louis stepped into his shoes, grabbed his keys, then left the house. The walk to Harry's was cold. But he had grown so used to the feeling he was practically numb to it. The upside was that he got to watch the sun set and as the diminishing sunlight danced around the sky it painted it in pretty colors. 

He got to Harry's flat and pressed the buzzer. A moment later the door clicked unlocked and Louis pulled it open. He paused in front of the stairs. He took a deep breath and mentally prepared himself. Then he slowly began to ascend the stairs. He took slower then usual, he didn't want to be too out of breath and winded when being greeted by Harry. 

But of course when he made it to the door he was completely out of breath and doubled over, he was seeing stars. He tried to quickly recompose himself then knocked on the door. Harry opened it with a winning smile. Louis wondered how he could always be smiling. Doesn't he ever get tired of it? 

"Hey," He greeted cheerfully and Louis forced a small smile. 

"Hey," Harry stepped back and Louis walked inside, closing the door gently behind him. 

"How was your day?" Harry asked him as he removed his shoes carefully. 

"Strenuous." Louis deadpanned before he could even stop himself. Harry gave him a quizzical look. 

"Did something happen?" 

"Nothing major, just—family drama." Louis said shrugging. He turned to face Harry. "How was yours?" 

"Alright, today was one of my last days at the bakery. My official last day is Friday." He said and Louis fake pouted at him, making Harry laugh. 

"Aw, how sad. Who's going to smile at me everyday now at 3?" Harry was sure he was beginning to blush. And Louis had literally just walked through the door! 

"Maybe I'll still go there everyday at three and just sit in there." He teased back and Louis laughed softly making Harry smile. 

"How's Sharon doing?"

"She's doing alright. She going to America for a few weeks soon to visit family." Louis just nodded then took a deep breath, yawning. "So, shall we stow away to the living room for movies?" Harry asked teasingly and Louis smiled at him, nodding again. They walked through the flat into the living room and Louis sat down on the couch. Harry turned on the TV then pulled up Netflix. He sat down beside Louis. "Blanket?" He asked turning to him. 

"Yes please," Louis was still freezing. Harry reached over the arm of the couch and pulled out a fleecy blanket from a large wicker basket. He handed it to Louis before pulling up a blanket for himself. 

"So, what are we in the mood for today?" He asked teasingly. 

"Something lighthearted." Louis answered seriously. 

"How about How To Train Your Dragon 2?" Harry asked pulling it up and Louis thought for a moment before nodding. 

"Sure, but I've never seen the first."

"Neither have I." Harry snickered as he leaned forward and placed the remote on the coffee table. "Do you want anything to eat or drink?" He then offered and Louis kindly shook his head. 

"No thank you, but thanks for offering." Harry just smiled, nodding, then nestled against the couch beside Louis. Louis turned his attention towards the TV screen and Harry turned his attention towards Louis, enamored by his beauty. He felt so content. "The screen is over there." Louis said turning to face him. Harry broke out into a guilty grin and bit back his smile. 

"I'm sorry, you're just so handsome." He teased lightly and watched Louis' cheeks turn pink. "Can I kiss you?" He asked softly. Louis nodded slowly. So Harry leaned in slowly, his eyes closing shut and Louis closed his as well, greeted by the soft sensation of Harry's lips meeting his. 

Harry kissed him slowly. It was a soft and gentle kiss. Not too deep, not too impersonal. Louis was surprised that he actually enjoyed the feeling. It made his stomach flutter. Maybe this meant something? Louis didn't know. He wasn't too good at deciphering emotions. Or anything for that fact. 

Harry pulled away slowly then brushed their noses together. They both smiled at each other. Louis laughed softly. 

"We're missing the movie." He whispered making Harry then laugh. 

"Well we better start paying attention then or else we'll miss the entire plot." Harry whispered back before they both pulled away slowly. Louis felt a little bit relaxed, but then he remembered his appointment with Dr. Shields and his fight in the car with his father and his anger and hostility took his relaxation captive making him tense and annoyed again. But he couldn't show that. 

Luckily they were just watching a movie. So they watched their movie contently and quietly. Halfway through, though, there was a large clap of thunder so loud it made Louis jump, but it excited Harry. Harry jumped up from the couch, pausing the movie, and made a bolt for the sliding door that led out to their balcony. He pushed back the blinds then opened the door.

"C'mere, c'mon!" He exclaimed waving Louis out. Louis' heart was still pounding though and his legs were shaking when he stood up. He held his hands over his ears and slowly made his way out onto the balcony. He was paranoid about more thunder, though. "Look, I know it's dark, but can you see that cloud formation over there? That's a shell cloud." Harry explained with excitement. "Some people also call it a shelf cloud, but I prefer shell cloud." Harry gazed up at the stormy sky admirably. There was lighting off in the distance. "They're a type of arcus cloud."

"There's a lot of types of clouds." Louis replied quietly. Harry chuckle softly, nodding. 

"There are. Shell clouds are associated with the leading edge of a thunderstorms outward flow. They're attached to a parent cloud, though, which is technically the thunderstorm." There was another loud crack of thunder making Louis jump again and Harry just wasn't phased. It started to rain softly. Harry smiled. "They form when cool, sinking air from a storm cloud's downdraft spreads out across a land surface, the leading edge is called a gust front. Then the outflow cuts under warm air being drawn into the storm's updraft. As the lower cooler air lifts the warm moist air, its water condenses, creating a cloud which often rolls with the different winds above and below." He turned to Louis with a smile then laughed with affection when he saw Louis was covering his ears. 

"Interesting." He said making Harry laugh. "Can you tell me why thunder is so loud?" 

"Well, thunder is caused by lightning. The sudden increase of temperature and pressure from the lightning produces a rapid expansion of the surrounding air. That expansion of air creates a sonic shock wave which then produces the sound of thunder." Harry explained grinning down at him. Louis just nodded.

"Well I hate it. It's too loud." Harry smiled softly. 

"We can go inside." They both turned inside and Louis quickly stepped back into the flat. Harry stepped in, but turned around and lingered a bit, waiting for lightning. Eventually he gave up and stepped back inside to see Louis curled up on the couch under the blanket he had given him. He looked so fucking adorable. "Aw, you look so cute." He cooed. Louis smiled softly, but he didn't know what about him was cute. Nothing was. He was ugly. Hideous even. 

Harry walked back over to his seat and sat down, siting back and stretching his arm back along the edge of the couch. He resumed the movie. It eventually began to rain harder and they could see flashes of lightning and the thunder only seemed to grow louder. Louis was already fucking tense from all the strife and discord between him and his father and he was still simmering over the entire appointment with Dr. Shields AND the thunder wasn't helping him relax at all so when Harry's arm slipped down from around the edge of the couch and onto the back of Louis' shoulder he snapped. 

"Do not fucking touch me!" He burst out furiously startling Harry. He had jumped up to his feet, moving around the coffee table, and Harry gawked up at him in surprise. 

"But I didn't even–"

"Because you don't even realize it! Oh my God, how many fucking times do I have to explain it to you!" Harry swallowed thickly, feeling tears form in his eyes. 

"You said you were okay with-"

"Well then I take it back! Don't touch me ever! How many times do I have to ask you that!" Louis hollered throwing his arms around dramatically as he yelled. 

"Oh my God, what's the big deal?" Harry asked softly, standing up. 

"I've already fucking told you what the big deal is! But you just don't get it! You don't understand!"

"Then help me understand!" Harry yelled back infuriating Louis. 

"You will never fucking understand what I am going through!" 

"Then that's not something I can do anything about except try!" 

"Well then you haven't exactly been trying hard considering this is about the fourth or fifth time I've told you this." Louis retorted bitterly. Harry just rubbed the back of his neck and cleared his throat. 

"I apologized-"

"Well surprise, an apology doesn't automatically fix everything or make it okay. If you keep finding yourself apologizing for something you're doing then you should probably try and fix whatever it is you have to keep apologizing for!" Louis exclaimed raising his voice even more. 

"Okay, I get it! I keep screwing up! I'm sorry I'm human!"

"It's not about being human! How hard is it to hear me say 'please don't touch me' then follow through with that!" Harry grit his teeth, huffing angrily. 

"Well apparently it's a lot harder then you think!" He shouted back.

"Well apparently so since you can't even do that!" 

"Oh my God, how many times do I have to say I'm sorry!"

"It doesn't matter how many times you say it! It doesn't diminish my anxiety! You think I like getting anxiety over just being touched? I don't. I hate it. And I'm sorry if you think I'm overreacting, but I'm not! I'm just fucking pissed!" Louis crossed his arms then stomped his foot. He was redder than ever before. 

"At me because I touched you?" Harry questioned lowering his voice. 

"No, I'm not mad at you!" Louis practically shouted only confusing Harry. 

"Okay, I'm really confused now. I thought you were mad at me." He said softly. Louis scratched his forehead then started to pace. 

"I'm just—" Louis shouted before pausing, trailing off. "I'm just pissed! That's it!" 

"At what?"

"At everything!" 

"Can you lower your voice?" Harry asked politely, but that only fanned Louis' flame. 

"Oh, I'm sorry, am I being too loud?" He shot back in a loud voice. Harry gave him a questionable look. 

"Louis, what the hell is the problem?" 

"Everything! Everything is the problem!"

"Why are you shouting?" Louis just glared at him before stomping his foot again. 

"Because I'm pissed and I just need to shout!" Louis yelled. "I'm so fucking done with everything! 2016 has already been one of the shittiest years and it's only been 12 days. That must be a goddamn world record!" Louis hollered stomping over to the front door. "Whatever, I ruined the night like I usually do, sorry. In fact, why don't I just apologize in advance right now for every other night I'll ruin in the future considering I ruin every single fucking night of my life." He grumbled putting on his shoes and Harry just slowly walked towards the foyer, listening to him. "I don't even see why the hell you like me and keep asking me out when all I do is ruin every single date and freak out over every single little thing. I must be the living joke between you and your friends-"

"Hey-"

"You know what, don't even right now. Nothing you say is anything I'll believe." Louis interrupted sternly. "Good night, sorry that I ruined the night yet again, it's been real fucking great knowin' ya." Louis pulled open the front door and stormed into the hallway, slamming it behind him. And Harry just stood there gobsmacked. Did Louis technically just break up with him? Fucking shit. 

Louis stomped down the stairs and paused in front of the main door. It was still pouring out. And there was lighting and it was windy! So he sat down on the bottom step of the stairs and pulled his knees in, placing his forehead between them as he burst into tears. He tried to keep himself quiet, but he just had to get it out. 

Later he texted his dad that he would head home after the storm passed. But the storm didn't calm until 3 am and at that point his father texted him to just stay because he would drive to pick him up. So at almost 3:30 in the morning Louis was being driven home by his dad from Harry's flat. And the only thing plaguing his thoughts was whether or not he and Harry were still together. Or if they were even together in the first place.


	13. Chapter 13

January 12 10:27 PM

harry: can we talk? 

January 13 12:14 PM 

harry: Louis?

January 14 4:38 PM

harry: can we meet up? 

Louis spent the next three days in bed. He had no will to get up or even go down stairs. He just got cups of water every now and then from the bathroom down the hallway. He didn't even check his phone. But when he did he just cleared his notifications and put it back down on his nightstand. 

Harry knew Louis was avoiding him, or more so ignoring him, and he wasn't sure if he should take that as a sign to leave it be or not. He choose not. On January 14th he went over Louis' home and knocked on the door. A moment later his father opened it. 

"Oh, hi Harry, how are you?" He greeted kindly. Harry smiled. 

"I'm doing well, and you?" 

"Quite alright as well." He replied with a smile. "I'm guessing you're here to see Louis?" Harry smiled back softly then nodded. 

"Yeah, is he here?" Louis' father nodded. 

"He's just up in his room, you can head on up there is you'd like." He stepped aside, opening the door a bit wider to let Harry in. Harry stepped inside and nodded to him graciously. 

"Thank you, I appreciate it." Louis' father closed the door and nodded back. 

"No problem." He said as Harry carefully took off his shoes. Louis' father walked back into the house and Harry made a start for the stairs. It was eerily quiet. He got up to the hallway and walked down it slowly, unsure of which door was Louis'. But then he saw a door with a sign taped to it which read "Knock first or I'll knock you out". It made him smile. He knocked softly. 

"Go away." He heard Louis call out. Now the moment Louis heard a knock on his door he immediately felt the utmost annoyed and irritated. And when he heard his door open, he just buried his face deeper into his pillow. 

"What do you want, dad?" He grumbled before hearing the door close. 

"Um, it's me actually." Louis immediately felt tears water his eyes at the sound of Harry's voice. "I wanted to talk to you." 

"Well I don't want to talk to you so go away." He retorted childishly, keeping his face in his pillow. 

"Well answer this for me please, when you said it's been nice knowing me was that supposed to be a subtle way of breaking up with me?" Louis didn't respond at first. Harry just stood in his room and glanced around. It was cozy and cluttered with lots of stuff. It was a neat clutter, though. Not messy. 

"I don't know, I just figured you'd want to break up." 

"Well why?" Harry asked walking closer. "Because we had one fight?" Louis just took a deep breath then turned around on his back, glancing up at Harry. Harry walked over and knelt down beside his bed. 

"I don't know." Louis just said softly. Harry smiled softly. "I am sorry for my outburst the other day." He continued. "I just...sometimes I get mad about something and then all my anger over everything comes out and I'm sorry displaced it towards you. I didn't mean to." 

"It's okay, I understand. Sometimes I do the same thing." Harry replied in a gentle tone with a small smile. Louis just took a deep breath. "But...how come you said you know you're a joke between my friends and I?" Because he knew he probably was. 

"I don't know, when I'm mad I say a lot of things I don't mean in the heat of the moment."  

"You know that's absolutely not true, though, right?" Louis nodded. "And you do not ruin every date we have." He added. Louis gave him a skeptical look and Harry laughed softly, nodding. "I'm serious."

"Okay." It was quiet a moment. 

"Are we alright then? Is there something else you want to talk about?" Louis shook his head. 

"I know I said I was okay with like holding hands or having your arm around my shoulder and all, but for now can you please just try and not touch me at all? Or at the very least just ask me first." He said softly and Harry nodded. 

"Of course, I promise I will do that." 

"Thank you." 

"So we're all good now? Alls well again?" He asked teasingly and smiled wider making Louis actually crack a small smile. 

"I guess alls well for now." He teased truthfully. Harry smiled still. 

"Can I give you a small kiss?" Louis nodded. Harry leaned in slowly before closing his eyes and giving Louis a small, soft kiss on the lips. When he pulled away he watched Louis open his eyes and smile. "So, do you want to do something?" Louis pressed his lips together then shook his head. 

"I don't want to go anywhere." He told him softly. 

"Well...how about we watch some movies considering that's the only thing we ever do?" Harry teased making Louis laugh softly. "Or you could show me some of your art." He teased more. "I'd love to see some of your little paintings." Louis shook his head again.

"No, my paintings suck. They're not even, like, paintings. They're just little pictures on small cards of paper." 

"Well, why don't you show me?" Harry smirked and Louis sat up a bit. 

"You're just going to say they suck-" Harry scoffed. 

"I would never!" He exclaimed. Louis swung his legs over he edge of the bed and Harry stood back up, moving aside. Louis walked over to his desk then pulled open a drawer, pulling out a thick stack of watercolor cards and two different pads of watercolor. Louis picked up half of the deck of the cards. 

"These are just random colorful circles I've painted." He explained paging through the cards of random colorful circles. "It started with trying to paint the moon and turned into random colorful circles. It might seem pointless, but I like to see how they dry because no two ever turn out the same, even if I use the same two colors." 

"Those look really cool." Harry said looking down at them as Louis carded through then slowly. He flipped to a card with a blue and pink circle and a purple and pink circle on it. "Hey, can I keep this one?" Louis looked up at him from over his shoulder.

"You actually want to keep it?" Harry nodded.

"Yeah, if you'd be okay with giving it up." He replied with a smile. Louis just looked a little stunned before nodding. 

"Oh, yeah, sure, of course." He said and Harry smiled, reaching out to pick it up. 

"Thank you," Louis just nodded with a same smile and placed the cards down. He picked up one of the watercolor pads. 

"These are my butterflies." He said opening to the first page. 

"Wow, I thought you said I would think these suck and I'm literally blown away." Harry deadpanned and Louis just laughed.

"Oh, you're just saying that."

"No I'm not, this is amazing." Harry said gazing down at the blue and black watercolor butterfly. "I certainly couldn't paint anything as good as that." Louis just smiled humbly then flipped to the next page. 

And so Louis showed him all his little paintings and Harry was blown away by it all and by the end Louis was all smiles and blushes. He placed the last pad of watercolor paper down. 

"You're really good." Harry told him and Louis just crossed his arms, shrugging. 

"There are a lot of people better than me."

"Yeah, but that doesn't diminish the talent you have." Louis blushed even redder. "You should teach me some little techniques sometime." He teased softly. 

"I literally don't know any techniques really except, like, using salt." 

"You must have something to teach me." Louis looked over at him, biting back his smile and Harry smiled back, laughing softly because of how cute Louis looked. 

"Maybe I could teach you a few things." He teased softly.

"This could be a nice change from watching movies." Harry teased back and Louis laughed. 

"You're not gonna ruin my watercolors are you?"

"How do you ruin watercolors?"

"I don't know, just mix all the pans together because you don't wash your brush, or squeezing out a lot of paint from the tubes and wasting it." 

"I promise I won't ruin them and if I do I'll buy you more." Louis smiled softly then nodded. 

"Okay then." Louis turned back to his desk. "We'll have to go downstairs, though." Louis pulled open a drawer and withdrew a watercolor pad and some blank little cards of watercolor paper. Then he pulled out two sets of watercolor pans and then a little bin of watercolor tubes along with a pallet. "Let's go paint." Louis marched towards the door, but his arms were full and he couldn't reach for the door. So Harry kindly opened the door and they walked out together.

They walked downstairs and into the kitchen area before Louis dropped all the supplies in his arms on the table. He set it all up before looking down at it and sighing.

"Oh shit, I forgot the brushes." He turned to Harry. "Can you run up to my room and grab some brushes from my desk? They're in a pencil holder, you shouldn't miss them." Harry nodded. 

"Of course,"

"Thank you." Harry turned and left and when he returned two cups of water were set up and paper towels were set out all neatly. Louis was sitting at the head of the table and Harry smiled at him as he walked up to the table and sat down in the chair adjacent to him. "Here is your watercolor card," Louis said placing it down in front of him with a smile. Harry smiled back at him. "And you may use this pan set." Louis picked up a white rectangular box and placed it beside Harry's paper, opening it up. "This is my favorite set so treat it nicely." He teased before setting up his own stuff. "If you want use any of the colors in the tubes just dab a little bit onto this plastic pallet and you'll be good to go." They both picked up their paintbrushes.

"What should I paint?"

"Paint whatever your heart desires." 

"I don't have the skill or talent to paint you." Louis had to actually place his brush down as he reached up and covered his hands over his face. He felt like he was on fire! Harry just smirked to himself proudly.

When Louis dropped his hands, revealing how red he was, Harry laughed softly. Biting back his grin, Louis just picked up his brush and dipped it in his water cup.

"I've never used watercolors before. Well...I take that back. I probably used some old, shitty ones back in elementary school, but these are far more advanced than anything I'm used to." Louis laughed softly. 

"It's not hard, it's easy to blend and mix colors." 

"But what should I paint?" Louis shrugged. 

"Whatever you want."

"What are you painting?" 

"I'm going to paint a flower." He replied with a small smile. 

"What kind of flower?"

"A bird of paradise." 

"I thought you just said you were going to paint a flower." Harry teased. Louis looked up at him, giving him an unamused look. 

"Your ignorance is appalling." He deadpanned before they both broke out into laughter. 

"That sounds so exotic, though. I wish I knew what it looked like." 

"Well you'll know once I'm done painting." Louis teased smiling down at his paper. 

"I know what to paint." Harry then stated triumphantly and Louis looked over at him. 

"Really, what?"

"It's a surprise!" He exclaimed raising up his other hand to block Louis' view from his paper, as if he was blocking him from cheating on a test. "No peeking." He teased making Louis smile. 

"Okay, okay." Harry smiled to himself and Louis turned back to his paper. So Louis started painting the stem of his flower and glanced over as he watched Harry dip his paint brush in his water cup then in the yellow paint pan. 

"Hey, no peaking!" Harry exclaimed again making Louis snicker. "You aren't even allowed to look at the color paint I'm using." 

"I'm sitting right beside you, some things are inevitable." Louis replied. Harry just brushed his paint along the paper making Louis smile. 

"Paint with your eyes closed then." He teased. Louis just laughed. 

"Why don't you?" Harry retired his brush to the cup of water then held up his watercolor card. 

"Voilà!" He exclaimed displaying the card to Louis. Louis looked up from his own card to Harry's before smiling again at the small little yellow star. "This is for you, because you're a star!" He held out the card to Louis who graciously took, gazing down at it admirably. 

"Aw, that was so sweet of you." He replied in a teasing tone. Harry just smiled humbly before picking up a blank card from the stack. 

"What am I supposed to paint now?" He asked staring down at the blank card. Louis shrugged as he swiped his brush across the dark green pan. 

"Paint another star so we can have matching paintings." Louis replied with a quaint smile before turning red. Did he seriously make himself blush? 

"Well hey, then you have to paint mine so they're actually matching." Harry replied with a small smirk. He picked up a watercolor card and placed it down in front of Louis, beside his current card. Louis smiled at him and Harry smiled back before Louis washed his brush in the water then dipped it in the yellow. He painted a small yellow star in the middle, mimicking Harry's before handing it to him. "Yay, I'm going to frame this." Harry said grinning at it. He placed it down on the table a bit away from his things. Louis went back to his bird of paradise and Harry went back to not knowing what to paint. 

He huffed softly to himself before turning and watching Louis who painted so swiftly and so precisely, like he was placing every stroke exactly where it was supposed to be. Like he knew that was where it was exactly supposed to go. He was so focused, he didn't even realize Harry had been watching him. 

"Holy shit, that looks amazing." Louis jumped in his chair before snapping his head towards Harry, startled by him. "I'm sorry, did I startle you?" Harry asked softly and Louis nodded, flushing immediately. He turned his head down then rubbed the back of his neck. 

"Um, thank you. Sorry, I didn't mean to jump. Sometimes I just...get in the zone when I paint."

"I could tell." Harry replied playfully, but that only made Louis feel self conscious. He kept his head down, pressing his lips together. "That looks really nice, though. I really like the colors." Harry added. Louis smiled at him softly, shyly. 

"Thank you, I appreciate that." Harry grinned back at him. And oh God, Louis felt himself beginning to blush again. He was so red! Why was he so red? He had no idea, half the time he didn't even know why he was blushing, but it was always because of Harry! Oh how Harry was sweet. So sweet. Too sweet! Harry was so sweet and Louis was so not. What if Harry felt like Louis wasn't returning the same amount of affection he showed him? What Harry felt like he wasn't getting anything out a relationship he was putting everything into? Louis tried to shake himself of his thoughts. 

"Can I kiss you?" Harry asked softly, giving Louis another reason to blush. He glanced up at Harry bashfully before nodding softly. Harry smiled again before leaning in across the corner of the table and kissing Louis softly. He didn't just pull away after a second, though. Louis bundled his hands in his lap, tilting his head slightly as he kissed Harry back tenderly. 

Oh how it made Louis feel like heaven. What did heaven actually feel like, though? Suddenly the overhead light started flickering on and off leading them both to pull away and look up at the ceiling. 

"Parent entering the room." Louis groaned as the light then stopped flickering and his father walked across into the kitchen. Harry smiled at him softly. 

"And to think I thought it was just because you're such a good kisser." He whispered making Louis laugh. Louis reached up and pressed his hand against Harry's cheek, turning his head away making him laugh as well. 

"What are you boys up to?" Louis' father asked while fetching a cup from the cupboard. 

"We're painting." Louis answered making his father chuckle softly. 

"And it's quite obvious who the artist here is." Harry added jokingly. "By that I mean me." Louis scoffed at him, rolling his eyes playfully. 

"The only thing you have painted is a star." Harry shook his head. 

"No, see?" He reached out and snatched Louis' painting with the bird of paradise and held it up. "I painted this pigeon of paradise."

"You wish." Louis teased snatching it back. "And it's bird of paradise, not pigeon." 

"I think pigeon of paradise has a nice ring to it." Harry joked folding his hands together on the tabletop. 

"You smudged my paint." Louis reprimanded placing the card down.  

"Oh, did I? I'm sorry." Harry leaned forward, inspecting the painting. "Wait, where?" Louis tapped beside the spot before Harry scoffed a laugh. "Oh, that's nothing!" He exclaimed. 

"It is a smudge." Louis retorted. 

"The size of a pin head."

"I think your brain is the size of a pin head." Harry's jaw dropped at him as he laughed and Louis smirked smugly. 

"Well snap, crackle, and pop." He exclaimed. Louis laughed loudly and it was so beautiful because it was such a rich and genuine laugh. It wasn't controlled, it wasn't cut off, it wasn't forced. It was free, and joyous, and alive. 

"What are you? 3?" 

"3 and a half, actually. Thank you very much." Harry joked back and soon they were both laughing loudly. Louis smiled at the table before sighing contently. Harry smiled back at him. Louis could see Harry's smile reached his eyes and beyond. He was afraid that his own smile barely reached his mouth. 

"Well," Louis' father spoke up from in the kitchen. "I'm starting dinner now so you're going to have to clear the table soon, sad to say. Harry, you're welcome to stay-" Louis felt himself physically tense and his heart started beating violently in his chest. 

"Thank you, but I'm having dinner with my mother tonight. I appreciate the offer, though." Harry replied making Louis relax the slightest, but he still felt very tense and very uneasy. Louis' father just nodded graciously in response before moving about the kitchen. Harry turned to Louis. "Do you want me to help you clean up?" Louis looked at him then shook his head. 

"I can get it all, you can just leave." He replied swallowing thickly. 

"Are you sure?" Louis just nodded, not looking at him as he began to close the pan sets. "Well, we should do this again sometime. I promise I'll actually paint something then." He teased hoping to get a small smile out of him, but Louis just forced a smile and continued to tidy up the supplies while Harry stood up. Harry watched him for a moment. He was so beautiful, but Harry felt like Louis' heart was a vine that he was bleeding trying to climb. "I'll see you soon then." Louis looked up at him, nodding. 

"See ya." He simply replied. Harry nodded, stepping towards the edge of the kitchen. 

"Hope you both have a good night." 

"Thank you, you as well." Louis' father replied. Harry nodded, smiling, and held the two watercolor cards in his hand warmly. He turned and left. The moment the door was closed Louis let out a breath he had been holding. 

"Why did you offer him to stay for dinner? What if he would have accepted that?" He exclaimed from his chair indignantly. 

"I was just trying to be friendly, it wouldn't have been the end of the world." His dad replied placing a pot of water on the stove top. Louis rolled his eyes. 

"We live in different worlds. You don't know what could end mine." He mumbled under his breath. 

"Please clean up your art stuff." 

"I will." Louis huffed, standing up. He pushed his chair in then took a deep breath. So he cleaned up all his art stuff, helped his father set the table, then once dinner was ready created a small plate of roast chicken, potatoes, and green beans for him to not eat. His father dug in slowly. 

"So, I see Harry was able to get you out of bed." He teased lightly. Louis just smiled a small smile and rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, well," He shrugged. "We kind of had a fight the other night which is why I was in my room more than usual."

"Well at least it seems you've been able to make up." Louis just nodded. "It was nice to hear you laugh again." Louis felt himself turn red. 

"Uh...thanks." He replied unsurely. His father wiped his lips with his napkin before tucking it under the edge of his plate. 

"So," He started, looking up at Louis. "Your grandpa and nan coming to visit for the week-"

"A week?!" Louis gave his father a big eyed look and his father nodded.

"Yes, next week-"

"Dad!" Louis exclaimed in despair. 

"What, Louis? I can't just refuse to let them visit-"

"Then you go up to visit them, don't bring them here!"

"They want to see you, you're their only grandchild!"

"They're rude and snobbish and nan is always trying to hug me and pinch my cheeks and I hate it! And you know how judgmental they are!" He hollered. 

"I know they're a little set in their ways, but that's just how they are-"

"It is 2016, that doesn't justify them being completely racist and homophobic. You know they're going to ask if I'm seeing anyone, what am I supposed to do? Just lie?"

"We can cross that bridge when we get to it." His father replied curtly. 

"Can I just spend the week in my room and you just tell them I'm at uni?" His dad laughed, shaking his head. 

"Sorry, Lou, no." Louis groaned loudly. 

"Please dad!" He urged. "Please, I beg you, don't make me spend a week with nan and grandad!" 

"I'm not trying to punish you here, Lou." His dad replied in a gentle tone. "It's just one week then they'll be gone. I think you'll be able to make it through."

"Make it through all their derogatory comments and conversations regarding homosexuality and anything similar to it! Please, dad, you know how they are. Are you really going to make me suffer through a week of them trashing other people like me?"

"Do you think they're just going to come here ranting about the topic? I promise I will do anything I can do avoid that or anything that could trigger comments like those, and if they happen I will stop them, but they want to see you and get to know since they don't come around that often-"

"There's a reason for that." Louis slumped over the table, placing his chin in his palm. He couldn't believe his grandparents were coming for a whole week! Louis could barely survive their day visits when they used to come down more often! 

"I know how you feel about them, but for the sake of the family when they are here I want you to be respectful and kind. Keep your petty and sarcastic comments to yourself-"

"So I basically shouldn't talk at all?" He asked sarcastically. His father laughed softly for a moment before recomposing himself. 

"Lou, it's just one week."

"I'm not eating any meals with them."

"You're going to have to."

"Dad!"

"Louis, if you want to just sit there and not eat only to be bombarded with questions as to why then go right ahead, maybe you can let them know about your disorder, but you will not be skipping out on at least sitting down for meals. They came to see you." Louis rolled his eyes.

"Shouldn't this be consensual? I don't want to see them." His father picked up his fork and stabbed it into a small potato. 

"I think you've made that quite obvious, but don't make it obvious to them." Louis just sank back in his chair now, crossing his arms across his sunken stomach. "And don't forget to take your supplements, I don't think you've been taking them."

"Yeah, well, they're gross."

"Yeah, well, you've got to take them." His father mimicked back slightly. Louis glared at him and his father just smiled back as he but into the potato. "You've at the very least been taking the Miralax, right?" Louis nodded in annoyance. He hated talking about this with his dad. He was fucking twenty, not six. "And about Dr. Shields-"

"I am not seeing her again." Louis interrupted. "I don't care what you say, I won't go."

"Then why don't we try and find someone you won't mind going to."

"Have fun searching because you won't yield any results." Louis snapped back. His father drew in a deep breath, placing his silverware down. 

"Louis, this is serious. Why do you keep acting like this is all just some silly game?"

"This is not just some silly game, this is the most serious thing in my life right now. I'm not acting as if it isn't-"

"You are refusing to accept any help. You are refusing to take any initiative that you want to get better. You have got to do these things, Louis! Your fucking life practically depends on it!" He yelled with a sudden raise of his voice only making Louis all the more upset and ultimately leading the next episode and the famous Tomlinson and son screaming match. 

"Stop acting as if something like that is so simple for me to do! You think that's easy for me? That's not easy for me! I am so exhausted and so worn out and I think, 'hey, maybe I should try and get help', but I think about how I'll have to gain wait and that fucking terrifies me! I don't want to gain weight!"

"Then admit that that's something you need help with! Learning how to eat and love yourself again isn't the only thing you need help with and that's okay!" His father yelled back. Tears watered Louis' eyes. 

"That's really fucking hard to do when you hate every aspect of yourself." He replied in a lower tone. "How can I learn to love myself when there's nothing to love?"

"Louis-"

"Save it. Nothing you say is anything I'll believe, so just save your breath." Louis stood up from his chair and shoved it in roughly. "Lord knows you'll need it." His father just gave up and let his head hang low as Louis stormed out of the room. As usual. It was basically the only constant in his life.


	14. Chapter 14

"They're here!" Louis' father yelled out and Louis immediately rolled his eyes. He was completely dreading this week. His father hurried to the door cheerfully then opened it. "Mum!" Louis tried to put on a brave face as he stood up from the couch slowly. He crossed his arms and stepped around into the foyer timidly. As soon as his nan had finished squeezing the life out of his father she walked in, smiling gleefully at Louis. 

"Oh, Louis, you look so grown up!" She exclaimed opening her arms to hug him. Louis just smiled shyly and stepped back. "Don't think you aren't getting a hug." She smiled brightly and forced Louis into a hug. He just kept his arms around himself and watched his grandfather stepped in with their luggage then his father close the door. His nan let go of him, but then gripped his arms tightly. "Are you feeling alright sweet pea? You look a little pale and peckish. You're feeding him properly, aren't you?" She turned around to his father and Louis immediately bit his cheek. 

"Yes mother, don't worry about it." His grandfather stepped forward, reaching out his hand. 

"How's my favorite grandson?" He joked and Louis smiled, rolling his eyes. He reached out hesitantly and shook his hand. 

"He's doing well." He lied before rubbing the back of his neck. He turned to his father who had grabbed the suitcases and was carrying them down the hallway to the guest room, leaving him alone with his grandparents. 

"I must say you've grown into quite the strapping young man, I can't even remember the last time we saw you! We need to visit more often." His nan babbled. Louis just forced an awkward smile and nodded. They most definitely did not need to visit more. Not at all. They needed to visit less. 

"Well, would you two like anything to drink?" Louis' father asked walking back out to the living room. 

"I'll take a water, dear." His nan said walking around the couch and sitting down. His grandmother opted for nothing then went to sit down beside her. Louis just dawdled there awkwardly behind the couch. His father returned a moment later with a glass of water which he handed to his mother. 

"Louis, why don't you sit down as well." His father said as he sat down on the love seat. Louis just sighed then walked over to the armchair, plopping down. 

"Oh, I'm so glad to be here and able to see you two again. It's certainly been too long since the last visit." His nan said. Louis had to fight himself from rolling his eyes. "Louis, how's the university going?" She asked turning to him. 

"Dropped out." He deadpanned before pressing his lips together. She gave him a questionable look. 

"You dropped out? Why?" She asked curiously. 

"Just because."

"So you stopped pursuing your education just because?" She patronized and Louis drew in a deep breath. 

"Some problems arose. I thought it would be best for me if I dropped out and waited." 

"What kind of problems?" She pressed. This time Louis really did roll his eyes. 

"They're unimportant-"

"They mustn't be if they've led to you dropping out of uni-"

"Mum, let's drop it." Louis' father spoke up softly. 

"I'm just saying, a college degree is very important. It-"

"Mother." She quieted herself. "So, how was the drive here?" And so for an hour and a half Louis just listened to his dad and grandparents talk other than a few sparse questions asked towards him. He was able to stow away for a little bit when his father got up to make dinner and his nan offered to help. 

But of course then he had to go back down stairs to eat dinner. Or just sit there. He had no idea what he was going to do. There was no way he was actually going to eat. He couldn't. He wouldn't. But his grandparents weren't aware of his disorder so this wasn't just another dinner with dad. 

Louis drudged down the stairs apprehensively. His heart was pounding and his stomach was in knots, but that wasn't anything new. He was used to that. But his anxiety was increasing by the second and he wasn't sure if he was going to make it out alive. 

When he got to the bottom floor he could see that the plates had already been served and set. Everyone was taking their seats and Louis just walked over quietly before reluctantly pulling out his chair and sitting down sullenly. 

Louis just looked down at his plate before looking up again, not touching his silverware. Everyone else was digging in. 

"So Louis, you have to tell us, are you seeing anyone yet?" His nan asked rather obnoxiously. Louis just sighed. He knew this moment was coming. He was surprised it hasn't come sooner. 

"Yep," He answered flatly, staring down at his plate. His grandmother lit up like a Christmas tree. 

"Oh! Tell us about her!" She exclaimed with a great deal of delight and excitement. 

"His names Harry." He deadpanned, causing a silence to sway over the table. 

"I beg your pardon?" Louis' heart was beginning to race as he swallowed thickly and took a deep breath. 

"I said his name is Harry." Now his nan and grandfather just looked confused, as if he was speaking gibberish or some foreign language! 

"You're not actually suggesting you're in a romantic relationship with another boy, are you?" Louis nodded. 

"I am." He answered softly. "And I don't care what you have to say about that-"

"Have you known about this?" His nan interrupted turning to Louis' father quickly. 

"Yes, I have mother." He answered with a small nod. 

"How can you let your only son partake in such deplorable actions? Don't you ever want grandchildren?"

"Mother-"

"I'm sorry, but homosexuality is just deplorable. Completely unnatural and amoral."

"Well, that's where you're wrong. I'm bisexual." Louis snapped in a snippy tone. 

"It's still amoral." His grandmother replied with a cold look. "How can you support him doing this?" Louis just bit the inside of his cheek, his chest tightening. 

"Doing what?" His father simply replied. "He's met a very nice boy who treats him kindly and cares about him and is just an overall genuine person. I support his decision to be with him because it's not up to me to decide who he can be with and who he can't be with. Louis is my son, if he's happy then I'm happy as well." 

"Well I just hope you know that that happiness will land you in hell."

"God, I can't wait." Louis mumbled under his breath. 

"God made women to be with man, to procreate, that is the reason. As the bible says, man shall not lie with man the way he would women."

"Mother, please-"

"God does not approve of homosexuality, it's easily written so in the bible."

"Yeah, well, I'm bisexual, what does the bible say about that?" Louis snapped. 

"Are you not seeing another boy?" His nan patronized. Louis just rolled his eyes. 

"Yes, but I'm still fucking bisexual." He fired back, trying to contain his anger and not let it control him. He glanced at his grandfather who just looked away. 

"I don't understand-"

"Well let me spell it out for you. I am bisexual. That means I am attracted to males and females. If I were to be in a relationship with a guy, which I am, I wouldn't be homosexual. I'm still bisexual. If I were to be in a relationship with a girl, I wouldn't be heterosexual. I'd still be fucking bisexual. Did I lose you at all?"

"Well I just hope you know that what you're doing is still wrong." His nan replied curtly. Louis turned to his father, giving him a warning look. 

"Mother, you've said enough-"

"It's the truth, though." She interrupted, looking at him. 

"It might be your truth, but it's not mine." Louis said in a low tone. He slumped back in his chair. 

"It's Gods truth-"

"Who gives a shit what God thinks!" Louis shouted rising up out of his chair. 

"You will when you arrive at the gates of hell!" She yelled back. 

"Streets of gold or lakes of fire, what's the fucking difference you senile bitch!" 

"Louis!" His father exclaimed in shock. 

"What the hell, dad? She's basically telling me I'm going to hell because I'm dating Harry and you're just sitting there like nothing's even happening!" Louis yelled furiously at him. 

"You will, though-"

"Shut the fuck up!" Louis shouted across the table. "I'd rather spend an eternity burning in hell than one good day in heaven with you!" He stormed out of the dining room, into the foyer. He stepped into his shoes, grabbed his house keys, then stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind him. 

Everyone at the table fell silent. Louis' father sighed to himself, turning his head down as he licked his lips, swallowing thickly. No one said anything. 

Louis roamed up and down the sidewalks around town. He didn't know where he was walking, he had no destination. He was just walking. And walking, and walking, and walking. He didn't even care if he was freezing, he was furious! 

He couldn't believe his own grandmother had the audacity to tell him he was going to burn in hell for simply being in a relationship with another guy! And he couldn't believe his father had to audacity to let her do so! He hardly put in any effort to stop her! 

Louis wasn't sure how long he had been walking. When he checked his phone and saw it was 11 already he didn't think he had been walking for that long already. He wasn't sure where he was, somewhere downtown he thought. 

He just strolled down the empty streets with his arms crossed to keep him warm and tears dried on his cheeks. He stopped at a crosswalk and paused seeing a car coming from behind him. They drove through the intersection then Louis crossed the street. 

He kept walking sullenly until suddenly there was a car horn that made him literally jump. He slapped his hand over his heart and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He glanced over to see Harry rolling down his car window. 

"Lou? What are you doing?" He called out. Louis swallowed thickly. 

"Um, nothing. Just taking a walk." He replied looking down then rubbing the back of his neck. 

"It's 11 o'clock at night." Harry said unsurely. "And where's your coat? It's cold out!" He then exclaimed. Louis felt himself begin to tear up again and he just waved him off, shrugging. 

"What are you doing?" His voice cracked making him cringe. 

"Well the smoke detector keeps going off because it needs new batteries, but we didn't have any so I ran out and got some." Harry turned on his hazard lights before opening his car door and climbing out. "Are you alright? What are you doing all the way up here?" He asked walking up to Louis. 

"I'm fine." 

"You're shivering." Harry pulled off his coat. "Did something happen?" Louis shook his head. When Harry draped his coat over Louis' shoulders Louis grabbed the edges and pulled it close, making Harry smile. "Why are you walking around at 11 o'clock?" 

"Okay, well, my grandparents came to visit for the week and my nan asked if I was seeing anyone at dinner and I said I was seeing you and then she went off on how disgusting and wrong homosexuality is and she was asking my dad about how he could support me and my deplorable behavior and told me I was going to burn in hell so I left." Harry frowned at him. 

"That sounds awful, I'm sorry that happened." Louis just shrugged. 

"I anticipated it." Harry still frowned, sighing. 

"Well, do you want me to drive you home?" Louis shook his head vigorously. 

"No, I'm not ready to go home yet." 

"Do you want to come back to my flat until you are? I don't want to just leave you out here in the dark and cold." 

"I wouldn't want to put you out-"

"What?" Harry quickly interjected. "You wouldn't be putting me out-"

"But Liam-"

"He's in bed already, plus he wouldn't mind anyway. C'mon Lou, I want you to always feel welcome." Louis just drew in his breath then shook his head. 

"I can't, it's too late, you probably want to go to bed-"

"Louis," Harry laughed and Louis just turned his head down. "I love being with you, I was up studying anyway. Please, if you're not going to go home then come to my flat until you do." Louis looked up at him before taking in a slow breath. 

"I don't know." 

"Is there some reason you don't want to?" Harry asked him softly. Louis just gripped the edges of Harry's jacket tightly around him then sighed. 

"I just don't want to be a bother."

"Well why would you be a bother?" Louis was quiet. He felt himself tear up. 

"I don't know, I just feel like I'd be one." Harry smiled at him. 

"Well you won't, so will you please come with me?" Louis looked at him before sighing again. He nodded, making Harry smile wider. He turned back to the car then walked around it to open the passenger door. Louis offered him a soft smile as he climbed inside. Harry closed the door before walking back around the car and into his seat behind the wheel. 

The car ride was quiet. Silent even. Louis just kept himself faced towards the window with his forehead pressed against it. Harry didn't expect him to talk. It was obvious he was upset. 

When they arrived at Harry's flat complex Louis still held his jacket around himself as they climbed the stairs. But after climbing the stairs he was completely out of breath and lightheaded even. He dropped Harry's jacket to the floor. 

"I'm gonna use the bathroom." He said quickly before turning down the hallway from the foyer and rushing into the bathroom. He closed the door, turned on the light, then dropped down on the closed toilet seat. He pressed his elbows against his knees then rest his head in his hands, breathing deeply. His heart was pounding and his head was aching. 

He could hear the soft beep of the smoke detector going off every thirty seconds before it finally stopped. Once he had finally caught his breath he stood up slowly before venturing out to the living room. Harry was placing a chair back at the dining table before looking over at him and smiling. 

"Fix the smoke detector?" Louis asked softly making Harry laugh. He nodded. 

"Oh yeah, fixed that sucker right up."

"What a handyman." Louis teased and Harry laughed again, this time louder than the first. Louis just crossed his arms together loosely and looked around. 

"You can sit if you like," Harry offered moving over to the living room. "I can move my stuff." Harry moved his textbook and notebook onto the coffee table and gathered up his pens. Louis just walked over slowly and sat on the edge. Harry scooped a blanket up off the floor. "Blanket?" He offered. Louis nodded, reaching out to take it. He wrapped it around himself. 

Harry still tidied his stuff up and Louis just replayed the whole dinner scene in his head. Every word, every glare, all of it. His eyes watered with tears again. He inhaled sharply before rubbing his misty eyes. Harry noticed it. 

"Oh, babe," He wanted to reach out and pull Louis into his arms. But he couldn't. "Is there anything I can do to help at all? Anything I can do that'll help you feel better?" Louis shook his head. 

"I need to text my dad." He said instead. He pulled out his phone. He rubbed under his nose as he sniffled and Harry just watched him so fondly, endeared. 

louis: im at Harry's just so you know. 

louis: I don't know when I'll head home. 

dad: understandable, I'm sorry they acted that way. 

dad: at least try to be home by midnight at the latest. 

louis: it's 11:35. 

dad: exactly :) 

louis: dad 

dad: 12:30 then

louis: okay 

Louis turned his phone off then shoved it in his pocket. He sighed softly then leaned back against the couch. Harry was sitting on the edge of the couch with his notebook in his lap and his textbook on the coffee table in front of him. Louis watched him write curiously, he watched the way his eyes flicked back and forth from the book to his notebook. He moved a little closer and leaned over. Harry smiled. 

"What are you studying?" 

"I'm studying about the butterfly effect." Louis looked at Harry and Harry turned his head towards him as well. They were sitting shoulder to shoulder and that made Harry smile. 

"Is that a weather thing?" Louis asked unsurely and Harry nodded. 

"Yeah, haven't you ever heard of a butterfly that flaps its wings in New Mexico causes a hurricane in China?" Louis shook his head, giving Harry a curious look. "Well, that's the butterfly effect, also known as the chaos theory. The butterfly effect is the concept that small causes can have large effects. It was initially used in weather prediction, but now it's used more so as a metaphor." 

"That's interesting."

"It is, it's really fascinating. Like, the butterfly effect is the sensitive dependence on initial conditions in which a small change in one state of a deterministic nonlinear system can result in large differences in a later state. The name, which was actually coined by Edward Lorenz, was derived from the metaphorical example of the details of a hurricane, being influenced by minor perturbations such as the flapping of the wings of a distant butterfly several weeks earlier. Isn't that cool?" Louis cracked a smile, laughing softly. 

"Okay, smaller words, Haz. I don't think I understood a word you said." He chuckled making Harry laugh. 

"Sorry, we're talking about weather. I'm excited." He teased softly. Louis just smiled at him. 

"How's the weather station?" He asked softly. "I gotta say, I actually miss seeing you in the bakery. It's weird looking up and seeing some complete stranger." Harry gasped in feign shock. 

"You were anticipating not missing me?" He teased and Louis nodded without hesitation before they both started laughing. Harry could listen to him laugh for the rest of his life. He wasn't even joking, he literally could. 

"I'm just joking." Harry grinned. 

"Good. And the weather station is absolutely amazing. All I've been doing is just training mostly and, to be honest, it's a little boring. Like come on, I want to get to the forecasting!" He exclaimed filling Louis' heart with joy and happiness. God, he was so cute and passionate! 

"Your time will come." Louis teased. Harry laughed, nodding. 

"I'm just getting impatient." Louis smiled again. He didn't think he would ever be able to smile again after what had happened that night. He was surprised he was also actually sitting so close to Harry and not even feeling an the to push himself away. 

Harry's smile softened a bit, a blush coloring his cheeks pink. Louis surely noticed his change in color and smiled back at him. He had beautiful eyes. Harry drew in a deep breath. 

"Is it alright if I kiss you?" Louis nodded slowly and a moment later Harry was leaning in to kiss him. Their lips met softly, in a gentle manner. Louis let his eyes flutter shut, losing himself in the kiss. Harry leaned in further, wanting to deepen the kiss, but not by a lot. He didn't want to scare Louis off. 

Louis felt butterflies and bees in his stomach. There was just a whole mess of feelings and emotions all happening at once. He wanted to scream, cry, and shout for joy. He wanted to push Harry away and pull him closer. He wanted to do everything with the power to do nothing. 

Louis kissed Harry back tenderly, for Harry was very delicate and he did not want to break him or even crack him. He reached up bravely and placed his hand on Harry's cheek gently. Harry smiled into the kiss before reaching up without even thinking and placing his hand overtop Louis'. 

"Louis Tomlinson, you will be the death of me." He whispered before kissing him deeply. 

"Whoa, hey, hold up." Liam exclaimed bumbling into the kitchen, pointing a finger at them from across the room. They both jumped, pulling away from each other. Louis blushed furiously, turning his head down in embarrassment. "You are not the only one who sits on that couch."

"You and Sophia-"

"Up, bup, bup!" Liam interrupted sternly. "Shut up." Harry rolled his eyes. 

"Stop being a tyrant."

"I am not a tyrant, you know I don't like it when you say that." Liam went to a cabinet and grabbed a plastic cup. 

"It was literally just a kiss, but thank you for that interruption." Harry whined falling back against the couch. Liam filled his cup with cool tap water. 

"Well how was I supposed to know it wouldn't lead to anything else?" He teased taking a sip. 

"Because not everybody is as perverted as you are." Harry quipped back with a smirk. Louis stood up. 

"I have to go." He said in a soft voice. Harry looked up at him in confusion and Liam just sipped his water. 

"Oh, really? Okay, I can drive you." Harry stood up. 

"No, that's fine, really. You've already done enough." Louis just rushed quickly over to the door. "Thanks for letting me stay a bit, I'll see you...whenever." Louis opened the door. 

"Are you sure yo-" And the door was closed. Harry just gawked at the door before locking it. He sighed then turned and glared at Liam. "Do you always have to make perverted jokes?" 

"Excuse me?" Liam threw his plastic cup in the trash. 

"God, it's obvious you made him uncomfortable, he practically ran out of here." Harry retorted walking to the kitchen. 

"It was a stupid little joke, can you chill out?" Liam fired back. 

"No, this is the second time it's happened. I don't want him to feel uncomfortable here because of you-"

"Then just don't bring him here." Harry gave him a patronizing glare, crossing his arms. 

"He's my boyfriend, I'm going to invite him over sometimes." He deadpanned. 

"Okay, well, whatever." 

"What is your deal?" 

"My deal is that I still don't know what you see in him." Liam fired back. "I just...I don't see it. And I mean, have you ever actually looked at him?" Harry scoffed. 

"What? Are you implying that you think he's ugly or something?"

"No, I'm saying he looks sick." Harry swallowed thickly. "Do you not realize how pale he is?"

"Just because he's pale doesn't mean he's sick."

"But there's a difference between having a pale skin tone and being pale because of an illness or something. He looks like he has the flu, or something." 

"So it bothers you that he looks sick?"

"Yeah, well to me it seems like he's hiding something and pairing that with looking sick..."

"You think he has cancer or something?" Liam shook his head. 

"I mean, I don't know. It just...I still think he's a little weird, but I think I think that because I also think he's hiding something. He's, like, unusually quiet and...he's just weird! There's just something about him."

"Okay, whatever, maybe next time he's here try to act like you don't think that? And don't make sexually suggestive jokes?" Liam just rolled his eyes. 

"Of course, because I wouldn't want to insult your little boyfriend. I mean, heaven forbid he never not feel comfortable, you can't fucking coddle him-"

"I'm not fucking coddling him, you made a sexually suggestive joke and it obviously made him uncomfortable. Asking you not to do that is not a way of coddling him." Liam rolled his eyes. 

"Whatever." He dropped his arms, walking out of the kitchen and brushing passed Harry as he walked down the hallway. "Goodnight, so sorry to have ruined your moment with your high strung boyfriend-"

"He's not high strung-"

"You have got to drop out of this honeymoon, infatuation stage and realize that he's not perfect and that not everything that ticks him off is you're fault." Liam slammed his bedroom door behind him and Harry just stood their puzzled, trying to work out what it was that Liam had against Louis.


	15. Chapter 15

When Louis arrived home he just sat outside on the porch instead of going inside. He wasn't ready to go inside. He didn't think he'd ever be, but he lost track of time and soon the front door was opening at 12:48 and his dad walked out before pausing at the sight of Louis. 

"Louis? Why didn't you tell me you were home?" He asked him. Louis just shrugged, keeping his head down. 

"Lost track of time."

"How long have you been sitting out here?" He shrugged again. 

"Awhile." 

"What happened to staying at Harry's?" His father walked over and took a seat beside him on the bench. 

"I don't think Harry really wanted me there anyway, and his friend was being a little obnoxious." He answered softly, still keeping his head down somberly. 

"Why wouldn't Harry want you there?" His dad asked making Louis just sigh. 

"I don't know, I just feel like no one really wants me around." He admitted. His father turned to him. 

"That's not true, I want you around."

"Well of course you're going to say that, you're my dad." Louis retorted making his father press his lips together. 

"And because it's true." Louis just inhaled deeply and rolled his eyes. 

"So, what happened after I left?" His dad turned back forward, folding his hands together on his lap. 

"Not much, cleared the table, nan apologized and said she'd talk to you tomorrow to apologize as well." Louis grit his teeth, rolling his eyes. 

"More like try to turn me." His father chuckled.

"You need to apologize to her as well." Louis turned to him indignantly. 

"What? Why?" 

"Well for calling her a senile bitch for starters." His father replied and Louis chuckled. "Don't laugh, it's not funny." Louis suppressed his grin. "It was disrespectful and rude. I thought I had raised you better-"

"God, please dad. She was telling me I was going to go to hell-"

"Yes, but the difference is that I didn't raise her, I raised you. And no matter how angry you get that is no way to talk to your grandmother-"

"Why are you defending her-"

"I'm not defending her, I think what she did was wrong. And I think what you said was wrong too." Louis rolled his eyes. 

"Whatever, I don't care." 

"You still need to apologize." Louis groaned. 

"All I'm saying is sorry and that's it." He stated. "Nothing else. And if she asks me to forgive her I won't. I'll accept her apology, but I'm not going to forgive her." His father chuckled, but Louis didn't see the humor in what he was saying. 

"Okay then, sounds like you've got it all planned out." He stood up then looked down at him. "Now, it's been a long night, why don't you go on to bed." Louis stood up before moping to the door. He opened it and dragged his feet up the stairs then into his room, closing his door without saying a word to his father. 

He didn't sleep well that night, he expected that. He didn't sleep that well anymore. After he did fall asleep, though, he woke up at 7 in the morning and climbed out of bed to go downstairs for some water. 

The house was brightly lit thanks to the fresh sunlight and also empty. He walked into the kitchen and grabbed a cup from the cupboard before filling it with ice and water from the fridge. Of course, though, since he was the luckiest guy on earth, he heard a door from down the hall open and watched tensely as his grandmother walked down the hallway and I to the kitchen in her pajamas and robe. 

"Oh, good morning Louis." She greeted stopping on the other side of the counter. Louis just placed his cup down. 

"Hi." He replied tensely, keeping his eyes low. 

"I just wanted to apologize for last night at dinner." She said softly. "What I said was...uncalled for and inappropriately communicated. I was just a little shocked to be honest."

"Well good thing it didn't send you into cardiac arrest." He quipped back sarcastically, but she smiled and laughed. "Sorry I called you a senile bitch." He then added flatly. 

"I forgive you." She smiled sweetly. Louis just sighed. "You know, I actually know a church down here that has a nice and effective program for people like you, it's called Seeing The Light." Louis looked up at her, finally cracking a sarcastic smile. 

"Oh really?" 

"Yes, I think it could be very helpful for you. You know, you still have time to change." She continued. 

"I do?" She nodded. 

"It might not be easy, you'll have to be strong and persevere." She added. Louis pressed his lips together into a thin smile. 

"What if I don't want to change?" 

"Why wouldn't you?" 

"Because I'm happy with who I am." Louis stated. "I'm happy being bisexual, I'm happy being in a relationship with a guy-"

"Which is why you'd have to be strong and persevere. You can only be around evil for so long before it starts to color your own actions. Today's society makes people believe same sex relationships are okay and they're not-"

"Why not? Why do you give a shit about who I'm dating or attracted to?" Louis asked sternly. "Does me being in a relationship with a guy negatively impact you at all? I don't believe so." 

"Louis, I'm just looking out for your best interest-"

"And what do you know about my best interest? This is my first time seeing you since my mums funeral, news flash; I was bisexual then too." He interrupted feeling his anger begin to boil over. 

"Oh, don't say something as silly as that-"

"What's so silly about it?" He interrupted again. 

"Louis, look-"

"It's funny how this started out as an apology, but you're not actually sorry. Guess what? Neither was I. I'm glad I called you a senile bitch. Because you are one." His nan gawked at him. "Oh, and did you sleep well? I didn't unfortunately. I was too hot and bothered after having a wet dream about my boyfriend fucking me senseless with his huge cock, it was kind of hard to fall asleep after that." His Nan's jaw had dropped open in utter shock and disgust. Louis just looked at her before sighing softly. "Oh well, see you at lunch." Louis smirked pridefully as he stormed out of the kitchen. He went back to his room where he was actually able to get a little bit more sleep. 

He woke up again after 10 and stayed in his room. He didn't go down for lunch, he just laid in bed and listened to music on his phone, but what was new? 

louis: are you busy today 

harry: i have classes until 1:50 

louis: you should come over afterwards 

harry: okay 

harry: i have to be at the office at 4 though 

louis: that's alright, my nan was being a bitch still and id just feel better if you were here too 

louis: i mean if that's alright, you don't have to come over if you don't want to 

harry: I'd love to come over :) 

louis: okay cool 

So Louis dawdled around his room doing this and that, which consisted of listening to music and staring at the wall. Harry was sitting in the student union with Liam and Zayn. But he and Liam weren't talking. Zayn just looked confused and a little annoyed as he looked back and forth between them. 

"Why aren't ya guys talking?"

"Harry's mad because I said I think his boyfriend is weird." Liam answered with his arm crossed. 

"You think Louis is weird?" Liam rolled his eyes. "Why?" 

"He thinks he looks weird." Harry replied flatly. 

"I did not say that, I said he looked sick." Liam retorted quickly. 

"You also said you think he's weird and that you don't see what I see in him. And you made a sexually suggestive joke which was obnoxious."

"Oh, cry me a river." Liam sneered making Harry scoff. "Why do you even care?" 

"Um, because you're being rude and I'm going to defend Louis?" Harry shot back. 

"It's not as if I'm insulting him!"

"You're still being rude by calling him weird!" Harry exclaimed. 

"Who gives a shit!"

"Would you both just knock it off?" Zayn interrupted feeling his own anger rise. "God, I'm going to burst a blood vessel if I have to keep listening to you two." Liam and Harry both rolled their eyes. "You're not seriously going to let another guy get between your friendship, are you?" 

"Of course not, I'm just annoyed." Harry replied. 

"I'm annoyed because you never shut up about him." Liam snarked. 

"Oh please, you tal-"

"Knock it off." Zayn rose his voice over Harry's. "Seriously, I swear to God-"

"In retrospect I didn't do anything wrong." Liam spoke up. Harry scoffed. 

"If we're talking about 'retrospect' then neither did I-"

"No one did anything wrong so why are you both mad at each other?" Zayn asked in confusion. 

"Because Louis was over last night and Liam made an annoying joke that made Louis uncomfortable and Liam got all pissy when I asked him not to make jokes like that, then he started going off about how Louis is weird and all."

"Yeah, well it was literally just a harmless joke-"

"It made him uncomfortable and he left-"

"So what? It was almost midnight, you don't have to spend every second with him."

"I fucking know that, you twat. I don't spend every second with him-"

"Okay, you literally left for batteries and came back with him." Harry rolled his eyes in annoyance and stood up from his chair, shoving it in forcefully. 

"This is fucking ridiculous, I'm out." 

"C'mon, Harry-" 

"See you later." Harry said walking around the table. 

"Where ya off to?" Liam asked snarkily. 

"Going to go see Louis so why don't you just go fuck yourself." Harry snapped stomping towards the main entrance. Zayn just groaned in annoyance while Liam rolled his eyes. Harry stormed out to his car. He was fuming his whole drive to Louis' house. He couldn't even think straight!

But of course the second he knocked on Louis' door he plastered a big smile on his face. Louis' father opened the door a moment later. He smiled kindly. 

"Good afternoon Harry, how are you?" 

"I'm doing well, and you?" His father smiled. 

"Doing fine as well. Louis is just upstairs in his room if you'd like to head on up." He said stepping aside. Harry smiled, nodding as he stepped inside. 

"Thank you." Louis' dad closed the door and Harry headed up the stairs. He paused outside Louis' door before knocking softly. 

"Go away, I'm painting." He heard Louis call out. Harry smiled before opening the door and walking inside. Louis looked over in annoyance, but smiled seeing it was Harry. He was sitting at his desk with a small sheet of watercolor in front of him, a cup of water up beside him with a paintbrush in it. "Oh, sorry, I forgot you were coming over." Harry closed the door. 

"That's okay, whatcha painting?" He asked with a smile, walking over behind his chair and peeking over his shoulder at a little blue and purple circle. 

"Circles." Louis answered contently. He pushed his chair back gently before standing up then pushing it in. "How were your classes?" 

"Boring. I just love calculus." He said sarcastically making Louis laugh. Louis walked over to his bed and sat on the edge of it. 

"Doesn't everyone." He teased watching Harry walk over and sit down beside him. 

"How's your grandmother?"

"Bitchy." Louis deadpanned. Harry chuckled, smiling at him. "This morning I went down for water and she walked out and she apologized, but then she told me about a program for people like me she thought would help me change because apparently I have to change. So I told her she was a senile bitch again and that I had a nice wet dream where my boyfriend fucked me senseless and that shut her up quick. She hasn't even looked at me since." Harry laughed boisterously, making Louis smile in amusement. "Of course I've also been spending all my time in my room so," Louis just smiled. 

"Well there's no reason you should have to be around someone who's treating you that way." Harry said. Louis nodded. 

"Exactly." He stated and Harry laughed. 

"How long are they staying here?" 

"A week. That is if I don't drive them out sooner. I'm surprised they haven't left yet." 

"I'm sure it'll fly by." Harry teased smiling at him. Louis just let out a soft laugh before elbowing Harry gently. Harry smirked at him before elbowing him back harder so then Louis elbowed him back again even harder. Harry scoffed before shoving him back with his hands and they both laugh started laughing so Louis shoved him back roughly playfully, but Harry ended up sliding off the bed and landing on his rump. Louis gasped at the loud thud Harry made before laughing loudly making Harry laugh in return. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to push you off." He apologized. Harry just shrugged, resting his arms on the edge of the bed beside Louis.

"It's fine, it was funny." Louis smiled down at him. Harry smiled back before looking down at the floor. "Damn, do you ever clean?" He teased looking back up at Louis with a smirk. 

"Oh shut up, I've seen your kitchen." Louis retorted rolling his eyes. 

"Are you one of those people who shove everything under their beds?" Harry laid down on his stomach and peeked under the bed. "Well, well, well, what is this?" Harry reached out and snatched up the blue and silver toy before sitting up, holding it up with a smile. Louis' jaw dropped and his cheeks turned bright red. 

"Hey, don't touch that!" He exclaimed grabbing it out of his hands. Harry smirked at him. 

"Why? Is it dirty?" Louis slapped him in the arm as Harry laughed loudly. 

"No!" 

"You're the last person I'd guess to own a vibrator." Louis rolled his eyes at him. 

"I bought it when I was high school and only used it, like, twice." Harry gave him a condescending smirk. "Okay, maybe three times." 

"You dirty little sneak." Louis reached down and smacked him in the arm again making Harry laugh. "But everyone knows you don't just hide it under your bed, you're supposed to hide it under your mattress. Shouldn't you know this?" 

"Oh, and how do you know so much about this?" Louis asked before bending down and shoving the vibrator under his mattress. 

"I'm just knowledgable." Harry replied modestly. He climbed back up onto the mattress from the floor. "Plus for my 16th birthday my friends gave me a dildo as a joke and I just threw it under my bed then one day my mum found it and totally chewed me out since apparently that meant I was having sex and I'm supposed to save myself for marriage." He smiled thinly. 

"My parents taught me the same thing." Louis added. "My dad still preaches about abstinence and he doesn't know that I used to sneak guys in my room in the middle of my night or sneak out to a girls house." Harry turned to Louis with a surprised look because Louis just seemed so reserved and introverted, not the boy he'd expect to own a vibrator and used to sneak guys into his room or go over to girls rooms. 

"Wow, I'm learning a lot about you today." Louis elbowed him again gently. 

"Oh...hush." He chuckled. "Just...after my mum passed away I kind of fell down the rabbit hole and did some maybe not so good things." 

"That doesn't make you a bad person, though." Louis sighed, glancing up at Hardy before looking down again. 

"I don't know." 

"Well, what could you have done that would make you a bad person? You're not the first person to have someone...sneak into your room or the first to go sneak into someone else's." Harry replied calmly. Louis just inhaled deeply before letting it out slowly. He couldn't even believe he had told Harry that. He hadn't ever told anyone about that. It's not as if it was a big deal or anything, but...it was kind of a big deal for him. He never had anyone he could talk to. But now he had Harry, he just wasn't sure what he was comfortable sharing with him yet. 

"Let's change the subject." Louis said forcing a small smile. Harry smiled back. 

"I was Hulu the other night and Spy popped up." He told him cheerfully. "I thought of you because of how much you love Jude Law." He teased. 

"He is seriously so cute, though. Have you seen him when he was in his twenties?" Harry laughed, nodding. 

"I have, you showed me when we watched Spy." He teased. Louis smiled contently. 

"Well good. Because he was hot." They both laughed. "We should go watch something." Louis said standing up. Harry stood up as well. 

"Let's." Harry smiled down at him fondly before they were walking to the door and going down the stairs to the empty living room. Louis knelt down in front of the entertainment center and began to look through a stack of DVD's. 

"How about The Black Cauldron? That's my favorite Disney movie, I've loved it since I can even remember." Louis said holding up the DVD. 

"Ooh, I used to love that movie!" Harry exclaimed from the couch. Louis smiled as he put in the DVD. He stood up then grabbed the remote off the coffee table before sitting down beside Harry. Not completely beside him, but pretty close to him. He played it. "This movie also used to scare me." Harry added after it had started. 

"Me too, actually." Louis replied with a small smile. 

"Where are your grandparents?" Louis shrugged. 

"Beats me." He answered making Harry laugh. So they sat back and relaxed while watching the movie in contentment. Halfway through the door leading into the garage opened and his grandparents walked in. Harry glanced over and Louis just kept watching the TV. 

"Oh, hello, who are you?" Louis heard his nan ask politely. He rolled his eyes. 

"I'm Harry-"

"My boy pal." Louis added making Harry crack a smile and glance over at him. He shoved in the arm gently. 

"Knock it off." Louis just laughed, keeping his attention on the TV. 

"Oh, I see." His grandmother said tight lipped before walking out of the living room. 

"Hi, I'm Louis' granddad." Louis heard and he glanced over to see Harry shaking his hand kindly. 

"It's nice to meet you." Harry replied with a smile. 

"You as well." Louis' grandfather returned the smile before walking out of the living room as well. Harry turned back forward. 

"Well your granddad seemed nice." Louis shrugged. 

"He's been kind of racist in the past, but so far he's been alright. Rather silent but oh well." Harry chuckled. 

"Have they always been, like, racist and all?"

"Yeah, pretty much. My nan's always been really homophobic and all, I've just never come out to them until now." He glanced over at Harry. "You never know what it takes for someone's true colors to show. Like, I always knew she was bitch, but now she's an even bigger one-"

"I beg your pardon?" Louis jerked his head around to see his grandmother standing in the space between the living room and dining room. He turned red. 

"Whoops." Harry suppressed his smile. 

"I can't believe you're talking about me this way behind my back!" She exclaimed offended. Louis stood up, facing her. 

"Oh please, like you haven't talked about me behind mine? Trying to convince my dad to take me to church?" He shot back sarcastically. 

"Of course not-"

"And I totally believe that." Louis crossed his arms. The heavy footsteps of his father and grandfather sounded down the hallway until they were beside his grandmother. 

"What is going on?"

"Well I just heard Louis here talking to his friend-"

"Boyfriend."

"About how he always knew I'm a bitch. Is this really how you raised your son act?" She rose her voice at Louis' dad.

"How exactly am I acting?" He asked moving around the couch. 

"Acting in a spiteful and deliberate manner. You just had to invite your little friend over and flaunt him around-"

"Flaunt him?" Louis repeated loudly. "He's not an object or an accessory! He's a person and I invited him over because I was bored and I wanted to see him!"

"Oh yeah, I'm sure that's the case." His nan patronized. Louis grit his teeth.

"And I'm sure I'll be the one burning in hell." He shot back sarcastically. "Do you think God wants you acting this way?"

"You think he wants you committing mortal sin?" She practically shouted. 

"Well if I'm gonna sin might as well make the best of it since there's no turning back!" He yelled back. 

"Shame on you!" 

"Shame on me? Shame on you!" 

"Shame on me? What have I done?" She hollered back at him and no one was in any opposition to stop them. 

"Are you fucking joking? You're acting like a complete jackass simply because I'm bisexual, telling me that what I'm doing is amoral and deplorable! That I'm going to burn in hell because I'm happy being in a relationship with another guy! How can you possibly believe you've done nothing, you judgmental cunt!" His grandmothers jaw dropped as did everyone else's. 

"Louis William Tomlinson," His father warned in his typical 'dad voice.' Louis swallowed thickly, taking a deep breath. 

"I apologize for my choice in words." He just said quietly. His grandmother just turned and walked towards the beginning of the hallway. 

"We're leaving." Was all she said walking down the hallway. His grandfather awkwardly followed and Louis' father turned to him furiously. 

"Well, um...I better-I better go." Harry said standing up, making Louis cringe. 

"You probably should." Louis' dad said without turning his glare off of Louis. Louis kept his head down. Harry turned and headed for the foyer. When the door slammed shut his father took a deep breath. "I can not believe you just said that-"

"I apologized." 

"I don't think you were sincere." His father replied softly. Louis just took a deep breath, staring down at the floor solemnly. 

"She sure as hell was." 

"Louis." He sighed. 

"I actually didn't mean it, I was just mad." 

"Well then you've got to learn how to control your anger because what you said was completely unacceptable." There was a loud clatter of noise as his nan stormed down the hallway gracefully with her suitcase and went towards the door. His father followed after her. His grandfather followed a moment later, stopping in the dining area near Louis. Louis didn't look at him. 

"Don't let her or anyone make you feel ashamed for being who you are. You don't fall in love with someone because of their gender, you fall in love with someone because of the way they make you feel." Louis glanced up at him before he was already walking away to the door. A moment later the front door was closing and Louis was still standing in the dining room. 

"Congratulations, you've run your own grandparents out of the house." Louis wanted to argue that he wasn't the one at fault, but he knew that it was. It was all his fault, his own father just said so. Tears watered his eyes and his chest tightened. 

He marched out of the dining room and stomped towards the stairs where he rushed up them then collapsed on his bed gasping for breath. Once he had caught his breath, though, he turned over on his stomach and closed his eyes, hoping to sleep away all his bad feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how long I had this titled The Buttery Effect but it's actually The Butterfly Effect and I can't believe I didn't notice the typo until now and I want to die :)


	16. Chapter 16

Louis ignored his phone for the next couple of days. He ignored his dad too, not even going down for dinner. He just wanted to shut the whole entire world out and take a nap because if he was asleep then he was oblivious to his self hatred and he couldn't hurt his father any more than he already did. 

He couldn't do that though, but he could sleep. So he just slept and slept and slept. Even if he didn't actually fall asleep he just laid in bed with his eyes closed and his headphones in listening to calm and peaceful music. 

The only time he got up was to go down to the bench across from the bakery and release the blue balloon for his mother. There was no way he would ever stop doing that. Just no way. 

So three days after having run his grandparents out of his house he forced himself up out of bed to make the blue balloon. He filled it with helium, tied it shut, tied the ribbon on, then headed downstairs to the foyer. He put on his shoes and left the house. 

He walked down the sidewalk towards the bakery, always replaying the day his mother had died in his head. Wasn't a very healthy thing to do, but what else was he supposed to think of? 

He was only 12 and he just wanted to ride his bike around the block, but his mother wouldn't let him so he told her that he hated her. She was looking out for his safety and he yelled that he hated her. Then she left in the car only to get in an unfortunate crash and pass away. Louis couldn't count the nights he'd spent waking up in a cold sweat from nightmares of that day. 

Louis shook his head before finally coming upon the bakery. He took his usual seat on the far left end and looked down at his lap. When he looked up he looked in the bakery window seeing a young girl standing behind the counter. He missed seeing Harry. 

He smiled to himself, thinking about how much his mother would've liked Harry. Of course she would embarrass him a hell of a lot more than his father does, that's for sure. He just knew she would've loved him. Louis even liked him and he was his boyfriend, he just wasn't sure if he liked Harry for Harry or for the validation he gives him. 

At 3 o'clock Louis released the balloon then tilted his head up to watch it float away until it blended in with the grey sky. He sighed lackadaisically to himself, turning his head back down where he saw Liam walking down the walkway, towards the bench. He quickly turned his head down, but a moment later Liam was sitting down beside him. 

"Can I help you?" Louis asked softly. 

"Are you alright?" Liam asked him forwardly. Louis looked at him before quickly looking away. 

"What? Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." He answered hastily. 

"I don't think you are." Louis looked back up at him again. "And Harry might not see it, but I do. Because I've seen it before." 

"What are you talking about? Why'd you come here?"

"I'm talking about how you're ill." Liam stated. "Are you eating regularly?" Louis gawked at him. 

"Excuse me?"

"It's a simple question. You know my sister struggled with an eating disorder once too. Luckily she recovered and she's doing great now, but it was difficult at the time-"

"Excuse me, but I do not have an eating disorder and I don't appreciate you making such accusations-"

"I don't think I'm making an accusation, I think I'm making a statement-"

"You don't know a fucking thing about me-"

"Oh, but I do. You see, Harry talks about you all the time. And I wouldn't have to look at you twice to see that something is obviously wrong with your health. You're pale, your eyes are very dull, your nails look brittle, your skin is very dry and not just because it's winter. Your hair also looks very dry and I find it very interesting that all you wear are big oversized jumpers and baggy skinny jeans." Louis felt his chest tighten. 

"What are you, some sort of doctor?" 

"No, but like I said my sister literally dealt with all that too, I've seen this all before. If you need help I can help you-"

"I don't need help because I don't have an eating disorder." Louis interrupted. 

"Well I really don't think that's true." Liam replied flatly. 

"Well I really don't care what you think." Louis fired back looking away. "You can't just randomly sit with me and start talking about me like you know me."

"Well you probably should care because I'm assuming no one else knows-"

"There's nothing to know!" Louis interrupted angrily. Liam sighed passively, glancing around before looking back at Louis. 

"Alrighty then, just know that the longer you go without treatment the more likely you are to die from it." He said standing up. 

"That's nice, but I don't have an eating disorder so it doesn't apply to me." Louis snipped back. 

"If you say so," Liam turned to start walking away. 

"Wait," Louis called out making him stop and turn back around. "You're not going to tell Harry that, are you?" He asked softly. 

"What's the deal if I do since you don't have one?" Louis bit his bottom lip. 

"Well since I don't it doesn't matter so what's the point?"

"The point is that I believe otherwise." Liam deadpanned. "And since I believe otherwise I'm going to reach out to try and figure out whether I'm wrong or right. Whatever your reason may be it is not worth putting your life on the line."  Louis felt tears water his eyes. 

"Please...don't talk to Harry about it." He pleaded softly. Liam gave him a curious look, crossing his arms. 

"Why not?" Louis was too choked up to speak and the tears just started rolling down his cheeks. He cupped his hands over his face, trying to suppress his crying. Liam quickly sat down beside him again. "Hey, are you alright?" He asked quietly. Louis just rubbed his eyes then wiped his nose.

"You're right, okay you prick?" He said angrily. "But don't tell Harry, please. I'm not ready for him to know and you have no right going and telling him."

"This is a serious thing, though, and considering you're in a romantic relationship I think he has a right to know." 

"I want him to hear it from me. And that'll happen when I'm ready, okay?"

"How long have you been struggling with it? Is it anorexia?" Louis nodded. 

"About six years, I don't know. Haven't exactly kept track of time." His voice was hoarse and choked. He wiped his eyes.

"Six years?" Liam repeated bewildered. "Have you ever reached out for help?" Louis shook his head. "Well, why not?"

"Because I don't want it and even if I did my father couldn't afford it. He sent me to a shrink twice and I'm pretty sure he could barely afford that; I mean, he's talked about taking money out of his retirement or taking out a second mortgage on the house just to pay for it."

"Does anyone else know besides your dad?"

"You." Liam swallowed thickly.

"I can help get you the help you need."

"I already said I don't want it." Louis replied tartly, standing up.

"So you just want to keep starving yourself until...what? You drop from being malnourished? You go into cardiac arrest because your hearts so weak? What if that happens? What are you going to tell Harry?" Liam asked looking up at him. Louis didn't look at him. "Or more importantly what would I tell Harry? Or the doctors?"

"That won't happen to me-"

"Don't even put that belief in your head because trust me, it can and it will happen to you if you continue to starve your body from the proper nutrients it needs to function." 

"Look, you aren't a fucking doctor and just because your sister dealt with one doesn't make you expertise on the topic. So just don't tell Harry and we'll be fine." Liam opened his mouth to respond, but Louis just rushed off, leaving Liam alone on the bench. 

He took a deep breath and tried to process all the information he had just been given. Louis had an eating disorder. He had been suffering from one for six years! That's what he had been hiding, Liam knew he was hiding something! 

He got up from the bench and went the direction Louis had, heading towards his car. He got behind the wheel then drove home to his flat where Harry was. He and Harry hadn't exactly been talking. Well, they hadn't talked at all since their little blow up in the union. 

When he got up the stairs and into the flat Harry was in the kitchen spreading butter on an English muffin. He didn't even give Liam a glance, pretending as if he couldn't even see him. He walked over to the counter so that he was standing across from him. Still, Harry didn't look up. 

"Hey," He said, but Harry just swiped his knife in the peanut butter and began spreading it on his snack. "I'm sorry for what I said about Louis and all." Harry looked up, giving him a curious look. "It was rude of me and I shouldn't have said it, especially to you. I guess I'm just bitter because you're so happy with him and Sophia fucking cheated on me with three different guys, but I shouldn't take that out on you and your relationship or anyone's for a matter of fact. I just...I don't know. I'm still hurting." 

"I forgive you and appreciate the apology." Harry replied. "I'm sorry as well for all I said in the union the other day." Liam pressed his lips together and nodded. "And if you're still hurting then why didn't you ever just talk to me about it? We've been best friends for years, you know you can talk to me about anything." Liam shrugged. 

"Guess I'm not exactly eager to talk about it." 

"Why not? I mean, I can guess a little on why not, but I don't want you to be hurting, especially over something you had no control in." Liam was quiet. "Is it because you feel embarrassed?" He shrugged. 

"Yeah." Harry put his knife down and crossed his arms. "I mean, I feel-" Liam drew in a slow breath. "I don't want to talk about it." He turned around briskly walked away into his room, closing the door before Harry, who had followed him, could push himself through. He opened it and stepped in. 

"I'm sure you'll feel better if just talk about all the stuff you've been keeping to yourself, Liam. I mean, come on, you've at least got to talk to me." Liam kept his back to him, shaking his head. "You don't deserve her. You deserve someone so much better-"

"But what if there's no one out there that's better?" 

"Why would you believe that?" Liam gave him a patronizing glare, crossing his arms. 

"Gee, I don't know, because my ex girlfriend I thought I loved and was actually considering proposing to cheated on me with three different guys! Obviously I'm not good enough, obviously I probably never will be because-"

"Because fuck Sophia!" Harry interrupted raising his voice. "Fuck her! Fuck everything she did to you! Fuck her for treating you that way! But most importantly fuck you for letting some two timing snake make you believe that you'll never be good enough for anyone else. You're Liam James Payne for Christ's sake!" Harry hollered making Liam crack a small smile. Harry smiled back and they both laughed softly. "And I know that you will find someone else who will love you unconditionally and will treat you the way you deserve to be treated and then one day you'll marry her and Zayn and I will fight about who gets to be your best man at your wedding." Liam was biting back his smile making Harry smile as well. "So forget about Sophia, she's a motherfucking bitch for having the audacity to break your heart." 

"I just wish I hadn't been so naive." Liam said solemnly. 

"You weren't. No ones naive for not knowing their partner is cheating on them." Liam just pressed his lips together. "You know what, Zayn and I are going to help you meet someone and you aren't allowed to object." Harry told him firmly. "We're gonna help you, okay?" Liam started shaking his head.

"I don't know, I don't know if I'm ready yet." Harry nodded. 

"Well, when you are ready Zayn and I are going to help you." Liam smile softly. 

"Okay." Harry smiled back. 

"You're amazing, you know that right?" Liam shrugged. 

"A little." Harry laughed, moving forward before pulling him into a hug. Liam wrapped his arms around him. 

"You are, don't believe anything else. Don't let anyone make you believe else." 

"Thanks man," Harry grinned, pulling out of the hug. "And about Louis, I am really sorry for what I said." Harry's smile softened. 

"It's okay, I forgive you." Liam smiled back. "I love you." Liam laughed softly. 

"I love you too." 

"No homo though." Harry added seriously making Liam laugh loudly. 

"Of course." 

"Well I better get back in the kitchen, my English muffin is probably cold by now." Harry exclaimed dismayingly as he turned to the door. 

"Throw it in the microwave." Liam suggested sitting down on his bed. Harry chuckled. 

"Maybe, just maybe." He closed the door before striding into the kitchen again all smiles. Heaven was restored—partially.

Louis wasn't in heaven, he had been trapped in his own personal hell for six years. A hell he created to be his own. He was burning more to ash each day and yet there was nothing he could do about it. 

"No way in hell am I doing that."

"Louis, you don't have a choice-"

"What do you mean I don't have a choice? I'm 20 years old!" Louis yelled rising to his feet from his chair. 

"You were rude, it's a simple apology note!" His father yelled back. 

"I don't care, I'm not sorry!"

"It doesn't matter, I still want you to do it!" Louis crossed his arms, shaking his head. 

"No, I'm not. I'm not going to write an apology letter to her and you can't make me. Why are you taking her side?"

"I'm not taking her side, I'm just trying to do what is right." His father replied tiredly. Louis rolled his eyes. 

"So taking her side."

"I'm not taking anyone's damn side!" He yelled slamming his fist on the table. 

"Okay, yeah, you probably agree with everything she said." Louis grumbled before stomping out of the kitchen. He heard his father get up. 

"I most certainly do not agree with what she said! You know I support and accept you!" Louis just flipped him off as he mounted the stairs and his dad flamed. "Louis William Tomlinson I will not have you acting so disrespectfully!" He hollered stomping up the stairs after him. 

"Oh please! You want to talk about disrespect when you just let nan talk to me that way?" Louis yelled back before storming in his room and slamming the door, locking it. His father tried the door handle. 

"Louis, open this door! We're not done talking."

"You're yelling at me!" Louis shouted through the door. 

"You flipped me off! I don't care how old you are, I am your father and you will show me some respect!" 

"Oh please, that's such a crock of shit!" Louis yelled back. He was leaning against the door on his back. 

"Louis, you are not to ever flip me off-"

"I'm 20 years old, you can't keep parenting me as if I'm 15." Louis interrupted. Louis' dad took a deep breath, shifting around with his arms crossed. 

"I'm not trying to do that-"

"Yes you are. Just because I still live at home doesn't mean you can treat me like I'm 15. I flipped you off once, I'm sorry, whatever, but you're making me feel like you're on nan's side and are ashamed of me-"

"Louis, no, I could never be ashamed of you." His dad said. "I am not on nan's side, I'm on no ones side. I think she was wrong and out of line for what she said, but I also think you were too. You're better than that, you could've handled that much more maturely." Louis felt tears water his eyes. 

"I really don't think I could've." He replied softly. It was quiet, Louis almost thought his dad had just walked away. "You and mum should've just aborted me when you had the chance." It was silent again. 

"I never want to hear you say anything like that again, anything that suggests I don't love you or that I wanted you dead. I don't want to hear it because it's not true." He heard his dad reply in a low and angry voice. Louis just felt tears water his eyes and we walked away from the door, falling on his bed in tears. 

Needless to say dinner that night was silent and tense. Louis didn't even look at his father, he just couldn't. And his father had nothing to say, at least at the moment he didn't. Louis went back up to his room where he laid down on his bed and threw the covers over his head.   
He checked his phone. 

harry: hey, want to go get some ice cream with me? :) 

louis: it's 31 degrees outside 

harry: so? There's always time for ice cream!

louis: no thank you 

harry: is everything alright?

louis: something has to be wrong because I don't want to get ice cream with you? 

harry: no I wasn't trying to imply that 

louis: sorry im just worn out I had a long day 

harry: aw well I hope you sleep well tonight and have a better day tomorrow 

louis: thank you 

louis: :)

harry: :)

Louis put down his phone after that. Then he turned out his light. He made it an early night, burrowing his face in his pillow before drifting off into a not-so-peaceful sleep. 

The next few days were still strenuous and tense. He and his dad still weren't exactly speaking. Louis just wanted to hide a hole and live out the rest of his days there. 

On Friday after Louis headed towards the bakery as usual only to see someone else sitting on the bench. It was Harry. Louis smiled to himself. He held the ribbon tightly before walking over to the bench. He watched Harry turn and watch him, a fond smile gracing his lips. Louis sat beside him. 

"What are you doing here?" Louis asked him softly. 

"I wanted to surprise you." Harry teased softly.

"I was just gonna say, what a nice surprise." Louis smiled at him. 

"You look adorable," Louis turned his head down shyly, blushing. "Can I take a picture of you-"

"No." Louis answered quickly. "Sorry, I-I don't like having my picture taken. I hope you can understand." Harry smiled softly, nodding. 

"Of course." 

"Thank you for asking before just taking one, though." Harry nodded again. 

"Of course." He repeated. "So, how are you doing?" Louis shrugged. 

"Alright, you?" 

"Alright as well." 

"How's the office?" Harry smiled. 

"Amazing, I love it. I have so much fun and everyone there is so nice. Of course, they're mostly a bunch of middle aged men and a few women, but still. It's amazing." He raved with excitement. "And I get to release the weather balloon next week!" Louis smiled with him. 

"And when does that happen?" 

"I have to go in at 6 pm and 6 am for the next week to release it." 

"6 am?!" Louis exclaimed. "God, I wouldn't get up at 6 am for anything." That was a lie. He used to wake up at 6 am to work out until he's faint. 

"It's exciting, though! Weather balloons are awesome!" Harry said joyously. "You should come up with me sometime, at 6 pm obviously, and I can show you around and teach you about weather balloons!" Louis looked up at him, giving him an apprehensive look which made Harry laugh. "C'mon, it'll be so much fun!"

"Okay." Louis agreed making Harry grin happily. "What day?" 

"Monday. I can pick you up at 5:45. Maybe we can go for dinner afterwards." 

"Oh, I-I..."

"You eat with your dad." He finished for him, turning to him with a smile. "I forgot, you should tell him I say hi." Louis smiled softly. 

"I will." They both laughed softly. Louis checked the time on his phone seeing it was 3:03. "Shit." He whispered before releasing the balloon, titling his head up to watch it blend into the sky. Harry watched Louis watch the sky before Louis did something that really astounded Harry and that was grab his hand and lace their fingers together, all while still watching the sky. Harry smiled at him, but Louis didn't even notice. He was still watching the sky. Harry squeezed his hand. 

When the balloon had finally blended in with the sky Louis turned towards Harry, crossing his legs then wrapping his other hand around Harry's arm. 

"My mum would've liked you." He said softly. 

"My dad would've liked you as well." Louis smiled. 

"What happened with your dad?" Harry shrugged. 

"Things just didn't work out between him and my mum. I haven't really talked to him a lot recently." Louis pouted at him making Harry chuckle. 

"So, what clouds are in the sky today?" 

"Regular cumulus." Harry answered immediately. "With a little cirrus, nothing exciting."

"Oh, I thought everything pertaining to weather was exciting." Louis teased. 

"Don't get me wrong, everything definitely is, there are just different levels of excitement." Harry said making Louis laugh. 

"What's the most exciting thing?" 

"Oh boy, I couldn't pick just one thing." Harry answered. "I'd say my most favorite and exciting thing is mammatus clouds. Trust me, if we ever see mammatus clouds you'll hear me miles away screaming with excitement and taking pictures from every single angle." Louis laughed joyously making Harry's heart fill with affection and fill his stomach with butterflies. Louis was just so beautiful. Everything about him. And his laugh was just gorgeous. 

"Now I hope we see some." Louis replied teasingly. Harry just smiled before standing up then pulling Louis up with him, but he shouldn't have done that because suddenly everything was turning black and Louis was so lightheaded he started leaning forward to try and get blood to his head only to fall over on his stomach, pulling Harry down with him. 

"Oh my goodness, Louis, are you okay?" Harry said scrambling up to his knees. He reached out to help Louis sit up but then took his hands back. "Can I help you up?" Louis shook his head, turning around on his back. 

"I'm fine." He sat up slowly. 

"Did you trip?" Louis shook his head. 

"Do you ever stand up too fast and get a little lightheaded?" Harry nodded solemnly. 

"Yeah, sometimes." Louis rubbed his eyes. 

"Yeah, that happened. Sorry I took you down with me." Louis gave him a sincere look. 

"It's okay, falling with you was a nice difference from falling for you." Harry gave him a cheesy grin and Louis smiled softly, rolling his eyes at him. 

"You are such a motherfucking sap!" He exclaimed shoving him in the shoulder gently. Harry blushed, shrugging his shoulders with a look of feigned innocence. They both climbed up to their feet, Louis moving a bit slowly. 

"I got up and all because I thought we could go into the bakery. Maybe say hi Sharon, get a drink or something." Louis just glanced up at him while dusting himself off before nodding. 

"Okay." Louis was still apprehensive though. He didn't want to go into the bakery. He didn't think he'd ever have to, but here he was walking towards it with Harry by his side. His heart started racing. Harry held the door open for him and he hesitated walking in. 

"We don't have to go in if you don't want to." Harry told him gently. Louis looked at him before shaking his head. 

"I'm fine." He stepped inside and Harry stepped behind him.

"Hi, how can I help you?" The worked asked cheerfully. 

"Is Sharon here?" Harry asked walking towards the counter. 

"She is." 

"Is it alright if we go back and say hi? I used to work here." The girl smiled, nodding. 

"Go on back." Harry grinned. 

"Thank you." Harry and Louis walked behind to the door, stepping into the back. They approached the door, Harry knocked. 

"Come in." Harry pushed the door open with a big grin and Sharon lit up like a light when she saw them both, jumping up from her chair. 

"My boys!" She exclaimed joyously making them both laugh. She walked out from behind her desk then pulled them both in for a big group hug. Louis immediately tensed and tried to push himself away. "What are you two doing here? Together?" She asked placing her hands on her hips. 

"We thought we'd come say hi to you." Harry told her happily. 

"I didn't know you two knew each other." She said in surprise. They both blushed. 

"Yeah, we're kind of in a relationship." Her eyes widened. 

"Like, a couple? Boyfriends." 

"We prefer boypals." Louis joked softly and Harry elbowed him gently, smirking at him. 

"Boyfriends." He confirmed and Sharon lit up like a thousand more lights. 

"You are? Since when? Oh, I can't believe this! You two look so cute together, just adorable!" She exclaimed loudly making them both laugh. 

"Since like mid December." Harry answered and her jaw dropped. 

"You two have been together since mid December and you never told me? Boy, if you were still working here I'd fire you." She teased in a serious tone. 

"I'd sue you." Harry replied jokingly and they both broke out into laughter. Louis crossed his arms, forcing a small smile. 

"Well I just can't believe this. My two favorite boys are in a relationship!" She proclaimed. "I'm happy for you both."

"Thank you." They both replied in unison making them laugh. 

"So, Harry, how's the weather office? I must admit, it's weird walking out there in the afternoon and not seeing you behind the counter with Liam sitting up on it." 

"It's absolutely amazing, I love it so much. I'm just all the more excited to graduate now." 

"Well that's good, I'm glad!" She smiled at him. "And Louis, how are you?" She asked turning to him. "Are you alright? Are you ill? You a little pale." She said with concern. Louis shook his head. 

"I'm fine, I always turn into a sheet during the winter." He joked forcing a laugh. Sharon smiled again. 

"Well make sure you two stay healthy. Wash your hands, there's a stomach bug going around and you surely don't want to catch that." They both nodded. 

"We'll stay healthy." She smiled. "Well, we better go. I'm sure you have lots to do." Harry teased playfully and she nudged him in the arm. 

"Well you two will have to drop in again sometime!" She said as they both turned back to the door. 

"We definitely will." Harry reassured. Louis just nodded. 

"Good, you two stay healthy now! Wash your hands!" Harry nodded. 

"You too." She smiled. They parted with another goodbye before the door was shut and they were heading out the entrance again. "Do you want me to drive you home?" Harry offered turning to him. Louis shook his head. 

"Oh, no thank you. I appreciate the offer, but I'm fine with walking."

"You sure?" 

"Yeah." He nodded. Harry smiled. 

"Okay, may I give you a kiss?" Louis cracked a small smile, nodding. Harry leaned in and gave him a quick, sweet kiss. They both smiled before saying goodbye and walking opposite directions.


	17. Chapter 17

"Ok, goodbye, I'll be back later." Before Louis' father could even say a word Louis was out the door with his coat, keys, and phone and with Harry by his side. They were off to the weather station! 

"I can't wait to do this. And I want to show you around the office a bit. I mean, there's not much, but I have my very own little work space, cubicle sort of thing." Harry said with excitement as they walked down to his car. Louis smiled softly. 

"Well I can't wait to see it. I've never been to a weather station before." 

"I used to pester my mom everyday about going to the weather station. And every year when they'd have their open house I'd spend the entire day there." 

"So you've always been a weather nerd." 

"You already knew that when I told you I had a weather station in my room in the 5th grade." Harry opened the passenger door for Louis then closed the door before going around to his own side. He got behind the wheel and started the car. 

"I still think that's cute."

"Well I still think you're cute." Louis felt himself blush. 

"So, where is the weather station?" He asked him as he pulled out onto the road. 

"It's down south a bit right by the airport." Louis just nodded, facing forward towards the windshield. Harry turned on the radio and sang along to every song and as usual he tried to get Louis to sing along with him, but Louis never even opened his mouth except to laugh and say 'no'.

When they pulled up to the weather station Harry was just about ready to burst with excitement. He was bursting at the seams with it! He parked the car, practically ripped the key out of the ignition, and was hopping up to the front door before Louis even had the time to get out of the car. Louis smiled at Harry and walked up to him. 

Harry opened the door for him and Louis walked into the small square foyer where they were met with another door, this one has a keypad to unlock it though. The walls were glass to Louis peered into the front area of the office. The receptionist behind the desk in front of the locked door smiled and waved at Harry. Harry punched in the key and unlocked the door. 

"Hey Harry, what are you doing here?" She asked as they walked through. Harry smiled modestly, going up to the counter and leaning on it. 

"I get to release the weather balloon, but I wanted to show Louis around a bit. Louis," Harry turned to him. "This is Becky. Becky, this is my boyfriend Louis." Becky smiled radiantly up at Louis. 

"It's very nice to meet you." Louis smiled shyly. 

"It's nice to meet you too." He replied. 

"Well, we better be off." Harry stepped back. "Got a radiosonde to release into the wild. I'll see you tomorrow." Becky laughed before nodding. 

"See you you tomorrow." Harry walked down a hallway that led into a larger room full of computers and equipment and technology, a lot of it looked really confusing to Louis. 

"This is where the magic happens." Harry joked. Louis glanced around, only seeing about three guys sitting behind large computers in different areas of the room. "My little desk space is back here." Harry then led Louis through a maze of different conjoined office spaces until they reached the dead end. "Ta da!" Louis smiled, gazing down at Harry's "office space" which basically had a planner on it, a cup of pens and pencils, a pile of papers, and some pictures hung up. Louis looked at the little yellow water color star he had painted then given to Harry. 

"You actually hung it up?" Louis asked softly and Harry nodded. 

"Of course, I've got to give the place some personality." Louis laughed, but he was endeared. "Now c'mon, we got a balloon to release." So Louis followed Harry out of a back door where they then trekked across the the field to a large, white garage looking building. Harry pulled up the door and Louis stood on the outside, watching him. He watched Harry move around a lot of stuff before lifting up a giant white balloon with a grin. "This was always my most favorite thing as a kid." He said as he hooked it on a giant metal pole sticking up from a contraption in the middle of the garage. He flipped a switch and the balloon started filling with helium. Harry walked over to him. "It usually takes about five minutes to inflate." 

"And here I was thinking you just had giant balloons lying around." Louis teased softly making Harry grin. 

"Want to see the radiosonde?" Louis laughed, nodding.

"Sure." Harry walked back into the garage and picked up the white box off the table, a long string dragging behind him. 

"This is the radiosonde, it transmits data about the atmosphere to its receiving station."

"I remember you telling me about them before." Louis remarked taking the box into his hand. "That's really cool, though. What happens to the box, though, when it falls to the ground?" 

"Well, it has instructions on where to mail it to." Harry said with a smile.

"That's interesting, but what if I wanted to keep it?" Louis teased. 

"Then you'd keep it." Harry took the box back and placed it down. 

"So what do you do once the balloon is released?" 

"Well, I watch it until I can't see it anymore then go home." Harry said with a smile. Louis smiled back at him.  

"Fun." Louis crossed his arms and rubbed his hands against his biceps. "It's cold out."

"Why didn't you bring a jacket?" Harry asked. 

"I didn't want to." 

"Here, take mine." Louis started shaking his head, but Harry already had his jacket half off. Harry handed it to him with a smile and Louis took it, slipping it on. 

"Aren't you going to get cold now?" He teased softly. Harry shook his head. 

"I have layers." Louis chuckled. So the balloon filled and while they were waiting for that, back at Louis' home an unfamiliar guest made his way up onto the porch before knocking on the door. Liam stood there anxiously before Louis' father opened it, giving him a friendly smile. 

"Hi, can I help you?" 

"This is Louis' home, right? I'm a friend of Harry's." Louis' father nodded. 

"Oh, well, it's nice to meet you. I'm his father." 

"I'm Liam," He said with a small smile. 

"Louis actually isn't here right now, he's with Harry up at the weather station." His dad said politely. 

"I came to talk to you, actually." Louis' dad gave him a questionable look and Liam just took a deep breath. "I just want you to know that I understand what you're going through."

"What are you talking about?"

"I know about Louis' eating disorder." His eyes widened at him in surprise. 

"He told you?"

"I suspected it." Liam answered. "And I approached him about it, but he denied it until eventually confessing." 

"How'd you know?"

"Well, you see my sister once dealt with an eating disorder as well. She had orthorexia and it was pretty bad. I, um, I thought he looked ill when I met him and all because a lot of things that my sister exhibited I noticed he exhibited too, like how pale he is and how dull his eyes are, how dry his hair looks, and all that." Louis' dad swallowed thickly. 

"I'm so sorry your sister went through that." He replied quietly. 

"It's okay, she's better now." Liam said with a smile. "But, you know, he said that only you know and I can only imagine how hard this must be for you, it was hard on my family as well, I can't even begin to explain the stress it all brought-"

"Did she choose treatment herself?" Louis' dad interrupted softly. "Oh, how did she get help?" 

"We held like a little intervention thing, but she refused to get help because she didn't think she needed it and she didn't want it until eventually my parents admitted her into a treatment facility she stayed in for some time. She's doing a lot better now, though. She's recovered."

"That's good, I'm glad." Louis' dad said with a smile and Liam smiled back. 

"Thank you." He replied. "I can, like, help you with resources to get Louis help. I can give you the info of the facility my sister went too."

"I really appreciate that, but I couldn't afford that unfortunately. Money's just really tight and I can't afford the treatment he needs-"

"That's fine, though, they have a group therapy that anyone can go to and it's free, you don't have to pay for it. You just show up, my sister still goes to it, actually. It meets one day a week."

"You really don't have to pay for it?" 

"Completely free." Liam told him with a grin. 

"Oh, well then maybe I will take the name of the place if you don't mind."

"Absolutely not, it's Touchmarks Psychological Services and the group meets on Tuesday from 1 to 2." 

"Okay, thank you, I will definitely have to look that up." 

"Yeah, no problem, I hope that helps and that Louis is able to, you know, get better." 

"Me too, it's been...way too long." Louis' father said with a sigh. 

"I know how you feel." Liam told him. "I mean, if you yourself ever wanted someone to talk to I could always give you one of my parents numbers. You know, they'd understand and all." Louis' dad smiled sweetly. 

"I really appreciate the offer, maybe I will take one of their numbers if you wouldn't mind." Liam grinned. 

"Of course not, I'm sure they'd love to talk to you. I already sort of mentioned it to them so they sort of know, I didn't explain anything in detail." Liam said pulling out his phone. Louis' father laughed quietly. So Liam gave Louis' dad his mothers and fathers numbers before parting with a goodbye and leaving. 

Back up at the station Harry had fastened the weather balloon closed with the radiosonde attached to it before walking out in front of the little building with Louis at his side. 

"Count down!" He exclaimed making Louis laugh merrily. "3, 2,-"

"1!" Harry let go of the balloon and then he and Louis watched it float up and up and away effortlessly. Louis marveled up at the dusky sky with Harry. He had never seen such a big balloon! Harry grinned up at the sky, watching the balloon with rapt attention. Louis took a deep breath then turned his head, glancing up at Harry who didn't even notice him staring at him. Louis reached out slowly and grabbed Harry's hand. Harry wrapped his hand around Louis' hand, his heart fluttering just the tiniest bit. 

Soon the balloon was out of sight, but not out of mind. Harry let out a deep breath before turning to look down at Louis. He squeezed his hand.

"Wanna make out in the garage?" Louis' jaw dropped and he pulled his hand away from Harry's to slug him in the arm. 

"Pervert." Harry guffawed loudly. 

"I was just teasing." Louis rolled his eyes at him playfully, crossing his arms. "C'mon, I can drive you home." 

So Harry drove Louis home, still trying to get him to sing at least one line with him but still failing. Before Louis got out of the car Harry asked if he could give him a kiss and so they shared a sweet kiss before they were both all smiles and Louis was walking inside. 

"I'm home." He called out kicking off his shoes. 

"Okay, dinners just about ready." He heard his dad call back from the kitchen. Louis took a deep breath and sighed. Of course dinner was almost ready. He put on a brave face like he always did, though, and walked towards the dining room. 

He set the table. He mixed Miralax with his drink then when his father said it was ready he put a small portion of the crispy butter chicken with vegetables and potatoes on his plate before sitting down. When his father sat down he put his napkin in his lap then kicked his lips. Louis poked his fork around his plate, eyeing his father. 

"What?" He asked harshly, startling his father. 

"What?" He asked back quickly. 

"Why do you keep looking at me?" His fathers heart was pounding. 

"I was, um, you know, I was doing a little research today." His father said as he cut up his chicken. "And I found a place that treats eating disorders that has a group therapy that meets once a week-"

"I'm not going."

"And it's free and only for an hour. You're going-"

"I'm not going." Louis repeated sterner. 

"You're going, Louis. I don't give a damn if you just sit there silent for the whole hour, but you're going. It's free and it might help you-"

"I doubt that."

"Well with an attitude like that I wouldn't doubt it either." His father quipped back. Louis dropped his fork. 

"What do you want-"

"For you to get better!"

"From me?" Louis finished giving his father a cold look. 

"I want you to want to get better. I want you to stop acting like you don't give a damn! You say that you don't like living this way, but then you don't do a bloody thing about it. My God! I feel every time things might start actually moving forward we end up exactly where we started!" 

"You don't understand a single fucking thing-"

"Then help me understand, I want to understand!"

"No, you don't!" Louis shouted back, glaring at his father with tears in his eyes. "Trust me, you don't want to understand." He lowered his voice and tilted his head down at his lap. 

"Louis, you need to get help. You do not have a choice in this, you just don't. So you're going to go to this group until I can afford the next best thing." Louis rolled his eyes. 

"What the hell do you think forcing me to some dumb group is going to accomplish?"

"Anything!" His father shouted. "At this point I'm willing to do whatever it is going to take to accomplish anything, anything." Louis rolled his eyes. 

"I'm not going-"

"Oh my God, Louis. You do not have a fucking choice!" 

"When are you going to realize that I'm not a fucking child and you can't force me to do anything?" Louis shouted at him angrily.

"I'm not trying to force you to go to school, stop acting like this isn't a choice between life or death! You do realize you can die from this right? God, you could probably just...drop...any day and I wan to prevent that from happening!"

"It's not just about what you want!"

"Oh my God, are you actually fighting with me because I don't want you to die?" His father asked a lower, offended, tone. Louis just looked at him before looking away, gritting his teeth together. "So you just want to fucking die?" His father asked softly. "What is it? What do you want? It's one of the other here, Louis. Life or death, don't you get that!"

"God, yes!"

"Then stop goddamn acting like you don't! Stop acting like this is can go on forever, it can't and it won't! You're going!" 

"Maybe I'm just waiting for myself to die!" Louis yelled back spitefully. His eyes fathers eyes widened at him. 

"If that is so then I'll check you into that treatment facility tonight."

"I'm 20, you can't force me into any treatment facility-"

"Then I will find one where I can and I will pay whatever the hell is takes to get into a state of being healthy and feeling better." Louis sighed.

"I was lying about waiting for myself to die." He admitted quietly. "I don't want to die, but I don't want to get treatment either. You just...you just don't get it. You don't know what it feels like to feel incorrigible, to feel like I'm just going to struggling with this forever so what's the point? I think that I should get better, that I should want to get better, but then I think about treatment and recovery and gaining weight and then I just get so ducking terrified. And then I think about how much of my life I've already fucked up. You can't unfuck up your life, you only pave over the fuck up which is then, like, the foundation and like everything else in the world the layers wear down after time and then you're just left with the fuck up again which you have to repave and...I don't want to spend my life doing that. I have fucked up every single aspect of my life, so what's the point?"

"The point is that it's that kind of negative thinking pattern which is exactly why you should be admitted into a treatment facility. You should want to get better, you should want to feel better, improve your life, be happier, and just be able to live." 

"I think it's too late for that." Louis mumbled with his head down. 

"What if we both work on it together?" He looked up at his dad. 

"What do you mean?" 

"What if we work on it together?" He repeated. "You just go to the group, you don't even have to talk. Just go and sit there for an hour. And when you're home you and I work on not arguing. I know we said we'd keep the arguments and fights to a minimum before, but this time we'll actually do it. And...we can just work together instead of against each other." 

"How-"

"Just say yes or no." Louis gave him a skeptical look before nodding. 

"Yes." He said reluctantly. His father forced a smile.

"Good." He picked up his fork again. "So, how was the weather station with Harry?" Louis bundled his hands in his lap.

"It was cool. The balloon was a lot bigger than I was expecting." His dad nodded.

"You have fun?" Louis nodded back.

"Yeah, he has a cute little cubicle area. He hung up a little painting of a star I painted for him. I'm surprised he kept it." 

"I'm sure if means more to him than you anticipate." Louis just shrugged. 

"How are your articles and all?"

"Usual. Tables are in horrible shape, authors don't know how to make the correct citations they need to. I don't get paid enough." He joked lightly and they both laughed softly. 

"Start a protest."

"I just might." He laughed. 

"Is it alright if Harry maybe comes over for a little bit tomorrow?" Louis asked softly. His father nodded. 

"That's fine." Louis smiled softly.

"Thank you." His father drew in a slow breath. 

"You know," He started then leaned back in his chair, crumbling his napkin in his hand. "You are 20 years old, you don't have to ask me if its okay to go out with Harry and all. You can just tell me." Louis gave his father a skeptical look again.

"Really?" He nodded. 

"Maybe I do treat you as if you're still a kid sometimes. It's just...you're my only son. I want you to be safe and protected, even if I can't always provide that."

"Well I appreciate that." Louis replied quietly, rubbing his palms against his thighs. His father nodded. 

"Just try to shoot me a text about when you're heading home since you still do live here and I would just like to know." Louis nodded back, again. 

"I will."

"Thank you." It was quiet. Louis' father just ate his dinner contently and Louis just sipped his water. After dinner was over Louis was clearing the table and his father was starting the dishes. There was a knock on the door. Louis halted what he was doing and walked across the floor to it. He opened it to see Harry. 

"Hey, what are you doing here?"

"You still have my jacket." Harry said with a smile. Louis gave him a small smirk, crossing his arms. 

"I left your jacket on your passenger seat." Harry turned red. 

"Oh." Louis smiled. "I did not know that." 

"You should be more observant." He teased. Harry smiled.

"Maybe I knew that but just wanted to make an excuse to see you." Harry teased back playfully before winking.

"Did you?" 

"Now you'll never know." Louis gave him a patronizing look before laughing. Louis glanced over his shoulder back into the house before turning back to Harry. 

"Do you want to come in for a bit? We just finished dinner." 

"Sure." Harry said with a smile. Louis stepped aside and Harry stepped inside, carefully removing his shoes. 

"Harry's gonna stay for a bit." He called out for his dad to hear. 

"Okay." His father called back. Louis turned back to Harry with a soft smile. 

"Do you wanna go up to my room?" He asked sheepishly making Harry fall all the more in love with him. He just couldn't get over how cute Louis was. He simply couldn't. And he didn't think he ever could. 

"Sure." So they turned and went up the stairs and since Louis was in front of Harry he couldn't walk nearly as slow as he usually did, he didn't want Harry to think he was weird. So they got to the top and Louis could see little white dots in his peripheral vision. He opened his bedroom door and plopped himself down on his bed, trying to control his breathing in a way where he could catch his breath, but not give off the allusion that he was completely out of breath. Harry closed the door behind himself. 

"Your room is seriously so cozy, I love it." Louis just smiled weakly at him, nodding in acknowledgement. Harry went over and sat beside Louis, smiling at him. "You okay? You look flushed." Louis forced another smile. 

"Yeah, just a little cold I think I caught." He lied. 

"Uh oh, you better not give it to me." Harry teased. "Of course, that'd only happen if you kiss me." Louis elbowed him softly, nudging him in the arm. Harry just smiled sweetly. "Can I give you a kiss?" 

"That was smooth." Louis teased making them both laugh. "And sure." So Harry suddenly felt very giddy and he leaned down and kissed Louis softly. When the kiss ended he didn't move his face away, neither of them did. 

"Can I give you a longer kiss?" Harry whispered teasingly, making Louis smile. He nodded so then Harry was leaning in again and their lips met softly before moving together tenderly. Harry moved his hand up to Louis' cheek and Louis grabbed his wrist gently. God, they kissed for a lot longer than they anticipated and it actually felt nice. Louis didn't want Harry to pull away. He felt warm and safe. 

But they did pull away and when they did the tips of their noses brushed together and when Harry laughed Louis could feel the warmth of his breath on his face. 

"God, I'm actually getting fucking hard." Harry blurted out before he could even stop himself. Louis just laughed softly, nodding.

"I think I'm feeling a little horny too." Harry chuckled, looking at Louis with a teasing smirk. 

"What are your sexual values?" He asked him and Louis had no idea what he meant. 

"What are your yours?" Harry smiled. 

"Well, I believe sex, or anything sexual at all, should be shared between two people who have a close connection. At least for me. I'm not really a sexual person, done it maybe three times, but I'm also completely clean. What about you?" 

"Well, I don't really have any sexual values I don't think. I'm still not sure what that means. In regard to history though, have had quite a few, I'm not giving you any numbers, but nothing recent and after I'm last time, which was awhile ago, I got tested and I was clean." Harry grinned.

"Well that was easy." 

"Whoa there, cowboy. Nothing's happening." 

"Oh my God, of course not. We're not ready for sex, we haven't even been together that long." Louis eyed him suspiciously before glancing away. 

"Good." 

"On the other hand," Harry then started with a smirk that made Louis smile. "I'm either going to have to use your bathroom or die." Louis smirked back at Harry. He kind of liked this feeling of promiscuity. Especially with his father downstairs. It was exciting, it gave him an adrenaline rush! 

"You know what I used to be called in high school?"

"What?"

"The blowjob King." He told him proudly. Harry chuckled. 

"You didn't."

"Oh I did. And I charged five bucks a blowjob." Harry guffawed making Louis laugh with him. 

"You're not gonna charge me, are you?" Louis rose his eyebrow at him. 

"Who said I was going to blow you?" Harry turned red, laughing. Louis smirked at him. "I'm teasing, not for a first timer." He teased. Harry looked hopeful.

"Ya actually wanna…?" Louis shrugged, nodding. 

"Like I said, I'm feeling a little horny too, plus I like the adrenaline rush of having my father right downstairs. Or maybe he came upstairs." Harry was biting back his smile. 

"You'll be comfortable?" 

"Trust me, I don't do anything I'm not comfortable doing." Louis told him. "So lie back," He added, pushing Harry back on the bed. He threw his leg over Harry's hips, straddling him and he wasn't even thinking about how heavy he must've felt to Harry, he was only thinking about how he felt when he was younger. Young and alive, full of optimism and hope. Kind of, at least. Harry looked up at him, surprised such a circumstance had even arisen. 

Louis smirked before pushing up Harry's shirt a bit then unbuckling his belt and unbuttoning his pants. And God, Louis was getting harder. Harry had such a fucking hot body. He was so fit! And Louis was so not. But he wast focusing on that now. 

He yanked Harry's jeans down to his knees and Harry smirked at him as he yanked down his briefs. 

"Wow." Louis gaped at him. "You have a small cock." Harry gawked at him before reaching for the nearest pillow and chucking it up at him. Louis laughed beautifully, holding his hands up to block the assault. "I'm teasing!" Harry laughed. "Your cock is okay." Now Louis could say that to Harry and it'd just go straight over his head but if Harry were to say that Louis there was no way Louis would ever reveal that intimate side of himself ever again to Harry. Ever. 

But he blocked that out of his mind for now, only focusing on Harry and himself. And Harry learned pretty quick on why Louis was called the blowjob King. And Louis enjoyed every second of it, except for when he sat up and saw all the hair littered across his sheets that had been pulled out from Harry tugging lightly on his hair. Harry wasn't pulling hard enough to actually pull out his hair. But strand after strand Louis brushed off the bed bed before pressing his hand against his head to make sure he didn't have a bald spot yet.


	18. Chapter 18

"Okay, sit down. Sit."

"Yes, sit Liam. We've got work to do." Liam made the mistake of admitting that he felt like he was sort of ready to start looking for a new relationship, but Zayn and Harry took that as him expressing a dire need to be in a relationship ASAP.

They pushed him down in his desk chair in front of his open laptop. Zayn pulled in two of the dining room chairs for him and Harry to sit on on both sides of Liam.

"Maybe I don't want to meet someone online." Liam protested softly, but Zayn was already typing up the web address for match.com.

"Well this will just be to bide your time and get you out there until you meet someone in person." Harry responded, his arm stretched across the back of Liam's desk chair.

"Guys, seriously, I don't want to deal with all this online stuff."

"Just give it a try-" Zayn said placing the laptop back down in front of Liam on the desk.

"Guys-"

"C'mon, don't you want to give it a try?"

"I've already got a date." Liam rushed out quickly as Harry's and Zany's jaws dropped.

"What?" Harry asked in an offended tone.

"And you didn't even tell us? Your bestest friends in the whole world?" Liam sighed, pressing his lips together.

"Yeah, I met this girl the other day. We're going out to dinner then to a show."

"A show?" Zayn sneered before sniggering. Harry shoved him in the arm from behind Harry's chair.

"Shut up." He whispered and Zayn just held up his hands defensively.

"Yes." Liam replied sternly. "She's really into theater, so I asked her out to dinner then to an production of Beauty and The Beast that's being shown in a theater downtown.

"Then how come you told us you were interested in looking for a relationship instead of just telling us you had a date?" Harry asked leaning away from his chair and against the desk.

"Because I thought I could transition into telling you guys that I had a date, I didn't think you'd go ballistic and insist on me meeting someone online." He grumbled making them snicker.

"We just want you to be happy and to help you."

"Well," Liam stood up from his chair. "If you want me to be happy then you could lay off a bit-"

"When's your date? We could help you get ready for it. If you're going to the theater you're going to have to dress nice." Zayn said.

"And where are you eating? What time is it? I'm assuming you're picking her up?"

"Christ, this is exactly why I didn't want to tell you guys I had a date." Liam groaned before turning and marching out of the room in indignation. Zayn and Harry just watched him with happy smiles before turning to each other.

"Our baby boy has a date!" Zayn exclaimed sarcastically. Harry laughed, nodding.

"We raised him right." They both laughed before jumping up out of their chairs and running after Liam. And so Zayn and Harry hounded Liam 24/7 leading up to the day of his date. And then thank God Friday night came because Liam was just ready to get it over with!

"Don't forget to come out and show us!" Zayn yelled through the door. It was Friday evening and Zayn, Harry, and even Louis were waiting outside Liam's door to see what his outfit of choice was.

"You guys act like you're his parents." Louis remarked laughing and Zayn and Harry both nodded in agreement.

"He's the baby of our friend group, he's always been the baby." Zayn said making them all laugh. The moment the bedroom door knob moved Harry and Zayn fell silent as the door was pulled open and Liam stepped out sheepishly.

"You can't wear that to dinner, you're going to stick out like a sore thumb." Zayn said.

"But it's better than looking totally under dressed for the theater." Harry added making Liam red with anger.

"C'mon, we'll help you." So Zayn and Harry shoved their way into Liam's room, pulling Liam in with them, while Louis just leaned against the door frame. He felt kind of out of place. Here were these three guys who had been friends since they could remember and then there he was, the awkward and quiet boyfriend of friend number one who was more of a fourth wheel than he was anything else.

"You should wear slacks-"

"No, he should wear his black jeans with a nice tucked in shirt-"

"But then he'd have to wear a jacket or something, if he just wears the slacks, a belt, and tucked in shirt he'd be good to go-"

"Yeah, but he's going to have to wear a tie or a bow tie and those look would best with a jacket-"

"No, he could wear a bow tie and still look adorable-"

"If he rolled up his sleeves."

"True, but-"

"Enough!" Harry and Zayn both silenced before looking over at Liam. "You can leave, and you can leave-" He said pointing to them both. "And you," He turned, pointing to Louis. "You can stay. You're the only one who isn't pissing me off right now." He grabbed Harry's and Zayn's wrists before flinging them out of the door and yanking Louis in, slamming the door then locking it. "I mean, you can leave if you want, but Zayn and Harry are just way more into this than I am even and it's annoying." Louis just laughed softly as Liam turned his head down then walked over to his closet.

"Um, are you excited for your date?" Louis asked quietly, so quietly that Liam almost didn't hear him at first. Louis still wasn't exactly fond of Liam. They weren't friends. And he was not happy about the fact that Liam knew about his eating disorder now. After that he had never wanted to see Liam again.

"I'm actually really nervous. We don't really know each other that well, that's kind of why I asked her out—obviously. She's just...so much more classier than I am, I don't wanna fuck up."

"How'd you meet her?" Liam pulled random articles of clothing out of his closet and threw them on his bed.

"I met her trying to find a room in the fine arts building because I had an interview for a job in there. She was practicing violin in one of the practice rooms and she showed me to the room. She is...so nice. And so funny. She's just amazing! She-She just has this personality that you just automatically fall in love with. She's super outgoing, literally everyone we passed she knew. I think she knows everyone on campus."

"Well that sounds nice." Louis replied softly making Liam smile. "What's her name? What does she look like?" Liam tore off his current shirt before slipping into a snug, navy button up.

"Her name is Ruth and she's so gorgeous. She has long brown hair that she had pulled into a bun and she had a paintbrush stuck through it, it was adorable. Then she has these stunning blue eyes that you could just look into forever." He raved while buttoning up his shirt. "She's a little shorter than me, she has a gorgeous smile, every time I get around her I just feel weak in my knees and my stomach gets that butterfly feeling, and my head just gets all cloudy. It literally took me three minutes just to ask her where room 139 was!" He exclaimed making Louis laugh softly. It made him wonder how Harry described him to other people. That was if Harry even ever talked about him at all.

"Does...Harry ever talk about me?" He asked shyly. "And I'd go with a long sleeve shirt if you plan on wearing a tie or bow tie. Those with short sleeved shirts are a fashion faux pas."

"Thanks." Liam began unbuttoning the shirt. "He talks about you a lot." He then added. "Don't worry, all good things." He joked softly. "But yeah, he talks about you quite a lot. He really likes you." Liam threw his shirt to the ground before pulling out a maroon long sleeve, pulling it on then buttoning it up again.

"What does he usually say?"

"Just random stuff, like the other day I was like, 'hey, those clouds look cool' and Harry was like, 'hey, Louis and I have our own cloud.' Apparently nimbostratus is your guys cloud. I have no idea what that means, but he seemed awfully happy about it." Louis bit back his smile, a blush coloring his cheeks as he leaned back against the door. Liam glanced over at him before smiling softly. "How are you doing?"

"Good, you?"

"I meant, like, with...you know." Liam unbuttoned the jeans he had on and pulled them down before Louis slapped his hands over his face and spun around quickly. He heard Liam chuckle.

"Well, thanks for asking." Louis just replied without actually answering the question. "I know you talked to my dad."

"He tell you?"

"Found a post it with your parents names and numbers on it. You didn't have to go and talk to him." Louis said rather curtly.

"Well, you know, family members are affected by it as well and I can't even imagine you both having to go through this together, it was hell on my family, but we had each other to kind of lean on-"

"Okay, I don't need your pity. I don't need you talking to my dad, and I don't need you telling him about free group therapies-"

"I was just trying to help-"

"I do not need your help, I can help myself." Liam just stared at Louis' backside as he threaded his belt through the loops of his black jeans.

"Oh, you can?" He patronized. "Well that's good to hear, I certainly wouldn't want to think you couldn't and end up struggling for years with something as devastating as an eating disorder which in the long run will actually kill you-"

"Spare me the advice and please be quiet, I don't want Harry to hear you through the door." Louis whispered turning back around.

"I just want to help-"

"You can't help me-"

"I can help the people around you." Liam quipped back and Louis gave him a stern look, crossing his arms. "Who can help you and if that's all I can do then that's all I'm going to do."

"Well you can't help everyone-"

"Well I can try."

"When are you going to realize that you can't even try?" Louis quipped back. "You can't just...try and solve everyone's problems. Or try to help to solve them. Not everyone's problems are your problems-"

"I understand that, but I just want to try and help you because I hate that you've been dealing with this and refusing treatment for it. My sister almost fucking died, I am sorry if I don't want the same to happen to you or to anyone else."

"And why do you even care about me?"

"Because Harry cares a fucking lot about you and I'd hate to see him get hurt because you neglected yourself and your needs." Liam popped his collar then pulled a bow tie around his neck, beginning to tie it. "Because...you'd never tell him and then something drastic happens and he has to find out from a doctor who has to tell him that your heart gave up because you were so severely malnourished-"

"That will never happen-"

"Why don't you put that belief away right now because it can and it will happen to you if you do not reach out and accept any help or treatment that is offered to you because when you think that won't happen to you you fail to realize that it's already happening." Louis rolled his eyes.

"We're down talking about this. Sheesh, don't you know how to tie a bow tie?" Liam chuckled as Louis walked over and grabbed the bow tie from Liam's hand which he had been struggling to tie correctly since he wrapped it around his neck. Louis threw it around his neck again.

"I've just realized now how short you are." Louis scoffed.

"Oh please, I'm tall for my age."

"Are you 10?" Louis slapped him in the arm weakly.

"Shut up or I'll tie this so tight you'll slowly choke for the entire night."

"I'll probably be doing that already." Liam joked keeping his chin up.

"You'll be fine, just take deep breaths and try to remain calm. I'm sure she's just as nervous. Who wouldn't be going on a date with you." Liam smiled shyly.

"Are you hitting on me?"

"I'm taken." Louis teased making Liam laugh.

"Harry would probably cut off my dick and choke me with it." Now Louis was laughing. He fixed the bow tie before stepping back.

"Wouldn't that be a sight to see." Liam ran his fingers through his hair.

"Think Zayn and Harry are getting impatient?"

"Probably too busy setting up a runway to think about it." Louis replied making Liam laugh loudly. Louis smiled softly. "Are they always like this?"

"Not really, they're just a lot more hyped up than usual because my last relationship ended badly and then I made one comment about being ready for a relationship."

"What happened? If you don't mind me asking." Liam just sighed, shaking his head.

"I was with this girl I had met in high school for awhile. I was actually thinking about maybe even proposing to her, but then it turns out she had been cheating on me with three different guys three different times—I mean, you know, like she cheated with one guy then apparently another later on, not, like, three different guys on three different occasions."

"That sounds awful, I'm sorry she did that too you."

"I'm sorry too." Louis pursed his lips together. Liam ran his fingers through his hair before sighing. "Are you ever planning on telling Harry?" He asked quietly.

"That you don't know how to tie a bow tie?" Liam cracked an unintentional smile before going back to his serious expression.

"I'm serious." Louis shrugged, turning and walking back to the door.

"How do you tell someone about this?"

"How'd you tell your dad?"

"I didn't. He found out."

"And how'd he find out?"

"He found my diet pills in the bathroom, he said he noticed how I had been getting antsy during dinner and not eating as much as I used to, he asked me why my lunch account balance in high school hadn't changed in months, he said I was beginning to look thinner. What else do you want to know?" He asked sarcastically.

"When are you planning on telling him?" Louis just looked up at Liam from across the room before exhaling, turning his head down.

"You sound like my dad." He muttered.

"You have to tell him, the sooner the better. Like I said he really, really cares about you. You owe it to him-"

"I owe it to absolutely no one. I have no obligation to tell him-"

"Do you really want to never tell him?" Liam interrupted in a hushed whispered. "You have to tell him. You owe it him to let him know because if you don't and something drastic happens you're going to wish you would've told him beforehand." Louis just drew in an uneasy breath, turning his head away. There was a sudden pounding on the door that made him jump.

"Hurry up! We want to see you!" Zayn yelled through it. Louis and Liam just looked away from each other. Louis turned and opened the door, stepping out where Zayn and Harry were standing side by side looking impatient. Louis just went and stood beside Harry who smiles down at him. Liam stepped into the doorway next.

"I think you should wear a tie." Zayn said.

"Yeah, the bow tie-"

"Why don't you two just shut up and tell him he looks nice." Louis said in annoyance. "I think she'll adore you in a bow tie rather than a regular old tie."

"Maroon is definitely your color." Zayn then added with a smile.

"She's going to think you look hot." Liam smiled shyly before turning the light in his room out and actually stepping into the hallway. He closed the door.

"Well I guess I'm off then." He walked towards the foyer and slipped into his nice dress shoes he had set out ahead of time so he wouldn't forget to wear them.

"Our little boy is going on his first date." Zayn said with a fake sniffle as he pretended to wipe an imaginary tear away. He turned his head down on Harry's shoulders.

"He's all grown up." Harry added placing his hand over top Zayn's which was on his arm. Louis just gave him a questionable look.

"You guys are really weird." Liam laughed, nodding at him in agreement.

"Hey, you're part of our friend circle now so you better get used to it. We did the same for Harry when you two went on your first date." Harry rolled his eyes.

"Which just consisted you telling me not to bore him with weather stuff-"

"Yeah, about that," Louis spoke up bravely. "You need to be kinder to him about when he talks about weather stuff. Because he's told me that you guys and others tell him in rude ways to stop talking about the weather and that's mean because he said it hurts his feelings. Can you imagine someone constantly telling you to shut up if you talked about things you enjoyed talking about? Or were passionate about? Maybe weather isn't exactly exciting, but just because it isn't to you doesn't mean it isn't to other people." Louis bit his lip then turned his head down, rubbing the back of his neck. "Sorry."

"I didn't know we were actually hurting your feelings, why didn't you tell us?" Zayn asked Harry softly.

"I was sure you guys would just make fun of me for that."

"What? I'm you're best friend, you shouldn't be afraid that I'm going to make of you." Harry just shrugged.

"I'd love to watch how this little love fest ends, but I have to date to pick up so I'll be home later." Liam grabbed his keys then opened the door.

"Have fun!" Harry exclaimed cheerfully.

"Enjoy it!" Zayn added. Liam just smiled bashfully as he closed the door behind him. Zayn turned to Harry. "I am sorry that I ever made you feel bad for talking about the weather. I honestly never thought I was or else I wouldn't have said anything." Harry shrugged.

"It's okay-"

"It's not okay if your best friend hurts your feelings." Zayn interrupted. "So I hope you can forgive me." Harry turned his head down shyly, smiling timidly.

"I forgive you." Zayn smiled.

"So, what's your favorite kind of cloud?" Harry just shrugged shyly, feeling bashful.

"Mammatus." Louis answered for him. "Because they look beautiful." Zayn smiled, pointing his finger at Louis.

"He's a keeper." Harry nodded, smiling down at Louis.

"I tell myself that everyday." Zayn chuckled.

"Well, I'm gonna head out then." He moved towards the door. "I'll see you guys later." They wished him a goodbye and soon Louis and Harry were the only ones standing in the flat.

"Thanks for what you said." Harry told him softly. Louis smiled up at him.

"You don't have to thank me." Harry shrugged, feeling shy.

"Thank you anyway."

"So, what shall we do tonight? Watch a movie?"

"I've never seen your room before, you should show me it." Harry failed to stifle his smirk.

"Right this way." Harry led him to the door after Liam's. He opened it before stepping inside. Harry flicked on the light. Against the back right corner was his messy bed, beside that was a nightstand, in the opposite corner there was a desk, against the wall in front of that was a dresser with a tv on top of it.

"Cozy." Louis remarked making Harry laugh. Louis looked around. The walls were bear except one little piece of watercolor paper that was tape on the wall that Harry's bed lay pressed against. "You taped up the circle painting thing I gave you?" Harry nodded.

"Of course, whenever I look at it I think of you." Louis smiled softly. Harry walked over and sat down on the edge of his bed, falling down on his back. Louis smiled at him softly, but he was rattled and anxious over all Liam had said about telling Harry about his eating disorder. "Wanna come and sit?" Harry was sitting up again and Louis walked over numbly, sitting down on the very edge. "You know, we've been together for over a month."

"Oh no, we missed our one mothiversary?" Louis teased softly making Harry laugh. "Doesn't feel like it's already been a month."

"Well, they say time stands still when you're in love." Louis just looked at him and forced a smile because love was a big word and Louis was still trying to get comfortable with the word like. There's no way Harry could be in love.

Louis just turned forward again, Harry had started talking about something, but he wasn't sure what because he was too focused on Liam and how he would even begin to tell Harry. But the more he thought about it the more upset he got and more he just wanted for Harry to just know already, to get that weight off his shoulders. Harry had stopped talking because he knew Louis wasn't listening, he was staring off into space, but he noticed the tears in his eyes.

"Louis?" He asked softly. "You okay?" Louis jumped back into reality and jerk his head towards Harry, nodding. He wiped his eyes.

"Oh yeah, I'm fine." He stared forward again. Harry watched him intently.

"You sure?" Louis just nodded, but his face was turning red and his eyes gleamed in the lights above and soon tears were rolling down his cheeks.

"You know, my mother always used to say that if you can see your ribs, than you're too skinny. Now I can see everything and think I'm not skinny enough." Harry's eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. What the hell was Louis talking about?

"What?"

"When you told me about the butterfly effect and how it's used as a metaphor to describe how one small action can cause such a large reaction in the long run, like a butterfly in New Mexico causing a hurricane or whatever in China, it kind of reminded me about my life." Louis' voice was choked up and shaky. "Because one day at school I skipped lunch. I skipped lunch one day because I wasn't feeling too good about myself and didn't eat. And now I can't walk up the stairs without seeing stars. Now I have chest pains and bloody stool and palpitations and every time I run my fingers through my hair it falls out and I can barely hold myself up." Harry just gawked at him.

"Louis, what the bloody hell are you talking about?" Louis just rubbed his eyes, pulling his knees up and hugging them to his body.

"I have an eating disorder." He replied softly. "I've dealt with anorexia for six years. It's-It's why I don't like being touched, I didn't want you to feel how disgusting I actually am. It's why I wear jumpers all the time, because they're loose and hide my body. It's why I always complain about being cold and it's why I get anxiety. It's why I never want to go out to eat with you and that one time we went out for breakfast was torture for me." He explained in a shaky voice. "It's why I dropped out of uni, it's why I still live with my dad, it's—it's just everything! It dictates my entire life." Harry drew in a deep breath.

"Oh." Louis just turned his head down between his knees, sniffling. Harry sighed. "Louis-"

"No, I get it." He interrupted standing up. "You want me to leave now because 'it'd just be better if we went our separate ways. It's not you, it's me. We can still be friends, though.' I don't want to hear it." He wiped his eyes and Harry lunged forward, grabbing his wrist even though he knew Louis wouldn't be happy about it. But he didn't want Louis to leave. Louis turned over his shoulder, looking down at Harry before ripping his wrist out of his hand. His face was flushed red and his expression was stricken with grief.

"You think I'm breaking up with you?" Harry let go of his wrist and stood up from the bed.

"Why wouldn't you? I'm no longer the beautiful, perfect human being you thought I was-"

"I never thought you were perfect, I thought you were human." Harry told him with a small smile. Louis stared down at the carpet to avoid eye contact with him.

"Trust me, Harry." He sounded so vulnerable and Harry just listened intently, watching him closely. "You don't want to be with someone who is mentally ill-"

"I didn't know about it before. We've made it over a month, what's the difference if I know about it now?"

"Because I don't have to hide it now. Now you're going to worry about me, you're going to ask me if I've eaten today, you're going to try and get me to eat anything, you're going to try and persuade me to accept treatment and recovery, you're going to say I'm worth it, that I can beat this, and I'm just going to tell you no and refuse everything and it's going to cause a lot of strife and discord between us to the point where you leave and that'll only give it more life." Louis told him seriously. Harry was quiet a moment before a small, simper smile spread across his lips.

"Well, I promise I won't do any of those things." Louis looked up at him.

"I don't believe you because then that's just going to build and build until it's finally released and we have a big fight-"

"Louis-"

"Just believe me, Harry." Louis pleaded. Harry pressed his lips together, shaking his head softy. "I'm just a tornado. I wreak havoc from one life to the next before I disappear. If you want an example, talk to my father."

"You won't wreak havoc on my life-"

"That's what you say because you don't plan for that!" Louis rose his voice loudly. "You don't plan to have someone ruin your life. No one ever plans for anything bad to ruin their life, but it happens. You can say I won't ruin your life, but then once I do you'll resent me for it. I'm just...I don't want to hurt you and I know that even if I try not to, I still will because my disorder...it likes to ruin everything good and pure in my life." Louis folded his hands together, holding them up in front of his chest as if he were cold, and he was, but he was really just trying to block Harry off.

"Louis, I will always reach for you, I'm not giving up on us that easily. I know you're probably scared right now, I am too a little, but your disorder is not going to be the reason we break up-"

"Don't say that, you don't know if that's true-"

"I am not going to leave you just because you are struggling with something so prevalent in today's society. I'm simply not and I'm not going to leave you if it gets worse, I won't because I fell for you before I even knew your first name and I'm still going to have fallen for you after all this." Louis' eyes watered with warm tears and he covered his hands up over his mouth. "I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but I'm also not saying it's going to be harder. But we can't just make a decision based on what we think will happen in the future."

The tears rolled down Louis' cheeks and he used the edge of his sleeve to wipe them dry. He rubbed his nose and took a deep breath, wiping his eyes one more time to dry them. He looked up at Harry, his eyes looking like broken Christmas lights.

"Okay." Harry smiled.

"Thank you for being honest with me. I can't imagine that was anything easy to share." Louis just forced a small laugh. He shook his head softly as his laughter faded away.

"Sorry, but my dad had been telling me that I need to tell you and Liam too and then I was thinking about it and I got worked up because I didn't want to. I didn't even know how to tell you. I didn't even know what to say or how to approach it." He took a deep breath. "Liam knows." He added softly and Harry gave him a questionable, almost indignant, look.

"Liam knew before me?" There was a hint of sadness in his voice. Louis turned more towards him, shaking his head.

"I didn't tell him, he approached me because he suspected it, but I told him I didn't have one, but then he said he was going to talk to you about it and so I told him because I didn't want him to talk to you about it." Harry gave him an understanding look.

"Oh, well that makes me feel a little bit better." He said with a small laugh. Louis smiled softly. "C'mon, lets lie down." Harry moved back on his bed, laying down on his back. Louis laid beside him, making sure to keep his distance. He wasn't sure if he could believe Harry when he said that their relationship wouldn't change. He knew it would, how could it not?

Louis closed his eyes, he felt remarkably calmer, but at the same time he didn't really. Harry curled up against the pillow and Louis felt pressed his back against the wall. Harry smiled at hie softly and Louis forced a smile back.

"If I can ever do anything to help don't hesitate to let me know." Louis forced a smile again.

"I will." Harry smiled happily.

He wouldn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Massive thank you to those of you that have been commenting. It means so much to me, I love reading what you guys have to say, and I'm glad you like this story.


	19. Chapter 19

That night when Louis was sitting at the dinner  table with his dad staring down at his plate with a melancholy expression, he cleared his throat then looked up at his father.

"I did it." He said softly and his father hadn't the vaguest idea what he was talking about. "I told Harry about my disorder." His father nodded, stilling looking expressionless as he wiped his lips with his folded napkin. He placed his hands, folded together, on the edge of the table.

"I'm proud of you." He replied solemnly. "For doing that," He continued. "I know it wasn't easy." Louis just stared down at his plate, nodding. 

"Yeah," He mumbled. "It wasn't."

"How'd he react?"

"He was nice." Louis answered. "Of course, he promised nothing in our relationship would change, but we all know that's a big fat fucking lie."

"Maybe it won't-"

"Dad, if anyone should know about relationships changing due to mental illnesses it should be you and me." Louis deadpanned. His father wiped his palms against his thighs before drawing in a long breath.

"He might surprise you-"

"He won't." 

Also later that night Harry was having his own dinner with his mother in her home. He picked away at his plate in a slow place, the conversation being rather dead and if anything was said it was quick to die. Anne could tell something was wrong. Harry sighed softly, moving his vegetables around his plate. 

"Okay, what's wrong? You're being quiet." Harry just sighed again before looking up at her from across the table.

"I don't know if I can tell you." Anne smiled at him.

"Sweetheart, I'm your mother. You can tell me anything." Harry shrugged.

"It doesn't really have to do with me, though. It has to do with Louis." Anne gave him a soft, sympathetic smile. 

"Well, you don't have to tell me anything you aren't comfortable with sharing, but know that I'm always here to listen." Harry just sighed again. 

"He has an eating disorder." He blurted out changing Anne's expression from caring to concerned. "He told me he's been dealing with anorexia for, like, years and that that is why he doesn't like being touched and all." He explained. "And I'm not really sure what to think, I don't really know a lot about eating disorders except that Liam's sister used to have one, but recovered."

"Wow, that sounds tough." Harry nodded sadly. "You know, eating disorders are a really serious thing, especially if they go untreated-"

"Yeah, I can figure out that much, but like...what causes them? What happens to people with them? How are they treated?"

"Sounds like you have a bit of research to do." She teased softly. Harry cracked a small smile before sticking his fork into his mashed potatoes and continuing to eat. Once again the conversation died and Anne wasn't sure what to say to console her son.

After they had finished their meals and the table had been cleared, the dishes washed, Harry was sitting in the foyer room solemnly, biding his time with his phone. Should he text Louis? He should text Louis. But he felt like things were really awkward between them, but they weren't! But he couldn't not text him because Louis nothing would change between them, but things already had! He looked up from his phone to the sound of his mother walking down the stairs. In her hand was a thick stack of papers.

"Hey," She greeted with a smile before taking the seat beside him on the love seat. "I printed out some articles about anorexia and eating disorders in general. There's some about basically what they are, what some causes of them there can be, and a lot about how to help someone you know struggling with one and what they do to the body mentally, emotionally, and physically." Harry gawked at the thick stack of papers she was holding in front of them. It was a lot of fucking paper. He smiled at her before reaching out to take them.

"Thank you, you're an angel." She smiled happily. "I really appreciate it." He then added seriously. Anne kissed his cheek. "I better get going, though. Liam's out on a date and if I'm not home to hound him with questions about it he'll be very disappointed." Harry joked as they stood up. They parted with happy goodbyes before Harry was driving back to his flat. When he got home he kicked off his shoes and went straight to the living room, dropping the papers on the coffee table and sitting down on the couch, closing his eyes. He pulled out his phone.

harry: hey :)

He set his phone face down beside the papers before picking up the heavy stack. And he sifted through the various articles that were stapled together before pulling out one to read. But as soon as he read one he read another and another before he had finished reading every single sheet of paper and began to reread them, this time with a highlighter. Before he knew it it was 10 o'clock and Liam was strolling into the living room whistling lively which soon fell silent after his eyes landed on Harry.

"Um, hey," Harry looked up startled before sniffling. He wiped his eyes then began to shuffle up all the papers he had displayed out.

"Oh, hey," He greeted somberly. 

"You okay?" Harry nodded despite the lack of truth. Liam sat down on the edge of the couch near him and reached out, placing his hand over Harry's wrist. "You can tell me if you aren't." 

"It's just—Louis told me about his eating disorder and my mum printed out like a shit ton of articles about them and it's just—this stuff is fucking terrifying and to think of him actually dealing with this stuff just...it breaks my heart. I just...I want to help him." Liam nodded.

"I know how you feel, I'm here for you." 

"I know you're sister was able to recover from one, what did you and your family do?" 

"You know, there's not a lot you can actually do." Liam told him softly.

"But I want to be able to help him."

"You care about him, don't you?" Harry nodded, more tears rolling down his cheeks.

"He means the world to me."

"Then that's all you can do. Care for him, let him know that you're there for him. Make sure he knows that he can talk to you, but don't try to be his therapist, just let him talk and rant to you."

"There has to be more I can do-"

"There's really not. He's incredibly sick, mentally. And no one, not even you, can fix him. He has to fix himself because if it isn't him, then he won't get healthier."

"Maybe I can try and get him to, you know, go for treatment."

"If you decide to talk to him about it then be careful because it's a really sensitive topic and the last thing you two want to have is a fight." Harry just wiped his eyes to dry the tears as they formed, but they were forming too fast. 

"I don't want him to die, and this says that the longer someone has one and goes untreated the more likely they are to die from it! How long has he been suffering?"

"Six years-"

"I know that! Six fucking years he's been suffering from this and he hasn't gotten any help?" Harry shouted furiously. 

"Harry, it's not exactly that easy. You've got to try and see it from his point of view-"

"I'm trying, but it's really fucking hard to wonder why you'd want to slowly kill yourself! And for what reason! Because he thinks he's fat? He's not fat, he's fucking gorgeous!"

"Have you ever actually looked at him?" Liam asked softly and Harry was quiet, breathing heavily. "He looks very ill, Harry. He's very pale, his eyes are very dull, his hair looks really dry, those are all common side effects of anorexia." Harry just stared down at his lap morosely.

"How come I never noticed?" He whispered softly, staring down at the pink and blue highlighted sheets of paper covering his lap.

"Maybe you were just too blinded by your attraction to him. You know, no body wants to think of their significant other as being imperfect. Especially in the beginning, in the beginning it seems like everything about them is perfect."

"But I never thought he was perfect." Harry added. More tears rolled down his cheeks and he didn't even bother to wipe them away, he just covered his hands over his face, crying into the softly. Liam's heart reached out for Harry. He reached out, wrapping his arm around Harry and pulling him close. 

"It'll be okay." He whispered. Harry pressed his hands and face against Liam's shoulder. "It will, I promise. I'll be here for you, you'll be there for Louis, things will get better." Liam added in a soft voice. 

"And what if they don't?"

"They will." Harry sat himself up, drying his eyes with the edge of his hand, but Liam's heart still broke from seeing him so heartbroken. 

"And what if the worst case scenario happens?" Harry asked softly. "What if Louis dies?" Liam inhaled slowly before shrugging.

"Then he does and there's nothing you could've done to prevent it-"

"There's a million things I could do to prevent it!" Harry suddenly yelled rising up to his feet in indignation. The paper fluttered to the floor. 

"Harry, you need to realize that you can't accomplish anything if he doesn't accept treatment!" Liam shouted back standing up as well. "You can try all you want but as long as he is refusing to get the help you won't be accomplishing anything in trying to help him-"

"I can try and get him to accept help and treatment-"

"Be very careful, though, if you ever bring up that topic." Liam warned. Harry drew in a long breath, more tears rolling down his cheeks when he closed his eyes. 

"How come he doesn't want to get better?" Harry squeaked out before clamping his hand over his mouth, squeezing his eyes shut. Liam sighed softly, wanting to know what to say to make Harry feel better, but not having the slightest clue as to what that could be. 

"You know, just from what I've learned with my own experience with my sister it's that they don't think they need it. And they don't want it for that reason. To them, at least to my sister, getting treatment meant that she was going to have to gain back all the weight she had lost and learn how to eat all the foods she had given up, but were necessary to keep her healthy because orthorexia is where a person becomes obsessed with only eating foods they deem healthy, but for my sister that meant only eating lettuce, celery, and drinking water. When she first went in she couldn't eat anything that wasn't celery or lettuce without getting sick. So, you know, Louis probably suffers from a severely distorted body image where he still sees himself as fat and to him accepting treatment means he's going to have to gain weight and that's exactly what he doesn't want. And treatment is so much more than just gaining back necessary weight, I know it's hard to grasp, it is for me still, but treatment is terrifying for that reason and for the reason that they think they won't be able to recover." Harry just dried his eyes, placing his hands on his hips. 

"I-I just hate to think of him hurting and feeling that way." He whispered softly. Liam just nodded then opened his arms, pulling Harry in for a hug. Harry squeezed the life out of him. 

"I'm always here for you if you want to talk." Liam whispered. "Always." Harry just nodded. They stepped out of the hug and Harry took a moment to recollect himself. He wiped his eyes.

"So how was your date? It go alright?" He asked before he sat down and began to collect up all the papers that he had scattered everywhere. 

"Yeah, it went really well. We're going out again the day after tomorrow actually." Harry smiled softly. 

"That's good, I'm glad." Liam smiled humbly. 

"Me too." Harry placed the papers in a neat pile. 

"Well, I'm off to bed. You get some sleep too." Harry nodded, waving him off. 

"Night Payno." Liam laughed, walking towards the dining room. 

"Night Harold." 

-

The next few days were a little strenuous. Louis wasn't returning any of Harry's texts or calls and Harry sort of anticipated that, but not to that degree. He figured after awhile Louis would at least reply to something, anything! But he never heard a word. 

So after five days of being completely ignored Harry marched over to Louis' home after dinner with a racing heart and no clue what to say. He walked up the porch then knocked on the door. He waited patiently before the door was opened by a timid Louis. 

"Hey," Louis just turned his glance towards the ground. "Can I come in?"

"Sure," Louis stepped back to let him in and Harry walked inside, closing the door behind him. 

"I tried texting you." Harry said as they just stood awkwardly by the door. "And calling. I mean, I understand why you probably didn't respond or answer, but I still wanted to talk to you." 

"About what?" Harry laughed softly. 

"Anything." Louis just kept his arms crossed and his head turned down. "Can we maybe go somewhere a bit more private?" 

"Sure." Louis turned and started for the stairs. He walked up them slowly and once they both hit the top Harry realized how much Louis was out of breath. And that saddened him. Louis opened his bedroom door and they walked inside. After the door was shut they just stood there in front of each other. 

"I understand if you want to break up." Louis said first, keeping his head down. Harry furrowed his eyebrows together at him. 

"What? I do not know want to break up with you." Louis just glanced up at him before looking away again. "I want you to know that I'm here for you." Harry then told him confidently. "That even if you don't want me to be I still will. So if you ever want someone to talk or rant to you can always come to me and I won't judge you, or criticize you, or try and coax you into treatment. I'll just be here to listen. And talk too if you want to talk. I know I said nothing would change between us and nothing will, but things might change around us and that's okay. I don't want that to discourage you or anything." Harry said. "Because I really like you and I'd hope you'd really like me too and want to, you know, work through this. I don't want us to break up." Louis shifted around.

"I don't want us to break up either." He admitted making smile. "But you have to understand how hard this is for me, how hard it is for me to know that you know now. I just...you're going to have to bear with me because it's going to take some adjusting. I'm only used to having my dad know and hiding it from literally everyone. And...I really like you, but sometimes I fall back into my old habits and withdraw so, you know, I'm gonna try not to push you away, but if I don't answer your texts and all don't get offended. I just...sometimes it's easier to just ignore everything for a little bit."

"I understand." Harry said with a nod. "But, you know, I want you to talk to me. To be able to talk to me. Share stuff with me. And I won't judge you, or criticize you, or scrutinize you. Okay?"

"Talking isn't exactly my strong suit." Harry cracked a smile. 

"Well, why don't we work together on that?" He suggested softly. Louis just glanced up at him, showing a small smile before looking away again. 

"Maybe." Louis joked back. 

"Does the rule when it comes to touching you still stand then?" Louis shrugged. 

"I kind of want to work on that." Harry nodded. 

"Okay," He said feeling the slightest bit gleeful. "Define work on that."

"Well, maybe we can sit a little closer together if we're ever watching a movie." Louis answered making Harry smile. "And, I want us to go on a walk sometime." He added. "So I can hold your hand." Harry smiled wider. 

"I like the sound of that." Louis smiled, rolling his eyes at him. 

"Shut up." Harry laughed.

"I can hold your hand right now."

"No, I don't think so." Harry just smiled at him, causing Louis to look away bashfully. "This doesn't make you see me differently, does it?" Harry shrugged.

"In a sense, maybe sort of. Not in a negative way." He answered truthfully. "But you're still the boy with the blue balloon, the boy I had fallen for before you even knew I existed, before I even knew your name." Louis smiled softly. 

"I knew you existed long before you probably think I did." Harry smiled again. "Thank you for being honest." 

"Thank you for being honest with me as well. I'm really glad you shared that with me." Louis just shrugged. 

"Should I still ask before I kiss you?" Louis shrugged. 

"For now yes, please." Harry nodded. 

"Of course." They stood there silently. "Can I kiss you?" Harry asked making them both laugh. Louis just blushed before shrugging. 

"Quickly." Harry grinned before leaning down and giving Louis a quick, short kiss, making a beautiful, bashful smile grace his lips. 

"But, you know, it's not always going to be bees and blossoms." Harry nodded, stepping back to his place. 

"I understand that." 

"I really don't think you do to the extent, but okay." Harry just drew in a short breath, pursing his lips together. 

"It'll be a learning process for the both of us." Louis just gave him a solemn look before nodding. 

"Okay." Harry smiled. "Thank you."

"Thank you as well." Louis smiled back softly. 

"So, do you want to do something?" Louis shrugged. 

"Like watch a movie?" He teased softly. "We could watch something on my laptop." Louis walked over to his bed and sat down on the edge, opening it up. "I have Netflix on my laptop." Harry walked over as well then sat down beside Louis who had moved his laptop onto his lap. "We should watch Holding The Man, I've had that in my list forever and I've been meaning to watch it." 

"What's it about?" Harry asked peeking at the screen. 

"The description just says it's about two guys who fall in love in high school and they're together for 15 years until something deeply alters their relationship." 

"What is it?"

"Why don't we watch and find out?" Louis teased softly. "Here, move back." Harry smirked, moving back before laying down with his head against the pillow. Louis laid down beside him, placing the laptop on both of their laps in the middle as the movie started. 

And so for two hours they watched the movie snuggled together on Louis' bed. Maybe not so much as snuggled, just laying beside each other. Harry would've loved for them to cuddle together, just love it, but obviously that couldn't happen. 

At the end of the movie Louis pulled the collar of his jumper up to his face to dry his eyes from his tears. Harry, who also had tears in his eyes, glanced over at Louis, cracking a small smile. He reached his hand over to Louis' cheek, ready to dry his tears with his thumb before pausing. 

"Can I touch you?" Louis forced a soft laugh, nodding. Harry grinned, wiping the tears on Louis' cheeks dry. 

"That was a lot sadder than I was anticipating." Louis said and Harry nodded in agreement, wiping his own eyes again. 

"Yeah, it was." Louis turned his head, looking at Harry. 

"It was good, though." 

"It was." Louis and Harry both smiled at each other. Louis closed his laptop then placed it down on the floor before turning back towards Harry. 

"Thank you." He whispered softly making Harry smile. 

"For what?" 

"For being nice." That Louis' nice way of saying 'putting up with me'. Harry turned over on his side, still all smiles and butterflies. 

"You don't have to thank me for being nice." Louis looked away shyly, feeling himself blush. 

"Thank you." Harry just smiled, nodding. 

"You're welcome." Louis looked back at him, smiling back. "Can I kiss you?" Louis nodded slowly. 

"Go for it." Harry laughed beautifully before leaning in and kissing him sweetly. Louis smiled into it, actually feeling a little bit of happiness for once. When they pulled away they both smiled at each other. 

"I should probably go home, I have a 7 am class tomorrow." Harry said sitting up. Louis sat up with him. 

"Yikes, 7 am? Have fun with that one." Harry laughed loudly, standing up off the bed.

"Oh, I will." Louis just smiled at him. "I'll see you later." Without even thinking of asking Harry dipped down and kissed Louis quickly. Louis was pleasantly surprised, a cute smile gracing his lips. Harry watched the blush on his cheeks darken and Louis just fixed his hair, turning his head down shyly as Harry gave him one last smile and wave before leaving his room. 

He strolled down the hallway, pulling his jacket on before marching down the stairs. He was walking down the porch steps to his car when he heard the front door open again. He turned over his shoulder and saw Louis' dad closing it before walking down. 

"Harry, wait up." Harry stopped at the top of the driveway, turning around to face him as he walked up to him. 

"Yeah?" 

"I just—Louis told me he told you about his disorder." He said and Harry nodded. 

"Yeah, he did." Louis' father nodded back. 

"I just wanted to talk to you about one thing and I know you two have only been together for a short while, but I don't want you to feel like his disorder should be your priority. It shouldn't, you should be your priority." Harry nodded. "I'm serious, never put yourself second to anyone. Your mental health should be more important to you than his because investing your time and attention to making someone else know that you love them and wanting to ensure their well being can take a huge toll on you, both mentally, emotionally, and physically." Harry just nodded again.

"I just want to help as much as I can." Louis' dad smiled. 

"I understand that, and I'm glad to hear that." He joked lightly making Harry smile. "But it's not that easy and I don't want you to burn yourself out trying to help him only to realize that you can't." Harry just pressed his lips together, sighing somberly. "And, you know, don't take him refusing help personally." He added softly. Harry bit the inside of his cheek. "You are not going to change him because the only person who can is himself. All we can do is guide him." 

"Does he really refuse treatment?" Harry asked him quietly and he nodded. 

"I've been trying to get him to accept treatment, any sort of treatment, for five years. So don't take it personally, don't let it drive a wedge between you two that he isn't going to want treatment. The disorder...it just...it does something to his brain. It's altered his way of thinking and the way he sees things and I don't understand how, but I also don't understand how his weight can be in the double digits almost and he still thinks that he's perfectly fine."

"He's in the double digits?" Harry asked, jaw dropping. Louis' father just shrugged. 

"I'm not sure, I'm not really at liberty to ask him anymore." Harry just looked at him solemnly before drawing in a slow breath. 

"How...how severe is his disorder?" 

"It's getting worse each day." His dad wiped his eyes. "You have no idea what it's like to watch your only son, your only child, get weaker each day and be unable to do things he once could because of his disorder." He told him softly. "I watch him die each day, yet I can't do anything about it." 

"Can't you just make sure he eats?" He laughed making Harry sink back and bite his cheek.

"If I made sure he ate he wouldn't have his disorder." Harry swallowed thickly. 

"So then...what? You just let him slide through the day without eating anything? You don't even try?"

"I've been trying for five goddamn years!" His father burst out furiously. His father took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "I'm sorry." Harry was quiet. "I try everyday, but I can not force him to eat and eating for him has become very, very hard. I encourage to eat a very small amount, but I just, I can't force him to eat, but I don't let him slide by without eating and it's just...you don't understand. I don't even understand it myself and I spend an hour every night researching anorexia and how it affects a person." Harry swallowed thickly. 

"Is there anything I could do to help? Or my mother and I?" He shook his head. 

"I wish there was, but the problem is money. I can't afford to put him in therapy, or for him to see a doctor, or anything that could help him. I just...I can't and it kills me." Louis' father placed his hands on his hips and stared down at the concrete. "I'm sorry, I probably shouldn't have said anything other than what I initially meant to. I hope you can forgive me."

"You don't have to apologize, I completely understand." His dad chuckled.

"Still, it wasn't appropriate for me to share with you." Harry just gave him a friendly, sympathetic smile. "Well, I better call it a night and let you go." Harry chuckled, nodding.

"It was nice talking to you, Mr. Tomlinson." He smiled.

"You as well, you seem like a nice guy. Louis really likes you." Harry felt himself blush and he stared down at the concrete bashfully. "But if I ever find out you're ever the reason for my boy's unhappiness you're gonna be hearing from me." Harry swallowed thickly.

"I would never want to be the reason for his unhappiness."

"Good." Louis' father smiled wide. "Then we shouldn't have a problem." Harry forced a smile back, but holy shit was he actually kind of intimidating. "Have a good night."

"You too." And with that they parted ways. Harry headed on down to his car and Louis' father headed back towards the house. He opened the door and stepped inside only to be greeted by Louis standing in the foyer with his arms crossed and an annoyed expression on his face. 

"What'd you say to Harry?" 

"Nothing-" His father answered while closing the door and locking it. 

"Bullshit, just tell me what you said. Or I can ask him." He challenged making his father crack a small smile. 

"I just told him that now that he knows about your eating disorder that he shouldn't be, like, obligated to get you to accept treatment. And that he shouldn't put your mental health before his." Louis' expression just grew solemn before he sighed. 

"Okay." Louis turned and walked towards the stairs. "Goodnight." 

"Goodnight, I love you." Louis just nodded, starting up the stairs slowly.

"Love you too." And then he went to bed.


	20. Chapter 20

harry: yo yo yoey 

louis: stop being lame 

harry: I'm never lame :)

louis: lame 

harry: so tonight there's a highlighter party being thrown by one of the frats and i was wondering if you wanted to maybe go with me?

louis: what the fuck is a highlighter party 

harry: haha where people show up in white shirts and then there's highlighters and all so people can write stuff on you

louis: that sounds dumb 

harry: It'll be fun! I mean obviously you don't have to wear a white shirt it's just the theme 

louis: I won't 

harry: so you'll come with me? :)

louis: not for that long 

harry: yay! 

harry: I'll pick you up at 11 sweet cheeks 

louis: I'm rolling my eyes at you 

harry: :) 

"I'm going out with Harry later tonight." Louis stated that night at dinner right after they had sat down with their plates. His father looked up at him, nodding. 

"What time will you be leaving?"

"Around 11, he invited me to some party." 

"Don't forget party safety-"

"Don't leave my drink unattended, don't accept a drink from a stranger, if I put my drink down and walk away from it just get a new drink, don't walk around alone in the dark, stay with a group at all times, I know this stuff dad, don't worry." Louis said monotonously making his father smile. 

"I'm a dad, it's my job to worry." Louis drew in a deep breath before sighing. 

"I'm 20-"

"I'll always worry." 

"Well don't." His father chuckled. 

"I wish it was that easy." He joked before taking a bite of the pot roast. Louis just looked at him before sighing and turning his head down at his plate. "Any idea on what time you'll be home?" Louis shook his head. 

"Nope." 

"Well, try and shoot a text if you can." 

"Will do." And so the rest of their dinner was rather quiet then after they had finished and the table had been cleared and that dishes washed Louis went up to his room where he took a nap before Harry was parked in the drive way and ringing the door bell. Louis ruffled his fingers through his hair then opened the door. Harry was smiling brightly in black skinny jeans and a white tee shirt. 

"Hey there, love muffin." Louis cracked a small smirk, rolling his eyes at him. 

"Call me love muffin again and I'll deck you in the throat." 

"Ready to go?" Harry asked after his laughter had subsided. Louis nodded, he snatched his keys off the key rack then stepped into his shoes. Harry moved back before Louis was stepping out onto the porch. 

"Apparently." Harry laughed again. Louis locked the door behind them before they were walking towards Harry's car. Louis got in the passenger side and Harry got behind the wheel. 

"It's gonna be lit tonight-"

"Oh, don't tell me you're on of those people who actually uses that word!" Louis exclaimed making Harry laugh loudly as he pulled out of the driveway. 

"I was just being sarcastic!" 

"Nerd." Harry just laughed then turned his attention to the road. As usual the ride was quiet except for Harry singing loudly along to the radio, still trying to get Louis to sing along and Louis still refusing. When they got to the frat house Harry parked along the street and standing on the sidewalk was Liam, Zayn, Niall, and a girl Louis didn't recognize. 

They climbed out of the car and crossed the street. The frat house was large and white. Louis looked up at it, amazed by its size. He didn't understand the lettering, but Harry had told him the party was at Kappa Sigma, whatever the hell that was supposed to actually mean. Loitering on the porch was a group of students, some smoking, most talking. 

"Hola! Como estas!" Zayn greeted them zealously. Harry laughed and Louis just smiled softly in amusement, crossing his arms. 

"Hey Louis," Liam greeted kindly. 

"Hi." He greeted back. 

"This is my girlfriend Ruth. Ruth, this is my friend Louis He's Harry's boyfriend." He introduced with a smile. Ruth flashed him a beautiful smile then reached her hand out. 

"Hi! Like Liam said, I'm Ruth. It's so nice to meet you, he's told me so much about you!" She said enthusiastically. Louis just kept his arms crossed and smiled sweetly. 

"It's nice to meet you too. Liam told me much about you as well." He replied before looking away shyly. Ruth just smiled and lowered her hand. 

"All good things I hope." She joked laughing. Louis nodded. 

"Yeah, he said he really likes you. He was really nervous for your guys first date." Liam turned red and Ruth looked up at him, laughing in amusement. 

"Aw, you were?" 

"He was." Liam shook his head. 

"Well, are we going in or not?" Niall exclaimed over the conversation. 

"Fuck yeah!" Zayn marched up the pavement to the front door. 

"Hold up there, man-"

"They're with me." Niall interrupted walking in front of Zayn, everyone else was crowded behind him. So they all walked into the house where they were met with a table with two frats sitting behind it and a sheet of paper. 

"Gotta sign in." They were chanting as even more people filed in behind them. So they all wrote their names down on the street of paper along with their student numbers, Harry told Louis to write down random numbers, and then they were off to the basement of the house, where the pulsating music resonated. 

Louis felt his stomach tighten as they got closer down the stairs. They stepped into a large room where the lights were off, bright colorful lights were flashing, and people were packed in tightly. He kept close to Harry. They passed through a wall of heat and Louis felt like he was already drenched in sweat. 

"Fuck yeah, let's get drunk!" Some random guy yelled pushing through them before shoving a beer in Zayn's hand which Zayn then chugged. Louis just looked around. People were drinking, smoking, some people were grinding quite sexually on each other, it was disgusting. 

The entire party was awful. Absolutely awful. It wasn't anything like the New Years Eve party he went to with Harry. This one was just hot, and humid, and gross. He didn't know why this appealed to anyone. 

Everyone kept pushing further into the crowd and Harry followed, but there was no way Louis could push himself any further. He stepped back and kept his head down, then moved over to a wall. And he stayed by the wall. He wasn't even sure where everyone had gone. He didn't think Harry had even noticed he wasn't by him. 

He wasn't even sure how much time had gone by, but before he knew it Liam was appearing before him. 

"Hey," Liam grabbed his wrist and pulled him into a separate room, an empty room, and Louis ripped his wrist out of Liam's hand. 

"Excuse me, please don't touch me." Liam nodded, holding his hands up. 

"I'm sorry, sorry, I just wanted to talk to you because Harry's birthday is coming up and we're having a little party for him. Obviously he'd like for you to be there."

"Does he know? When's his birthday?" 

"February first and it's a surprise." Liam told him with a smile. "We're actually having it at the weather station." Louis laughed.

"How'd you swing that one?" 

"Zayn and I went in and talked to the MIC. It's gonna be great, Harry's going to go in thinking he's working an overnight shift and then we're gonna jump out." Louis smiled. 

"So it's gonna be pretty conservative, isn't it? Considering it's a government regulated building." Liam laughed, nodding.

"There's gonna be a continuation over at Nialls frat afterwards." 

"Sounds nice." 

"So you'll come?" 

"I guess." Louis told him with a shrug. "What time should I be at the station?" 

"6:45." 

"Okay."

"And also, we-" 

"Hey," Liam and Louis both turned towards the open doorframe to Harry who was poking his head into the room. "You trying to steal my boyfriend, Payno?" He teased striding into the room. 

"Of course not, Harold, although he is adorable." Liam teased. 

"Okay, let's go." Louis turned and marched out of the room before pausing outside the doorframe, waiting for Liam and Harry to leave. They strode back out into the room and Louis wiped the sweat off his forehead. And then he followed Harry through the crowd back to Niall, Zayn, and Ruth. 

The rest of the night was nothing short of eventful. They end up going to the third floor to a small room full of guys sitting around with loud music playing. One guy was passed out on the couch, but being passed around a bowl full of vodka soaked gummy bears and then later one someone pulled out a bottle of Crown Royal and shots started being taken. And just before they left someone showed up with a plate of pizza rolls resulting in a cheer from everyone. 

Needless to say Harry and Louis were completely trashed and stumbled their way all the way to Louis' home because Harry couldn't find his car keys, let alone wasn't in any condition to drive. 

Eventually they got to Louis' house and stumbled through the doorway before bursting out into drunken laughter. Louis squeezed Harry's wrist then brought his other hand up to cover his mouth, shushing him. They both giggled at each other softly before Louis was dragging Harry into the living room. Louis fell down on the couch and Harry dropped down beside him. 

Louis pressed his back against the back of the couch and Harry laid on his side, curling towards Louis. He reached his one arm over his head, along the arm of the couch, brushing his fingers through the back of Louis' hair softly. Louis kept his arms curled against his chest. Louis just blinked up at him before sighing and looking down. 

"Do you...know," He paused, swallowing. "What it's like to hate yourself?" Harry tensed a bit. He just looked at Louis before drawing in a slow breath. 

"I can't say that I do." He replied. 

"My dad hates me-"

"No, Louis, I know we're a little drunk, but don't say that-"

"It's true though." Louis interrupted in a whisper. 

"Why would he hate you?" 

"Because it's easy." Louis said. Harry watched him intently, his heart breaking more with each word Louis spoke. "I remind him of mum and I always refuse to get help and all. I cause fights between us everyday even when we say we're going to try and not fight. I fight him on everything it seems." 

"Louis-" 

"Plus I'm a horrible person."

"I don't want to hear this-"

"I got a girl pregnant and she got an abortion-"

"Louis." Harry pushed himself into an upright position. "We—We're both drunk. W-We need to rest. We need to rest. C'mon, sleep." 

"Let's not sleep." And before Harry could even say anything in response Louis was leaning in and kissing Harry sweetly. They could still taste the alcohol resonating on each other's lips. Louis reached up, placing his hands on Harry's lower cheeks, brushing his thumb against his skin. Harry just kept his one hand behind Louis' head, his fingers slowly moving through his hair, and his other hand along his side, knowing not to touch Louis. 

The sound of their kissing seemed so much louder than it actually was against the dead silence of 3 in the morning. Harry slowly removed his hands off of Louis and turned away. 

"No, stop, t-this feels wrong." He said pushing himself away. 

"Why?" Louis asked softly. 

"Because were drunk a-and you don't know what you're doing. You don't like to be touched-" 

"I like it now-"

"N-No, Louis." Harry protested sitting up. "Y-You don't like to be touch, I-I still have to ask for your consent to touch you and kiss you." 

"Well I'm giving you consent now." Louis replied softly, his eyes practically closed as he rested his hand against the pillow. 

"No, it doesn't work that way. You can't give consent when you're drunk." Louis just kept his eyes closed and hummed softly. 

"Whatever. Who gives a shit." Harry just looked down at him, still feeling very disoriented, before he laid back down beside Louis. 

"Consent is important." He then said. Louis didn't acknowledge him. In fact, Harry was beginning to wonder if he had fallen asleep. Or passed out. Harry was surprised he hadn't passed out yet. "Consent is always important." He then continued to babble. "It's important t-to communicate and know your boundaries. Consent is-"

"Would you please shut the fuck up? My head is killing me." Harry gawked at him in disbelief. 

"Excuse me? You could be a little kinder."

"I said please-"

"I don't give a damn if you said please, that was still rude." Harry snapped only resulting in Louis rolling his eyes. 

"Whatever, I'm sorry, I'm not used to this."

"Not used to what? Being kind?" 

"Having someone care about me." Harry drew in a slow breath. Louis just looked up at him before closing his eyes and resting his head against the throw pillow. Harry swallowed thickly. 

"I'm sorry." 

"For caring about me?"

"No-"

"You will be." Harry furrowed his eyebrows together. He didn't like this Louis. He didn't like Louis when he was drunk. He didn't like hearing what he had to say. 

"No I won't." He replied sternly. 

"You don't know that."

"Neither do you." Harry gave him a stern look. 

"Stop it." Louis opened his eyes and looked up at him. 

"Stop what?" 

"Being so...pessimistic." Harry gave him a soft, almost foggy, look. "I really care about you. I-I do. And it makes me feel bad that you doubt that of me." Louis just sighed softly then curled up against the pillow again. Harry watched him intently. He wasn't sure if Louis had fallen asleep or not, but he kept moving around and before he knew it Louis started wrenching and then before he could even move he was blowing chunks all over Harry who's expression twisted in disgust. 

Louis slapped his hand over his mouth, his eyes wide before Harry started wrenching himself and then threw up all over Louis as well. Louis pushed himself up the couch in disgust and they both just sat there with vomit all over their shirts and faces and hair before they started laughing. 

"I really need some water now." Harry said and Louis nodded, spitting onto the couch because he just couldn't swallow and the couch was already dirty enough. 

"And a shower." Harry stood up off the couch, vomit dripping off his shirt before Louis stood up as well. "Um, we have a shower upstairs you can use." Harry nodded. 

"That would be appreciated." So Louis and Harry both turned and somehow managed to find their way up the stairs without leaving a trail. They stopped in the hallway quietly and Louis opened the bathroom door. 

"Um, I have some clothes you can borrow. Might not fit, but it's better than nothing." Harry just nodded, stepping into the bathroom. Louis turned and went to his room. Harry looked in the mirror before shuddering in disgust. Louis returned with a laundry basket and a set of sweatpants and one of his jumpers. 

"Thank you." Louis just smiled. 

"I'm gonna go take a shower too." He said stepping back. Harry smiled softly then closed the door. So they took their showers and when Harry was done he walked into Louis' room wearing his clothes, which were remarkably tight one him, and set the laundry basket down with his gross clothes. Louis, who had finished his shower quick and was already lying in bed, got up very slowly then took the basket with Harry's clothes, and his clothes as well, into the laundry room, leaving it on the washer instead of actually putting them in the washer. He walked back to his room. He dropped down on the bed beside Harry. 

"Goodnight." Louis smiled, nodding his head. 

"Night." Louis pulled the blanket up to their waists and turned on his side, curling up in the open space between them. Harry just smiled contently and closed his eyes, falling asleep peacefully. 

The next morning Harry woke up bright and early and with a massive headache. He got up out of the bed, jostling Louis awake, then wished him a goodbye and that he'd see him later before tip toeing out of the house. 

Later on Louis actually woke up and got out of bed. He didn't go downstairs just yet, he knew the aftermath from last night was still all over the couch and that his father had more than likely seen it already. Yikes. 

So when Louis did finally go down stairs he saw the couch and immediately cringed. The stench was horrible. Absolutely horrible. Louis' father immediately walked out of the kitchen upon hearing Louis up and moving. He looked at Louis with the infamous dad look. 

"What the hell happened to the couch?"

"Harry and I both threw up on it." His dads eyes widened. 

"So, you both threw up on the couch and just left it there to soak in it?" Louis bit his cheek, shrugging. 

"I don't know, I was drunk." 

"The couch is probably ruined now and I can't exactly afford a brand new couch right now, Louis." 

"Whatever, dad. Who gives a fuck about the damn couch?"

"I do, that's our fucking couch and it's ruined!" Louis rolled his eyes. 

"It's a fucking couch!" He hollered back angrily. "Why are you so goddamn pissed about a couch!"

"Because this could've been avoided!" Louis rolled his eyes again then crossed his arms, looking beyond annoyed. "You know, I'm fine with you going out and having a good time and all, but what I'm not fine with is you coming home drunk and having you and your boyfriend throwing up all over the couch and completely ruining it. How did you get home if you were both drunk?"

"We walked-"

"Did he spend the night?" 

"Yeah, in my room." 

"That's not okay either-"

"What do you mean it's not okay? I am 20 years old, you can't tell me what to do-"

"When you're still living under my roof you don't just get to use that as an excuse to do whatever you want. I don't care if you're 20, you're still leaving here, in the house I am paying for." 

"So what?" 

"So what is that you've still got to follow some rules!" His dad shouted back raising his voice. "And I don't know if Harry is actually that good of an influence on you, this is the second time now you've come home trashed and I don't want him spending the night here-"

"God, it's not like none of that never happened before him." Louis interrupted sternly. His teeth were grit together and his eyes peered in a narrow glare at his father. His father's eyes widened at him in a questionable way then he rose his eyebrows. 

"Excuse me?" Louis held his breath. 

"Well surprise! All this time the saint was a sinner." He exclaimed sarcastically. "It's not as if this is the US, I've gotten drunk before, believe it or not, I am of age." 

"And about people staying over here?" Louis reddened and he swallowed thickly, looking away from him. 

"Yeah, I used to sneak people in. Are you really all that surprised?" 

"How naive do you think I am?" His dad retorted. "I was quite aware of what was going on-" 

"You were?" 

"I was, maybe I'm not aware of how often it had been happening, but you aren't exactly quiet-" Louis cringed in embarrassment and covered his hands over his face. 

"Oh my God, dad, please do not say that." He said mortified, but his dad just looked confused. 

"What? I'm just being honest. Our rooms are down the hall from each other, did you honestly think I couldn't hear you?"

"Ew, dad! Stop!" Louis cupped his hands over his ears. 

"What's so ew about that?" 

"What are you talking about?" 

"I'm talking about being able to hear you and your friend move around your room and talk, what do you think I'm talking about?" Louis lowered his hands to his sides again, staring at the floor. 

"Sex." His fathers eyes widened again. 

"What!" He exclaimed. "You were sneaking people in and having sex?!" 

"Yeah, what did you think I was doing!"

"Certainly not that!" Louis just shrugged his shoulders at him, crossing his arms. 

"Guess you're more naive than you thought you were." 

"Louis William Tomlinson-"

"Don't start preaching about chastity and abstinence now because you'll only look like a hypocrite!" Louis interrupted defensively. 

"I just...I don't want you to make the same mistakes I did."

"Like have me?" Louis quipped back before he could even stop himself. 

"I told you I didn't want you making any cracks that imply that I don't love you or never wanted you." His father replied in a low tone. "Because they aren't true." Louis rolled his eyes. 

"Course they aren't."

"Do not contradict me!" Louis flinched at the asperity in his tone before turning around and fleeing up the stairs. "And don't run away from me!"

"This is exactly what I mean when I say you keep treating me like a child!" Louis yelled back, not stopping. "You think you can tell me what I can and can't do! Then you always say that since I'm living under your roof I have to follow the rules!" 

"Well I'm not just going to let your run ramped!" His father retorted following him up the stairs. 

"I'm not running ramped! You're just used to me staying home all the time, but now that I've actually met someone who's actually getting me out of the house you want me to stay home again!" 

"There is a difference between getting out of the house and going out to a party and getting trashed!" Louis stomped into his room and slammed the door, but just as it was about to close his father wedged his foot in the doorway to stop it. 

"It was one time!" Louis faced him and his dad pushed the door open again, standing in the doorway. 

"It's been two times now, actually." He replied crossing his arms again. 

"Who gives a shit, I can do what I want!" 

"I give a shit, I'm your father!" 

"You can't protect me from everything!" His father drew in a deep breath and held it, thinking about what to say, what he could possibly say to ease the fighting. 

"I know I can't, but as a father I'm going to try!" He then yelled back at him. "I just—I'm always going to want to protect you and maybe it's my problem if I still think that I can, but...as a father I am always going to try. Even when you're 80 years old and I'm dead and in Heaven, or Purgatory, or wherever the hell I end up I'm still to want to help you and protect you. It's a dads nature." 

"Well you need to learn that you can't protect me from everything, that I'm going to fall and fail, that I already have-" 

"I know that-" 

"Then act like it! I'm 20, not 12!" 

"The point is that you're still living at home. I'm not going to give you a curfew or tell you not to drink or that you have to check in with me before you go anywhere, but if you throw up clean it up and I don't want Harry spending the night over here." 

"What's wrong with him ever spending the night?" 

"It's not appropriate-"

"What the fuck isn't appropriate? It's not like we're fucking." His dad drew in a slow breath then closed his eyes for a moment. 

"Is it too much to ask for?" Louis sighed, rolling his eyes. 

"No." 

"Good." They stood there for a few moments before his dad sighed heavily and uncrossed his arms. Louis just rolled his eyes. 

"Now can you please get out of my room?" He nodded. Without another word he turned around and strolled out of the room, closing the door behind him. Louis collapsed down on his bed. 

The rest of the day was unbearable. When Louis went down for dinner the couch was gone. His father said there was no way to salvage it so he took it to the landfill. Dinner was tense, actually not so much tense as it was just awkwardly quiet. 

While his father did the dishes then continued to work in his office Louis camped out on the loveseat and watched TV and listened to music and maybe took a quick power nap at 8 o'clock. 

At 10:30 his dad walked out of his office and through the front room before pausing and turning to look up at Louis. Louis was knelt down halfway up the stairs gripping the railing bars with his face pressed between the space. He was out of breath. 

"Are you okay?" Louis nodded, taking a deep breath. 

"Just taking a breather." 

"Do you want help?" He shook his head. 

"I just...need to catch my breath." 

"Louis, if it's this hard for you to just walk up the stairs...do you want to try and make it up the rest of the stairs or do you just want to come back down and sleep on the loveseat?" 

"Couch." His father nodded and Louis turned to face down the stairs. He scooted down each step on his bum slowly until he reached the bottom of the stairs. He gripped the railing tightly and pulled himself up, but he stood up too quickly and everything quickly faded from black to color and he gripped the railing with both of his hands, waiting for the dizzy spell to pass, and a moment later it did. He was still catching his breath. 

His father had already grabbed some of the spare pillows from the hall closet and placed them on one end of the couch. Louis walked over slowly and grabbed the edge of the couch before climbing over and laying down on it in exhaustion. His dad walked over to the wicker basket and picked up a thick knitted blanket before unrolling it and fanning it over him. Louis curled into the pillow and pulled the blanket up to his neck. 

"Do you want another blanket?" Louis shook his head. 

"Thank you." He smiled and Louis smiled back. He walked behind the couch before leaning down and kissing his forehead. "Ew, dad, don't kiss me." Louis whined teasingly, making him laugh loudly. 

"Sorry, it won't happen again." Louis smiled as his dad walked over to the stairs. "Goodnight, I love you." 

"Goodnight, love you too."


	21. Chapter 21

"So how's the couch?" 

"Gone." Harry laughed making Louis crack a small smile. It was 3:05 and they were sitting on the bench across from the bakery bundled up in coats, and mittens, and hats. 

"We really did a number on that couch." Harry joked back. Louis nodded then sighed softly. 

"My dad was so pissed, though." 

"Can't imagine why." Louis elbowed him softly. 

"Har har, Mr. Funny Man." Harry just smiled down at him. "So I heard your birthday is coming up." Louis then mentioned. Harry snorted. 

"Liam tell you that?" 

"He sure did. He wants me to come to your party." 

"I'm having a party?" Harry questioned. Louis' eyes widened then he just face palmed himself in the forehead, making Harry smile. 

"Fuck." 

"When is it? I have to work a midnight shift on my birthday." He said and Louis sighed, folding his hands together in his lap. 

"I'm not telling." He deadpanned. Harry grinned at him, laughing softly. Louis just glanced at him before looking away. "I'm not telling you." He repeated in a louder voice, but Harry just laughed. 

"Is it soon?" 

"It's today." Louis deadpanned sarcastically, making Harry scoff. 

"That's odd because my birthday is next week, but really, when is it?" He exclaimed in excitement. 

"I'm not telling you!" Louis replied in a loud tone to match Harry's. "It's supposed to be a surprise! You know what a surprise is, right?"

"Don't patronize me. I'll be the birthday boy, you can't keep secrets from me." Louis smirked at him and Harry smirked back playfully before they both started laughing with each other. 

"If you're 21 does that still make you a boy? Or will you be the birthday man?" 

"Obviously I'm still a boy. If I'm a man then that means I'm old."

"You are old." 

"I'm 20-"

"For a week until you're 21." 

"You're so old." 

"I'm only a year older than you!" Louis just laughed at him and Harry smiled back down at him. Louis smiled back contently before he was exhaling softly and turning his head down at his lap. Harry's hand was on his knee and Louis glanced down at it before slowly reaching out. Harry noticed then turned his hand palm up, smiling down at Louis again. Louis grabbed Harry's hand and laced their fingers together gently. Louis' hand was so cold and frail. 

Louis tilted his head down on Harry's shoulder then sighed contently. Something about Harry made him calm. And something about Louis was so calming as well. Harry just felt so content and happy when he was with Louis. 

"So how are you doing?" Harry asked him softly. Louis sighed. 

"Why are you asking?" 

"Because I care about your wellbeing." Louis just sighed again. Harry squeezed his hand. 

"I'm alright." Harry looked down at him leading Louis to lift his head off Harry's shoulder and look back up at him. 

"How are you really?" He asked seriously. 

"I am alright. How are you?" 

"Horrible! My arthritis has been acting up, I threw out my back last week, and the kids won't stay off my damn lawn." Harry answered mocking the voice of an elderly man. Louis laughed softly in amusement. "You know, since I'm so old." He chuckled. Louis patted his thigh with his other hand. 

"Good thing they have medication for the arthritis." He teased. A few moments later they got up and walked back to Louis' home together. And the rest of the day was good. The rest of the week was not. 

Harry's birthday popped up and all he could think about was how Louis was ignoring his texts. For a few days, actually. Harry would text him and he just wouldn't get a reply at all. So he spent most of the day moping around feeling melancholy and trying to put on a happy face when people wished him a good birthday. At 10:55 he showed up at the weather station for his shift with a heavy heart. 

"Oh, hey Harry." One of the forecasters named John greeted, pausing by him. Harry smiled softly, removing his jacket. 

"Hey, how you doing?" John forced a smile before just shrugging and laughing. 

"Let's just say it's gonna be a long night for me." Harry chuckled, nodding in agreement as he folded his jacket over his arm. 

"You and me both." 

"And happy birthday by the way." John added. "I think there's a card in the break room for you." Harry nodded, glancing down the hall at the break room door before looking back up at John. 

"I'll have to check." He joked making John laugh. 

"Yes you will." Harry just smiled then sighed contently. 

"Have a good night." 

"You too." They parted ways and Harry walked forward down a dark hallway where the door to the break room was. He took a deep breath before grasping the doorknob and opening it up when suddenly the lights were thrown on and a crowd of people were yelling surprise at him. He gawked around in surprise before he turned red in embarrassment. 

"Oh my God." Everyone clapped their hands and were all smiles. It wasn't a lot of people, just Niall, Zayn, Ruth, and Liam combined with most of his new coworkers. Only 12 people. 

"Happy birthday, Harry." Liam greeted before everyone was simultaneously wishing him a happy birthday as well. Harry grinned happily as everyone then dispersed. He glanced around before walking over to Liam who was sipping a coke. 

"Is Louis here?" Liam shook his head. 

"Not yet." He said. "He said he'd be here, something's probably holding him up." Harry just nodded then turned around. 

"Happy birthday, Harold." Harry turned and looked up at the MIC. 

"Thank you, Mr. Smith. I appreciate it." The MIC had stuck out his hand and Harry shook it graciously. 

"And you realize you don't actually have to work the mid shift tonight, right?" Harry laughed softly, nodding. 

"Now I do." They laughed before stepping away. And so he said hi and everyone and they all wished him a happy birthday before someone brought out a cake and made him sit down at a table, but all while they were lighting a small amount of candles and signing to him his eyes were trained on the door hoping to see Louis walk in at any moment. But he never came. 

"Harry," Liam sighed. "I don't think Louis is coming." The cake had been cleared and cleaned up the break room had pretty much been cleared out as well. Harry looked up at him before swallowing thickly then turning his head down again. "But c'mon, we're gonna continue the celebration over at Kappa Sig." Liam said tossing him his coat. It fell at his feet and Harry picked it up as he stood up. 

"I don't really feel like celebrating anymore." He said softly as he headed for the door. 

"C'mon Harry, it's your birthday. At least at Kappa Sig we can actually get drunk." Liam teased hoping to brighten up Harry's mood, but he just shook his head. 

"I think I'm just gonna head home-"

"Look, if this is because Louis didn't show up then don't take it personally. He's probably just had a hard day and needed to stay home, don't let it bring you down." Harry shrugged. 

"Sorry," He whispered. "I'll see you at the flat. Thank everyone at the frat for me." And with that said Harry walked out of the office building and to his car. 

He didn't go home to his flat, though. He drove to Louis' house and maybe that wasn't such a smart idea seeing as it was almost midnight, but he didn't care. He was pissed. He was hurt. And he needed to talk to Louis. So he parked in the driveway and marched up the porch where he knocked on the door then rang the doorbell two minutes later. Louis' father opened the door and Harry immediately gave him an apologetic look. 

"I hope I didn't wake you."

"I was up working on an article that's due at noon tomorrow. What can I do you for?" 

"Is Louis here?" His father nodded and for some reason that made Harry's chest tighten even more because a part of him was hoping he wouldn't be home. 

"You know, it's getting late, though. Why don't you stop by again tomor-"

"Please, I'd really like to talk to him now." Louis' father exhaled then nodded his head.   
"Thank you." Harry walked into the house and Louis' dad closed the door behind him. The stairs creaked beneath his feet and when he got to the top he went to Louis' door and knocked softly. There wasn't a response so he knocked again. And again. And again. And again. 

By then he was just annoyed and grabbed the door knob, pushing the door open. He stopped in the doorway and looked over at Louis who was curled up in his bed sound asleep. He fought the urge to smile because Louis looked so cuddly and cute, but Harry was angry with him. He cleared his throat. 

"Louis?" He closed the bedroom door and took a step closer. Louis stirred around slightly, stretching his back then rubbing his eyes. 

"What?" He grumbled sleepily. 

"What do you mean what?" Harry asked sternly, his hands in his pockets. 

"I mean what the fuck are you doing here at fucking twelve in the fucking morning."

"Because I just came from the little surprise party at the station and was wondering where you were because Liam said you had said you'd be coming and I was waiting for you." He explained in a soft voice. "I wanted to see you. Plus you've been ignoring all my texts. What's up?" 

"Not much, you?" Louis replied sarcastically. Harry gave him a threatening look. Louis just buried his face in his pillow. "Go away. I'm fucking tired."

"Not until you tell me why you've been ignoring me for the past three days." 

"I wasn't ignoring you, I was ignoring my phone." Louis told him irritably. Harry pursed his lips together, rolling his eyes before he took a moment to calm himself. 

"Well I would've appreciated it if you would've told me you'd be away from your phone for most of the days so I didn't think you were ignoring me. Or even to tell me you wouldn't be at the party. That made me feel bad when you didn't show up." 

"Yeah, well...," Louis trailed off then was quiet for a moment. "I don't know what to tell you." 

"Well did something happen? How come you were ignoring your phone? How come you didn't show up?"

"Because I didn't fucking want to." Louis snapped furiously. Harry felt his heart sink. He stood there quietly with his hands in his pockets, glancing around Louis' room. 

"Why not?" Louis sighed. Half of his face was still pressed into his pillow and his blanket was wrapped around him up to his shoulder. 

"Because it's a fucking birthday party and you know what they have at birthday parties? Cake." Harry didn't know what to say. "And I already had so much today there was no way I could be there and not have an anxiety attack-"

"No one would've forced you to eat the fucking cake-"

"You just don't fucking get it!" Louis exclaimed. He turned himself over angrily, on his back, then sat up, crossing his legs. "This is not about you. It has nothing to do with you." 

"Then explain it to me so that I can get it." Louis scoffed, shaking his head. 

"How can I explain it to someone else when I can't even explain it to myself?" He asked softly. "Just because I don't have to eat the fucking food doesn't mean being around it makes it any easier for me. It's still hard. It's always hard. It will always be hard so can you just fucking let it go? It was a damn birthday party, I'm sure you have plenty left." He pulled his blanket over his head in a huff and Harry just stood there dumbfounded. He drew in a slow breath, thinking of what to say or if he should even say anything. Maybe he should just leave.

"I'm sorry." He said despite not knowing what he was sorry for.

"For what?" Louis' voice was muffled under his blanket. 

"I don't know-"

"Then why the fuck are you saying that you're sorry?" Harry was taken back. He gawked down at the blanket Louis was hiding under before walking over and grabbing a corner of the blanket, ripping it off the bed. "Hey!"

"Where the hell are you getting this attitude from?" 

"It's called personality, sweetheart." Louis told him snootily. He sat up on his bed, ripping the blanket back out of the Harry's hand and covering his lap with it. 

"No, it's called stop being such a bitch-" 

"I'm not being a bitch-"

"Yeah, you kind of are." Harry interrupted sternly, fed up. "I just wanted to know what was going on, why you didn't come-"

"And I told you-"

"Because I care about you-"

"You call the people you care about bitches?"

"God fucking dammit, would you let me talk!" The sound of Louis' bedroom door opening made them both turn and look at Louis father who was holding the door open.

"I think you better leave." Harry just grit his teeth together so hard he thought he might actually break his teeth before pivoting around and storming out of the room. They could hear him stomping down the stairs before the actual slam of the front door made Louis release the breath he had been holding in. 

"Were you eavesdropping on us?" He then asked his dad.

"It's silent in a small house," He said then laughed. "I can hear everything." Louis just turned his head down sighing. "What's up?"

"Can't you tell? I'm sabotaging my own relationship." 

"Now why would you want to go and do a silly thing like that." His father stepped away from the door and took a step into the room, assuming he was invited. "Want to talk about it?"

"Of course, because every son wants to talk about his relationship with his father." His dad laughed before taking a step forward, literally and metaphorically, and taking a seat on the edge of the bed.

"Why didn't you just tell him today was also your mothers birthday?" 

"Because I don't have to. It wasn't even just that. I don't like small gatherings where food will be. It makes me feel uncomfortable and out of place and anxious-"

"So why didn't you just tell him that?"

"Because not everything is that easy, dad." He snapped. His dad just drew in a slow breath, keeping quiet. Louis just stared at his lap. He knew he was displacing his anger and other feelings onto Harry, but he was just too upset to care. Plus a part of him did not want to go to the party. He wasn't surprised Harry had called him a bitch, but that still actually hurt him a little. He was the cause of his own belittlement. He egged it on.

"How are things supposed to get easier then?" Louis just shrugged.

"They aren't." He answered softly. His dad laughed.

"So you don't even try?" Louis shook his head.

"Nope." He stated. "I'll save myself the pain."

"Maybe the pain would be worth it." His dad suggested softly, but Louis just shook his head again. 

"This is quite the deep conversation for a son and father to be having." He joked softly, eliciting a smile from his father. His father enjoyed it when he could just talk to Louis. Those moments meant the most to him because how could he just ignore that his family of two would soon become one. Who knew how many birthdays Louis even had left.

"It's late, I'll let you sleep." Louis' father said softly before standing up. Louis just watched him. "Goodnight."

"More like good morning." Louis mumbled nestling down on his back and under the covers. His father chuckled as he opened the bedroom door. 

"Good morning." And then he left and closed the door. 

On the other hand Harry was racing home to his flat in a feat of blind fury. For some reason he was absolutely boiling with anger. He stomped into their flat, grabbed his laptop, and settled down on the couch. Less than 10 seconds later Liam was walking out into the living room. 

"Hey, where'd you go?" He asked. Harry didn't even look his direction. 

"What happened to the party at Kappa Sigma?" He asked in reply.

"Well you were upset so I thought I'd come home to in case you wanted to talk or just...have me here, I don't know." Liam sat down on the couch beside him. "What are you doing?"

"Research about anorexia." Harry deadpanned as he typed in the search bar rapidly. Liam looked from the screen to his face. 

"What about all those papers your mum printed out for you?"

"Not enough-"

"Okay, Harry, c'mon." Liam reached out and slid his hand under Harry's, on top of the keyboard. "Let's-"

"Fuck off!" Harry ripped Liam's hand away, but then Liam tried to pull his laptop away which only resulted in them wrestling for it before Liam successfully pulled it off his lap and closed it shut. He stood up with it. 

"Give it a rest! What are you in such a rush for?" He practically shouted at him. Harry glared up at him, tears glistening in his eyes. 

"He keeps telling me that I don't understand and that I don't get it so I want to understand!" He yelled rising up to his feet. His heart was in his stomach and he was about ready to just have a fucking breakdown. 

"Nobody understands!" Liam yelled back. "Nobody understands, Harry. People think they do, but they don't. And they won't ever will." 

"I can still try." Harry replied in a lower voice. "I want to try. Now please, give me my laptop." 

"Harry, maybe you should just go to bed-"

"I'm not going to bed until I've done some research-" Liam shook his head. 

"You're clearly upset and overtired, you can do research tomorrow when you're feeling a bit better. Until then, go to bed-"

"You aren't my fucking father, I can do what I want. Give me my damn laptop." Harry held out his hand impatiently and Liam just stood there with his laptop held to his chest. Harry swallowed thickly, he felt like his throat was closing. It probably was. 

"Just go get some sleep." Liam said softly. "I'm assuming you stopped by Louis' house and whatever happened there will be solved soon, until then just get some rest, sleep. You can do your research tomorrow." Harry gave up. He just gave up. 

With his head hung low, he trudged out of the living room and went into his own room where he shed his coat and shoes then dropped on his bed. 

He didn't feel much better the next day. In fact, the next couple of days were probably some of the worst days of his life. Maybe he was being dramatic, maybe he wasn't. It was three days post his and Louis' midnight fight and they hadn't even talked. Harry expected that, though. 

He was sitting in the dining hall with Liam and Zayn turning his linguini around with his fork, but not actually eating it. Liam was babbling about something Harry didn't care for before it fell silent between them. Zayn scoffed.

"God, do you see Gracynn over there? She seriously looks anorexic-"

"Anorexic is not an adjective to describe people, it's a serious mental illness with one of the highest mortality rates among adolescents so I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't say things like that." Harry cut in shortly. Zayn just gawked at him in confusion and Liam kept his eyes down at the table. 

"Who pissed in your cereal this morning?" Zayn then responded questionably before just looking annoyed. 

"It was rude-"

"Who gives a damn-"

"I do-

"Why?"

"Because that was ignorant to say, did you know anorexia has a 3% mortality rate?"

"Who gives a flying fuck if it has a 3% mortality rate?" 

"I do-"

"Since when are you so gung-ho about eating disorders?" Zayn sneered causing Harry to flame. 

"Since I realized how prevalent they are nowadays and how detrimental they can be!" He exclaimed back angrily. 

"It's not like anyone you know has one so what's the big fucking deal?" Without even thinking Harry was pulling back a fist, fully ready to just deck Zayn right in the nose, but before that could happen Liam was grabbing his wrist and yanking his arm down. 

"Louis has an eating disorder." He blurted out making Zayn's eyes widen in surprise. 

"What?" Liam nodded, letting go of Harry's arm. 

"Louis has an eating disorder. He had anorexia."

"What? Since when?" 

"Since six years ago." Zayn's jaw dropped, much like Harry's head. 

"Six years? He's had anorexia for six fucking years?" 

"Let's not talk about it." Liam replied curtly before taking a sip of his lemonade. He glanced at his phone. "Oh shit, I'm gonna be late for Chem lab." He shoved his chair back then stood up. "I'll see you guys later." After hastily putting his backpack on, Liam picked up his dishes and rushed to the dish return. Harry sat there somberly and Zayn sat there still in shock. He looked at Harry. 

"I'm so sorry for what I said-"

"Doesn't matter." Harry interrupted. 

"What?" He looked up at Zayn. 

"It doesn't matter. Just don't tell Louis that you know." Harry pushed his chair back then stood up. "I have to go." And then he picked up his dishes and he left. He left the campus and went to Louis' house again. He was going to resolve this unnecessary matter. Hopefully, at least. 

He parked in the driveway again before marching up to the house and ringing the door bell. He waited impatiently and a few minutes later Louis opened the door meekly. 

"Can we talk?" 

"Sure, hi." Louis said softly.

"Hi-"

"There, we talked." Louis started closing the door but Harry stopped it with his hand, pushing it back open. 

"I mean actually talk, this is ridiculous." He retorted pushing himself into the foyer then closing the door behind him. Louis' stomach was immediately in a knot. He looked up at Harry. 

"I am sorry if me not showing up to the little party thing hurt your feelings. I have my reasons for staying home and I'm not at liberty to disclose those to you." Harry just nodded. 

"I respect that." He simply said. Louis just crossed his arms and glanced around the floor. 

"And I'm sorry I ignored your texts, it was just a rough couple of days so I just turned my phone off and slept. I wasn't purposely ignoring and I'm sorry I didn't tell you that I would be turning my phone off." 

"It's okay, I understand that." Louis pressed his lips together. "I am sorry I barged into your room at midnight and started yelling at you. I didn't mean the things I said, I acted irrational." 

"So did I." Louis added. "But I forgive you." Harry smiled. 

"Thank you." Louis smiled back at him shyly. 

"Can we talk about something else too?" Louis felt uneasy. The hair on the back of his neck stood up. 

"Like what?"

"Um, like, treatment and such for…eating disorders." Louis suddenly felt nauseous. 

"You said we'd never talk about that." Harry nodded. 

"Yeah, well, that was before I read up on eating disorders. I didn't know anything when you first told me and afterwards my mum printed out-"

"You told your mum?" Louis repeated his raising his voice. Harry froze, gaping at Louis with an open mouth. He already had tears in his eyes and Harry knew that once again he had fucking fucked up. 

"Well, I mean, yes. That night you told me I went to my mums for dinner and she asked me what was wrong and I just...yeah, I mentioned it." Louis gawked at him in disbelief. 

"What the hell made you think that was something you could just tell her?" He asked raising his voice again. "Good fucking God, Harry. Did you tell anyone else?" Harry didn't want to tell him. 

"Liam let it slip to Zayn." 

"Zayn?!" Louis shouted rising to his feet. "What the hell? Why did you tell him? Why did you tell anyone?"

"Well why did you tell Liam?"

"Don't you fucking dare try and turn this around on me. I told Liam so he wouldn't tell you. I didn't want to tell him, but I didn't want him going to you and telling you that he thought I had an eating disorder. But even still it was my decision. You, and Liam, don't just get to tell people! I didn't even want my dad to know! I didn't even want you to know! And I most certainly don't want your fucking mother or Zayn to know!" 

"I'm sorry, but it wasn't my fault!"

"I know, it's my fault for telling you! I shouldn't have ever even told you!" Harry stood up. 

"C'mon, Lou. Why don't we sit down and calm down and then we can talk-"

"Do not fucking tell me to calm down. You sound so fucking patronizing." Louis said taking a step back. "Just get out." He crossed his arms. 

"You want me to get out?" 

"Yes, because I'm upset that you told your mother and Zayn about something you had no right sharing with them-"

"Liam is the one who told Zayn." Harry said curtly as he turned to the door. 

"Then tell Liam I said to go fuck yourself." 

"Will do." Harry opened the door and trudged out with heavy footsteps and an indignant look on his face. His expression was hard and his teeth where clenched together tightly. When he got home and stormed into the flat, he slammed the door behind him. Liam, who was standing in the kitchen, turned towards him startled. 

"Whoa, what's wrong with you?" Liam set his glass down and watched as Harry threw his keys onto the table. 

"Louis says go fuck yourself." Liam's eyes widened at him in confusion. 

"What?"

"I told him you let it slip to Zayn about his disorder and I mentioned my mum knew and he got pissed." Liam scoffed, placing his hands on his hips. 

"Well gee, I wonder why. Why the hell did you tell him that?" 

"Because we made up about the whole ordeal around my birthday and then I said I wanted to talk about treatment with him and I mentioned how my mum had printed out, like, fifty different articles and then he asked if I had told her and I said yes and he got mad and asked if I had told anyone else or if anyone else knew and I just said that you had let it slip to Zayn and after he told me to get out he told me to tell you to go fuck yourself." Harry told him flatly before stomping off to his room and slamming the door in a fit of rage.


	22. Chapter 22

"Harry," Liam threw a pillow towards him. "Get out of bed." Harry just groaned, turning over on his stomach and burying his face into his pillow. "Don't smother yourself." Liam walked further into the room, stepping over top all of Harry's dirty clothes scattered on the floor to the window. "Rise and shine my little ray of sunshine!" He exclaimed zealously, yanking back the blinds. 

"Fuck off." Harry said groaning. 

"C'mon Harry, it's been a week. Get out of bed. Go do something! You can't just skip your classes." Liam stared down at Harry's back, placing his hands on his hips. "You need to either break it off with Louis and move on or go fucking talk to him and resolve this messy matter." 

"I'll probably just create yet another fucking fight-"

"You are not the reason you and Louis are arguing. You didn't cause it. You're not the only one at fault here." 

"Whatever, Liam. Just fuck off." Liam tsked, shaking his head.

"Uh oh, this looks like it needs more encouragement." Liam trekked out of his room and Harry thought he was finally at peace again until thirty minutes later Liam reappeared, this time with Zayn and Niall. "Do you see this sad scene?" Harry heard Liam ask in feign dismay. 

"So sad." Zayn teased in a solemn tone. 

"Looks like my dad after they stopped selling his favorite beer at the market place." Niall added making them laugh. Harry raised his hand, flipping them off. 

"Oh Harry, don't be such a grump." Liam exclaimed. 

"Doggy pile!" Zayn, Liam, and Niall all made a dash for Harry's bed, throwing themselves onto it as they collided with each other and Harry. 

"You fuckers!" Harry groaned curling forward on his side. "We did that when were five! We're not five anymore!" 

"Well this was my first doggy pile and I thoroughly enjoyed it." Niall said teasingly. Harry just flipped him off again. Zayn sat up on the side of the bed against the wall, Liam was on the opposite side so that Harry was between them, and Niall sat near the foot of the bed.  

"Guys, fuck off-"

"No, our Harry boo is going through a tough time and it's our duty as his friends to be there for you." Zayn said reaching down and patting his head. 

"Yes, so how are you feeling?" Liam then asked. 

"Fucking peachy-" 

"C'mon Harry, it's okay to open up." He urged nudging him in the arm gently. 

"Okay, I'm feeling annoyed so why don't you guys just fucking fuck off." 

"Not until you talk a little-"

"I don't want to open up and talk-"

"It's not healthy to keep everything inside." Zayn said. 

"Yeah, it can lead to depression." Niall added. 

"I am fine with developing depression-"

"That's not funny, Harry. I'm sure the millions of people battling with depression right now would disagree with you." Liam reprimanded him sternly. Harry rolled his eyes. 

"It was a fucking joke-"

"Depression is not a joke." Liam deadpanned. 

"Yeah, c'mon Harry. So you and Louis are having an argument right now. All couples go through this-" 

"Oh my God, please, spare me the relationship advice and let me sleep." Harry interrupted Zayn causing Zayn to make a grumpy face. 

"You need to get out of bed-" 

"Or I need you guys to stop bothering the shit out of me-" 

"Or you need to get out of bed." Liam interrupted. 

"Christ!" Harry threw his blankets back then rose up to his feet quickly. He stormed out of his room and down the hallway, locking himself in the bathroom. He took a deep breath then recollected himself. 

When he left it he went back to his room and kicked everyone out so he could get ready for the door. Liam, Zayn, and Niall remained collected outside his door. When Harry's door opened again he just pushed passed them, put on his shoes, grabbed his keys, then headed out the door without a word. 

He found himself in front of Louis' door ten minutes later contemplating whether or not he should actually knock. But he knocked and then he stood there wondering if he made the right decision then scrambled to think about what the fuck he'd say if the door opened. When Louis opened the door Harry drew in a deep breath. 

"Look, I'm sorry it upset you that I told my mum and that Zayn knows, but it's not the end of the world and let's face it, you wouldn't have been able to hide it from everyone forever. An eating disorder is a serious thing and it shouldn't be hidden-"

"Don't fucking come talking to me about how eating disorders are a serious thing." Louis retorted sternly before slamming the door. Harry grit his teeth in anger and shoved the door back open. 

"Don't fucking shut me out, I'm not going to let you push me away." 

"Might as well just let the inevitable happen now." Louis shouted back at him as he began to mount the stairs. 

"It's only inevitable if we let it be, but I won't. It's not going to happen, no matter how hard you try or want it to, I'm not going to let it happen." Harry replied following behind him up the stairs. By the time they reached the top of the stairs Louis was completely out of breath. He leaned against the wall, walking against it as he walked to his room, breathing hard to catch his breath. Harry's heart broke a little. Not a little, a lot. "Louis, c'mon-" 

"Just stop." Louis opened his bedroom a crack before slipping inside, closing it and locking it before Harry could force himself inside. Harry pressed his hands against the door. 

"Louis, please." He said tilting his forehead forward onto the door. "You're not the only one who's scared right now. I'm scared too." He continued. "I'm fucking terrified. And I know your dad is too and-"

"Oh please," Louis replied back through the door. "What do you guys have to be scared about?" He asked cynically.

"We're scared of losing someone we love-"

"You don't love me." 

"Well then this is an inconvenience because I do. I really do." On the other side of the door Louis had his hands and his forehead pressed against the door as well, tears running down his cheeks. 

"You don't love me. You're just in love with falling in love-" 

"But I do." Harry replied raising his voice. "And maybe I'm just still infatuated or it's too soon and I'm sorry if hearing me say that I love you makes you uncomfortable or like things are moving too fast, I don't expect you to say it back or anything, but...I was reading about eating disorders and what they do to your body and I was fucking terrified and I'm not even the one suffering from one!" He exclaimed. "And the thought of you dealing with all that I read absolutely broke my heart and I don't want you to have to suffer that way." 

"I tried to warn you of that." Louis replied, his voice all choked up. "One way or another I'm going to break your heart, even when I try not to."

"It's not you, though." Harry said. "Can you open the door?"

"I think you better just go." Harry was quiet for a moment. He stepped back away from the door and just stared at it numbly. 

"I think we should talk-"

"I think we've done enough talking for now. Seriously, just go." Harry grit his teeth together then sighed softly. 

"Okay then." He whispered. "Have a good day." He said in a bit of a sarcastic tone that only made the both of them just feel worse instead of better. Harry had gone over to fix things, not make them worse! 

So Harry stomped back to his own flat and when Liam asked him how it went Harry just flipped him off before storming into his room and slamming the door shut. Then he shed his coat and shoes and he dropped down on his bed. 

A few days even later there was a knock on the flat door and Liam opened it. Before him stood Louis holding a wrapped box with a little blue bow on it. 

"Oh, hi Louis." Liam greeted happily. "How are you?" 

"Peachy, you?" 

"I'm doing well." Liam smiled. "Well I'm assuming you're here for Harry." Louis nodded. "He's in his room." Liam opened the door wider then stepped aside as Louis walked on in. 

"Thank you." Liam just smiled, closing the door then locking it. Louis strolled down the hallway before stopping outside Harry's door and knocking. 

"Fuck off." Louis tried not to smile, but failed. He opened the door and pushed it open. Harry looked up from his phone and over at him. "Oh, hi." He greeted monotonously then turned back to his phone. 

"Hi."

"So, to what do I owe this pleasure?" He asked sarcastically. 

"Believe it or not, I got you something for your birthday, but couldn't find the right time to give it to you." 

"I'm surprised you're even talking to me." Harry placed his phone down beside his leg then sat up. 

"Yeah, well, you know, sometimes I have mood swings." Louis admitted. "Because of my eating disorder. It's one of the side effects. And sometimes I...act irrationally abruptly because I'm scared and sometimes I wonder if I'm even worth it so then I think why should it matter what I say? I'm just gonna end up driving you away anyway, why try to stop it?" 

"Because you're not going to push me away." Harry said standing up. "I won't let you."

"But why?" Louis asked softly. "Why do you care so much about me? Why...do you want to fight so hard for...nothing?" 

"Because I'm not fighting so hard for nothing, I'm fighting so hard for you." Louis was just quiet. 

"Well...I'm sorry. Really."

"You don't have to be sorry." Harry replied. Louis just looked up at him, biting his lip, then exhaled quickly.

"What did you mean when you said that you, like, loved me?" He asked quietly. "Did you mean it like how best friends love each other or like how a husband or wife loves their spouse?"    
Harry hesitated. 

"Best friends." He said making a small smile spread across Louis' lips. "For now." He added under his breath. Louis looked back up at him, smiling. 

"You're, like, my only friend." 

"Friend? I've been downgraded?" Harry asked teasingly and Louis laughed softly. 

"You're goofy." Harry cracked a smile. 

"I, um, are we good? Is there anything else you need to get off your chest? Or want to talk with me about?" Louis drew in a slow breath. The present was getting heavy in his hands. 

"You sure you still want to be together?" Harry didn't hesitate to nod. 

"Have I done anything to make you think I wouldn't?" Louis looked hesitant. He just shrugged his shoulders. 

"I mean, I don't know." He admitted. "I don't know what you're thinking or how you feel." 

"I thought I was making it quite obvious how I feel." Louis forced a soft laugh, confusing Harry. 

"Well, sometimes my mind likes to twist things into the opposite of what they're supposed to be. Or mean." Harry cracked a smile in return. "And sometimes I'm afraid you're going to think I'm too high maintenance and you're going to want no part with me and I try to convince myself that that isn't going to happen, but then I can't convince myself of why it wouldn't. Like, I practically need constant reassurance about—everything. I'm always doubting whether or not you do actually like me and all...how is that appealing to you? Why do you want to be with someone like me?" 

"Because—I just do. I like you because you're kind, and nice, and funny, and I enjoy spending my time with you, and I find you cute, and adorable, and compassionate, and strong, and...need I go on?" A smile spread across Harry's lips and Louis smiled back shyly. 

"Yes, please." They both laughed together and then Harry started leaning down to kiss him before pausing. 

"Can I kiss you?" He whispered softly, his breath tickling Louis' cheeks. Louis just nodded, so Harry leaned in and gave Louis a quick, soft peck before standing back up. 

"I still have to give you your present." Louis held up the gift and for reason Harry blushed. He didn't know why he was blushing, but he was blushing. Hardcore. 

"You didn't have to get me anything." 

"Too late." They went over to the bed and sat beside each other. Louis handed Harry the gift. Harry looked down at it before he began to remove the wrapping paper. Louis watched for his reaction nervously. He felt relief as he watched a slow grin spread across Harry's face. 

"You actually got me a water based barometer? These are, like, a hundred dollars though, I can't accept this-"

"Don't flatter yourself, I found it at a garage sale for cheap. The lady said she had got it for her son, but he never opened it so she decided to sell it." Harry just smiled at him, holding up the box then gazing at it gleefully. 

"This is still fantastic. Oh my God, I can't believe you actually found this." He raved. 

"I'm glad you like it." Harry placed it down then turned to Louis. He couldn't stop smiling. 

"You're sweet." He turned back to the box of the thermometer. "I can't fucking wait to put this on my wall. It's gonna look fucking fantastic." Louis blushed. He felt warm and fluffy inside, like bees were buzzing around in his stomach. Maybe some were, maybe it was just his feelings for Harry. 

"So, do you wanna go on a walk?" Harry's face lit up, making Louis blush even darker! He turned his head down shyly and waited for Harry to respond, but by the look on his face he could just about guess what Harry was about to say. 

"Fuck yeah I do." Louis laughed, looking up at him again. 

"Okay, let's go." So they both climbed up to their feet and Harry followed Louis to the front door. Louis held it open for him and together they strolled down the stairs and out the door, to the sidewalk. When they got to it Louis paused, looking up at Harry. Louis held out his hand. Harry smiled, reaching down and grabbing his hand, lacing their fingers together. Then Louis turned to the left and started to walk. "So, what kind of clouds are in the sky?" Louis asked turning his head up at the sky. 

"Well let me tell you," Harry said with a grin. "If you'll look to your left you'll see some cumulus humilis, and if you look to your right you'll see some more cumulus humilis, and if you look forward, or backward, or straight up you'll see cumulus humilis."

"Cumulus humilis everywhere!" Louis exclaimed making Harry's heart just about fill with so much joy it almost exploded! His heart was just so fond of Louis—he might've been lying when he told him he only meant he loved him like best friends love each other. Yes, he loved Louis. He wasn't sure if there was ever a chance of Louis loving him, but hell he was willing to take a chance. 

"Cumulus humilis everywhere." Harry repeated softly, laughing quietly. He squeezed Louis' hand, smiling down at him. 

"As far as the eye can see." 

"And the eye can see all!" 

"Do you have 20/20 vision?" Louis teased and Harry nodded without hesitation. 

"I have perfect vision." The slight sarcasm behind his tone made Louis laugh. He looked around, his eyes trailing along the grass along the sidewalk. 

"I have glasses." 

"You have glasses and I haven't even seen them?" 

"I like to wear my contacts." Louis said with a shrug and timid smile. "So, how's the office?" 

"Fabulous." Harry answered making Louis laugh. "I love it! It's amazing." 

"Don't you ever worry you're going to get bored with it?" Louis then asked quietly, almost as if he wasn't sure if he wanted Harry to hear him. 

"Nope, been dreaming about working at the weather office ever since I was a little boy and now it's coming true." He said with another grin. Louis just kept his head down, nodding. 

"What about twenty years from now?" He asked. 

"Why do you ask?" 

"I don't know," Louis shrugged, his grip of Harry's hand loosening again. "I just can't grasp the idea of devoting your whole life to one thing without worrying that your passion and love for it will never fade. Love always fades." 

"Well I'd disagree with that." Harry replied. 

"Guess that just makes us all the more opposite." Louis suggested before turning his head to smile up at Harry. 

"Opposites attract." Harry sang softly making them both laugh. He swung their hands back and forth gleefully. They continued walking around the block until they made it back to Harry's flat. After climbing up the stairs Hardy was perfectly fine and fishing his keys out of his pocket whereas Louis was leaned up against the wall trying to catch his breath. Harry, who was holding the key in the lock, watched him carefully. "Are you alright?" 

"Fine." Louis nodded, breathless. Harry opened the door, then looked back at Louis. 

"C'mon, let's go in and sit." Louis pushed himself off the wall and walked towards Harry. He slipped in through the doorway and kicked his shoes off in the foyer, Harry following suit. Harry strolled into the living room before slapping his hands over his eyes and pivoting around. "Oh, god! Louis, shield your eyes!" Liam, who was sitting on the couch with Ruth, sat up in annoyance and Ruth blushed red. "Put your shirt on, you Neanderthal." Harry scolded, placing his hands on his hips. 

"I thought you guys we're going out-"

"And we're back."

"For longer-"

"So you could have sex with your girlfriend on our couch?" 

"We were just kissing." Ruth said softly, who was fully clothed as opposed to Liam, who was pulling his tee shirt on. 

"Which is disgusting-"

"Oh please," Liam said with a laugh. "You hypocrite-"

"Okay, okay, enough arguing." Ruth said standing up, dusting herself off. "So Louis, how are you?" She asked kindly. Louis forced a smile and nodded. 

"I'm doing well, how are you?" 

"I'm doing well, also. Thanks for asking!" She answered cheerfully. "Oh, hey! I had an idea! We should go on a double date!" She exclaimed zealously. Everyone just looked at her. "Would you be up for that? I think it'd be fun, I want to get you guys a little more." 

"What kind of double date?" 

"I was thinking dinner-"

"No." Liam and Harry both interrupted before she could practically finish her sentence. Louis, for some odd reason, started laughing because usually he's the one instantly shooting down dinner. Ruth just gave them both strange looks before nodding. 

"Um, okay, what's wrong with dinner?"

"It's just cliche." Liam said shrugging. Ruth smiled at him before laughing. "Let's be original." 

"Okay—hey! They're showing Rocky Horror Picture Show Live at the Empire theater downtown, we should go to that. It's amazing! It's so funny and it's so much fun to go to. Honestly, you guys don't have an option. We're going." She decided. "Tickets are on sale at the Belle Mahus Auditorium, we can all go tomorrow."

"When is it?"

"Next Friday at midnight, doors open at eleven though." She said with a proud grin. 

"Well I guess we're going to the Rocky Horror Picture Show." Liam said smiling as well. 

"What is it?" Harry asked and all Ruth did was smirk. 

"You're just going to have to find out."


	23. Chapter 23

"Ready?" Louis sunk down in his seat, glaring at the dashboard. 

"This is so fucking ridiculous." He cursed before turning his glare up at the brick building. His heart was in his throat. He has feet like concrete and a head like lead. 

"It's for your health." 

"It's fucking ridiculous."

"C'mon, let's go." His father turned the car off then unbuckled his seatbelt, opening the car door. Louis didn't move. His father looked at him, holding the door open. 

"I'm gonna look like a fucking idiot if my dad walks me in-"

"Well it's time to stop giving a shit about what other people will think and start giving a shit about your health." Louis rolled his eyes in annoyance. His father was forcing him to the stupid group therapy thing. Louis detested it. Absolutely detested it. He didn't need some lame group therapy. He wasn't sure what he needed, but he knew for sure it wasn't this. 

"This is stupid." Louis unbuckled then climbed out of the car, slamming his door shut weakly. 

"Isn't everything?" His father locked the car. They both walked into the building looking rather surly and unapproachable. Louis just followed his father passed the lobby and down a hallway. As his father checked the room numbers, Louis felt his anger begin to boil. And when his father stopped at an open door he felt like he was about ready to explode with anger and frustration. 

He reluctantly followed his father into the room. It was brightly lit thanks to the windows letting in brilliant sunlight. There was a circle of chairs set up. Most of the people in the room were standing and talking around with others. There was a table set up right by the door. 

"Hi!" A girl with a cheerful smile greeted. "Welcome, we ask that all teens sign in here." They both glanced down at the sheet. 

"Sign in." His father said gesturing to it and Louis shook his head. His father exhaled, rolling his eyes, then bent down, picking up the pen. "If you want to stop being treated like a child then you've got to stop acting like one." Louis rolled his eyes again. Once his father was done signing him in he placed the pen down then stood up. "I'll be in the lobby when you're done." 

"I'm already done." 

"Take this seriously." His dad replied sternly. "No funny business. And actually participate." 

"I can't even imagine not." Louis said sarcastically. His father just gave him a typical reprimanding, parental look before turning and leaving the room. Louis just stomped over to the circle and plopped down in one of the chairs with his arms crossed. He played scenarios in his head where his mother was still alive and he was living a happy life before it started. 

"Welcome!" Someone exclaimed enthusiastically. Louis looked around and suddenly the circle was full. A lady was standing up and giving everyone an overly cheerful smile. "Welcome to Touch Mark, my name is Chelsea and I am the advisor here. One of the things we like to do here to start things off with is introducing ourselves. We just go around the circle, say your name and a high you had for this week and a low as well." She turned to look down at the girl sitting beside her. Louis wanted to die. And more than usual. 

He didn't even listen to anyone before him and when it came to his turn someone had to remind him because he was just so zoned out. 

"Um, I'm Louis." He said glaring at the floor. 

"Why the fuck do you look so surly?" A girl named Mack snapped. Louis glanced over at her, rolling his eyes. 

"Why the fuck are you such a bitch?" 

"Okay, okay, let's stop this right now." Chelsea interrupted. "Louis, why don't you share your high and low." 

"Well, I have no high and my low is being here. This whole thing is a joke." Chelsea just gave him a sympathetic look, giving him a kind smile. 

"I'm sorry you feel that way, but we have a good program here and I hope that you are able to see that-"

"Well I won't." Louis interrupted. 

"Most people feel that way when they first come here, but after awhile you will learn to enjoy it and we-"

"Look, I'm only here because my dad forced me here. I'm not coming back." He interrupted again, sinking down lower in his chair. 

"Well, it sounds like you dad only wants what's best for you." Chelsea suggested neutrally. Louis scoffed, rolling his eyes. 

"You don't know me or my dad. I don't need your pity, I don't need to turn into your little success story to make you feel like a hero, just fucking let up." 

"Where the fuck is your fucking respect?" Mack then added in again. 

"Who said I had to respect anyone here?" He snapped back, siting up right. 

"No one said you had to respect anyone, but seriously, if you're here then just fucking listen. It's obvious you need the fucking help, look in the mirror skeletor-"

"Mack-"

"Well why the hell am I going to want to sit here when you're fucking calling me names-"

"Oh please, everyone here probably thinks that. Everyone thinks that about everyone, why else do you think we're here?" 

"I don't know why the hell you're biting my head off for no good reason-"

"Because you're acting like an asshole in a group designed to help people. All it takes is one person in a bad mood to ruin the mood of everyone else here and all anyone else here wants is help and to get better. You're not helping anyone here-"

"Well good, that's not why I'm fucking here-"

"Then why are you? Because your dad forced you? How old are you even?" Mack asked sternly. Louis grit his teeth together. 

"How's that any of your business?" He snapped, glaring at her. 

"If you don't want help then why are you staying-"

"Everyone is welcome here." Chelsea spoke up. "We don't turn anyone away. If you're here because you want to be then great, and if you're here because someone else is making you then we can only hope that soon you'll be here because you want to be." 

"Oh please, all you're going to do is preach about how every body is perfect and unique and that eating makes you healthy and keeps you alive. Save me your bullshit, I get all that from my dad." Louis said standing up. "What's the point in getting help if you can't?" He then asked. Everyone stared up at him. "When you live a certain way after a certain amount of time it becomes your lifestyle. And going to group therapy for one hour a week is not going to change anyone's lifestyle. You can try all you want, and you might think you'll succeed, but you won't. And you never will because people don't change." 

"Have fun dying in a year then." Mack remarked snarkily. "Or in six months. Or in one month. You might not be able to change someone completely, but if you can prolong death then why don't you? Do you really want to die because you don't feed yourself?" Louis nodded numbly. 

"You fucking bet I do." He answered sarcastically before turning and walking out of the room. Everyone watched, but no one said anything. He stormed down the hall. In the lobby sat his father, and once he saw Louis walking through he jumped up out of his chair. 

"Louis? What are you doing? It's only been like ten minutes-"

"Are you really all that surprised?" Louis replied shoving open the door. 

"You can't just run away from things!" His father shouted once they were in the parking lot. "We are running in circles here, Louis! Circles!" He yelled marching after him. 

"Then take a breather if you're so fucking sick and tired of running!" Louis shouted back sarcastically. 

"I'm just tired of not getting anywhere!" Louis reached the car and placed his hand on the door handle, waiting for his dad to unlock it. "We've been doing this for five years-"

"Six for me."

"Six years and nothing has gotten better. Don't you want to get better? Don't you want to be healthy?" 

"You don't get it!" Louis hollered, pivoting around to face his father. "You just don't get it. You don't understand a motherfucking thing. It's not about wanting to get better or be healthy, haven't you learned that by now?" 

"Well if it's not that then what is it?" 

"I don't even have the first clue on how to even explain it to you." Louis said. "So can you just fucking let up on trying to help and interrogating me about wanting to get better and being healthy?" 

"I'm not going to let up until you're healthy." His father simply replied. "Sorry if that's not what you want to hear, but I'm not just going to stop all efforts to help you."

"I don't want your help!" 

"I don't give a fuck about what you want anymore!" His father yelled back. "I want you to get the help you need! The treatment you need! I want you to be healthy!" 

"Well I don't give a fuck about what you want anymore either!" Louis shouted back angrily. "I'm fucking fine!" 

"You're not fine, Louis. You know what you are, though? You're dying-"

"We're all dying." 

"Yeah, but my life expectancy is 80 years old! Yours—we don't even know what yours is anymore! Do you have any idea how fucking scared I am? I wake up every single morning wondering if this will be the day that something devastating happens and you pass away because of this motherfucking disorder." His father said sternly. 

"Shouldn't you be looking forward to that day? The day the albatross around your neck is finally removed?" His father gave him the most unamused look. Louis just bit the inside of his cheek, his eyes watering with tears. 

"I have repeatedly told you not to make comments like that, comments that suggest I do not love you or never wanted you. They aren't true and they make me feel bad." Louis just faced the car again, swallowing thickly. 

"Can you please just open the car?" He asked softly. His father took his keys out of his pocket and unlocked the car. Louis got in solemnly. He buckled his seatbelt then turned towards the window. Not one single word was said the whole drive home. 

When they got home Louis went up to his room to sulk and after a silent and strenuous dinner Louis decided he needed something. He wasn't sure what he needed, but he needed something to make him forget his day. So after the dishes had been cleared, he marched to the front door and grabbed his keys. 

"I'm going to Harry's." Was all he said before leaving the house. But he didn't. He went to a bar instead and sat at the counter, flirting with men until they bought him a drink. It's not like he had any money and he really needed a fucking drink. Or two. Or seven. 

"Louis?" Louis spun around to face Harry. He started laughing, but Harry just looked down at him in confusion. "What are you doing here?"

"Me?" Louis asked pointing to himself. "What are you doing here?" 

"I came with Zayn because he was meeting someone he met online here." Harry explained still looking questionable. "How much have you had to drink?" 

"Oh, Harold," Louis grabbed Harry's wrists then yanked him down close. His breath reeked and Harry's heart lurched for him. "If you had the kind of day I had then you'd need a few drinks too." He whispered with his lips pressed to Harry's ear practically. "The men here are really nice. A few bought me drinks-"

"A few men in here bought you drinks? Why?" Louis just grinned up at him before laughing lively. 

"I might've had to do a tiny bit of flirting, but it's okay. It was just for the drinks because I don't have money." 

"So you were flirting with other men so they would buy you drinks?" Harry asked feeling his anger bubble slightly. "What the hell, Louis?" He wrapped his wrists out of Louis' hands. 

"Don't you 'what the hell, Louis' me." Louis replied sternly. "I had the shittiest day today, I just—" His eyes filled with tears. "Really needed a few drinks." 

"Well it looks like you had more than a few." Harry reprimanded. "C'mon, I'm taking you home." 

"No, I wanna stay-"

"No, I'm taking you home-"

"I'm not going home!" Louis shouted suddenly, startling Harry. 

"Then I'll take you back to my place." Louis looked up at him solemnly before nodding blankly. He stood up before almost immediately falling. Harry caught him by the arms and helped him back up to his feet before letting go of him. "C'mon." He turned and began to walk towards the entrance. He stopped by the table Zayn was sitting at. "I'm taking Louis to my place, you alright here?" 

"Yeah, I'll be fine." Harry nodded tiredly then continued to guide Louis out of the bar and towards his car. He opened the door for him and helped him in, buckling his seat belt for him. Harry got behind the wheel. The drive back to the flat was quiet. Harry was sure Louis might've fallen asleep. 

When they got to the flat Harry offered to help Louis up the stairs, but he refused. When they got to the very top Louis dropped to his knees, then turned around on his bum, bending over his knees. 

"Oh my God, are you alright?" Harry asked kneeling down in front of him. Louis, who was breathing so hard he almost couldn't talk, nodded. 

"My chest hurts." He said waving Harry off. 

"Well should I take you to a doctor or-"

"No, happens all the time." Louis interrupted, waving him off. "Goes away after a bit." Harry just gave him a concerned look and watched him carefully when he stood up. Once he was stable Harry unlocked the door and guided Louis in. "Liam home?" 

"Nope, he's out with some friends." Harry placed his keys on the key rack then kicked off his shoes. Louis stumbled forward in the foyer then just walked into Harry's room. Harry cracked a small, amused smile before walking after him. Louis was kicking off his shoes before he turned around to face Harry. He threw his arms around his neck then pulled him down for a kiss. Harry was completely taken off guard, then pushed Louis back. "Whoa, what are you doing?" 

"Thought I was kissing my fucking boyfriend-"

"No, you don't like to be touched and all, and you're drunk. It's not right."

"It is-" Harry shook his head. 

"No, it's not." Louis pouted up at him. "You said you had a bad day, do you want to talk about that?" Harry suggested. Louis shook his head. 

"No, I want a distraction from my bad day-"

"But I'm not just a distraction, I'm your boyfriend." Louis just stared up at him. "C'mon, let's lie down." Harry touched his arm very gently and guided him towards the bed. Louis crawled over top it on his knees before falling down on his back. Harry laid beside him carefully, turning his head towards him. Louis leaned in and kissed him again. 

"Don't push me away." He whispered, cupping Harry's cheeks with his hands. So Harry just obliged and kissed Louis back. Sure, he tasted like alcohol, but it was the sweetest alcohol he had ever tasted. Louis was sweet. 

"Louis, you're drunk-" Harry whispered a moment later. 

"If you can't touch me while I'm sober, why not touch me when I'm drunk?" Louis whispered back. 

"Because I respect you." Harry whispered back harshly. He wasn't sure why they were whispering. 

"Why do you respect me?" Louis asked sounding genuinely questionable. Harry looked up at him, gawked more so. 

"Why shouldn't I?" 

"Because I'm such an awful person." Louis replied, his eyes filling with tears. Harry sat himself up a bit, prompting Louis to sit up as well. 

"You're not an awful person-" 

"Oh, I'm not? Thanks, I'm so convinced." Louis replied sarcastically. Harry reached out and placed his hand over top Louis'. 

"What makes you an awful person?" Louis just gave him a tearful look before his tears actually started falling. Harry quickly snatched a tissue from his nightstand and handed it to Louis. He wiped his eyes. 

"What doesn't is the shorter answer." He choked out. "I mean, I'm the reason my mom died-"

"What? You said she got into a car accident, how could you have been the reason for that?" 

"Because I was making her late by pestering her about my stupid bike. If I had just let it be and let her go everything would've been different and she wouldn't have gotten killed. But I couldn't just let it be and we fought and I told her I hated her before she left. The last thing my mother ever heard from me was that I hated her, and I didn't! I didn't hate her, I was just mad at her. I didn't mean it, but now I can't take it back. I can't imagine dying thinking your own child hates you-" 

"Hey, Lou, you were young and parents usually know that they're children only say things like that when they're mad about silly things and that it doesn't mean anything. I'm sure your mother knew just how much you loved her-" 

"I just can't but feel that she didn't. And now my dad hates me and all my old friends hate me and I hate me—"

"You're father does not hate you and I'm sure your old friends don't either—"

"When I got a new phone junior year they couldn't transfer over all my contacts and I didn't know everyone's numbers by memory." He explained. "And-And no one ever texted me again so it's not like it was a problem. Besides my dad, you're the only other person in my contacts." Harry's heart felt ten times heavier. 

"That does not mean they hate you-"

"Why wouldn't they?" Louis interrupted. "I-I stopped talking to them, I pushed them away. I started sleeping around with random people. I got a girl pregnant and she got an abortion. I should be a father. Can you imagine me being a dad? Christ, I can't even take care of myself, let alone another human being who'd be solely dependent on me. I'm practically still totally dependent on my dad and I'm 20! I-"

"Louis." Harry interrupted grabbing him by the shoulders. "Where's your phone?" Louis pulled it out of his pocket and handed it over without hesitation. "Okay, I really think you should stay here and sleep. You're very intoxicated." Harry shoved Louis' phone in his pocket then stood up. "Here, lay down." So Louis reluctantly obliged and laid down in Harry's bed. Harry tucked him in gently, placed his wastebasket at the head of the bed, then gave him a glass of water. Louis was practically half asleep by the time Harry was leaving the room. 

dad: home by 1 please 

louis: I found him very intoxicated in a bar a little bit ago. I brought him back to my place and he is safe and asleep now. -Harry 

dad: thank you for looking out for him. please let me know when he's awake, or tell him to text me when he is.

Harry went out to the living room and collapsed on the couch. He placed Louis' phone down on the coffee table then fell down on his side, curling up. And he fell asleep. He's not sure when he woke up, but he woke up to a tap on his arm. Bent over him was Louis with vomit all over the front of his shirt. 

"Um, yeah, I threw up." Louis whispered. Harry sat up. 

"Where?" He asked, rubbing his eyes tiredly. He checked his phone. It was 3:48 am.

"Well, you know, in the toilet, but I threw up on my shirt." Louis looked at him solemnly.

"Here, why don't I give you one of my shirts to wear and I can throw yours in the wash right now." Harry said standing up. He walked to his room and Louis followed after him numbly. He stood in the doorway while Harry rifled through his dresser for a shirt. He eventually pulled out a black, long sleeved tee and handed it to Louis. "I'll wait outside." Louis stepped into the room as Harry stepped out then closed the door. 

Louis quickly changed before balling his dirty tee shirt up. He opened the door again and Harry took the shirt from him. He walked down the hall and threw Louis' shirt in the washer before walking back towards his room where Louis was standing. He was swimming in his shirt. It was actually pretty adorable. 

"C'mon, why don't I get you some water." So they walked into the kitchen and Harry poured Louis a glass of ice water before they retired to the living room. Harry grabbed a blanket for Louis, who wrapped himself up like a newborn baby, then sat down on the couch next to him. 

"I'm sorry." Louis said softly. 

"It's okay, I'm used to people throwing up." Harry replied with a small smile. Louis laughed softly. 

"Not just about that." He then continued. "Just—about the whole thing. I just had a rough day and wanted a drink. I hope you aren't mad." 

"Of course I'm not mad." Harry reassured, sitting forward. "What happened today?" Louis just drew in a deep breath, biting his lower lip. 

"My dad took me to this stupid group therapy thing and I got into a fight with someone else then got into a fight with my dad after I left. That's all I really want to say about it." Harry nodded, watching him intently. 

"Um, well I was wondering if maybe you could tell me a little bit about your past." He said softly. "Because you've mentioned something about getting a girl pregnant twice now, and you were talking about how your mums death was your fault, and I was wondering if that had anything to do with your eating disorder and...I was just wondering if you'd be comfortable elaborating." Louis drew in a slow breath, then nodded. He pulled the blanket closer. 

"So, one day I decided I wanted to ride my bike around the block, and I had been bugging my mum about it all day. And even as she was getting ready to leave I was still pestering her and we got into a big fight and I told her I hated her. She told me she was just looking out for my safety and I told her I didn't care, that I still hated her. By then she was late and she said we would talk about it more when she got home." He swallowed thickly. "The rest is a blur, I remember my dad rushing us to the hospital and sitting in the waiting room for hours upon hours and then a doctor explaining to me what had happened and how my mum had...died. I thought it was my fault. I still do. I can't help but think that if I didn't pester her and slow her down time would've been on her side and she'd still be here now, but she's not. 

"After that I got super depressed. My grades in school started dropping, I ignored everyone, my dad and I were constantly fighting, I felt horrible about myself. That's kind of what sparked my eating disorder. I thought I had lost control of everything in my life, but I could control eating. And one day I was just feeling so awful so I decided to skip lunch. And it just snowballed from there." He wiped his eyes, taking a deep breath. "High school is a different story. In high school I started hanging out with the wrong crowd. I got into alcohol and started smoking a lot. I still smoke sometimes now, but not as often as before. One thing I started doing was sleeping around. As I've already admitted I'd have guys sneak into my room or I'd go out and sneak into girls rooms. Well, one time a girl I had slept with got pregnant. And I was the father. And without even talking to me about it she got an abortion." 

"Oh my goodness, that's awful." Harry whispered softly. Louis just nodded. 

"After that I stopped sleeping around. I stopped hanging out with my friends, I pushed them away, and I just delved deeper into my disorder. Well, ever since that day I skipped lunch I've only been falling deeper and deeper into my disorder. If my mum had never passed away I don't think I'd have my eating disorder."  

"That sounds so difficult, I'm sorry that's something you had to deal with. Or, still deal with today." Louis shrugged. 

"I just wish there was a way I could tell my mum I love her." He said softly. "The kid in me wants to believe she's an angel up in heaven catching every balloon I've ever let go, but the adult in me knows that's not even possible. But it's nice to dream, you know?" 

"I'm sure she can hear you from all the way down here." Harry told him with a small smile. Louis smiled back at him softly before looking away. 

"Sometimes I can't even hear myself." He muttered softly. Harry just took a deep breath and looked at Louis. 

"You'll find your voice." He replied quietly. "Um, your dad wants you to text him when you wake up." Harry said with a smile. Louis sighed, pressing his lips together. 

"I can text him to pick me up-" 

"Well, it's 3 am, you can wait until morning. There's no rush." Harry interrupted. Louis blinked sleepily, nodding slowly. 

"Okay." So they just laid on the couch and talked for a little longer before they slowly drifted off to sleep. When they woke up it was 8 am. Harry gave Louis his shirt back and Louis texted his dad that he was heading home. 

When Louis walked into the house his father was in the living room. He strolled in quietly. His father glanced at him, standing up promptly. 

"Good morning." Louis smiled softly. 

"Morning." His father looked him over. 

"Why is your shirt backwards?" Louis turned red then zipped up his sweatshirt. He didn't say anything. A lightbulb went off in his fathers head and he turned to face Louis as he walked into the kitchen. "You and Harry know how to be safe-"

"Oh my god, dad, please, we're not having sex." Louis interrupted feeling completely embarrassed. He opened the cupboard, keeping his back to his dad. 

"Okay, but just in case it were to arise I just want to make sure you'd know to be safe and how to-"

"Dad, I know about safe sex." He turned around and Louis' father had to keep himself from reacting to the granola bar in Louis' hand. 

"But does Harry?" 

"I'm sure he knows all about safe sex, maybe the next time he's over you can ask him." Louis replied sarcastically, making his dad smile. 

"Well maybe I will-"

"Dad, I was kidding. If you do that I will probably literally die of humiliation." 

"I just don't want you to contract an STD, or HIV, or-"

"That's not going to happen-" 

"And how do you know?"

"Because Harry and I are never going to have sex." Louis deadpanned. His father just pressed his lips together and nodded. 

"If you say so." Louis just nodded before brushing passed his dad and leaving the kitchen.


	24. Chapter 24

"Louis, Harry has been knocking on the door for three minutes, are you gonna get it?" Louis' father yelled from the kitchen. With a sigh, Louis stood up from the couch. 

"I can hear it."

"Then why haven't you got it?" 

"Because I'm playing hard to get. If I answer it too quickly I'll come off as eager." Louis replied sarcastically. He stepped up to the front door and opened it up. Harry was smiling down at him enthusiastically, causing butterflies to start up in Louis' stomach. 

"Hi." He greeted. 

"Want to step inside?" 

"I would love to." Louis stepped aside. Harry stepped through the doorframe then looked passed Louis at his father who was walking out of the kitchen, drying his hands with a dish rag. 

"Good afternoon Mr. Tomlinson." He called out. His father smiled and nodded. 

"Good afternoon as well, despite the fact that it's 11:30 at night." He joked. Harry laughed while Louis just rolled his eyes. Louis' father turned and tossed the rag onto the counter before walking closer to the door. "How ya been?" 

"I have been pretty good. The semesters going well, the weather office is amazing. I'm happy. How have you been?" 

"I've been doing pretty well, thanks for asking." He replied with a smile. Louis glanced at his father, then at Harry, then back at his father. 

"Oh hey, my dad wanted to talk to you about something." Harry gave Louis' dad a questionable look and Louis' dad laughed loudly. 

"Um, you do?" 

"No-"

"No, go ahead. My dad has concerns." Louis crossed his arms, giving Harry a smirk. "Go ahead dad." 

"Okay," His dad nodded and Harry was just scared. "How will you two keep yourselves safe when it comes to having sex?" Harry's eyes widened and his mouth dropped open. 

"Oh my god, no, we aren't-we aren't having sex—"

"Yeah, Louis told me that, but I'm just wondering about when the time comes, if it comes, how will you keep yourselves safe?"

"Um, condoms?" Harry said unsurely, flushing red from embarrassment. 

"But you do know those aren't 100% effective at preventing STD's." Harry was at a loss for words. 

"If this is a question as to whether or not I have anything-"

"Do you?" 

"No-"

"Have you been to a doctor to confirm that?" 

"Of course." Louis' father turned to him. 

"Have you?" 

"What?" 

"Have you gotten a check up?" 

"I don't need one-" 

"Just-" His dad paused then glanced at Harry. "Let's talk somewhere else for a moment." His father walked towards the hallway and Louis gave Harry a look that was just a plea for help before following his father into his office. "If you haven't gotten a check up then you need to get one." 

"I don't need one, I'm fine-"

"I just found out that you used to sneak people in your room and have sex. Now I'm not exactly thrilled about that, but we can't change the past and if you haven't had a check up then I want you to get one. Some STD's have symptoms that don't show up for years." 

"I'm not going to the doctor-"

"Yes you are-"

"I am an adult and you can not make me." Louis' father drew in a slow breath then sighed. 

"Do you really want to live with that uncertainty? You could put yourself and Harry at even more risk." Louis rolled his eyes. 

"We can talk more later." Was all he said before pivoting around and leaving. He strolled back out to the foyer. 

"Ready to go?" Harry asked. Louis nodded, grabbing his jacket from the coat rack. He stepped into his shoes then shoved his keys into his pocket. He turned to look at his dad who had also moved back out into the living room. 

"I'll be home later." He nodded. 

"Have fun." And then they were off. They walked down to Harry's car silently. Harry got behind the wheel, Louis got in the passenger seat, and then Harry just turned to Louis. 

"Why'd you let your dad ambush me like that about my sex life?" He asked and Louis just giggled. Harry smiled back then started the car. 

"I thought it was funny, you were so red."

"Well yeah, my boyfriends dad was interrogating me about using condoms and whether or not I have STD's." He replied pulling out on to the road. "Was not expecting that at all." 

"That's my fault, my shirt was backwards and he thought that meant we were having sex." Louis replied flatly making Harry laugh. "So do you have any idea what Rocky Horror Picture Show even is?" Harry shook his head in response. 

"I've heard of it before, but I haven't the slightest clue as to what it is about." 

"Well this will be an adventure for the both of us." Louis said making Harry laugh. The rest of the drive consisted of Harry singing dramatically along to the radio and Louis giggling and rolling his eyes. As Harry was parallel parking along the curb across from the theater Louis could see Ruth and Liam waiting outside. 

"Are you all ready for this?!" Ruth asked in excitement after Louis and Harry had crossed the street. 

"I have no idea what I'm about to walk into." Harry deadpanned as they entered the building, handing the tickets to the ticket taker. 

"Continue forward." They walked forward, a crowd of people in front of them. To the side were some crew members dressed goofily selling prop bags. In front of them were three more members smirking and holding tubes of lipstick. 

"Are you a virgin?" A girl asked Liam with a smirk. He looked at her with wide eyes. 

"What?" 

"Have you been to the show before?" Liam shook his head. 

"Ooh, another virgin!" She exclaimed. He reached up, marking a V on his forehead with the lipstick. Liam just turned over his shoulder, giving his friends a weird look before walking forward. 

"And you?" The girl asked Ruth. 

"Nope, I've been here before." She said proudly then stepped over to Liam. The girl looked at Louis. 

"Um, I-I've never been here." 

"So many virgins tonight." The girl smirked again as she marked the V on his forehead then did the same to Harry a second later. 

"God, what the hell is this mark for." Harry said as they walked through a door into the theater. 

"You'll see." Ruth said with a grin. They walked halfway down the aisle. "Here alright?" She asked. They all half shrugged, half nodded before moving down the row of seats and sitting down. They chatted idly before the show started as a burly older man walked up on stage in front of a large projector screen. Everyone cheered so loudly Louis thought his eardrums were going to explode. And there wasn't even that many people there! 

"Well good evening, good evening, good evening!" He greeted in a booming voice. "How great is it here in good ole Donny?" And the crowd was still cheering. "My, my, my I see a lot of virgins in the crowd. If you actually have been to this show before raise your fucking hand. A wave of hands flew up in the air and cheers only seemed to get even louder. "And if you're a virgin raise your hand." Another wave of hands went in the air, but this time instead of cheering all those who had previously raised their hands booed. 

"Now if there's one thing the veterans here know it's that we like to play a little game with the virgins." The man smirked and Louis felt his palms grow sweaty. "So virgins why don't you all come up on stage. Girls on the left, guys on the right." 

"Oh shit," Harry cursed rolling his eyes and Liam laughed. They both stood up and Louis made a motion, but Ruth put her hand on his wrist. 

"You stay here with me." She said to him as Liam and Harry shimmied out of the aisle and up to the stage. Louis nestled back in his seat, giving her a curious look, but she just watched with a grin as Liam walked up on the stage. 

"Now were gonna play a little game up here and we'll start with the boys." He told the crowd before turning to the guys. "Okay, off with the clothes." Louis' jaw dropped. All the guys on stage just looked at each other in confusion before slowly some started to remove their clothing. 

Suddenly all the guys started stripping out of their clothes and Louis' heart was racing, not because there was a group of guys undressing in front of him and everyone else, but because of the bullet he dodged! He turned to Ruth who glanced at him and grinned. Tears filled his eyes. 

"Did Liam tell you—?" 

"Tell me what?" She asked after he didn't finish his question. She just gave him another smile before turning her attention back up at the stage. Louis sniffled then wiped his eyes, glancing back up at the stage where all he guys were in their underwear. Louis swallowed thickly. "Oof, aren't our boyfriends hot?" She asked turning back to Louis. Louis forced a small smile. 

"You hittin' on my man?" He asked jokingly. 

"Hey, I can think a man is attractive and not be attracted to him." Ruth said smiling. 

"I'll tell Liam that." Louis teased making Ruth laugh. 

"Go right ahead!" She exclaimed. "I'm confident he won't care." 

"Well, we'll test that theory." Louis told her with a smirk. They both turned back to the stage where the guys were all in a line. 

"Okay, tell us your name." The man said holding the mic up to the first guy. 

"Um, I'm Matt." Said the guy. 

"And why don't you show us your favorite sex position." Everyone started laughing and he looked at the man like he was crazy. "You heard me, get on the ground and show us." So Louis watched in horror and Ruth watched in amusement as all the guys openly and willingly displayed their favorite sex positions before a winner was crowned and everyone else left the stage. Then the five of the twenty girls who had actually undressed were to do their best O face, or make an orgasm noise into the mic where another girl was crowned and the others left. 

The one girl and guy who remained on stage were taken back stage while the main guy with the mic explained some rules. Louis wasn't paying attention. He just drew patterns on his thigh with the tip of his finger. 

Soon after the show started. It was basically the movie playing on the giant screen while a cast pantomimed the movie in front of it. And all went pretty well…until half way through it when the cast was only in lingerie basically. 

Louis got up from his seat and moved out into the aisle. He kept his head low as he ran to the back and out of the auditorium. Harry got up quickly afterwards and followed after him. He saw Louis walking towards the bathroom. He ran after him and squeezed between the door before it closed. 

"Lou, what's wrong?" He asked him softly. Louis just kept his back to him, pressing his face into his hands to smother his tears. "Louis." Harry said again. "Can I touch you?" Louis turned around and stepped closer to him. Harry held his arms up, unsure of what to do with them. Louis had his head tilted towards Harry chest. Harry slowly moved his arms around Louis. Once they were settled comfortably around Louis, and Louis didn't turn him away, he tilted his head down and pressed a kiss to the top of Louis' head. 

"Are you okay, sweetheart?" He asked softly. Louis nodded, wiping his eyes with the edge of his hand. He pressed his cheek against Harry's chest then reached his arms up and wrapped them around Harry's neck. He was actually hugging him. They were hugging! 

"I'm fine." Louis finally said. "It's just...triggering to see everyone on stage in just lingerie and all. And all the sexual innuendo. It's too much for me. It makes me uncomfortable." He whispered. 

"What can I do to help you feel better?" Harry asked sweetly. Louis was quiet at first. He didn't even know how to make himself feel better, let alone have any idea as to how Harry could help him feel better. 

"Can we leave?" He asked softly. "I mean, you could just drop me off and come back if you want to stay, or I can just wait out here until it's over. I-"

"Louis, it's okay. We can leave. I'm not exactly enjoying this. It's kind of weird." Harry said with a laugh. Louis forced a smile. 

"Are you sure? Are Liam and Ruth going to be mad?" Harry shook his head. 

"I'll run in and give them a heads up." Louis nodded, stepping back away from Harry and crossing his arms. 

"I can wait by the entrance." Harry smiled, nodding as they strolled out of the bathroom. They parted paths and Louis stood by the door chewing his nails nervously as he watched Harry move back into the auditorium. A moment later he was walking back towards Louis. 

"Do you want me to drive you home or do you want to go over to my place?" He asked as they walked out into the brisk air. Louis hesitated. He had to think. He thought all the way to the car. 

"Can we go to the bench across from the bakery?" He asked softly once in the car. Harry nodded without hesitation. 

"Let's go." He said with a smile. Louis just buckled up then watched the street lights through the window. The drive wasn't too long so before he knew it Harry was parking the car and they were walking towards the bench. They sat down beside each other. 

"My mother and I used to come here every Sunday after church." Louis said softly. He gazed up at the front of the bakery, his heart aching. "It was our time. We'd talk about our perfect worlds. One week I'd talk about being an astronaut, the next I'd talk about being a professional scuba diver." He said with a laugh. "My mother though, her story never changed. She always told me her world was already perfect because all she needed was me and dad. And she had us." He exhaled. Harry just watched him. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to always blubber about my mother." 

"Hey, you don't have to apologize. I'd do the same if I lost someone I loved." Harry replied softly. He reached out slowly then placed his hand reassuringly on Louis' knee. Louis stared down at it for a moment before lifting his hand up and placing it overtop Harry's. 

"What does your perfect world look like?" 

"Being with you." Harry answered without a single hesitation. 

"I'm serious." Louis said softly. 

"You thought I wasn't being serious?" Louis just tried to swallow the lump in his throat, shrugging. Harry drew in a long breath. "My perfect world looks like me working at the weather station, being debt free and having no money problems. It looks like still living here and still being friends with Liam, and Zayn, and Niall, and everyone. And it looks like being with you because...I love you." Louis ignored him. 

"You can't love me." He simple replied. "It'd be nice if we could look into the future, wouldn't it be?" He then said a moment later in a soft tone. Harry managed a small smile, nodding. 

"It would be very nice." He joked quietly. Louis looked at Harry before looking back down at his lap, biting the inside of his cheek. "Are you comfortable with me asking you a question about your eating disorder?" Harry asked him softly. Louis swallowed thickly, his eyes casting down at the pavement. 

"Depends." He answered. "What's your question?"

"I was just wondering, like, what it feels like, like, physically and mentally."

"Mentally I am exhausted, emotionally I am drained, and physically I am dying." Louis deadpanned. "I can't stand up without almost blacking out and I can't walk five feet without getting winded." Louis deadpanned. "I'm tired all the time, I'm cold all the time, I'm walking around in my own personal hell, basically. Everything just...hurts." Harry gazed at him intently. 

"What about mentally?"

"Why do you care?"

"Because I want to understand-"

"You will never understand until you singlehandedly go through exactly what I'm going through. You may think you can understand, you might say that you do, but you don't. And you never will. No matter what you do you won't understand the entirety of the situation. You can understand what's happening, just not why." Louis took his hand away from Harry's, crossing his arms. Harry took a deep breath and removed his hand from Louis' knee. "My dad doesn't even understand. He understands that it's hard for me to eat, but he doesn't understand why it's so hard. He doesn't understand how I can do this to myself." 

"Why do you say that I can't love you?" 

"Because how can you love someone so self destructive?" Louis blinked up at him, surprised by himself that he was actually looking Harry in the face. Harry reached out quickly and took his hand. 

"I don't love you because you're self destructive." He told him firmly. "I love you because I want you to be happy and healthy. I want you to get the help and treatment you need. I also think you are very kind and compassionate, and I really enjoy being with you. You're funny and you're great company and...I just get so happy when I'm with you."

"But how? I'm not happy. I'm not cheerful. I ignore half your texts, I freak out on you about ridiculous things-"

"They're not ridiculous if they upset you to that point-"

"But they are ridiculous!" Louis exclaimed. "And...you know, how can you love someone who doesn't even love them self? I will never be able to love myself."

"Yes, you will-"

"No I won't." Louis snapped. "I don't even think you realize just how much I hate myself."

"It breaks my heart to hear you say something like that."

"The only reason your heart breaks is because you let it." Harry took a deep breath, squeezing Louis' hand. "Or because you let someone else break it. You have the capacity to let nothing and no one break your heart." 

"Sometimes people need a little heartbreak to keep them grounded-"

"And what if that heartbreak never heals?" 

"Then you stop wallowing in whatever broke your heart and take it into your own hands. You can't just sit around waiting for something to fix it." 

"But what if you can't even do that?" 

"Everything heals." 

"Everything does not heal."

"What doesn't heal?"

"Everything. Things can heal over, but they don't heal completely. You just create a barrier over the crack so it will always be hollow underneath and it just makes it easier to break in." Louis grit his teeth together, huffing angrily. 

"Why do you sound like you're mad at me?" Harry asked in a gentle tone. He brushed his thumb against the top of Louis thumb, wanting to reassure him that he was always on his side, that he would always be a safe place for him. 

"I'm not trying to sound that way, I'm just getting mad at myself."

"Why?"

"Because." He huffed. Harry reached over with his other hand and brushed Louis' hair away from his eyes. 

"You know I do love you, right?" Louis closed his eyes, shaking his head softly. "Louis-"

"Look, love is really a made up concept-"

"Oh come on," Harry interrupted. "I know you think I don't or...that I can't, or whatever, but I do. Why do you feel that way?"

"Because I'm not good enough." Louis deadpanned. 

"What? Of course you're good enough-"

"No I'm not." He interrupted. "I'm just...I'm not. I'm really not. Say what you want, but...I'm not good enough. I never was, I never will be." Harry scooted closer. He tilted his head to the side, leaning a bit closer to Louis' whose eyes were shining with tears. Harry kissed his sweetly. 

"You're good enough to me." He whispered.

"You must have some really fucking low standards then." Louis replied with a pathetic little laugh. 

"I know you're struggling right now and that you have a skewed self image, but I believe you're good enough. I really do. And you can think what you want, but I don't want to hear you say it." Louis turned his head, giving Harry a rather patronizing gaze. 

"And you can think you love me all you want, but I don't want to hear you say it." 

"Deal." Harry smiled then held out his hand as if they had just made a deal. Louis cracked a small smile in return then reached out and shook his hand. 

"Deal." He repeated. They both sat back on the bench, gazing up at the bakery building. "It's so weird seeing this place at night. Do you think it's haunted?" 

"Haunted by who?" Harry asked chuckling. "The ghost of bakers past?" 

"You need know." Harry turned to Louis with a sly smirk. 

"Want to go inside?" Louis did a double take, his jaw dropping over. 

"What?" He asked. "We can't go inside. That'd be breaking and entering!" 

"Not if I still have a key." Harry held up the key from his key ring as if it were a trophy he was proudly displaying. "C'mon!" He jumped up from the bench. "It's spontaneous! It's thrilling! Let's live!" He strolled over to the bakery. Louis sat at the bench, watching Harry's back as he unlocked the door then turned over his shoulder to give Louis a triumphant grin. Louis smiled, shaking his head at him. 

"Do go-" The door was closing shut behind Harry's back. "In." Louis finished under his breath. He waited there, twiddling his thumbs and swinging his feet, thinking Harry was just gonna come right out, but no. After ten minutes passed Louis got up and walked to the door. He hesitated opening it, but then did. He stuck his head in. "Harry?" He called out, looking around. "C'mon, it's late." No response. "Harold, I swear to God." Louis stepped inside and looked around. 

He looked around the front of the bakery. He wasn't behind the counter. Louis sighed to himself before moving towards the door that led to the back. 

"Harry, if you jump out and scare me I'm going to fucking strangling the fucking life out of you." Louis warned stepping in. It was much darker than the front of the store. Like, pitch black. Louis was shaking in his shoes. He took a few steps forward, trying to peer around the tables and counters and supplies. "Harold whatever-your-middle-is Styles, get your ass out here right now or I'll just go walk home right now-"

"Boo!" Harry jumped out from behind a counter making Louis gasp and jump. His heart started racing and he broke out into a sweat. 

"Okay, time for you to die." Louis told him making him laugh. 

"Oh c'mon, I'm just teasing you." Louis hit him in the arm. Harry hit him back gently and before they knew it they were just hitting each other back and forth. 

"Stop!" Louis said through his laughter as he stepped back. Harry moved forward after him and Louis moved around the table. 

"My middle name is Edward by the way!" Harry exclaimed chasing after Louis playfully. 

"Well I'm not telling you mine!" Louis yelled back, running around table. 

"Ooh, but I've told you mine!" 

"Too bad!" Harry chased Louis around the table in a playful manner. They were laughing and smiling and Louis wasn't even thinking about the fact that he was running…until his chest was on fire and his heart was pounding so fact he thought he was having a heart attack and his legs couldn't carry him any longer. He collapsed on his knees and fell down on his stomach. 

"Louis?" Harry rushed around the corner then descended to the floor where Louis had turned on his back. 

"I can't breathe." Louis mustered out, gasping hard for breath. 

"No, it's okay, you can. Just take deep breaths. Breathe in to three and out to three." Harry said kneeling down beside him. "Can I hold your hand?" Louis just reached out and grasped Harry's hand, squeezing it tightly. Louis' lungs were on fire, his stomach was twisting into a thousand different knots. 

"If I die will you make sure I get cremated?" Louis asked sarcastically. He somehow managed a small smile and Harry smiled back down at him. 

"Hey, this isn't a laughing matter. Don't make me laugh." He replied. Harry squeezed Louis' hand who was still trying hard to catch his breath. "Are you okay?" 

"I'll be fine." Louis let go of Harry's hand then placed his hands on the top of his head. "I'm used to it." Harry just gazed down at him intently. "I'm just afraid for the day I won't be able to catch my breath." He said making Harry's heart stop. What was he supposed to say to that? Louis was slowly regaining his breath. 

"Do you want to go home?" Louis nodded. Harry held him up to his feet, he almost fell over, then helped him back out to his car. He made sure to lock the bakery again. By the time they got to Louis' house he was fine. Harry gave him a kiss goodbye. 

When Louis walked through the door he noticed his father sitting on the couch. He turned over his shoulder, smiling at Louis before standing up. 

"What are you still doing up?" Louis asked kicking off his shoes and removing his jacket. "Isn't the bedtime for senior citizens, like, 8 o'clock?" 

"I don't think being 37 makes me a senior citizen." He joked. "How was the show?"

"Oh, it was horrible." Louis replied flatly. "They had all the "virgins", or people who had never seen it before, come on stage and they made the guys and girls go on different sides and they all made them undress into their underwear and then the whole entire show was basically the cast in lingerie pantomiming the movie—it was horrible. Harry and I left early." 

"I'm sorry it wasn't enjoyable." His father said softly. Louis shrugged, moving out from the foyer. 

"What are you still doing up?" 

"Wanted to see you get home safely." He answered. He walked over to the stairs. "So I'm glad you got back safely. I'm off to bed since it's way passed my bedtime." He joked. Louis laughed softly. 

"Goodnight, old man." 

"Goodnight, sweet precious ray of sunshine." Louis faked a gag. 

"Oh god, just go to bed." His father just laughed before he was at the top of the stairs and walking down the hall. Louis went into the living room and sat down on the couch, closing his eyes.


	25. Chapter 25

It was almost 3:30 in the morning when Liam returned home to the flat. It was dark. He kicked off his shoes and hung his keys up before he strolled into kitchen. He glanced over in the living room where Harry was sitting on the couch with his laptop. 

"Harry?" Liam questioned. 

"Yeah?" Liam walked into the living room. 

"What are you still doing up?" 

"How was the show?" Harry asked instead. Liam shrugged. 

"It was good. It ended a little after two. Ruth and I went out for some food and drinks afterward." Harry just nodded, his eyes staying glued to his laptop screen. "You're not doing more research, are you?" Liam asked with a sigh. 

"I just want to understand. He keeps saying that I don't understand and I never will and...I want to prove him wrong." 

"Harry, is that really smart? You can't just stay up all night to do this every time he tells you that-" 

"I want to be aware-" 

"You can't be his knight in shining armor, Haz!" Liam suddenly exclaimed, his voice rising to a shout. 

"I'm not trying to do that!" Harry shouted back at him. He glared up at Liam from behind his screen, his teeth grit together tightly. "But I can still help in any way I can-"

"But you can't! He needs help from professionals, not his boyfriend."

"But I can still help him to know that he has options, and that he has people who love him who want him to get better." Harry retorted sternly. Liam crossed his arms, rolling his eyes. 

"Do you love him?" 

"I do." 

"Have you told him that?" Harry nodded. "And what did he say?" Harry swallowed thickly. 

"That I couldn't, that I'm just in love with falling in love. And that love is a made up concept." He answered in a soft voice. 

"Do you really want to be with someone like that?" Harry felt a tear roll down his cheek. He hadn't even realized he had started to tear up. "Do you love him because you want to save him or do you love him because you want to be with him?" 

"I want to be with him." 

"And have you ever asked yourself if you should?" Harry just looked up at Liam tearfully, his face and tears illuminated by the light of his screen. Liam just took a deep breath before turning and walking out of the living room. Harry sat there numbly, his mouth parted open and tears rolling down his cheeks. He closed his laptop, placed it on the coffee table, then got up and went to bed. 

When Louis woke up that morning he felt...numb. He went through his usual routine: lay in bed until noon, get a drink of water from the bathroom, release his blue balloon for his mother at three, then collapse on the couch once he got home. But as soon as he fell on the couch there was a knock on the door. He groaned in annoyance. After hefting himself back up, he went to the door and was greeted by Liam. 

"Hey," He greeted. His hands were in his pockets and he looked rather meek. Louis just looked at him. 

"Can I help you?" 

"I just—I want to know if you have any intention of ever getting treatment for your eating disorder." Louis felt a lump form in his throat. He crossed his arms. 

"Why?" He asked hoarsely. 

"Because if not I don't see why you should stay with Harry. The longer you go without treatment the more likely you are to die from it and if you have no intention of ever getting treatment...well then I don't see the point of stringing Harry along until you inevitably die." Louis swallowed thickly. 

"I'm not stringing him along-" 

"Do you like him?"

"Of course." 

"What do you like about him?" Louis shrugged. 

"He's really kind and compassionate. He actually makes me laugh and feel safe." He answered. 

"But do you make him feel safe?" Liam fired back. "Because, you know, Harry might put up a brave face, but he's actually been struggling too." Liam said. "When you tell him he doesn't understand it makes him feel like shit because he wants to understand, and that's why I find up at 2 in the morning half the time researching stuff about eating disorders." 

"Well what the hell do you want me to do about that?" Louis snapped in annoyance. He wiped his eyes. 

"How about instead of telling him he'll never understand you actually sit down and talk to him about it-"

"You of all people should know that you'll never fully understand it until you just go through it-"

"Of course." Liam interrupted. "But Harry doesn't realize that yet so how about instead of just insisting he doesn't and won't ever understand you just talk to him about it." 

"We've already talked-"

"Then you have to talk more." Liam interrupted again. Louis bit the inside of his cheek. 

"Is that all?" Liam took a deep breath. He shook his head. 

"You either need to accept treatment and help, or break up with Harry until you do. Because while you're letting Harry watch you die everyday you're inevitably going to take him down with you." Louis was silent. He licked his lips. 

"I've told Harry that, he doesn't listen to me." 

"Well actions speak louder than words. And if you still decide to do nothing, I'll convince him to step away from the relationship myself." 

"If your goal was to make me feel like the shittiest scrum of the earth than you've succeeded." Liam gave him a solemn look. He was about to say something else, but Louis slammed the front door then locked it. Later that night Harry received a text, or three, from Louis.  

louis: tell him Liam's he's an askance 

louis: jackasd 

louis: JACKASS 

louis: tel him he's a JACKASS 

harry: are you alright? What did Liam do?

louis: tell me shit I already know goodbye 

harry: goodbye? What did Liam do? Are you alright? 

louis: fucking fantastic bue 

Harry shoved his phone in his pocket then went to the foyer. He grabbed his jacket, grabbed his keys, then put on his shoes before leaving the flat. When he pulled up to the driveway of Louis' house he could see him sitting in the steps leading up to the house. He got out of his car and walked over to the stairs, where Louis was sitting, smoking. 

"Hey there," He teased before taking a seat beside him. Louis just looked at him then blew smoke into the air. 

"I can't feel the left side of my body." Harry turned and gave him a bewildered look before just taking a deep breath, and shaking his head. 

"We can talk about that in a minute. What did Liam do?" He asked him seriously. Louis just shrugged before taking a swig from a vodka bottle. "How much have you drank?" Harry reached out and snatched the half empty bottle from his hand. 

"What do you wanna know first?" Louis snarked back, rolling his eyes. 

"What did Liam do to piss you off?" 

"Oh nothing, just showed up this morning at the door to make me feel like a motherfuckin' piece of shit-"

"About what?" 

"About you." Louis deadpanned. "Apparently he thinks we should break up if I don't want to get treatment for my eating disorder, or at least take a break until I do because he doesn't want me to hurt you." Harry's jaw dropped open at him, his eyes widening. 

"Are you joking?" Louis shook his head. 

"No, he said I was stringing you along and told me that it hurts your feelings when I tell you you won't ever understand what's it's like to have an eating disorder." Harry just closed his mouth, pressing his lips together. "Is that true?" Harry shrugged. 

"I do just want to understand." He said softly. Louis just looked away, sighing in annoyance. 

"Well you should've told me, I never intended to hurt your feelings. If you want to break up then just say it, I already warned you of this." 

"Warned me of what?"

"Ruining your life." Louis snapped. "Because that's what I do. My life just isn't enough, apparently. I have to ruin everyone else's-"

"You're not ruining anyone's life-"

"Speak for yourself then because I'm pretty sure my own father completely resents me because I turned his life into a nonstop shit show-"

"Would you stop being so hard on yourself?" Harry interrupted. "I am sorry that Liam came over here and acted the way he had, he in no way was speaking on behalf of me or what I want—unless you agree and want to take a break-" 

"I don't." Louis immediately cut in making Harry smile. "I figured you did." He brought the cigarette to his lips. 

"Well I don't either. I told you I wasn't going to leave you because of your disorder and I'm not. I'm gonna have to have a talk with Liam, but...I'm sorry he did that and I'm sorry he made you feel so bad." Louis just sighed, smoke blowing into the air. 

"It's whatever." He said nonchalantly. He turned his head up at the cloudy sky and exhaled. 

"So, what did you mean when you said you couldn't feel the left side of your body?" Harry then asked with a chuckle. 

"Just what it sounds like." Louis replied cracking a small smile himself. "I just feel numb." Harry gave him a curious look. Louis looked back at him before laughing. "I'm just fuckin' with you." He wasn't. And Harry knew he wasn't. But he went along with it anyway. Louis grabbed the vodka bottle back and took a swig. "Here, have a sip." He shoved the bottle back into Harry's hands. Harry obliged and took a sip. 

"Are you alright?" 

"Fucking fantastic." Louis replied. He pressed the end of his cigarette against the pavement then picked up the pack of cigs beside him, taking out a new one. He pulled out his lighter and lit it. 

"Well with the sarcasm dripping in your voice how could I not believe you?" Harry replied sarcastically. Louis just sighed. 

"I'm fine, Harry." He said seriously. "I am." Harry just nodded. He took another swig of the vodka. 

"This your vodka?" 

"My dads. He's never touched it so I thought why let it go to waste?" Harry chuckled. 

"Where is he?" 

"Some old friend was in town so he went out to meet up with her." Harry rose his eyebrows up at Louis playfully. 

"Her?" He repeated teasingly. Louis rolled his eyes then elbowed Harry in the arm roughly. 

"Shut the fuck up." He snapped. Harry pressed his lips together, swallowing thickly. 

"I was just kidding-"

"I know." Louis interrupted. He reached out and grabbed the bottle of vodka, taking a large drink. He looked up at the sky. Harry looked up at the sky with him. 

"Looks like it's gonna rain." He remarked. Louis sighed softly. 

"Hope it does." He let out a puff of smoke then took another swig of the vodka. So they talked idly while passing the bottle of vodka back and forth until it was empty and on it's side behind them. Louis' second cigarette had burned out when a drop of rain hit the ground. 

"Rain!" Harry exclaimed tipsily and they both started laughing so hard they were hunched over, holding their stomachs. It started to sprinkle and soon it was raining harder and then it was pouring. There was a soft roar of thunder in the distance. 

Louis climbed up to his feet and ran down the driveway gleefully. Harry got up and hurried after him before they were both just standing in the driveway looking up at the sky, letting the rain hit their faces and wash them clean. They were soaked. 

Louis smiled and lifted up his arms. Soon he was spinning with his arms wide open, letting the rain wash over him. Harry laughed softly, just watching him contently because that was the boy he was so in love with. So fucking in love with. 

"C'mon!" Before Harry even knew it Louis was grabbing Harry's wrists and spinning them around in circles. 

"God, I'm gonna puke!" Harry exclaimed laughing boisterously. He pulled himself away to catch his breath and Louis stopped spinning around. He just stood there laughing while watching Harry. Harry stood up straight and wiped his hair back from his face. He looked down at Louis who was already looking back up at him. 

Louis lunged forward before he was leaning up and kissing Harry. Harry's eyes widened in shock and he was surprised to feel Louis' hands on his face. He closed his eyes and kissed him back. Without even fucking Harry wrapped his arms around Louis' waist to pull him closer against him. Louis backed them up until they hit the garage door. 

They were just making out against the garage door. They were soaking wet, but they were still making out like it was there last time seeing each other. Harry turned them around so that Louis was pressed against the door. He lifted Louis up and Louis wrapped his legs around Harry's waist, crossing his ankles. God, he was light. But Harry wasn't even focusing on that. 

He was focusing on how soft and frail Louis' lips felt against his. They kissed so tenderly. Harry pressed their foreheads together, breathing hard into his mouth when they pulled away for a brief moment. 

When they paused to catch their breaths they looked at each other. Louis looked up at Harry, his arms wrapped around his neck still and his legs still wrapped around his waist as he held him up. He swallowed thickly then gave Harry a hug, tucking his chin over Harry's shoulder. Harry hugged him back tightly, but not tight enough to break him. His arms were wrapped around him snugly. He kissed his temple. 

"Want to go inside?" Louis then whispered in his ear. Harry nodded. 

"Want me to carry you?" He teased, making Louis laugh. He grinned then nodded his head. Harry felt his heart swell with affection as he pulled Louis away from the garage door and carried him over to the door. He kicked open the front door. 

He carried him up the stairs to his room before putting him down. Louis gave him a kiss on the cheek and Harry was pretty sure he started fucking blushing. 

"Um, do you maybe want me to throw your clothes in the dryer? We got kind of soaked." Harry started laughing then nodded. 

"Sure." Louis walked over to his dresser and fumbled to pull it open. Once he got it open, he pulled out a grey jumper and a pair of sweat pants. 

"Here, you can wear these until they're dry." Harry took them with a smile. 

"Thank you." 

"You can change in the bathroom. I'll change in here." Harry nodded, retreating to the door. Louis closed the door behind him. They both changed into dry clothes. Harry waited in Louis' room while Louis was putting their clothes in the dryer. When he returned Harry greeted him with a smile. 

"Thank you, by the way." 

"Ain't no problem." Louis replied, making him laugh. He walked over to his bed and crawled on top of it before flopping down on his back. Harry turned, smiling down at him. He laid beside him. He pulled out his phone from the pocket. 

"Can we take a pic together?" 

"Ew, no. My hair is a wet mess, I look disgusting." Louis sneered. Harry shook his head then just placed his phone on the night stand. 

"I don't think you look disgusting." He said softly. Louis just sighed uneasily then closed his eyes. 

"Can you pull the blanket back?" He asked politely. Harry obliged and helped him pulled the blanket back before they were both snuggled up under it. "Thank you." Louis said yawning. 

"Tired?" Louis nodded. 

"My head hurts." Harry smiled softly before leaning in and pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. 

"There. I've healed you." He joked and they both laughed. Louis smiled at him softly before yawning again. He just moved a bit closer to Harry, no limbs touching, and closed his eyes. Harry just smiled at him fondly. 

"I can feel you staring at me." Louis teased peeking his eyes open. Harry chuckled. 

"Sorry, sorry, I won't stare at you." He teased back. Louis just gave him a condescending smirk before closing his eyes again. Harry closed his eyes. He wasn't sure when he fell asleep, or even if he had, but was suddenly jolted awake when there was a knock on the door. 

"Louis?"

"Yeah?" Louis asked rubbing his eyes. 

"Can I come in?" 

"Um, yeah, sure." He called out. The doorknob turned and his father slowly pushed open the door, sticking his head in. 

"Oh, I just wanted to let you know I was back and was going to ask if that was Harry's car." Louis just nodded. Harry was red. 

"Well, it is." Louis replied, biting his cheek. His father forced a smile, breathing a laugh. 

"Also, have you been drinking?" Louis immediately shook his head. "Then why was there an empty vodka bottle on the front steps next to two cigarettes?" 

"I—do not know." 

"Strange. Maybe it was the neighbor." Louis nodded. 

"Probably." His father gave him a thin smile. 

"Yes, well, goodnight." 

"Night." His father smiled again before stepping back into the hall and closing the door. 

"Well you just saved my ass." Louis said laying back down. Harry laughed. 

"I did?" Louis nodded. 

"Probably gonna get my ass chewed out tomorrow." 

"Sweet dreams." Harry teased. Louis just smiled at him before closing his eyes. They drifted off into a peaceful sleep. In the morning Harry woke Louis to let him know he was leaving. They bid each other a farewell with a kiss before Louis went back to sleep and Harry went to retrieve his clothes from the dryer. 

He left the house in Louis' clothes still, his own clothes balled up in his hands. It was 9 in the morning as he drove back to the flat. When he entered it most of the lights were off. Harry dropped his clothes on the kitchen counter then went to Liam's door, knocking. 

"Um, come in." Harry opened the door and looked at Liam, who was lying in his bed beside Ruth. Liam sat up. 

"Can we talk?"

"Right now?" Harry nodded. "Sure." He got up from the bed and walked to the doorway. Harry moved into the foyer, Liam followed suit. 

"So, why the hell are you sticking your nose in my relationship?" He asked sternly, but calmly. Liam drew in a slow breath, then crossed his arms. 

"Because I think that it's best for the both of you to just step back from each other until he starts to get better. He is obviously not in a good place-"

"But you had no business going to his house and telling him that!" Harry suddenly shouted. "And telling him that if we didn't you'd convince me to break up with him? What the hell? I thought you were my friend-"

"Harry, you're relationship isn't exactly the healthiest-"

"And how so-"

"Because Louis' mentally ill!" He shouted. "What he needs is treatment and to get better, not a relationship!"

"I am not going to leave him because of that!" Harry shouted back. "If Ruth admitted to you that she actually dealt with major depressive disorder would you just break up with her until she got better?" Liam was quiet. "I can't just leave him when I'm one of the only other people he's got." 

"I just don't want to see you crumble with him-"

"I'm not!"

"But you won't know that until you do!" Liam yelled at him. Harry gave him a scornful glare. "I care about you, Harry. That's why I'm worried about you and about how your relationship with Louis is negatively impacting your own mental health-"

"I am fine-"

"For now." Liam deadpanned. "But what about when...what about when he ends up in a hospital? What about when he will still not want to get treatment? He does not want to get treatment-"

"And I don't give a fuck, I'm going to be by his side. Do you really want me to be so shallow as to break up with him because of that? If I can't handle him when he's at his worst, then I don't deserve him when he's at his best." Liam took a deep breath, nodding. 

"I just worry about you, Harry." He replied softly. "Take care of yourself too, okay?" He asked. "I...am sorry for butting in where I should not have. I will apologize to Louis as well." Harry exhaled. He nodded slowly. 

"Thank you, I'd appreciate that." Liam just nodded back. 

"Are those his clothes?" He then asked snickering. "You look like the hulk." Harry grinned, waving him off. 

"Our clothes were soaking wet from the rain last night." He explained. Liam just chuckled, uncrossing his arms. 

"Well, nice." Harry laughed softly. 

"I'll let you get back to the missus." He then teased. 

"Why thank you." They both laughed together before parting paths. Liam went back to his room and Harry went to the living room, falling asleep.


	26. Chapter 26

A month had passed and it was March. Yes, it was March. They had made it all the way to March. Sure, there were some hiccups here and there, as with any other regular relationship, but things were good. As good as they could be, to say the least. Harry was thrilled to be close to the end of the semester, Louis was thrilled to have not gained any weight since February, and Louis' dad was thrilled about nothing. 

In fact, he was the opposite of thrilled. He was melancholy because Louis was only getting sicker and sicker by the day, yet they were still fighting that constant battle about getting treatment. That was a battle he was used to, but never would he see the day where he'd raise the white flag. 

It was a Saturday afternoon and Louis and Harry were both laying together in Louis' bed. It was drizzling outside which constituted has nap weather to Louis. The blinds were open and the lights were out. 

"Do you wear a beanie to sleep at night?" Harry teased softly. "Because I literally haven't seen you without one since, like, the beginning of February." Louis grinned slowly. 

"I do, I gotta keep my head warm at night." He joked making Harry laugh. He reached out, touching his cheek softly. Louis just smiled at him before laughing softy. Harry grinned at him, bringing his hand back. 

"You look sleepy." Louis just smiled lazily, nodding his head slowly. But he was always tired. And always run down. And always fatigued. What was new? Harry let out a soft laugh. He nestled against the pillow. Louis' head was killing him, though. 

"My head hurts." He said frowning. Harry pouted at him, breathing out a soft laugh.

"Aw, my poor baby." He teased lightly. Louis cracked a small smile then nudged Harry in the shoulder. 

"Shut up." He replied with quietly. "Let's sleep." He then said pulling the blanket up to their shoulders. Harry watched him fondly as he cuddled against his pillow then closed his eyes. Harry settled down himself, but he didn't want to close his eyes, he just wanted to watch Louis sleep, which might sound creepy, but Louis just looked so cute and precious. Harry just wanted to protect him. 

When they both woke up (Harry fell asleep too), it was late in the afternoon. It was 5:28. Harry had been awake for a few minutes before Louis woke up so Harry got to watch Louis' eyes flutter open slowly. He turned over on his back, stretching his arms.

"Where am I?" He asked sleepily, making Harry laugh. 

"You're in your bedroom." He told him. Louis just collapsed on his back and let his arms fall on his stomach. His eyes were closed. 

"What time is it?"

"Around 5:30." Harry answered. "Wanna head back over my place in a few? Have that movie nigh we've been talking about?" Louis didn't say anything, he just nodded. Harry smiled to himself, sitting up. 

"My head still hurts." Louis whined sitting up. 

"We could just do it another time-"

"No, it's fine. It'll pass." Harry stood up and gathered up his shoes, putting them on. Louis stood up slowly, but then fell immediately back down on the edge of the bed, as everything was spinning and fading from color to grey it felt. Harry didn't notice. He had his back to Louis because he was still putting on his damn shoes. Louis managed to stand up a moment later and then he and Harry walked down to the foyer. Louis put on his own shoes, grabbed his coat and keys, and then they were off. "What clouds are in the sky today?" Harry smiled.

"Our cloud, nimbostratus." He answered happily, making Louis smile.

"And the clouds you were babbling about when you first asked me out." He teased softly, making Harry blush as they pulled out of the driveway. 

"Well I can't help that I was nervous to ask you out." Harry retorted playfully. Louis just laughed then leaned against the window, watching the street lights as they passed them. Harry turned up the radio and just as usual he sang along loudly to all the songs. Louis wanted to ask him to stop because the pressure in his head only seemed to be increasing, but he just didn't have the heart to do it.

"Do you have Aleve?" Louis asked instead the second they got out of the car. Harry nodded.

"Of course, I can get you some once we get upstairs." Louis just followed him up to the door and waited as he unlocked it. Once they were in the foyer, Louis paused before the stairs. He hated these blasted stairs. Why couldn't they also have a fucking elevator? Louis just felt bad because now every time he and Harry walked up the stairs together Harry walked extra slow with him since he knew Louis couldn't just ascend the stairs like normal. 

They started walking up the stairs, Harry in front and Louis behind him. Harry was walking a bit fast though and Louis wanted to keep up, so he tried to match his pace. He couldn't. They were at the last stretch of stairs. Harry walked up with a breeze, but Louis was having sharp chest pains and he felt like he was about to cry. Harry was standing in front of the door, unlocking it, and Louis had finally made it to the top of the stairs, where he paused to catch his breath. Harry glanced over at him and smiled reassuringly, but within the next moment Louis' eyes were fluttering shut and he collapsed to the floor.

It all seemed to happen in slow motion. Louis dropped to the ground unconscious, but he didn't just fall to the ground. He fell down backwards down the stairs before crashing into the wall below the window. Harry's jaw dropped in shock and panic as Louis lay unconscious, curled up against the wall. But then he also started convulsing and Harry had no fucking clue what was happening. 

"Oh my God, Louis." Harry started stumbling down the stairs before he paused and ran back to the flat. "Liam, call an ambulance!" He shouted before stumbling down the stairs where Louis lay convulsing. He got down on his knees and laid Louis on his back. Liam came sprinting out of the flat. 

"What's going on?" He gawked down at Louis and Harry. "Okay, I'm calling. Turn him on his side, I think he's having a seizure." Liam whipped out his phone and dialed 911. Harry had Louis' head in his lap then tried to turn him on his side. It was easy. He was light. He felt tears brim him eyes. He was terrified. He could hear Liam talking on the phone frantically, but he couldn't comprehend what he was saying. He was too busy watching Louis. The terror in his heart was profound. After Liam hung up the phone, he went down the stairs beside Harry.

"What happened?"

"I-I don't know, we came up the stairs and he was standing there, then he just dropped and fell down the stairs and started convulsing." Tears rolled down his cheeks.

"Hey, it's okay. It's okay, I think he's just having a seizure, it should end in a minute. That's how long they usually last."

"And if it doesn't end?" Harry asked. Liam just looked at him solemnly before looking down at Louis. 

"Then the paramedics will know what to do." Harry brought his hands up to cover his face. So they sat there on the landing between the third and second floor watching Louis convulse and Harry was just praying for the moment stopped. It was at least four minutes until the convulsions slowly stopped, but Louis was still unconscious. He lay limp in Harry's lap. "Can you check to see if he's breathing?" Harry just swallowed thickly. He leaned over him and pressed his ear to Louis' chest before just sitting up. 

"I can't, I can't. You do it." He said shaking his head. He wiped his eyes and Liam pressed two fingers to Louis' limp wrist. Harry watched his face for a reaction, but it didn't change. Liam dropped his wrist and pressed two fingers to his neck. 

"I don't think he's breathing-"

"What do you mean you don't think he's breathing?" Harry exclaimed frantically.

"I mean he's not breathing! Give it a few seconds!" Liam yelled back in frustration. He kept his fingers pressed to Louis' neck. Harry was sure he was about to pass out any moment. He heard the entrance door open then propped his head up to look out the window. He could see the ambulance. 

"It's here! The ambulance is here!" He exclaimed. The heavy footsteps of the EMT's rushing up the stairs with a gurney was very unsettling. Liam stood up and Harry slowly lowered Louis' head to the floor. "He's not breathing, we don't think he's breathing." Harry said urgently. 

"Sir, I'm gonna have to have you move out of the way." Liam and Harry moved up on the steps and just watched helplessly as the EMT's lifted Louis up on the gurney, strap him in, then proceed to bring him back down to the ambulance outside. Liam and Harry both marched down after them and just watched more as Louis was loaded into the ambulance, then as the doors closed and the ambulance sped off. 

"What the hell?" Harry exclaimed angrily. He ran to his car. 

"Harry!" Liam ran after him before jumping into the passenger seat. Harry was already speeding off before Liam could eve buckle up. "Well, I'm pretty sure our flat door is wide open-"

"I do not give a fuck about that right now." Harry snapped, speeding down the street. 

"Well do you want a fucking speeding ticket? Slow down. Getting there quicker isn't going to help anything."

"But at least we'll be there. I have to know he's okay." Harry argued. Liam just rolled his eyes and sat back with his arms crossed. When they arrived at the hospital it took them ten minutes to find a spot and then once the car was in park Harry was sprinting into the hospital. He ran up to the desk. 

"Hi, can I help you?" A lady asked politely.

"Um, yes. Can you tell me if Louis Tomlinson is alright? He was brought here in an ambulance. He had a seizure and he wasn't breathing and I just have to know if he's okay. Is he alright?"

"Give me a moment." The nurse picked up the phone beside her computer. Harry placed a hand on the counter then tried to catch his breath from running. Liam strolled in a minute later and walked up to Harry. 

"Is he alright?" 

"This lady is finding out." Harry replied quietly. Harry tapped his foot impatiently. 

"He's been revived and is awake." Harry thought he was going to collapse with relief. Tears welled in his eyes. 

"Oh thank God." He whispered closing his eyes. "Oh shit, his dad. I-"

"He's already been contacted." The lady said softly. Harry just looked at her. 

"Can I see him?" The lady shook her head. 

"They're running some tests right now. Someone will probably come out to ask you some questions. Once they're done running tests you should be able to see him." Harry nodded numbly. "You can wait in the waiting room on the second floor if you'd like."

"Thank you." Without any hesitation Harry turned and walked down the hall where the stairs were pointed to be. Liam followed him. 

"You know he's not actually okay-"

"If he is awake and breathing then he is okay." Harry snapped angrily. "For now. Can't you just be happy about that?" Harry stomped up the stairs. Liam followed again slowly, unsure of what to say or do. Should he even stay there? 

So they waited in the waiting area. As said, a nurse came out and asked him a few questions which he did not know the answers to because everything had just turned into a big blur. He waited for hours it felt. Well, it was. Three at the very least. Liam had left, Ruth picked him up. He told Harry to text him about what caused it and if Louis actually was alright. 

And then the glorious moment came where a nurse came out and told him he could see Louis. He was escorted to the room. The nurse left afterwards. The door was closed when he approached it. Should he knock? He should knock. 

Harry opened the door and stepped into the doorway, pausing before walking any further. Louis looked over at him somberly. He just inhaled slowly then exhaled. 

Louis practically blended in with the white walls and sheets covering his frail body. The reality of the situation hit Harry. Louis was lying on the bed dressed in a very pale blue hospital gown, a blue sling on his left arm. A white sheet was pulled up over his lap and a white hospital band hung loosely around his tiny wrist. 

His skin was so very pale, and his sunken eyes and thinning hair no longer held the same sheen they once did. His cheeks were hollow and his collar bones dangerously prominent. He wasn't dead, he only looked that way. 

Louis gave him a solemn smile. Harry smiled back because despite his sickly appearance he was still the beautiful boy Harry had fallen in love with. Harry walked over and sat down in the chair placed at his bedside. His eyes were already shining and Louis just watched him before forcing a weak laugh. 

"Please don't cry on me, too." He said softly. "Got enough tears from my dad." Harry smiled weakly. 

"I won't." He whispered, but his tears were already falling and he couldn't help it. He pressed his lips together tightly then cleared his throat to stop himself from making any ugly crying noises. "I thought we lost you." He admitted wiping his eyes. 

"I'm still here, Harold." Harry forced another smile, laughing. 

"Any damage from the fall?" Louis sighed then nodded. 

"I have...four broken ribs, a fracture in my ankle, and a broken collar bone." He answered somberly. "Life is good." Harry smiled at him. 

"Well with an attitude like that how could it not be." Harry leaned over and kissed his cheek softly. "What caused the seizure?" He then asked apprehensively. Louis drew in a slow breath, like he didn't want to answer. 

"The doctor thinks it was due to a lesion in my brain caused by longterm malnutrition and lack of oxygen carrying cells to my brain." And God, Harry's eyes were already watering with tears again. Louis just looked down at his lap. "My dads not happy with me." 

"I'm sure it's not you, it's probably the situation." Harry said softly. He rubbed his eyes so he could smother the tears before they even began falling. Louis just exhaled. "How long are you gonna have to be in here?" 

"I'm not sure, at least a few days." Harry just reached out and took Louis' fragile hand in his, holding it gently. 

"You're not wearing your beanie." He remarked with a small smile. Louis just looked at him, nodding sadly. 

"You know, my hairs been falling out in clumps." Louis admitted softly. "That's why I've been wearing a beanie all the time." Harry suddenly felt very grim about the situation. 

"Maybe this is your sign to get help-"

"Please don't talk to me about treatment right now." Louis said softly. "My das was already yelling at me about it. I don't need to hear it from you too." Harry just nodded. He sighed. 

"Where is your dad?" 

"Ran back to the house for some stuff." Harry nodded again. Louis glanced at him. "Could you do something for me?" 

"Of course, what is it?" 

"Do you think you could release the blue balloon at the bench tomorrow for me?" Louis asked softly. "Just until I get home? I can't leave here." 

"I'll do it." Louis smiled. 

"Thank you. I can give you my house key to get in." 

"Sounds good." Louis smiled at him before taking a deep breath. He rubbed his thumb against the back of Harry's hand. 

"What happened?" 

"Well, you passed out and fell down the stairs. Then you started convulsing so Liam called the cops and we waited with you. When you stopped convulsing Liam checked your pulse and you weren't breathing. Then the ambulance arrived and you were rushed off." Louis just stared at him. 

"Yeah, they told me I had to be revived." Harry just inhaled slowly. 

"I'm really glad you're alright. As alright as you can be, at least." Louis chuckled. 

"Thank you." Harry smiled. "Sorry if I scared ya." 

"It's understandable." He teased. They both laughed. Harry looked at him with a solemn smile. 

"Can I give you a kiss?" Louis nodded, a small, timid smile gracing his lips. Harry sat up from his chair and leaned over, giving Louis a short, sweet kiss before sitting back down. "I love you." He whispered under his breath. He wasn't sure if Louis simply didn't hear him or chose not acknowledge him. Maybe that hurt him a little bit, but not as much as Louis was hurting.

A moment later Louis' dad entered the room again. He glanced at Harry then nodded in acknowledgment. 

"Oh, hello Harry." He greeted. Harry just smiled softly, sitting back in the chair. "How are you feeling?" Louis just shrugged with his one good shoulder. 

"Kind of shitty, but what's new?" He joked light heartedly, but his father wasn't amused. 

"Here's your beanie." He handed it to him and Louis then proceeded to put it on with one hand. Harry watched him fondly. "And your phone charger, journal, and a pen." 

"You keep a journal?" Harry asked curiously. Louis just nodded. 

"Yep." He replied flatly. His father took a deep breath before pulling over another chair and sitting down. Louis just sighed and laid his head against the pillow, closing his eyes. Harry sat back in the chair, crossing his legs and arms. 

"Any idea on how long he's going to have to be in here?" Harry asked and Louis' father shrugged. 

"There's no definite answer, a few days at least." He answered disconsolately. Harry felt his heart sink. He rubbed his eyes then glanced at his watch. 

"You can go home." Louis then said to him. "I'll still be here in the morning, I'm not going anywhere." Harry forced a soft laugh, but then shook his head. 

"I think I'll stay here with you for a little bit." He answered. 

"Okay, you can watch me sleep." Louis joked and they both laughed, making Louis' father smile. 

"I can't imagine doing anything more fun." Harry teased back. Louis just smiled weakly before closing his eyes. He took a deep breath. Harry just watched him with a fond little gleam in his eye then glanced at his father who was also watching him with a sad glint in his eye. 

And after Louis did fall asleep Harry still remained. He just sat there silently, wondering how serious this actually was for him and if he would ever actually leave the hospital. Maybe this was the eye opener Louis needed. Or maybe it wasn't and nothing would change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im supposed to be studying for finals but oh well


	27. Chapter 27

"So what happened?" 

"He had a seizure." Harry answered softly. Zayn frowned at him, huffing. Harry had gone down to the bakery and released the blue balloon like he had promised Louis he'd do. He still felt saddened. Zayn, who had been working, went out and sat with him. 

"What caused it?" 

"I don't know, brain lesions caused by long term malnutrition and lack of oxygen to the brain because he fucking starves himself and doesn't see how negatively it's impacting him. He still thinks everything is alright, but it isn't. Why can't he just fucking see that this is killing him and want to get better?" Tears rolled down his cheeks before he just covered his hands over his face. Zayn just sat there awkwardly, unsure of what to do or say. He hated it when people cried around him. 

"Um, it's okay." He said softly. "I mean, it's not okay. I just—I don't know how to comfort you." He admitted with a soft laugh. Harry just rubbed his eyes then pressed his elbows into his thighs, hunching over his knees. "He'll be fine. I mean, hopefully. I don't know how bad he is." Harry just turned his head towards him. "I'm sorry, I'm bad at trying to emotionally support people." Harry just sighed then sat up, rubbing his eyes again. 

"It's okay. I know you hate it when people cry in front of you." Zayn lifted his hand up then just held it there in the arm before slowly reaching it out and placing it on Harry's back. Harry looked over at him, chucking softly. Zayn just rubbed his back a few times, laughing too. 

"Maybe I can come visit him with you later." 

"Yeah, I'm sure he'd like to see you." Harry replied. Zayn brought his hand back to his lap. He smiled softly. 

"Just text me." 

"Will do." Harry sat up and turned his head up at the sky. "Well, I'm probably gonna go stop by and see him now." He stated standing up prompting Zayn to stumble up to his feet. 

"And that's my cue to get back to work." He joked laughing. "I'll see you later. Let me know if you're still at the hospital when I get off." 

"I will." Harry said with a smile before they parted paths. Harry went to his car and drove over to the hospital, where he signed in them headed up to Louis' room. When he walked in Louis brightened right up. 

"Hey Harold." He teased. The room was empty. The TV in the corner was playing something, bug the sound was off and he didn't recognize it. Harry smiled at him before sitting down. 

"Hey, how are you doing?"

"Alright. Tired. You?"

"Alright. Tired." He teased making Louis smile. 

"What kind of clouds were in the sky today?" Harry grinned, sighing contently. 

"Well, considering it is still so gloomy I only saw nimbostratus." He explained. "But it was still pretty exciting because that's our cloud." 

"It's rooting for us, that's why it's been around for so long." Louis joked and Harry laughed. Louis' face was hurting from smiling. Harry just gazed back at him fondly before watching him sigh and look down. "I have to tell you something." 

"Is everything alright?" Louis nodded. 

"Um, the doctors ran some tests and...and it turns out I have heart disease caused by abnormal heartbeats and weak heart muscle." Harry just looked at him, trying not to let his eyes water with tears, but failing terribly at doing so. 

"Well that doesn't sound good." He tried to say, but his throat was so tight it hurt and his voice was only a raspy whisper. He cleared his throat then wiped his eyes. 

"It'll be okay. They're starting me on a medication to help." Louis reassured. 

"Is there any chance that it won't work?" Louis just gave him an unsure look and shrugged. 

"I don't know. We'll just have to see how it goes." Harry just nodded slowly. He wasn't very reassured by all that. He wanted to scream. 

"How much longer do you have to be in here?" 

"A few days to monitor me. I don't know why, I'm fine-"

"You're obviously not fine, Louis. Don't say that." Louis pressed his lips together, giving Harry a big eyed look. "Do you not see what this disorder is doing to you?" 

"It's not-"

"It's not helping you. It's killing you-"

"I'll be fine." 

"No, you fucking won't." Harry interrupted again, trying not to raise his voice. "You already look fucking dead, Louis. You're eyes are dull, your skin is practically white, you already told me you're losing your hair." Louis' eyes were shining in the lights. 

"Then why the fucking hell do you even like me?" He whispered hoarsely. 

"Because you're nice, and funny, and I enjoy being with you, but I hate seeing you do this to yourself!" He exclaimed. "It's not all about looks. I don't just like you for the way you look-"

"Obviously." 

"I still think you're beautiful-"

"Don't tell me I'm beautiful when I'm obviously not."

"Don't just assume I'm talking about your appearance when I say that. I think you're a very beautiful person. You have a beautiful mind-"

"A mind can't be beautiful."

"Are you kidding me? Anything can be beautiful!"

"Fat people can't be beautiful." Louis retorted harshly, staring down at his lap. Harry gawked at him. 

"The correlation between beauty and size doesn't exist. People think space is beautiful and space is infinite. Other people think flowers are beautiful and flowers aren't infinite."

"Well then I want to be a flower." Louis replied curtly. 

"Why be a flower when you can be a whole bouquet?" Harry retorted and Louis just rolled his eyes. 

"Can we just stop talking about this? Nothing you say is going to sway my mind." Harry just bit the inside of his cheek, sitting back. 

"Okay then." He crossed his arms and zipped his lips. Louis just glanced at him before rolling his eyes, sighing. "How's your dad doing with all this?" Harry asked a moment later. 

"Oh, fantastic. You should've heard him when the doctor told us the diagnosis and all." Louis muttered bitterly. 

"I assume he wasn't too happy." Louis scoffed a laugh. 

"Yeah, I think his yelling gave that away." He said keeping his eyes away from Harry. "He literally hasn't talked since I got in here. All he does is yell at me now."

"I'm sure it's just displacement and that his heart is in the right place. He cares a lot about you." Harry said sitting towards the edge of his chair again. Louis finally glanced at him. 

"It's okay, I know he hates me." He said softly. 

"He doesn't hate you." 

"I know he does." 

"That's just a cognitive distortion. He does not hate you, Louis." Harry told him sternly. Louis just rolled his eyes, not saying anything. Harry drew in a slow breath, holding it in. "Zayn might stop by later." He rubbed the back of his neck. 

"Why?"

"To see how you're doing? Say hi?" Harry said with a shrug before chuckling. Louis forced a small smile. "How are your ribs doing? And your ankle? And shoulder?" Harry asked making Louis chuckle. 

"Fine, I'm glad painkillers exist." He joked. Harry smiled. Louis smiled back at him. "Maybe I can bring some morphine home with me." Harry laughed softly. 

"Oh yeah, I'm sure they'll give you some." Louis chuckled. 

"Maybe if I just ask kindly enough." 

"Probably." Louis smiled weakly before exhaling and closing his eyes. 

"I'm exhausted." 

"Have you been able to sleep well?" Louis scoffed. 

"I have to sleep like this. I can't turn on my side or even move hardly." He said. "I haven't been getting much sleep." 

"Aw, I'm sorry about that." Louis smiled softly. 

"It's alright." 

"Well listen, I have to stop by my mothers to pick up some things, but I'll be back later, okay?" 

"Okay." Louis said watching Harry as he stood up. Harry bent down and pressed a soft kiss to Louis' forehead. 

"I—" Harry was about to say he loved him, but caught himself. He wished he didn't have to, but he already promised Louis he wouldn't say it. "I'll see you later." Louis smiled, nodding. Harry grinned back at him gleefully before turning and leaving the room. He was strolling down the hallway when he recognized Louis' dad walking his way. 

"Oh hey, Harry. How are you doing?" He greeted causing them both to stop in the middle of the empty hallway. 

"I'm doing well, and you?" 

"I'm doing alright." He answered truthfully. "Been quite stressful recently-"

"I can only imagine. How are you holding up? Is there anything I can do to help make things easier?" Harry asked softly. Louis' father thought for a moment before shaking his head. 

"I appreciate your thoughtfulness, but I can't think of anything. There's not much to even do." 

"What's gonna happen with him having heart disease?" 

"Well," He shrugged. "He's been started on a medication and once he's released from the hospital he's going to have to stop smoking and the doctor suggested eating healthier and exercising to maintain a healthy weight, but—but he's so underweight that they want to put him on intravenous fluids of vitamins and medicines and lasix and then transfer him to a more intense treatment center once he's strong enough." 

"Strong enough? How bad is he really?" Harry asked frantically. 

"He weighs 68 pounds." Harry's jaw dropped. "He's got fucking heart disease, he's losing control of his bodily functions-"

"What functions?" Harry interrupted. His father hesitated. 

"He probably doesn't want me telling you this, but apparently the day before he had his seizure he had been brushing his teeth and he peed himself." 

"He-He's going to be okay, though, right?" He watched as tears began to glisten in Louis' father's eyes. He just went back and forth from shaking his head and shrugging his shoulders. 

"I-I really hope so, but I honesty don't know." Harry felt his throat tighten, as well as his chest. It was quiet between them. 

"He doesn't actually weigh 68 pounds, does he?" Harry asked softly. 

"He does." Harry bit the inside of his cheek, nodding slightly as he rubbed his eyes. 

"Okay." He replied. "Well, I'm leaving now to pick up some things from my mum, but I'll be back afterwards." 

"Sounds good, I know he enjoys having you around. Probably a lot more than having me around." He joked light heartedly. "Guess I'll see you later, then." 

"See you." They parted paths. Harry got out to his car and drove over to his mothers house where he let himself right in. "Oh mother dearest!" He called out with a smile. He kicked off his shoes and watched as his mother strolled down the stairs. 

"You know I don't like you calling me that." She said with a smile. 

"No more wire hangers!" He exclaimed in a loud, burly voice making his mother laugh. 

"How are you doing?" She asked walking from the foyer into the kitchen and dining room. 

"Alright I guess." He answered following after her. 

"And how are you and Louis doing?" Harry just gave her a small, meek smile then shrugged. 

"Alright." He said. "He's actually in the hospital because he had a seizure and, um, apparently he's been diagnosed with heart disease." 

"Oh my." She gasped softly. "Well, is he going to be alright? Is there anything I can do to help? How's his father doing?"

"Um, his father's doing alright and we're hoping he'll be fine, but...but that's not a certainty." Anne frowned at him. 

"Is there anything I can do for you?" She asked softly. Harry shook his head. 

"Just pray for Louis, maybe. I don't know. I just want him to be okay." Harry said standing in front of the kitchen counter. 

"Well I'll do that." She said before smiling. "Well, here's the package from Aunt Sue and Uncle Dick." She added pushing the box across the counter in front of him. 

"Thanks." Harry said glancing down at it before picking it up. "Want to have dinner next weekend?" He then asked. 

"Sure, I'd love that." She grinned. Harry smiled. 

"Good, I'd stay longer, but I'm gonna go see Louis in the hospital." 

"Tell him I hope he's doing well and will be keeping him in my thoughts." Harry smiled, shoving the box under his arm. 

"I will. Thanks mum." 

"No problem, see you next weekend." She teased making Harry chuckle as they walked towards the door. 

"Love you." He said putting his shoes back on then opening the door. 

"I love you too." He stepped on to the porch and strolled back down to his car where he tossed the box into the passenger seat then went right back to the hospital. He went back up to the room where Louis' father was sitting at Louis' bedside reading a book and Louis was asleep. 

Harry sat on the other side and then checked his phone. The clock ticked on. Louis woke up at 6:39 and Zayn had stopped by for a little bit before leaving. Harry and Louis talked and laughed. At 7:30 Harry stopped by the cafeteria to get a bit to eat before he went back up to Louis' room. When it was 10:46 Harry was lying beside Louis on the hospital bed. Louis' father was sitting in a corner, reading still. 

"Aren't you getting bored spending so much time here?" Louis asked him softly, his head laying gently on Harry's shoulder. 

"Are you kidding? I love being here with you." Harry replied with a smile. Louis smiled softly as well before yawning. Louis extended his pinky out until it brushed against Harry's hand. He slipped his hand in his and linked their fingers together gently. He nestled his head against Harry's shoulder. 

"Tell me a bedtime story." Harry glanced down at him, smiling. 

"A bedtime story?" Louis nodded. 

"Yes." He closed his eyes. "Please." Harry laughed softly, clearing his throat. 

"Hm, let's see. What do you want it to be about?" 

"Surprise me.

"Okay then." Harry took a deep breath. "Once upon a time," He started making Louis giggle. He pulled his blanket up to his chest and nestled his head comfortably against Harry's shoulder again. "Once upon a time...," Harry repeated trailing off. "Okay, I got it. Once upon a time there was a little boy named Marbell," He started. "He wasn't like all the other little boys and girls in the town, he was different. He lived on a cloud." Louis giggled again making Harry break character and laugh as well. "Yes, a cloud. He lived on a cloud by himself and he spent his days gazing down on the town, watching all the other little boys and girls play in the park and school yard. That made Marbell sad. He wanted to be able to play with the other kids and frolic in the grass and learn things in school, but he lived on a cloud so what was he to do?

"One day he was gazing down at the town, watching the kids play and have fun when he began to tear up. A tear dropped off his cheek and fell to the ground below. It hit another boy in the face. The boy was confused. It was a bright sunny day, was that a raindrop he had just felt?"

"And how high up is this cloud exactly?" Louis interrupted softly and Harry shrugged. 

"It doesn't matter, it's a made up story. Now hush! You're supposed to be closing your eyes and trying to sleep." Harry scolded in a light tone and Louis smiled, sighing. He closed his eyes again even though he would've much rather watched Harry. But just listening to his voice was mesmerizing. "So the boy looked up at the sky in confusion and Marbell quickly moved away so he couldn't see him, but the boy caught a glimpse of him. And he was shocked! There he was, a boy sitting up on a cloud but the second he saw him he disappeared.

"Marbell was scared. Had the boy seen him? He wasn't even sure if people could see him! He refrained from peering over the edge of his cloud in fear of someone seeing him, or seeing the same boy again. A few days later, Marbell was just sitting up on his cloud feeling melancholy.

"His days were usually uneventful, but then suddenly a little blue balloon floated up to his cloud with a little notecard attached to the end of the ribbon. Marbell moved over and grabbed the balloon. He looked at the notecard and all it said was, "Hi." Marbell was a little confused. Who was this note from and how did they know he was up there? He was intrigued, though, so he turned the notecard over and pulled out a pen because this is a fictional story and random items magically appear when they're needed and wrote a response back. He wrote, "Hi."

"He reached over the edge of his cloud and dropped the balloon so that it slowly descended back to the ground below. Marbell wanted to peek over to see who would grab the balloon, but he didn't want to scare off whoever that would be. So he just sat back until the balloon returned with a new notecard. "What is your name?" The notecard read and Marbell couldn't help but smile. He whipped out his pen and wrote, "Marbell. What's yours?" Then dropped the balloon over the edge again.

"He was kind of impatient for the ballon to come up again. He wanted to know who he was talking too. He wanted to know everything about them." Louis smiled and opened his eyes to peek at Harry. Harry was grinning ear to ear. "And as anticipated as it was, a few minutes later the balloon floated back up. Marbell grabbed the card curiously. The card read, "My name is Sommer." Marbell was confused. Was Sommer a boy or a girl? It sounded like a girls name, but the handwriting was rougher to resemble a guy's writing." Harry laughed softly at his own expense. 

"So in reply he wrote, "Are you a girl or a boy? I am a boy." Just in case Sommer was confused too. He dropped the balloon over the edge of his cloud again then waited in anticipation for its next arrival. The balloon floated up a few minutes later much to his excitement. The card read, "I am a boy. It's nice to meet you." Marbell smiled. Quickly, he scribbled down a response asking Sommer how he knew Marbell was up there on his cloud." 

"When the balloon returned he grabbed it eagerly and read the response. "I felt your tear the other day and saw you sitting up there. I wanted to know who you were." Marbell smiled. He picked up his pen to write his response. He wrote, "Well now you know," With a little smiley face behind it then dropped the balloon. He wanted the balloon to return with another notecard, but Marbell couldn't think of anything Sommer would have to respond with. He was beginning to feel a little melancholy again." Louis' eyelids were getting heavier and heavier. When he opened his eyes it was hard to keep them open, so he kept them closed.

"The balloon didn't return that day, but the next day a purple balloon floated up. "Tell me about yourself," was written on the card this time. Marbell responded with, "Well, my name is Marbell and I want to live on the ground. Tell me about you." He dropped the balloon over the edge and waited." Harry paused for a second and looked at Louis. His eyes were closed and his breathing was even. Harry lowered his voice to a soft whisper. 

"When the balloon returned Marbell reached for the card eagerly. It read, "Well I'm Sommer and I want to live in the clouds." Marbell smiled to himself. He grabbed his pen with a plan in mind. "Will you do something for me?" He wrote. When the balloon returned he lifted up the notecard. "What?" Was Sommer's response.

"Marbell smiled again," Harry continued softly. "He lifted up his pen and wrote down on the back of the card, "Will you be my friend?" Then dropped the balloon. Sommer's response returned quickly with a "Yes," and a smiley face. Marbell smiled again." Harry paused again to watch Louis. It seemed like he was asleep and damn, did he look cute. He wasn't finished with his story yet, though.

"So for the next few weeks Marbell and Sommer exchanged messages via a colored balloon and grew closer and closer despite not knowing each other in real life or even what each other looked liked. They were completely blind to each other's appearances.

"More weeks passed and they grew closer and closer as friends and Marbell was never happier to finally have a friend of his own. He was no longer jealous of the boys and girls below that got to play with each other on the playground because Marbell had Sommer and that's all he needed. Sommer was enough for him. He made him happy.

"One day a blue balloon floated up to Marbells cloud, but instead of a notecard being attached to the end of the ribbon there was a hand and then there was a boy and he let go of the balloon as he landed on Marbells cloud. Marbell looked at him in awe. "I'm Sommer," He said with a smile and Marbell hugged him tightly. Sommer was nothing like Marbell imagined. Sommer had warm brown eyes and dark short hair. He had soft skin that Marbell wanted to reach out and touch, but he didn't want to scare Sommer off. Sommer gazed back at Marbell with even more awe. He had bright blue eyes that matched the sky in a way that could calm a storm. He had soft hair Sommer just wanted to run his hands through. But they just sat there and they stared at each other. They just stared at each other. Then they started talking and they talked night and day up on Marbells cloud. They were content.

"Then one day, Sommer grabbed hold of the blue balloon and Marbell grabbed onto Sommer. Then they floated down to the ground and for the first time ever Marbell left his cloud. They lived happily ever after on the ground together, growing up together, and eventually falling in love. Sometimes Marbell missed his cloud, after all that was his home. The first and only thing he had. But then he had Sommer and Sommer was his cloud." Harry watched Louis smile. "The end." He smiled back even though Louis' eyes were closed.

"Harry?" He asked softly and Harry glanced down at him, admiring his long eyelashes. "What the fuck kind of name is Marbell?" 

"Um, the best name." He joked back. 

"What kind of cloud was it he lived on?"

"Cumulus." Louis smiled. 

"Typical." Harry laughed. 

"Aren't you supposed to be sleeping instead of sassing me?" He teased. Louis closed his eyes. 

"I am sleeping. I'm just talking in my sleep." 

"Well I hope you're having sweet dreams." 

"I'm dreaming about clouds." Harry smiled. 

"Sounds like the best dream." 

"Oh, it is. It has every kind of cloud in it."

"Even mammatus?" Louis nodded. 

"Even mammatus." Harry smiled contently to himself, letting his head rest back against the pillow. He closed his eyes. 

"The mammatus are pretty in my dream." 

"Oh, are they?" Harry asked. "Well, the nimbostratus in my dream in having right now are very pretty too." 

"Well now you're just showing off. Nimbostratus is our cloud. Not just yours." Harry laughed. 

"Well it's not my fault it didn't show up in your dream." He teased. 

"Well I have mammatus, aren't you jealous?" 

"Have to be honest, I am a little." Louis smiled. 

"Well, I'm actually going to sleep now and enjoy looking at my mammatus clouds." 

"Well I hope you enjoy your mammatus." 

"Well I do." 

"Good." They both smiled before sighing contently. Louis eventually fell asleep and later on Harry did too and Louis' father didn't have the wake to wake him.


	28. Chapter 28

It was three days later and Louis was still in the hospital because he still hadn't been getting any better. In fact, he was fighting against the doctors decided to administer the IV therapy to strengthen him. But he didn't want to be strong. He removed his IV and then when the nurse gave him a second one he used a safety pin from his hospital gown to poke a hole through the tube. Now he was on 24 hour surveillance. 

It was 2 in the morning and once again Harry was laying beside Louis in the hospital bed, something that had been happening in habit now. The lights in the room were off. His father had gone back to the house and it was only the two of them in the room. 

"Can I tell you something?" Louis asked softly. Harry nodded, but his heart was racing. 

"Sure, go ahead." Louis swallowed thickly. 

"Before I came to, when they were reviving me after the seizure, I just wasn't here and it was so easy, Harold." He said softly. Harry just held his hand tightly and stared at him intently. Louis watched the tears form in his eyes then grow more obvious as his eyes began to shine. "You okay with hearing that?" Harry nodded, but a few moments later he broke down. 

"No." His voice cracked and tears rolled down his cheeks. "I'm not ready for you to go."

"Who said I was going?" Harry gave him a rather condescending look. 

"Louis, you are going to die if you continue this. Please, please, please, for the love of God, accept treatment. Accept the help from the doctors, they're going to give you a feeding tube if you don't." Louis was just quiet. 

"I'm just so tired, though." He replied softly, his eyes closing. Harry felt like he was beginning to panic. 

"No, Louis, please. You have to listen to me. If you accept treatment and let people help you then you won't have to feel so tired anymore. You'll be able to walk up the stairs without getting winded and you can stand up without almost blacking out. And you'll have your hair, and you're eyes will be bright, and you won't have chest pains. Please, Louis, if not yourself then do it for your dad and your mother." Warm tears rolled down Louis' cheeks. 

"I don't deserve that, though. I did this to myself. I don't deserve treatment." 

"Don't fucking say that, you most absolutely deserve it." Louis just shook his head. Harry felt his heart lurch for him. "You do." He whispered squeezing his hand tightly. 

"It doesn't even matter. I'd never be able to beat it. I'm incorrigible."

"No you're not-"

"Yes, I am." Louis repeated sternly, although his voice sounded weak. "I think all the time about what it would be like to go through recovery and I get so fucking terrified, and it only makes me more reluctant because I think that...how am I supposed to be like those people who don't care about their weight and can just eat whatever they want when they want? I just-I can't go back to that. It's terrifying. I'm so invested in this already that there's no point. I can't be that person who doesn't care about their body. I can't be that person who is happy with their body. I just—I can't. I can't and I don't think you, or my father, understand that." Harry swallowed thickly. 

"Louis," He said softly. "You...have so much more potential than you give yourself credit for. If you wanted you could give treatment a try and if it's not working out for you then you could just quit." Louis looked at him curiously. 

"But I'd have to eat and I'd gain weight-"

"But you'd also go through counseling which would help and teach you how to cope and adjust to that. Louis, please, if you'd just give it a try...I don't want you to die." He said softly. Louis had tears in his eyes which he wiped away with his hand. 

"I'm just so tired of trying to fight." He said hoarsely. 

"But just think, it'd be a totally different fight than the one you're fighting now." Harry exclaimed. He turned on his side to face Louis. "And I'd be right by your side to support you and help you through it, and so would your father-"

"My father only wants me to get better so he can get rid of me-"

"You know that is not true." 

"But it is!" 

"Why do you think your dad hates you so much?" 

"Because I remind him of mum." Louis shot back sternly. "And because I was never meant to be born in the first place. If he didn't want me then, how am I supposed to believe he wants me now? Plus why would he even want a loser son who has a fucking eating disorder?"

"Because I'm sure that if your father really did not want you as you so believe than he would've left you and your mother before you were even born-" 

"I'm surprised he didn't." Louis muttered rolling his eyes. 

"Louis," Harry reprimanded. "Give it a try. What's the worst that could happen?"

"I die." 

"And do you want that to happen?"

"Kind of." Harry gave him an unamused look. 

"What have you got to lose?" Louis was quiet. "Louis, please." Harry grabbed his hands again. "I know you don't want to hear this, but I love you. I want you to be safe and to be around for a long time." He whispered softly. 

"I can't afford it-"

"Then well start with what you can afford and go with it." Harry assured. "And we'll do it together. Let's make a pact. You give it a honest and genuine effort and I will never leave your side." Louis looked at him apprehensively. Harry had a hopeful glint in his eye then lifted up his pinkie. Louis looked down at it before looking back up at Harry. He lifted up his hand then linked pinkies with Harry who smiled. 

"Don't say anything." Harry nodded. Louis just brought his hand back then closed his eyes. "I'm tired." Harry smiled, letting his head rest back against the pillow. 

"Goodnight then." Louis fell asleep shortly after and Harry fell asleep after him. He hadn't been sleeping in his room at the flat recently. He had been spending most of his time in the hospital with Louis. Louis needed him. 

The next day Harry was with Louis again and Liam stopped by for a visit. Harry was sitting in a chair as usual when the door opened and Liam popped his head in. 

"Hello, hello." He greeted with a smile before stepping inside. Louis smiled at him in amusement. Liam walked over to Harry's chair. He was appalled by Louis' appearance, but he wasn't going to let that show. He looked like white rubber wrapped around a skeleton. "How are you feeling?" 

"Like I could run a marathon." He joked making Liam laugh. 

"Well you look like a million bucks." Louis chuckled quietly. 

"Why thank you." Liam sat down on Harry's lap, making him groan with an 'oof!'. 

"Excuse me?" Liam just grinned. 

"You took the only chair." He teased. Harry rolled his eyes, but in amusement. 

"How's Ruth?" Louis asked. 

"She's well. She sent some flowers." Liam said and Louis laughed weakly. "She was going to come here with me too, but she had rehearsal for the spring play." 

"Well it's the thought that counts." He joked. Liam smiled. "How's uni?" 

"Fantastic. Thrilled about almost being done." He joked. 

"I second that." Harry added raising his hand. Louis smiled at him. He felt almost too weak to smile, but he pushed through anyway. Liam remained for a short amount of time before he had to head off to work. They chatted idly. 

The rest of the day was alright. Louis' father had turned up and was sitting in the other chair on the other side of the bed from Harry. Louis was sleeping and when a nurse came in he pushed his chair back to make room for her. 

He just watched the nurse before glancing down at his lap. It just didn't feel right to be on his phone. Louis' father was just watching the television in the corner while the nurse did her duties before suddenly the monitor started beeping rapidly and sporadically. Harry's heart jumped to his throat. Louis' dad jumped to his feet. 

"What's going on?" He asked frantically. The nurse just looked over Louis' body then at the monitor, trying tweak a few things before leaning towards the open door. 

"I got a code blue! Code blue!" She yelled. "Dr. Weber, code blue!" Three more nurses rushed into the room along with the doctor. 

"What's a code blue?" Louis' father asked fearfully. Harry already had tears in his eyes as he stood up and moved out of the way to make room for the nurses now covering over Louis' body.

"I'm gonna have to have you two leave the room. Right now." Dr. Weber told them feverishly before moving a nurse aside. But Harry and Louis' dad froze. "I'm sorry, you're gonna have to leave!" The doctor yelled hastily. 

"I'm not leaving, that's my son!" 

"Sir, I'm sorry, you are going to have to leave the room. Both of you." A nurse said ushering him towards the door. Harry swallowed thickly before moving to the door and placing a hand on his shoulder. He dragged him into the hallway. 

Harry felt his tears roll down his cheeks and Louis' father was already crying, watching the nurses frantically shout about how there was not pulse and listen to the doctor order epinephrine then shout about he was administering it.  

The doctor shouted again that there was no pulse and before they even knew it the doctor was charging up a defibrillator. He yelled clear before the equipment thudded and a moment later the doctor was yelling 'no pulse' again and charging the defibrillator again. Louis' father was clutching the corner, biting his knuckle, cringing each time he heard the doctor yell 'no pulse' then recharge the defibrillator once again. 

Harry covered his hands over his face, smothering his tears against his cheek. Every time the doctor spoke it pierced his ears like a knife. He knelt down on his knees, rubbing his eyes. 

And then everything stopped. 

"No, no, no." Louis' father murmured before the doctor was leaving the room. 

"I'm sorry, sir-"

"No, no, no, don't you sorry me. That's my son in there! There has to be something you can do! Get back in there and do something!" Harry stood up, wiping his eyes again. 

"There comes a point where there is nothing we can do. We can't play God. I am sorry for your loss." The doctor said calmly, but Louis' father was not having it. 

"There has to be something! Don't tell me there's nothing when you haven't tried everything!" He grabbed the doctor by the jacket roughly. Harry stepped forward and tried to tug him again. 

"C'mon." He managed to say. Louis' dad let go of the doctors jacket. 

"Please, you have to try something, he's the only one I have left-" 

"You have my deepest condolences. Unfortunately there really is nothing we can do. He went into cardiac arrest and his heart failed." 

"No, he can't actually be...he can't actually be dead! He-He was supposed to get better!" He shoved passed the doctor and into the room. "Louis." A nurse tampering with the machine gave him a somber look as he collapsed on the chair and grasped Louis' hand.

Harry tried to stop himself from choking up, but the boy he had fallen so deeply in love with was lying on a hospital bed motionless with his father gripping his cold hand tightly and pressing his face into the sheet of the bed to smother his sobs. 

His father lifted his head up, letting go of Louis' hand, and wiped his eyes. He glanced over at Harry and Harry almost crumbled. He wasn't sure why he wasn't crying yet. It just hadn't hit him yet. What had hit him was the image of Louis' father looking so torn up as he held his lifeless sons hand praying so hard that he was only sleeping and that he'd wake up in a moment. "I can't bet he's actually gone." It was hitting Harry. His eyes glossed over with thick tears. 

"I...," Harrys voice was a hoarse whisper. He was moments away from breaking down. "I'm sorry for your loss." 

"He didn't think I loved him. He always felt as if I hated him and had some sort of resentment towards him." His father choked out and Harry couldn't think of a single thing to say. His dad wiped his eyes then let go of Louis' hand again. He picked up the book. "If he had to go then I wanted him to go feeling loved, not hated. All I ever wanted him to know was that he was loved. He was my baby boy, I wasn't supposed to outlive him." He stood up abruptly, rubbing his eyes. 

Harry was still completely speechless. His throat felt so tight and constricted as he tried so hard not let his tears show, but it was evident with how much his eyes shined in the dim lights above. He covered his hands over his face because he was too prideful to have another man watch him mourn the tragic loss of his beloved, but who gives a fuck when his father was literally across from him doing the same thing without feeling as if his pride was at stake? He always tried to fix his pride, but that shit was broken. 

Louis' dad stormed out of the room, the door swinging shut as he did so and Harry uncovered his face, gazing down at Louis. He could hardly see anything from the tears in his eyes and his chest hurt so bad he thought he was having a heart attack, but his heart was really just breaking. 

He walked around the bed, or as far as his legs would take him, and collapsed onto the chair Louis' father had been sitting in. He pressed his lips together and swallowed thickly, sure for a moment he was actually going to throw up, but then the moment passed. 

Louis looked so cold and pale and blue. He looked completely drained of life because the malevolent force that was anorexia had swallowed up every last drop before he was ready to give it up. He reached out and picked up Louis' hand expecting it to be warm, but it wasn't. It was cold. He gripped his hand tightly, not even close to being ready to let go. 

He bent over, pushing his face into the edge of the bed, and let it out. He wailed so loudly the walls probably shook, but he didn't give a fuck. The thought of never getting to spend another moment with Louis was settling deep in his thoughts and that was not a world he wanted to live in. He couldn't bare the thought of not being able to see Louis' smiling face or hear his oh-so beautiful laugh that he didn't control or listen to him ask what kind of clouds were in the sky and pretend to be interested in what Harry was saying. 

He didn't even know if Louis still felt he wasn't good enough! Did he still feel that way? Harry couldn't even imagine dying while feeling as though your father hates you and that you're not good enough to be loved because all Harry wanted Louis to know was that he was good enough. He was enough. He was special. He meant something to people. He was loved. Harry wasn't done convincing him of that, but sadly his time had run short. 

He had to pull away from the bed to actually catch his breath, but maybe it wouldn't have been so bad just to suffocate himself. 

He tried to dry his eyes, but the possible was proving impossible. He covered his hands over his face again and tried to muffle the sounds of crying he was actually making. He placed his hands in his lap and glanced around the room. It was dark. The monitors weren't running. Louis looked like skin and bones and Harry just hoped it was worth it. 

He glanced down at the little table beside the bed then reached out, picking up the journal. Harry didn't even know he kept one. He took a deep breath, but his chest just hurt even more. He opened to a random page. 

December 26  
Nothing. 

I didn't eat anything today after having ate so much yesterday. Harry keeps fucking asking me on dates where I know food will be and I'm afraid he's going to catch on to that or something, but I'm afraid of agreeing to a date that could induce an anxiety attack and end up making him think I'm an even bigger freak than I already am. I'm afraid of agreeing to any kind of date with him, I can't do anything without getting extremely winded and light headed. I feel this should be my sign to start eating more, but it only makes me more reluctant to eat. 

Harry didn't know he was capable of producing so many tears in such a short amount of time, but surely more fell as he flipped a few pages. 

January 7th  
A cup of water

I am petrified. I can't do anything without getting extreme chest pains and feeling extremely dizzy. Whenever I go from sitting down to standing up I get extremely light headed and everything fades from color to black for a second before it evens out. I can't even walk up the stairs without having to pause to catch my breath. Dad has been letting me sleep on the couch in the living room just to avoid going up stairs because we know it isn't good for me. 

He flipped a few more pages. 

January 14th  
Water 

I hate everything. My entire life has been completely screwed over by my disorder. I'm always in pain. I can't even fucking go to the bathroom. I probably actually go once a week and it's the worst thing ever. I have the worst cramps and pain, and there's always fucking blood in the toilet. I feel like I should tell a doctor but I'm too scared and I most certainly am not going to actually go see any doctor. I figured it might just been hemorrhoids because I read that they can be caused by trying to force bowel movement and all. I don't know. 

And he flipped a few more. 

January 28th  
Nothing. 

I fucking told Harry about my disorder since Liam and my dad kept pestering me and guilting me into it. Of course Harry promised we wouldn't break up because of my ED and that he wouldn't say anything now but I still expect to hear him say 'oh you should eat,' 'have you eaten today' He claims things will be fine between us but I don't think he realizes just how difficult and draining it can be to be in a relationship with someone who's mentally ill. It's not all bees and blossoms. 

And a few more pages. 

March 10th   
Nothing

Well I had a seizure the other day and now I'm in the fucking hospital who cares oh so much about me and my weight because everyone's unique in their own way and bla bla bla. That's such shit, that's just what they tell you so people without a flat stomach can feel better about themselves. Society is such a hypocrite. They glorify losing weight with workout strategies you can do at home and yummy dieting tips while preaching that weight doesn't measure beauty. They sandwich dieting tips between a recipe for chocolate cake and an article on how to lose 10 pounds in two weeks because the only way your life will get better is if you're thin. It won't. It'll make it a living hell. 

One more. 

March 14th  
Nothing. 

I honestly have no idea why Harry even wastes his time with me? Hasn't he realized there are worthier people out there than me? He tells me that he loves me and that I'm good enough but the truth is I'm really not. I'm not good enough for him because he deserves someone who will actually make him happy and who isn't destroying their life. I don't want to destroy his life with mine which I'm basically inadvertently doing. I should've never gone out with him. I should've never kissed him. I should've never done anything with him because all that did was let in false hope and honesty when even I know I probably won't last that much longer. I could choose treatment and recovery, but we can't afford that so what's the point? I've wished I were dead for a long time now. I want to see my mother. I don't want to die because I want to see my mother, I want to die because I'm just a wasted space on this earth and I'm holding my dad and Harry back. They deserve to be happy. I do not. I do not deserve a single thing when I'm the one who took every good thing in my life and drove it into the ground like the grave I dug myself. I'm worthless. 

Harry closed the journal, keeping his thumbs between the pages and just closed his eyes, the warm tears rolling down his cheeks. He shook his head slowly. 

"No, no, no, that's not true. That's not true." He whispered to himself softly because who else was going to hear him? He looked down to see one last page entry. 

March 15th  
Nothing. 

I need more blue balloons.

Harry closed the journal and shoved it back on to the table before doubling over his lap, bursting into tears. He smothered his tears against the sheets, wanting to suffocate himself. He sat himself back up, coughing roughly then tried to dry his eyes. A nurse walked into the room. 

"You doing okay?" She asked softly. Harry just blinked, more tears rolling down his cheeks before just shaking his head. "What's your relation to him?" She asked curiously. 

"I was, uh...I'm his boyfriend. We've only been together for about four months, but it feels like I've been with him my whole life. I loved him and now he's gone." He wiped his eyes. "He shouldn't have died. He was supposed to get better." The nurse exhaled. 

"I'm so sorry for your loss." She replied in a gentle tone. "Just know that he's not suffering anymore, he's in a much better place-"

"With his mum, hopefully." Harry interrupted softly. He stood up. "I, um, I probably have to go, right?" 

"You can stay as long as you need to." Harry looked down at Louis' body before shaking his head. 

"I can't." He rushed out of the room, brushing passed the nurse and down the hallway. He wasn't even sure how he made it home, he could hardly see through his tears and he had to pull over twice just to cry because he couldn't fucking see, or even handle simply driving! 

When he pulled up to the flat he dried his eyes and tried to make it look like he hadn't been crying. He looked horrible. He let himself into the building and went up the stairs. He walked into the flat then fell back against the door as it closed. He could see Liam and Zayn both sitting in the kitchen, beers in hand. They looked over at him. 

"Oh hey, how's it going?" Liam greeted. "How's Louis?" Harry just swallowed thickly, shrugging his shoulder. 

"Good." 

"Want a be-" Before Zayn could even finish his question Harry walked out of the foyer and to his room where he slammed is door shut so hard the walls shook. Harry just felt so fucking livid and sad at the same time. He clenched his fists together before turning and smashing his fist through the drywall, screaming in frustration. He pulled back his fist again and just tore away at the drywall. 

His bedroom door flung open as Zayn and Liam both rushed in to see what the hell was going on. They gawked at him and Harry just slammed his fist against the wall again. 

"He's dead, he's dead. He died. Louis fucking died." He pressed his hands and forehead against the wall before descending down slowly, keeping his head down. "He went into cardiac arrest. They couldn't revive him. He died." He cried softly. Liam's and Zayn's jaws dropped. 

"Oh my goodness, are you serious?" Zayn asked softly. Harry nodded, keep his forehead pressed to the wall. 

"He's gone." Liam knelt down on the ground beside him, placing a hand on his back. He had tears in his eyes too. They all did now. 

"Why don't you see if there's a first aid kit or something in the bathroom for his hand." Liam said hoarsely to Zayn, who nodded and walked off. Liam turned to Harry. "I am so sorry for your loss." He said softly then wrapped his arms around Harry, pulling him away from the wall and into his chest. Harry curled down on his bum, his head hitting Liam's shoulder. 

"I can't fucking believe he died. He was supposed to get better. He said he was going to give it a try. He was going to get healthy." Harry cried, tears rolling down his cheeks. Zayn showed back up holding a first aid kit. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" Liam asked. Harry shook his head. 

"I just want to sleep." He said rubbing his eyes. 

"Well let's fix your hand up and then you can lay down." Liam sat up, prompting Harry to sit up on his knees. Zayn got down on the floor beside Liam. "I'm gonna go get some water." Liam climbed up to his feet and snatched a cup of water and a hand towel before returning. He went the towel before washing away the blood from Harry's knuckles. 

"Everything will be okay." Zayn reassured in a gentle voice. "You know Liam and I will always be here for you." Harry just nodded, rubbing his eyes with his other hand. "Even if I'm shit when it comes to trying to be supportive." He joked with a small smile. Harry forced a small smile before just licking his lips and sighing. 

Liam and Zayn worked together to clean up Harry's knuckles then wrap it up gently. Afterwards Liam put the first aid kit away and Harry dressed down, laying down in his bed and crying himself to sleep, wishing too that he could be dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know i didn't mark this as a major character death but i did that because i didn't want to give away the whole ending and plot. 
> 
> there's still one (or two) more chapter(s)


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last chapter.

When Harry woke up the next morning he remembered everything that had happened, despite wishing it had never happened, and burst into tears. He curled into his pillow, smothering his face against it. A few moments later there was a knock on his door. Liam opened it and popped his head in. 

"Hey, you okay?" Harry's back was turned to him, but Liam could still make out him shaking his head as he covered his hands over his face. 

"Please tell me it was a nightmare." He sobbed into his hands. Liam took a deep breath before walking over to the bed. He hated to hear Harry cry. Absolutely hated it. 

"You knew this was a possible outcome." He said softly as he sat down on the edge of the bed. Harry removed his hands from his face, tucking them under his pillow as he just stared numbly at the wall. "It might've been an outcome that shouldn't have happened, but it did and I'm terribly sorry about it. I know how much he meant to you. And I think it's quite obvious just how much you meant to him." Harry turned his face back into his pillow, feeling more sorrow wave over him. 

Liam turned on his side and laid down behind Harry, spooning him practically. He wrapped an arm around him and hugged him tightly. Harry just cried into his pillow. And he cried and he cried and he cried, and Liam just laid there with him. Listening. 

Harry wasn't sure when he stopped crying, he fell back asleep before doing so. When he woke up Liam was gone and he was still sad. He rubbed his eyes, staring at the wall. He felt numb. He felt…emotionless. He didn't know what he felt. He felt left in the dark. 

He didn't get out of bed for the next three days. As much as Liam and Zayn encouraged him, he just couldn't do it. He only got up to go to the bathroom. He only ate and drank when Liam brought him food and water. He felt helpless. 

After three days he finally got up to go to his mothers. He hadn't even told her about Louis. Maybe she had heard about it, though. There had been some articles in the local paper and online. Liam told him that. 

Harry drove to his mothers house and parked in the driveway. He trudged up to the door reluctantly then knocked on the door. Anne opened the door with a bright smile, but upon seeing Harry's despondent expression she frowned with concern. 

"What's wrong, Haz?" He rubbed his eyes, sniffling. 

"I just—I know I said we'd have dinner this week, but-but—I don't even know how to say this, but Louis—he passed away three days ago." Her expression became wrought with dismay. 

"Oh my goodness, what happened?" 

"He went into cardiac arrest and they couldn't revive him." Harry explained softly. He wiped his eyes again. "He died." 

"Good lord." She gasped. "My poor baby, come here." She opened her arms and Harry walked forward, crying into his mothers shoulder. "I'm so sorry." She whispered. Harry just held on to her tightly, not sure if he'd ever be ready to let go. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" She asked softly. 

"I didn't want to get out of bed." He replied pulling away from the hug, wiping his eyes to dry them. She gave him a sympathetic look. 

"I'm glad you told me." Harry just nodded. He pressed his lips together to stop his chin from quivering. He was so sick and tired of crying. All he had been doing for the past few days was crying! He didn't want to be sad. "Want to lie down?" Harry wanted to say no, but instead he just shook his head, crumbling. 

Anne brought him in before guiding him up to his old room where his bed and dressers remained intact. He took off his coat, kicked off his shoes, and climbed under the covers. Anne asked him if he needed anything, but he just said he wanted some sleep, so she turned the light off and let him be. 

The next week was even rougher. Of course, Harry didn't expect it to get easier any time soon. He had stopped crying, but he was still hurting. A lot. He was hurting a lot. And when all the talk of Louis' funeral started he started hurting even more. And when it was requested he give the eulogy he didn't know how to say no, but the day of the funeral came and he hadn't written a word. 

Thick grey clouds masked the sun from the earth. It had rained in the early morning making everything appear dreary. It was a dreary day. Harry was in a dreary mood. He had woken up at noon, but made no initiative to get out of bed and actually start to get ready. There was a gentle knock on his door before Anne opened it. 

"Sweetheart," She said softy as she took a step inside the room. Yes, he was still sleeping in his room at his mothers. "You should probably get out of bed soon, the service starts at three." Harry just shook his head. 

"I've decided I'm not going." Anne gave him a peculiar look. 

"You can't just not go, Harry, you're delivering the eulogy."

"Yeah, well, I didn't write anything and I'd rather not stand in front of people sobbing like an idiot." Anne's soft expression hardened a little. 

"What do you mean you don't have anything written? You've had a week to prepare."

"Every time I tried I just ended up crying so I stopped trying!" He rose his voice at her. She took a deep breath then walked into the room, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. Harry just shoved his pillow over is face and turned his back to her. 

"Sweetheart, I know this has been incredibly hard on you," She said softly, rubbing his back gently. "It's been hard on everyone."

"I'm not speaking."

"Okay, I'm sure they can find someone else to speak instead." She stood up. "You should still get up and start getting ready, though. We'll be leaving soon." She turned and left the room. Harry just laid back down. 

But eventually he got up and dressed up in his suit and he sat in the passenger seat while his mother drove them to the church the funeral was being held at. The casket was placed at the front before the steps leading up to the alter and all Harry wanted to do was start crying again. 

He didn't sit with his mother. He sat up towards the front with Liam, Zayn, and Louis' father. Much to his surprise the church actually got quite full. He didn't recognize many people, he wondered their connection to Louis. The only people he recognized were Niall, Sharon, and his grandparents. He was surprised they were there. When the service started Harry already had to fight back his tears. 

"Good afternoon, today we are here to mourn the tragic loss of Louis Tomlinson. Our hearts go out to not only his father Archibald Tomlinson, but also his friends Zayn, Liam, and Harry-" Harry's head snapped up upon hearing that. He wasn't just Louis' friend, he was his lover, his boyfriend. He wasn't going to be erased from that. He noticed Liam eyeing him, seeing how tense Harry had gotten from being downgraded to a friend, the anger on his face was obvious.

"Just let it go-"

"Let it go?" Harry whispered back fiercely. "Whose fucking idea was it to say I was only his friend? I wasn't his friend, I was his fucking boyfriend-"

"It doesn't matter-"

"Are you fucking kidding me, Payno?" He asked in a soft tone. "You don't think it matters?"

"Shh," Some old lady whispered turning over her shoulder and Harry flamed.

"Shut the fuck up." He said loudly, catching lots of attention.

"Harry." Liam reprimanded. 

"You shut the fuck up too, I can't believe you don't think this matters." 

"Is there a problem?" Liam and Harry turned to face an usher standing at the end of the pew. 

"Yes, there is, that fucking dick said I was Louis' friend and I'm his boyfriend. Who the fuck told him I was only his friend?" 

"Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave."

"I'm not fucking leaving-"

"Sir, please-"

"Harry, calm down. People are staring."

"Well who gives a flying fuck!" Harry suddenly shouted causing everyone to turn and look at him, even the priest at the podium up by the alter. Harry stormed out of the pew and up towards the front of the church. The priest gave him a frightened look and the usher chased after him, but stopped at the two steps leading up to the alter area as Harry was already pushing the priest aside inconsiderately and adjusting the microphone. "Hey, my name is Harry and if that sounds familiar then it's because you just heard it listed as one of Louis' friends, but I wasn't Louis' friend. I was his boyfriend and I want know who had the fucking audacity to not only erase our relationship, but also erase his identity. You know Louis wasn't straight, he was bisexual and he was proud of that and to just ignore that fact, or purposefully choose not to recognize it, is appalling. I don't give a fuck if this is a Catholic church, I don't give a fuck if you all think woman was designed for man and that homosexuality is a sin, but I do give a fuck that by simply stating that I am only his friend not only tries to invalidate who he is, but it also broke my heart to hear. You think I want to sit in the crowd and be addressed as his friend when I was actually his boyfriend? I love him." Harry took a deep breath, feeling tears begin to water his eyes. "And he loved me too. Even though he never said it, even though he never will. And isn't that beautiful? Two people loving each other?" He took another deep breath. "Whatever, the point is Louis wasn't straight, I was not just his friend, and I'd like to think you'd like to remember him the way he was, not the way you wanted him to be. And whoever decided I was only his friend...fuck you." 

The entire congregation was silent. Harry just stormed back down to the aisle and instead of going back to his seat he kept walking all the way to the foyer of the church. Liam tip toed out of their pew and followed after him. He found him outside the church sitting on a bench, doubled over with his face in his hands. 

"Hey-"

"Fuck off." Harry snapped turning away from him when he sat down beside him. 

"I didn't mean what I had said back there-"

"Sure you didn't." Harry scoffed, wiping his eyes.

"I didn't. I just didn't want the both of us making a scene." Harry just scoffed a soft laugh again, staring down at the concrete.

"Too late." Liam placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"I know you're hurting right now and I know there's not much I can say or do to make you feel better, but I can let you know that I'll always be here for you and that if you ever want to talk I'll still be here." He said softly. "You alright?" Harry shook his head.

"My heart is broken." He whispered softly. "By the one person who wasn't supposed to break it."

"He couldn't control it-"

"Yes he could!" Harry shouted turning to Liam furiously. Liam placed his hands in his lap. "He let himself die. He practically killed himself."

"You think he wanted to die?" Harry hesitated.

"Well he refused to get help for so long so what else am I supposed to think?" He wiped the tears off his cheeks. Liam just took a deep breath, shrugging. 

"You can think that he did love you and that what he did he thought he was doing for the best of himself, which might've been the wrong mindset, but at the very least you'd think he didn't think it could actually do him any harm-"

"But he did know-"

"But he didn't think it would kill him. He told me that once." Harry just buried his face in his hands. 

"I just want him to be here right now." Liam placed his hand on his knee. 

"He'll always be with you." He said. "Do you know that specific feeling you get when you're around him? That warm and fuzzy feeling you only get from him?" Harry nodded slowly, staring down at his lap lackadaisically. "Have you ever gotten that feeling since he died?" Harry shrugged. 

"Maybe once." He whispered. "Which only reminded me that he's fucking dead."

"Well, that's Louis being with you." Liam told him. Harry turned his head to him, giving him a curious look. "So whenever you get that warm, fuzzy feeling just know that Louis is still with you." Zayn came walking out of the church and went to them. 

"Hey, I know I might be a little late, but are you alright?" He asked softly. "Is there anything I can do to help?" Harry shook his head, wiping his eyes once more. 

"I'm fine." Even though he wasn't. They went back into the church after that, sitting in the back. After the ceremony at the church, him and most of the others in the congregation all traveled down to the cemetery where Louis was to be buried. 

After his mother had parked the car he hopped out of the passenger seat and walked around to the trunk. He popped it open, got the things he needed ready, and then he was set to go. When he closed the trunk he stood there tall with a blue balloon in his hand. 

He walked across the grass to where everyone was gathering when he saw another blue balloon within the crowd. He walked over after having stopped and walked towards the front where he saw it was Louis' dad who was holding the blue balloon as well. Harry gave him a soft smile, which he returned. 

Harry successfully made it through the rest of the funeral without crying. Okay, that was a lie. When they started lowering the casket into the ground he started crying. He bawled like a fucking baby. Louis' father started crying as well, but still reached over to grab Harry's hand and give it a reassuring squeeze. 

At the end Harry just went home. He didn't want to stick around and listen to people tell him how sorry they were. Or talk about Louis. He couldn't handle it. So he went home. But an hour and half later, once he knew it had to have cleared, he drove back to the cemetery, still carrying his blue balloon. 

He noticed Louis' father sitting beside the headstone still holding his blue balloon too. He walked over and took a seat across from him. He glanced at Louis' dad before glancing at the headstone. 

"You know, Louis once told me something and it's stuck with me ever since." He started. Harry glanced at him curiously. "We got into a lot of fights often, and one time he said he couldn't stop what couldn't be killed. I can't help but think he had a different mind set if things would be different." Harry just exhaled. His throat hurt. He was fighting back tears. 

"I can't help but think the same. I don't understand how someone could live that way thinking things would be worse if they were healthy." 

"He was very ill. The only thing getting me through is knowing that he isn't suffering anymore." His dad took a deep breath and exhaled. "Of course, I wish he could still be here and not be suffering." 

"You and me both." Harry joked softly. Louis' dad chuckled. 

"I'm not a bad dad, am I?" He then asked quietly, eyes trained on the headstone. Harry shook his head. 

"Hell no, I think you're a wonderful dad. It's obvious how much you loved Louis and how much you wanted him to get better. I've never seen a father fight for anything so hard." Louis' dad sighed. 

"I wish he felt that way." Harry pressed his lips together unsurely. 

"I'm sure he did." His father started shaking his head. 

"I don't think he did. You know, Johanna and I had him when we were in high school. It wasn't planned. He thought that meant I didn't love him and never wanted him." 

"I'm sure that was just his disorder distorting his thinking pattern, though." 

"I know." He replied gently. "But a part of me still feels guilty." 

"You did everything you could to prove to him that you loved him. You have nothing to feel guilty about." Louis' father just looked at him then managed a small smile. He reached over and squeezed Harry's knee. 

"How are you holding up?" 

"Barely." Harry joked making him laugh. "I'm doing alright. At least I will be alright. I'm just, you know, sad." 

"You and me both." Harry managed a small smile. "Did he ever explain why he does this blue balloon thing? I never dare ask him, I was afraid I'd discourage him." 

"He told me he did it to remember his mother. He said his mother used to release a balloon into the sky for her late relatives and he decided to do it for her down at the bakery they went to. He said he did it everyday because he didn't want her to think he had forgotten her, even for a day." Harry could see the tears shining in his eyes. But he was still smiling. "He also said it was to bring questions up to God." Harry added with a small laugh. 

"I wonder what he asked him." 

"Only God knows." 

"And now he can get his answers." Harry smiled. 

"Yes, he can." It was quiet. "I'm sorry for what I did at the church." Harry apologized softly, turning his head down. 

"Don't be." Harry looked up to see Louis' dad looking at him intently. "Because I'm glad you did. I want my son to remembered the way he was, not the way people want him to be." He gave him a small smile and Harry laughed softly. A silence fell over them again and Harry took a deep breath. "We'll get through this." Louis' dad said still looking at Harry intently. Harry looked back at him, nodding. 

"I know." Louis' dad smiled. Harry smiled back. They both looked forward and then a few moments later they both released their blue balloons, turning their heads up and watching them until they blended in with the grey sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this. Took me almost a year to finish so thanks for sticking around for the end. Please let me know what you thought, I love reading your comments so much. 
> 
> I have an alternate ending I'll upload where that's much happier because I didn't put a MCD warning and I felt kind of bad so I wrote one and it was requested that I upload it. 
> 
> Once again thank you for reading this. Please comment your thoughts on it and or any aspect of it. Open to criticism. 
> 
> Happy New Year.


	30. Alternate Ending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happier alternate ending where Louis lives.

It was three days later and Louis was still in the hospital because he still hadn't been getting any better. In fact, he was fighting against the doctors decided to administer the IV therapy to strengthen him. But he didn't want to be strong. He removed his IV and then when the nurse gave him a second one he used a safety pin from his hospital gown to poke a hole through the tube. Now he was on 24 hour surveillance. 

It was 2 in the morning and once again Harry was laying beside Louis in the hospital bed, something that had been happening in habit now. The lights in the room were off. His father had gone back to the house and it was only the two of them in the room. 

"Can I tell you something?" Louis asked softly. Harry nodded, but his heart was racing. 

"Sure, go ahead." Louis swallowed thickly. 

"Before I came to, when they were reviving me after the seizure, I just wasn't here and it was so easy, Harold." He said softly. Harry just held his hand tightly and stared at him intently. Louis watched the tears form in his eyes then grow more obvious as his eyes began to shine. "You okay with hearing that?" Harry nodded, but a few moments later he broke down. 

"No." His voice cracked and tears rolled down his cheeks. "I'm not ready for you to go."

"Who said I was going?" Harry gave him a rather condescending look. 

"Louis, you are going to die if you continue this. Please, please, please, for the love of God, accept treatment. Accept the help from the doctors, they're going to give you a feeding tube if you don't." Louis was just quiet. 

"I'm just so tired, though." He replied softly, his eyes closing. Harry felt like he was beginning to panic. 

"No, Louis, please. You have to listen to me. If you accept treatment and let people help you then you won't have to feel so tired anymore. You'll be able to walk up the stairs without getting winded and you can stand up without almost blacking out. And you'll have your hair, and you're eyes will be bright, and you won't have chest pains. Please, Louis, if not yourself then do it for your dad and your mother." Warm tears rolled down Louis' cheeks. 

"I don't deserve that, though. I did this to myself. I don't deserve treatment." 

"Don't fucking say that, you most absolutely deserve it." Louis just shook his head. Harry felt his heart lurch for him. "You do." He whispered squeezing his hand tightly. 

"It doesn't even matter. I'd never be able to beat it. I'm incorrigible."

"No you're not-"

"Yes, I am." Louis repeated sternly, although his voice sounded weak. "I think all the time about what it would be like to go through recovery and I get so fucking terrified, and it only makes me more reluctant because I think that...how am I supposed to be like those people who don't care about their weight and can just eat whatever they want when they want? I just-I can't go back to that. It's terrifying. I'm so invested in this already that there's no point. I can't be that person who doesn't care about their body. I can't be that person who is happy with their body. I just—I can't. I can't and I don't think you, or my father, understand that." Harry swallowed thickly. 

"Louis," He said softly. "You...have so much more potential than you give yourself credit for. If you wanted you could give treatment a try and if it's not working out for you then you could just quit." Louis looked at him curiously. 

"But I'd have to eat and I'd gain weight-"

"But you'd also go through counseling which would help and teach you how to cope and adjust to that. Louis, please, if you'd just give it a try...I don't want you to die." He said softly. Louis had tears in his eyes which he wiped away with his hand. 

"I'm just so tired of trying to fight." He said hoarsely. 

"But just think, it'd be a totally different fight than the one you're fighting now." Harry exclaimed. He turned on his side to face Louis. "And I'd be right by your side to support you and help you through it, and so would your father-"

"My father only wants me to get better so he can get rid of me-"

"You know that is not true." 

"But it is!" 

"Why do you think your dad hates you so much?" 

"Because I remind him of mum." Louis shot back sternly. "And because I was never meant to be born in the first place. If he didn't want me then, how am I supposed to believe he wants me now? Plus why would he even want a loser son who has a fucking eating disorder?"

"Because I'm sure that if your father really did not want you as you so believe than he would've left you and your mother before you were even born-" 

"I'm surprised he didn't." Louis muttered rolling his eyes. 

"Louis," Harry reprimanded. "Give it a try. What's the worst that could happen?"

"I die." 

"And do you want that to happen?"

"Kind of." Harry gave him an unamused look. 

"What have you got to lose?" Louis was quiet. "Louis, please." Harry grabbed his hands again. "I know you don't want to hear this, but I love you. I want you to be safe and to be around for a long time." He whispered softly. 

"I can't afford it-"

"Then well start with what you can afford and go with it." Harry assured. "And we'll do it together. Let's make a pact. You give it a honest and genuine effort and I will never leave your side." Louis looked at him apprehensively. Harry had a hopeful glint in his eye then lifted up his pinkie. Louis looked down at it before looking back up at Harry. He lifted up his hand then linked pinkies with Harry who smiled. 

"Don't say anything." Harry nodded. Louis just brought his hand back then closed his eyes. "I'm tired." Harry smiled, letting his head rest back against the pillow. 

"Goodnight then." Louis fell asleep shortly after and Harry fell asleep after him. He hadn't been sleeping in his room at the flat recently. He had been spending most of his time in the hospital with Louis. Louis needed him. 

The next few days were brutal for Louis. He was started on the IV therapy and forced himself to eat the food the hospital would've forced him to eat anyway. Harry held his hand the whole way through, literally and metaphorically. 

The hospital found an intensive inpatient treatment program for Louis to get sent to in London. And of course Louis didn't want to go, and he shed many tears over the fact that he was getting sent to it. 

And then the day came where he, his father, and Harry travelled down to London together to drop him off. 

"I'm fucking terrified." They were standing outside the door labeled 'PATIENTS AND PERSONNEL ONLY'. His father was standing near the entrance, as Louis had requested to say goodbye to Harry privately.  

"I know, I know it's scary, but this is all for the best-"

"But you guys are, like, three hours away. I don't have anyone here. I won't have you here." Harry was standing in front of him, holding his wrists between them. 

"You'll make friends here, with people who will actually understand everything you've gone through. Like how you said I'll never understand, you'll be around people who do." Louis wiped his eyes with his hand before lowering it and grabbing Harry's hand. 

"I won't be able to do this. I-I can't go back to the person I was before, I can't be that happy-go-lucky person who doesn't give a fuck about what they eat and how much they eat. I just-I can't-"

"That's the joy of it, this isn't about going back to the old you. It's about...becoming a new and improved you! Becoming healthier and better! You can do that." Harry replied softly. "And I believe in. I'll come down and visit as often as I can-"

"But what if you stop loving me?" Harry felt his heart seize for a moment because that was the first time Louis had actually recognized that Harry loved him, and he was okay with it! He smiled softly, chuckling. 

"Why would I do that?" Louis looked up at him with tearful eyes. "Louis, I'm not going to stop loving you, if anything I'm just going to keep falling deeper and deeper in love with you each day, as I have been since the day I met you." Louis cracked a small smile, wiping his tears away once again. 

"God, how did a weather nerd like you end up falling for a mental mess like me?" He muttered with his head turned down shyly. Harry smiled. 

"Because you're a tornado and I love tornados." He teased. Louis looked up at him before actually laughing which in turn made Harry laugh and then they were just laughing together with tears in their eyes. 

"God, you're a sap." 

"Oh yes, I am." Harry said with a grin. Louis just smiled up at him before their smiled slowly faded. 

"I...probably have to go now." He said softly. Harry nodded, reaching down to take Louis' hand. He squeezed it gently. 

"I'll visit as often as I can and I'll send you a plethora of letters since you don't have access to your phone. I'll send you weekly weather updates." He joked making Louis smile again. "Know that when you feel as if you have no one you will always have me and your father. Okay?" Louis nodded slowly. 

"Okay." He turned to glance at the nurse standing on the opposite side of the door, waiting with Louis' bag of clothes. The nurse opened the door, prompting Louis' dad to walk over. "I guess I'll see you guys." 

"If you ever need anything, just call me. Okay?" Louis nodded again. 

"Thanks dad." He looked at Harry. 

"I love you." He whispered softly. Louis just nodded again. 

"I'll see you guys later." Louis felt his eyes with tears again. He stepped into the hall passed the doorframe. The nurse offered a kind smoke before letting the door close. Louis' dad and Harry stood there, watching Louis walk further down the hallway with the nurse before they turned a corner. Without even a word, they both turned and walked towards the entrance of the building. And they went back to Doncaster with heavy hearts. 

And it was a rough 9 months. A rough nine months of going back and forth from inpatient to outpatient therapy, relapsing once and maybe twice, moving back from London to Manchester to a different treatment facility, and trying oh so hard to learn how to love himself. 

But finally came the moment he had been waiting for. The moment where he could finally just go home and stay home. Not know that after a weekend he'd be walking back in to the stupid building he loathed. He was home! Healthy! Happy! 

Harry was waiting on the porch of Louis' home, waiting for Louis to arrive with his dad who had gone to pick him up. He was all a jitter! Of course he had gone to go visit Louis as often as he could, but with graduation coming up and his job at the weather office, that wasn't as often as he would've liked. 

When the car rolled up he could see Louis sitting giddily in the passenger seat. As soon as the car was turned off Louis hopped out of the car and ran over to Harry. Harry ran down off the porch before Louis was leaping into his arms. Harry hugged him tightly. 

"Oh my God, you're home." Harry whispered pressing a kiss to his cheek. Louis' father got out of the car, holding Louis' bag, smiling at them. "Your home." Louis stepped back, smiling up at Harry. 

"I'm home." He repeated joyfully. 

"And you look so healthy!" Harry exclaimed making Louis laugh. He wiped his eyes. 

"I feel so healthy!" He replied. "I don't get lightheaded after standing up now!" 

"Babe! That's perfect!" Louis threw his arms around Harry again, pulling him against himself tightly. "Oh, I'm so happy for you." Harry whispered. He reached up and caressed Louis' cheeks with his hands. He leaned down and kissed him passionately. God, he missed him so much. 

"Hey, hey, PDA police here." Louis father joked walking passed them and up the porch. Louis laughed. 

"Oh, hush dad." They both turned and followed him into the house. 

"I can bring this up to your room." His father offered. Louis smiled, nodding in appreciation as his father started mounting the stairs. Louis turned to Harry. 

"Do you still love me?" He asked teasingly, grinning up at him in feign innocence. 

"I fucking love you." Harry said smiling back. He snaked his arm around Louis' waist, pulling him close. "And I'm so fucking glad you're home." Louis smiled back. He placed both his hands on Harry's shoulders then tip toed up, leaning in towards Harry's ear. 

"I love you too." He whispered softly. And God, it hadn't even been five minutes and Harry couldn't fucking believe Louis had just told him he loved him. And he meant it too! And then Louis was kissing his cheek and nuzzling his nose against him as well and Harry felt like he was going to melt. Just melt. 

"You do?" He asked softly. Louis nodded. 

"I really fucking do." He whispered. "I wanted to tell you sooner, but I wanted to tell you in person." Harry smiled down at him. 

"Hearing you say that makes me the happiest person on earth right now." He replied. 

"Maybe you'd want to go on a breakfast date tomorrow?" Louis asked. "I promise I won't sit in the bathroom and cry." He then joked making Harry laugh. 

"I would love to." They both smiled together, before they went into the living room and sat down on the couch, cuddling together because for once Harry could hold him. And he fucking loved it. 

 

-5 Years Later-

Louis leaped into Harry's arm with excitement, hugging him tightly as Harry spun him around. The day had been so joyous and so important! 

"I'm so proud of you!" He exclaimed making Louis grin happily. His father stood beside Harry with a smile in his face and his hands in his pocket. There was a huge hoard of people around them, all proclaiming 'congratulations' to their fellow graduates. 

"Thank you!" He explained as Harry set him down. Louis turned to his dad before giving him a big hug too. 

"I'm very proud of you too. Never thought I'd see the day." 

"That makes two of us." Louis joked stepping back. "But I wouldn't be here if it weren't both of you." Harry snaked his arm around Louis' waist and pulled him close to his side. 

"And we're most definitely gonna be celebrating tonight." Louis laughed, feeling warm and fuzzy inside. 

"Thank you for all your support throughout the last five years." Louis said softly. "You've been my whole support system and I couldn't have asked for a better one." Harry just smiled, leaning in to kiss him.

"I love you." 

"I love you too, babe." Louis turned to his father. 

"And thank you for all your help and love and support." He said with a sweet smile. "I really appreciate it." 

"C'mon, we've got dinner reservations to get ready for." Harry teased squeezing his waist. Louis laughed. "Mums gonna meet us there. She wished she could've been here, but she couldn't get off work unfortunately." 

"Aw, well it's the thought that counts." Louis joked softly. "Meet you there too, dad?" He nodded. 

"Of course. 6 right?" Harry nodded. 

"We've gotta get back to the house and change." He said. Louis just couldn't stop smiling. 

"Okay, I'll see you guys soon." They parted with goodbyes before Louis and Harry were squeezing into their car. Louis had just finished buckling up when Harry grabbed his face and kissed him deeply. 

"I love you." He whispered making Louis smile. 

"I love you too." He whispered back. "You're the best hubby a guy could ask for." 

"No, you're the best hubby." Harry teased. 

"I love the word hubby." Harry laughed, pulling out of the parking lot. 

"I know, you use it every sentence." He teased. Louis just sat back with a simper smile. They went back to their home where Louis changed out of his graduation robe and into a fancier suit. After they were done freshening up they hopped back into the car before driving over to the restaurant. 

"Louis!" Anne exclaimed joyfully. "Oh my goodness, congratulations on your graduation! I'm so proud of you!" She immediately pulled him in for a tight hug. Louis smiled happily, hugging her back. Harry watched them with a smile. 

"Thank you, I really appreciate it!" They stepped back and Harry stepped beside Louis. 

"Do you know if my dad is here?" 

"Yeah, he went in to get the table. Let's go inside." They all turned and walked into the restaurant before finding their table where Louis' father was sitting down. They all sat down. 

"Boy, I am famished." Louis said placing the cloth napkin on his lap. Their waiter approached their table. 

"Hi, good afternoon, can I get you guys something to drink?" 

"Water for me." Louis' dad requested. 

"Water as well." Anne added. 

"I think we'll take a nice glass of Pinot Noir." Harry said with a grin. Louis smiled at him. 

"I'll be right back." She walked off and everyone opened their menus. 

"So what looks good tonight?" Louis' dad asked out loud, flipping through the menu. 

"Well I will tell you once I get back from the bathroom." Louis joked standing up. "I'll be right back." He walked off, Harry's eyes following him all the way to the back. He smiled. Their drinks had been delivered, but they put off ordering because Louis wasn't back yet. After six minutes of him still not having returned Harry got up and went to go check on him. 

When he stepped into the restroom Louis was standing in front of the sink, staring at himself in the mirror before he turned to look at Harry. 

"Hey," Harry rubbed his hands together. "Everything okay?" 

"Yeah," Louis nodded. Harry walked over to him. "It's just…I can't even believe I'm here." He said in disbelief. Harry smiled softly. "I never thought I'd be here. If anything I thought I'd be long dead or still living with my dad and suffering from my eating disorder, but I'm not. I just graduated uni. I never thought that would ever happen." Harry lifted his hand up and wiped away Louis' tears. 

"And I am so fucking proud of you." Louis smiled at him. "Like, so fucking proud." Louis reached up and placed his hand overtop Harry's, which was on his cheek. "And so is your father. And my mum. Everyone is so proud of you." Louis smiled, leaning in to kiss Harry. 

"I'm proud of you too, Mr. Meteorologist." He teased softly. "Hey, think we'd miss for five minutes?" Harry gave him a curious look. 

"You aren't seriously suggesting…?" Louis smirked, nodding. "But what if someone comes in?" 

"That's the exciting part." 

"What of your dad comes looking?" 

"If I know my dad, he probably already assumes that's what we're doing." Harry just smirked down at him before nodding. 

"Fine, but you have to be quiet and we have to be quick. We haven't even ordered our food yet." 

"Okay." Louis leaned up and kissed Harry before he was being pushed back into a stall. His heart was racing with excitement, he wasn't sure if he had ever felt more alive. 

He actually felt alive. He felt happy. And content. And just…alive. He wasn't sure how else to describe it. For as long as he could remember he spent his life sullen, and somber, and dead. Because he had been dead inside. But then he met Harry who was able to salvage a little bit of the life that had been fading. He was at peace with his mothers death. Actually at peace. He and his father could actually sit down for dinner and have a casual conversation. And he and Harry…well he and Harry could just be together. They could hold hands. Kiss. Make love. Exist. And he couldn't have asked for anything more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this. 
> 
> Comments are always welcome and appreciated. Seriously, I love reading what you guys have to say. 
> 
> Hope you learned something from this as well. If you ever decide you want to diet to lose weight, or do anything in hopes to lose weight, please be safe and healthy about it. There are safe and healthy ways to help you lose weight. So stay safe and stay healthy.


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